Can't See the Forest
by MajorMutation
Summary: Excited to start college, Helga Pataki is more eager than ever to face the challenges ahead of her. But then she runs into a cold, distant boy who won't say more than two words to her, and doesn't seem to want to. But the more she finds herself running into him, the more she feels compelled to see what he's hiding. But is he a challenge she can't overtake? AxH & OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Excited to start college, Helga Pataki is more eager than ever to face the challenges ahead of her. But then she runs into a cold, distant boy who won't say more than two words to her, and doesn't seem to want to. But the more she finds herself running into him, the more she feels compelled to see what he's hiding. But is he a challenge she can't overtake? **

* * *

"You're sure you know where you're going?" Her sister asked, for what felt like the tenth, most irritating time.

Looking over to her with a small smile, she gave her a slow nod. "I'm sure."

"Because it's a big campus, and you could get lost pretty easily." She urged her, giving her the same worries that she has had since she started the car an hour ago. She knew she meant well, she always does, it's what big sisters do. It's in their own inherent nature to worry about their little sisters, no matter how utterly pointless worrying is about something so small. Well, maybe she should be a little worried too, she is moving into a dorm for the first time. She will be away from her family, which right now might be considered a blessing, but still, family is family. She will have new people to meet, new friendships to build, new teachers to get to know, new classes to find. But even though she has every right to be a little antsy, when one person is frantic, it oddly makes the other calmer.

So, deciding to let her big sister have her worry, knowing she won't be able to do anything about it even _after _she is moved in, she lets out a content sigh, and puts her ear bud back into her ear and presses play on her phone again.

True, she only has the name of the building she is moving into, and a haphazardly drawn map on the back of a napkin to help guide her there, and she as a fear that she forgot something vital to her survival back in her room, even though she went through everything she owned at least three times, she knew everything would work itself out eventually. Luckily, they finally pulled off the high way, and entered the city of Pullman, Washington, home of Washington State University.

Living in the city most of her life, she always forgot how beautiful the state of Washington is. She always forgot how hauntingly beautiful the trees are here. Besides Olga's grilling her about knowing for sure where she was headed, she spent most of the hour staring out the window at the passing trees. She's always wanted to get lost in the forest, just because of how beautiful and majestic it looks.

As the trees were replaced quickly with passing brick and concrete buildings, Helga was starting to get a little more excited than she remembers being when she got her acceptance letter. She was finally starting a new chapter in her life. Being independent, out on her own, no one to look after her, reminding her to do the simplest of things when she's been doing them most of her life as it is, it should be a scary thought, going through such a drastic change so quickly, but she was ready to face it head on, just like everything else in her life.

Traffic around campus was hectic, especially around her dorm building, but eventually, they found a parking space and squeezed in between two other cars being unloaded. Her muscles feeling slightly tingly from nerves, she hopped out of the car with child like wonderment and took in the hustle and bustle of people moving into the building. With girls carrying everything from body pillows to duffel bags, while the guys next to them played the macho man and heaved the heavier things on their arms. Still feeling the mixture of excitement and slight anxiety, she sees the trunk lift open and she shakes her head to get her wandering mind back into focus.

Walking around to the fully packed trunk, she first grabs her backpack tucked tightly in the side, between the chest she bought from an antique shop and the side of the car, and swung it over her shoulders, while her sister grabbed the suitcase that was on the other side, along with her pillow. "Do you know what-"

"309..." She interrupts, finally answering the question she was waiting to be asked.

She replied with puckered lips and squinted eyes in a look of feigned concentration while Helga started for the front doors. Not bothering with waiting to cram into the elevator, they took the stairs, and managed only to squeeze by a few passers by who had the same thought as they did. They stepped onto the third floor and into the long hallway, and saw most of the doors open, a few people rushing in and out, and started down the hall until they reached her door, which was among the ones already open.

After triple checking that it was the right room number, she peered inside the relatively small space, and panned the room, seeing someone had obviously claimed the right side of the room for themselves already. Stepping inside, she could feel her sister look past her and into the room. "Guess I'm taking the left." She said, walking over to what was now her bed and placing her backpack down onto it, hearing Olga place the duffel bag and pillow she was carrying with her down next to her back pack.

She paused for a moment to take in the room, which she could tell right away was smaller than her room back home. She moved over to the window and slid open the curtains, flooding the room with bright sunlight, and the spectacular view of the campus. "Wow..." She said, the child like wonderment coming back full force as she gazed out over the land scape.

"This is it?" Olga's voice asked from behind her.

Helga snapped around and saw her sister standing in the middle of the room, crossing her arms, raising a disapproving eye brow as she panned the room. "What's the problem?" She asked, honestly not knowing what was so bad about it.

"It's so small!" She heard her exclaim, throwing her arms out to her sides.

"It's a dorm room, Olga, not Buckingham Palace. And besides, look at this view!" She defended her living space, turning back around to look over the campus again.

"Come on, why don't we get the rest of your stuff up here... if it will fit." She muttered under her breath as she turned toward the door to go back down the hallway.

Helga sighed again and followed. Coming down the stairs, and quickly making her way over to her sisters car, seeing her open up the back door to grab something that was light, she stepped forward, ready to grab the chest which she was sure weight at least eighty pounds. As Olga passed her, carrying a small box in her arms, she took a deep breath and latched onto the handles, readying her arms to take on the weight. "Why don't you let me get that for you." A smooth, all too familiar voice whispered in her ear.

She spun around, seeing the face that matched in, and felt her own light up in a bright smile. "Oh my god!" She cried, throwing her arms around the neck that the face belonged to, hugging him tightly, his arms returning her grip tight enough to left her off the ground a couple inches. As he set her down, she stepped back, still feeling herself smile as he leaned back.

"I saw your sisters car. I thought you were going to text me when you got in."

"I know, but I got distracted. I had a lot on my mind." She innocently shrugged. Shaking his head, he leaned in a place a quick, yet lingering kiss on her lips, pulling back and quickly turning to heave the chest out of her truck.

Justin, once a senior at her high school, now a sophomore attending Washington State on a football scholarship, has been her boyfriend for a little over a year. She likes him a lot, they are comfortable with each other, and he isn't bad looking either. She lead him up the stairs and up to her room, just as Olga opened her closet, looking as if she was taking mental inventory of everything they brought. Justin passed by her and set her chest down in front of her bed. "Thank you," She said as he sat down onto her mattress.

"Yes Dad, I got here just fine, geez." A voice said from the door way. "Yeah, bye." The girl said, taking a few steps in and stopping when she looked up to see the people in her room. Helga turned around and took in her appearance. With a pair of tight blue jeans and converse sneakers, and a black t-shirt with the words 'no gods, no managers' on the front, her hair dark with highlights of blonde coming just down to her shoulders, having the expression of a deer in headlights, Helga took a step forward and extended her hand to her new roommate.

"Hi, I'm Helga." She said in a cheery voice, hoping to get off to a good start with the person she would be living with for the rest of the year.

The girl in front of her looked down at her hand as if it was radioactive, and paused before she placed her hand in the one that was being extended to her and shook weakly. "Rhonda."

"It's nice to meet you, Rhonda." She said with a friendly smile.

Telling she felt awkward, Rhonda smiled a nervous smile and stepped around her, grabbed her purse off her bed and quickly made her way out of the room without another word. "That was rude." She heard her sisters voice say behind her.

She spun around and gave her sister a pointed look. "Maybe she's just shy." She defended.

"Oh, I have to go." Justin said from across the room. Helga looked over and saw him looking down at his phone. She sighed, disappointed to see him leave so quickly, but gave him a small smile anyway as he stood up, placed a chaste kiss on her lips before breezing out of the room.

"Are you sure that your stuff will fit in here, Helga?" Her sister asked again, drawing her attention away from the doorway.

"No, but I'll make due." She said, coming to stand in front of her chest and unlatch the top.

"Well, I better go. Mom and Dad are probably wondering where I am."

Helga turned to her sister, and lifted her arms out to her, while Olga didn't hesitate to step forward and lightly hug her little sister. "I'm so proud of you, Helga."

"I know, Olga." She leaned back with a sad smile, and paused for a minute, taking in the thought that she probably wouldn't see her for a while. Olga looked down and turned to walk out the room, waving weakly when she turned to walk down the hall, and with another step, she was out of sight. Sighing lightly to herself, she turned back to her chest to finish, or rather start unpacking.

Tuning out the chaos out in the hall, she spent the next hour and a half cramming her belongings in the two foot wide closet at the end of her bed, while some miscellaneous possessions remained at the bottom of the chest, and shoved against the wall behind her. Now, finally relaxed with her laptop out on her lap, sitting on her bed, trying desperately to figure out how to connect to the internet, she was so busy that she didn't realize that she was alone. Her roommate hadn't come back yet from where ever she was. Even her things still laid packed on her side of the room, what little of it there was. Just a ratty old backpack, the bottom covered in duct tape, and a green army duffel bag.

After finally figuring her way onto the internet, and checking her email, she plugged in her headphones to listen to some music, turning on her small music library to shuffle, and spent the rest of the afternoon fooling around on her laptop, until her phone buzzed next to her leg. She picked it up and saw that she had a text message from Justin, asking if she wanted to go with him to a party at a frat house just off campus. He knew that parties weren't really her thing, and she always felt kind of bad giving him an excuse when she didn't want to go to something with him that she wasn't interested in. But thinking about it, it was her first day here, and she hadn't seen him all summer, since he was on vacation with his parents. And she knew that since he was on the football team, he would be there with or without her. And she could use a night out for once, so why not?

After replying with her answer, he told her that he would be by to pick her up in an hour along with an emoticon. Smiling to herself, she tossed her phone back down onto her bed, and debated changing only for a second. Looking down at her favorite pair of blue jeans, along with a pink t-shirt and a pair of white running shoes, she figured it was good enough and continued to play on her laptop. She dressed for comfort, not attention. She did like to look nice, but she wasn't going to go out wearing a string bikini just to get a few stares.

An hour later, hearing a knock on her door, she smiled, closed her laptop, and jumped up to answer it. She pulled the door open, and saw Justin standing on the other side, wearing his jersey, his dark short hair spiked up. "Ready?" He asked.

She nodded with a smile and grabbed his hand as they walked down the hall and outside. The walk was made in silence, save for some idle chit chat about the classes she had signed up for, and after twenty minutes, they saw the large colonial house, with four white pillars, the door wide open, and people strewn about the entrance. Hearing the loud thumping of music, she was starting to regret coming. She didn't drink, and he knew that. She didn't mind if he did, but she just didn't see the appeal. Climbing the steps, squeezing past the people rushing out, she regretted coming even more when she saw that most of the girls were dressed a little more liberally than she was.

Watching Justin greet his team mates as they made their way further into the house, most of them completely ignoring her, she wondered if it was like this all the time. After all, college was infamous for parties, but was it always this hectic? Even when she was sitting on her bed in her dorm, she could hear the sounds of people shouting up and down the halls outside, people running down the hall, and she was glad that no one decided to bother her for those few hours. Snapping herself out of her regret was a red plastic cup being shoved into her hands. She looked up to the already drunken guy off to her side who had offered it to her, and waved her hand with a polite smile, declining his offer. He shrugged, uninsulated and downed the drink himself.

"I think I'll just go back to my dorm room." She said, pushing up to whisper into his ear. She turned to leave, very anxious to leave, until she felt him lightly grasp her wrist, drawing her attention back to him.

"Let's go to the back room, I heard that there was something going on there that's a little quieter." He said into her ear.

Not wanting to let him down, she signed and nodded, watching him smile and take her hand, leading her through the crowd and into what looked like a study. Seeing a large group of people, some sitting on the floor, and some on a couch up against the wall, it did seem a lot calmer than what she was just led through. "No, I didn't, I swear." A guy sitting on the floor said.

"Oh, come on, we all know it was you." A girl said, pointing a finger over to him and smiling, narrowing her eyes over to him.

"It _wasn't _me!" He defended himself again.

"Hey Justin!" A voice called from behind them. Both Justin and Helga looked back to see one of his teammates wave him over, and he turned to her, asking her if she would be alright alone for a second. Not wanting to sound pathetic, she said yes, and watched him run off.

"Alright, whose next?" Someone on the couch called.

"What about Arnold? He hasn't gone all night."

"Yeah, Hey Arnold!" A guy sitting on the floor shouted.

Helga looked at the group in front of her, and saw all of them looking over toward the window. She followed their eyes and saw a guy wearing a plain black t-shirt, and denim jeans, and a pair of black steel toed boots. He had unkempt blonde hair, that looks as if its never seen a comb, but somehow, it worked really well for him. He was sitting at a small table with two chairs that were facing each other, the other one unoccupied, with he sat in the other, his eyes down onto a book with a plain black cover. "No..." He said, his voice barely audible to her.

"Oh come on, Arnold! Live a little!"

"No." He repeated.

"Just do it!"

"Yeah!"

"Will you leave me alone?" He asked, not taking his eyes off his book.

"Yes!" A few of them shouted in unison.

He sighed, folded the corner page down, closed his book and stood up. He was pretty thin, not as muscular as Justin, but as she imagined it, he probably wouldn't look as good as he does now with thick arms, and shoulders as broad as Justin's. He crossed his arms over his chest, with a blank expression on his face. "Dare..." He said in a slightly firmer voice.

As she recalled, wasn't truth or dare a little too middle school for a college frat party? Never the less, she was starting to get sucked in, waiting to see what they had in store for this person who obviously was indifferent about the whole thing. "Alright." A guy on the couch said, looking from person to person in the room. "I dare you to..." She looked over to Arnold again, who was still looking expressionless off into space, "Go upstairs with her for five minutes."

As the group cooed, she looked back at the group to see whom they had chosen, only to see them looking at her.

"Oh, um..." She nervously tried to explain herself, feeling very scared by the group of strangers all looking at her. A nervous sweat breaking out over her, she looked over her shoulder to see if Jason had returned yet, only to see him standing in a group with his teammates around a keg. "I just..."

"Yeah, that's a good one!"

"Who is she again?" She heard someone mumbled.

Already feeling herself blush madly, more embarrassed than she ever remembers being, she looked over to this stranger she was just dared to go upstairs with, and saw him hang his head down in front of him and shake his head, before he met her gaze only for a second before closing his eyes and nodding his head off to the side, motioning for her to follow him. As he calmly walked out of the room, keeping his arms crossed over his torso, she looked over again to see if Justin has come back yet, only to see him being held up by the legs in front of the keg. "Go get 'em, champ!" Someone in the room called, she looked down at the group, all grinning evilly at her, and just wanting to get out of the room, she quickly jogged to where she saw Arnold walk.

Right as she saw his blonde hair, half way across the foyer, she quickly pushed through the crowd and caught up with him, following him up the stairway just a foot behind him. _What am I doing?! I don't even know this guy! _She thought to herself, as she trailed behind him. They reached the top of the stairs, and followed him until he turned to the right and opened a door and stepped inside. She took a long stride up to see him holding the door open to a bedroom. She really didn't want to go in there, and just when she was about to swallow her pride and make a run for it, she heard a crash behind her, startling her back a few steps, and before she knew it, she was stumbling back into the bedroom she just told herself she wasn't going to go into.

Hearing him let out a long, frustrated sigh, he slid the door shut, crossing his arms over his chest again, and turning around, leaning back against the door he just closed with his eyes closed. She stood there for a moment, waiting for him to do something, even talk to her, but he never did. He just kept standing there, arms crossed and eyes closed. "Um..." She began, but was stopped when he raised a hand and put a finger over his lips.

She stayed quiet, obviously knowing that he was unwilling to talk to her. She crossed her arms over her chest protectively and looked down at the floor, somewhat glad that he wasn't doing anything, and even more so that it was quiet. She looked back over to him, and saw him raise his foot up in front of him, and sent his heel into the door with a loud bang, hearing a muffled cry of pain come from the hall way. She did a double take to see him still standing there, eyes closed and arms crossed as he was before. "How did you..."

"Those simpletons are as predictable as clockwork." He mumbled in a low voice.

"So... you aren't... going to..."

"They said to come upstairs. They didn't say I had to do anything." He said in the same low voice.

_Well, I guess that's true. _She thought, feeling a little more comfortable with the knowledge that he was going to make an advance on her. Not wanting to spend the next couple of minutes simply casting glances at him, she turned and paced away from him, looking down at the carpet. She looked across the room, seeing a book shelf lined with books on one shelf, the next two lined with CD cases. _Who buys CD's anymore? _She thought, with a chuckle to herself. Hearing the door open behind her, she turned around and saw him standing off to the side, arms crossed, looking down at the floor. "You can leave." He said, not looking at her.

"Oh." She said, taking a step forward. As she came within a few steps, she spoke. "Thank you for not... well..."

He looked up to her with the same blank expression he's had all night, "I don't like people in my room." He said, nodding his head towards the open door.

"Oh... I'll just be going then." She said with a feigned smile as she passed in front of him. She stepped into the hall way again, seeing a broken nightstand on the floor in front of them, and heard him shut the door they just came out of.

_Okay, I'm going back to my room now. _She said to herself. She didn't care if Justin saw her out anymore. He knew that she was hesitant to come when he asked her, and if he didn't, then he didn't know her as well as she thought. Pushing through the people on the staircase, she saw the front door, and kept her eyes on it, afraid to be swept up in something again. As she stepped off the last step, she quickly made for the door, until she caught Justin's eye just to her right. "So how was it!?" She heard someone shout, recognizing the voice as one from before. She looked over toward the guy leaning out, then back to Arnold whom had just stepped off the stairs, not even cracking a smile, nor a frown for that matter. He simply raised his hand in a fist, and lifted his middle finger to them. Hearing them 'Ooo', she didn't bother looking up to Justin, not wanting to see him angry, or heartbroken.

"I'm gonna go now." She said, quickly pushing through the rest of the people and out of the house, quickly jumping down the steps and out onto the side walk, taking in a large breath of fresh air into her lungs.

She walked back to her room, already hating herself for even agreeing to go upstairs. True she didn't do anything, but she didn't have the energy to argue about it with her boyfriend. As she dug out her keys from her pocket and made her way to her room, which was empty, except for her roommates still unpacked bags, she closed the door behind her, and laid back down on her bed.

Not exactly the start she had in mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Stirring herself awake, she peeled her eyes open, wondering only briefly why she wasn't in her own room until she remembered that she had moved the day before. One second later, the memories of the previous night came flooding back, making her breath catch in her throat, guilt washing through her. She hadn't even thought of what to tell Justin yet, and she couldn't just pretend like last night never happened, like she wanted to. He saw her come down the stairs with another guy, and then someone shout over to him how it was. What was he supposed to think? Now very unwilling to get out of bed, she lifted her covers over her head, borrowing herself deeper into the darkness they supplied. She hates herself right now.

She turned over so her back was facing the wall, and peered out, seeing her roommate asleep in her bed across the room, lying on her stomach facing away from her. Wondering briefly what time she got back, she reached down to the floor and grabbed her cell phone to check the time, but when the screen lit up, her heart leaped into her throat, her eyes quickly reading over the text message she had received. _'What happened to you last night?' _

The thing she hated most about text messages right now was that she couldn't tell if he was angry or hurt. There was no voice, so she couldn't hear the inflection that he asked her this question in. She couldn't hear if he was angry, she couldn't tell if he was screaming, or if he was heartbroken, but either way, she couldn't answer him the same way he had asked. Drawing in a long breath, that felt shallow in her lungs, she fruitlessly steeled herself and started typing out her reply, seeing if he wanted to meet her downstairs. She set her phone back down onto the bed, and pulled the covers over her head again, thinking through every scenario the conversation could turn into. A few minutes later, her phone vibrated next to her, and she closed her eyes, picked up her phone, then opened her eyes, not ready to read his reply, but reading it anyway. _Sure, just give me a few minutes. _

The casual reading text threw her for a moment. How could he possibly be alright with this? He couldn't really be okay with her going upstairs with a stranger just because of a stupid game of truth or dare, even if he didn't even make an approach, which he didn't. She even felt bad for thinking what loser would still buy CD's, then realizing that she was standing in his room. Shaking away the thoughts, she quietly peeled the covers off of her, and stood up. Trying to make as very little noise as she possibly could, so's to not disturb her still sleeping roommate, whom she hadn't really gotten on good terms with yet, she opened the door to her closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt, then made her way quickly down the hall to the bathroom, not wanting to be caught in her sleep ware. After changing, then heading back to her room to get her toiletries, and going about the rest of her morning routine, she grabbed her phone, and made her way downstairs.

It was still fairly early in the morning, and the campus was relatively quiet, even more so since classes didn't start until next week. It may be August, but the air still held a cool, crisp morning dew that chilled her lungs with every breath. She walked over to a bench and sat down, anxiously waiting for Justin to appear. After a ten minute wait, she looked up from her lap to see him strolling up the path toward her. His demeanor startled her. He looked calm, and a little bit tired. "Hey," He greeted her in his usual voice, throwing her even more. Helga stood up, and looked down at the ground as he approached her." The air between them was silent for a moment before he spoke. "Something wrong?"

"Listen... about last night..." She started, lifting her eyes to him, but not her head.

"Yeah, what happened? Why'd you leave so quickly?"

She let out a sharp sigh, deciding to just tell him and get it over with quickly to have more time to deal with his bad reaction. "Whenever you left me alone with those guys at the party, they were playing a game of truth or dare, and they dared this guy to go upstairs with me for five minutes and since you weren't around and I was alone and everybody was looking at me, I caved, and I followed him up to his room. But I swear he didn't do anything, he didn't even talk to me. He didn't even tell me his name. He just stood there for five minutes and then told me to leave, but then when he opened the door I didn't want to have you see me come downstairs with another guy and I ran out and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry and-"

"Helga!" He said, reaching up to grasp her shoulders to end her rambling. "You think I'm worried about anything happening between you and _Arnold_?"

She paused, very perplexed, her mind stuttering, asking a million questions as once. "You know him?"

"Yeah, the guy's a freak."

Her breath hitched in her throat, thinking what could have happened to her if she had stayed any longer. "What do you mean?"

"He never talks to anybody. He just spends all day reading. The only reason anybody even knows his name is because his cousin lives in the frat house and got him a room. I've never even seen the guy smile."

"Then how do you know he wouldn't have done anything?"

"Because last year, there was a party at the fraternity and a girl there thought he was hot and went up to talk to him. She came back and said he wouldn't even look at her. Just told her to leave him alone and spent the rest of the night reading, and that wasn't the only time. He gets approached by girls all the time, but he never talks to them, most of the time he doesn't even look at them. He never talks to anybody."

"Oh..."

At this information, she couldn't help but feel bad for him. She always tried to look for the good in people, and the fact that he didn't try anything while he was alone in a bedroom with her wasn't something to be overlooked, so there was _some _good in him. Maybe it's not that he just doesn't want to talk to people, maybe it's just that nobody will listen. Maybe he just needs a friend. "Is that why you left so fast?" He asked her.

"Well, you know that wild parties aren't really my thing, and I don't do too well with peer pressure. That's not a good combo."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I thought that you would have fun." He said, reaching up to place his hands on her hips.

"It's alright." She replied, leaning up to kiss him chastely.

After agreeing to head to the coffee shop that was inside the library, they had made their way there, and were now sitting at a small table chatting lightly. It was during a pause in the conversation that she looked up to see Justin looking past her, concentrating on something behind her. She looked back and saw Arnold walking up to the counter, his eyes staring off into space, wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans with a pair of black steel toed boots that had a slight shine to them, a black backpack over his shoulders, his hands tucked half way into his pockets. Walking briskly up to the counter, the barista behind the counter looked up. "Bottle of water." He said in a low, steady tone.

The barista quickly spun around, threw open the door to the cooler and pulled out a bottle of water, while Arnold threw two dollar bills onto the counter, and grabbed the bottle, "Keep the change." He muttered while turning around and walking out, his expression unwavering from the blank stare he had, just as she remembers from the night before.

"See?" Justin asked her when he was out of ear shot.

Helga spun around after having watched him leave, and saw Justin smiling mockingly and lifting his cup to his lips. "What? All I saw was a guy buying a bottle of water. That doesn't make him a freak."

"Yeah, but what is he doing with a backpack on? Classes don't start until Monday."

"It's not like he has a collection of severed hands in there or anything."

"You don't know that."

"Neither do you." She said. True, it may be a little strange, but that doesn't mean he deserved to be belittled.

"What about this? He always wears the same thing, black shirt and blue jeans, always. No one's ever seen him in anything else."

"It's not nice to talk about people behind their backs. So can we just drop it?"

"Come on, Helga, it's not like he cares."

"Drop it!" She softly urged him. "Let's just... talk about something else... please?" Justin shook his head and lifted his cup to his lips again. After a few minutes of silence, she brought up the topic of being excited about starting classes, especially her philosophy class, which was her first one, Monday morning at eight. That led to the topic of her being crazy for choosing a class that started that early, but she was very excited about it.

After another thirty minutes, Justin said that he had practice until late afternoon, and would text her when he got off, and she kissed him goodbye, deciding to go back to her room to look over the syllabus of her classes, or at least the ones that were posted. She got back to her room just after nine and was surprised to see her roommate still asleep. Well, it was still early in the morning, and it was a Saturday. She sat down onto her bed with her laptop and silently worked for another hour before she saw her roommate start to stir.

With a heavy groan, she sat up, rubbing her eyes with her knuckle. She stood up, her eyes half lidded and hair very frizzed, and dragged her feet out the door into the hall. A few minutes later, she returned looking actually awake. She met Helga's eyes for a second, and Helga gave her a friendly smile, and she gave her a half grin back, sitting down on her bed and digging in her purse, pulling out her cell phone, tossing it back in after taking one glance at it. "I'm sorry if my sister and my boyfriend got to you yesterday." She said out of nowhere, and her roommate looked up to her surprised that she was being talked to.

"Um, no... problem?"

"So, where are you from?"

"I was born in Hillwood, but I moved to Seattle when I was young."

"Oh really? I'm from Hillwood too."

"Yeah..." She said, with a feigned smile.

It was another minute of very awkward silence before Helga decided to continue, "What's your major?"

"Sociology..."

"Really? That's interesting. I'm an English major myself." Rhonda chuckled to herself, and raised her brow and nodded her head slightly. "What?"

"It's nothing." She said with a Cheshire grin.

"No, what?" She pressed.

"It's nothing, really." She replied, still not making eye contact.

"Listen..." Helga said, closing her laptop, and setting it off to her side. "I'm making an effort to try and be friends, because if we're going to be living together for the next year, I want to be comfortable."

Rhonda finally met her eyes, her smile softening a bit and nodded. "No, you're right. I don't want it to be this awkward all year either." She agreed, scooting herself back until she was sitting against the wall on her bed. "It's just, when I first met you, I had you pegged for either a psychology or English major."

"Why is that?"

"Well, no offense, but you just looked... well... boring."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I said no offense!" She defended herself, raising her hands up to her.

"You don't even know me!" She said, shrugging her shoulders.

"And you don't know me. But look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so judgmental. I have people judging me by my looks all the time. I mean, I have an anarchy symbol tattooed to my elbow." She said, raising her right elbow, pointing at the anarchy symbol. I didn't mean anything by it. So... are we cool?"

Letting out a long sigh to herself, she nodded in agreement. "Yeah." After a long moment of silence between them, she decided to speak again. "So tell me about yourself."

Rhonda laughed and stood up, turning to the door. "How bout we play it by ear." She said as she breezed out the door.

Sighing to herself, she was debating on how she felt about her roommate. She was trying to be nice, she could give her that, but she just seemed to not be interested in being friends. And the more she thought about it, the more she was fine with the idea.

Hopefully she will have an easier time making friends once classes started.

* * *

**A/N: As any author would, I'm going to reveal details of the characters back story as chapters progress. I mean, that's what this story is about, if you've read the summary. I know it sounds out of character and weird right now, but I have planned ahead, and I have my reasons for making the characters, especially Arnold, the way they are. So if you stick with the story, you will be rewarded! **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Her eyes shot open at the sound of her alarm, and she reacted quickly to turn it off so it didn't wake up Rhonda. Adjusting her eyes to the darkness, she looked across the room to see her burrow herself deeper under her covers, and Helga let out a breath of relief. Standing up and reaching for the ceiling, stretching her sleep strained muscles, she stood up and gathered her toiletries, a pair of jeans and a blouse, heading to the bathroom.

First day of classes, and still, no one was up. It really is surprising to see how different everything was from her time in grade school. After taking a shower and changing into her clothes for the day, she returned to her room and opened her laptop, double checking what the room number of her philosophy class was, and where on campus that room was. She committed the route to memory, and checked her phone for the time, seeing that it was just turning seven thirty. She closed her laptop and slipped it into her backpack, then slipped her phone into her pocket and then headed out.

The campus was a lot more active this morning than it had been any other time in the morning. Seeing she had plenty of time, she headed to the coffee shop in the library and picked herself up a latte, then headed off to class, taking her time to walk slowly, enjoying the sight of the sky slowly turning from greyish purple to deep blue. She stepped up to the door she was looking for, seeing it was propped open and peered inside. She noticed immediately that it was empty, except for the professor, who looked in his sixties, a small pair of circled reading glasses perched low on his nose, his grey hair sticking up wildly in all directions.

Fearing that she was at the wrong class, or that no one else had signed up, she poked her head inside, and knocked lightly on the door. The professor snapped his head up from where he was looking down at the podium at the front of the class, looking directly at her, surprised. "Um... is this-"

"Philosophy?" He finished for her, a toothy smile bursting onto his face in an instant. "Why, yes my dear, it is!" He said, fanning his arms out toward her. "Please, do come in! Have a seat. I am known as Dr. Rienhart, and you must be..."

"Helga, Helga Pataki." She said with a smile, walking up to him and extending her hand to him.

He smiled and shook her hand vigorously. "Well, Helga Helga Pataki, it is a sheer delight to have someone with as vibrant a spirit as yours attend my class."

"It's my pleasure, Dr. Rienhart." She said, still smiling and very happy to have a professor as eccentric as this one.

Turning back to the still empty class room, she set her backpack down next to the first desk she came to in the front row and pulled out a spiral notebook that already had philosophy written across the front, and pulling out a pencil with it. "Ah! There he is! One of my favorite seers, back yet again to gain more questions than answers!" Dr. Rienhart shouted. Helga looked up to see a blonde haired guy, wearing a black t-shirt, blue jeans, shined steel toed boots, his eyes down onto a book with a blank black cover. "Ah, Bushido! One of my personal favorites, excellent choice." He said, with a smile, which wasn't returned with a single gesture. He just kept walking.

Not taking his eyes off his book, he walked past her and all the way back to the very last desk in the last row, setting his backpack down and sitting, keeping his eyes down onto his book. She felt kind of bad for him. With what Justin told her about him a few days ago, she felt almost obligated to reach out to him. She looked up to the clock that was mounted on the wall in the front of the class, she saw that she still had fifteen minutes before class actually started, and since no one else had showed up yet, now was as good a time as any.

She stood up and walked back to the back of the classroom and over to him, about to greet him until he interrupted her. "No." He said in that same low, steady tone, not averting his eyes away from his book.

"What?"

"No, you don't have to thank me for what happened Friday night. And no, I don't want, nor do I need your pity." He said, still not looking over to her.

"No, I-I... I just wanted to say hi."

He let out a sigh through his nose just before he let his book fall down to the desk, and looked up at her with the same blank expression. "In the short amount of time it took you to walk across the room so you could do your good deed for the day, at least thirteen women were sexually assaulted in this country alone. Think about that on your way back." He said, lifting his book back up and turning away from her.

Feeling a mix of insult, embarrassment, and shock, she turned around and slowly made her way back to her desk in the front row. She sat down heavily in her desk, casting a glance over her shoulder to him, seeing that he had his eyes still down on the book in front of him. It would be a lie to say that she didn't pity him a little bit. It wasn't that he looked lonely, it was that he seems lonely, and he seems angry about it. Every one needs someone to talk to, every one needs to be lent a listening ear every once in a while. But she knew that some people just preferred to be alone, as sad as that sounds. Maybe he just preferred to be alone.

As a few people started to filter in, sitting strewn about the classroom, she couldn't help but ponder what he had said to her, and why he had told her that. And how did he know that she was going to thank him for what he did, or didn't do at the frat party on Friday? She was brought out of her thoughts by Dr. Rienhart, "Welcome, and hello! I can already tell you that the students sitting here in this room at this moment are go-getters, by the simple fact that you signed up for a class that started at eight in the morning on a Monday! But, that's not what I want to know about you. What I want to know is your views on the world. So, that having been said, I would like each of you to write for me two paragraphs explaining them to me, what you see as the meaning of life, so on and so on. I will speak to you again in thirty minutes."

She smiled to herself, and flipped to the first page. She spent the next fifteen minutes written her general views of the world, of people, how she always tried to see the good in people, and how if people were given the right opportunity, they would always do the right thing. She had just finished writing her last sentence when she looked up and saw Arnold walking up to the podium, slipping a piece of paper to the professor then turning around and walking back to the back of the classroom. Watching Dr. Rienhart smile in return, and look down at his paper, reading over what he had written. She stood up and handed her paper to Dr. Rienhart, who was still reading Arnold's paper. "Oh..." He said with endearment, setting the paper down onto the podium and looking up at her. She smiled and handed her paper to him, watching him smile in return. She returned to her desk and sat down quietly, waiting for the rest of the class to finish.

As the other ten people in the class started to hand in their papers, it was a few minutes after he had read them all that he looked back up to the class. "Alright, very good, all of you. Your view points are really interesting. But, there was one that stood out." He said, flipping through the small stack of papers and pulling one out, holding it up to read it.

_Why is it that humans always wonder what the meaning of life is, when they treat life so poorly? Why is it that we shout our sad and tired anthems from atop mountains that we didn't ourselves scale? Why are we so selfish that we feel that our lives are the only ones that have meaning? Is it that we feel entitled to have such a universal purpose set out for all of us when we are born? And what is there to say about the person who doesn't fulfill that purpose? Where does that person find themselves at the end of their life? Do they wonder the same thing a child does when he asks questions about his life, the same questions he had asked years before, and the same ones that for his life went unanswered?_

_What is there to say about the person who feels that their life has no meaning? That there is no higher cause or purpose other than themselves for them to call and cry for, or answer to? Who does that person look to for their meaning, if not themselves? Why would they look to the person next to them who spouts out from his pedestal that he knows the right answers to wrong questions that they weren't even being asked? I find myself taking great comfort in the realization that I will spend my life, searching under rocks for the answers to these questions, knowing all I will ever find is one, I don't know._

Dr. Rienhart sighed as he set the paper down. "In this class, you will be asked questions that I cannot answer. You will have to turn to yourself for those answers. So, if you signed up for this class hoping to discover the meaning of life, I am saddened to say that you will not find it, just as this person said." Helga heard Dr. Rienhart go on after that about the books they would be reading, and the papers they would be writing, and the discussions they would be having, but she couldn't help thinking back to the paper he had read aloud. She couldn't help but think of who it belonged to. She cast another glance behind her, seeing Arnold still reading, leaned forward with his elbow on his desk, his hand against his mouth, staring intently down to the book in front of him.

She turned back to the front and tried to focus on what Dr. Rienhart was saying, but her mind kept drifting in and out. Dr. Rienhart released them for the day at nine thirty, which was when the class was scheduled end, and she slipped her notebook back into her backpack, zipping it up, and standing up, seeing Arnold already walking out, hands half tucked into his pockets, expressionlessly staring off into space. She swung her backpack over her shoulders and stepped out of the room, seeing him walk down the hall a ways ahead of her. There was just something about him that intrigued her.

Making her way back outside, she couldn't help but watch as he walked briskly down path away from the building. She debated trying to spark a conversation again, deciding against it in the end. After all, she was making assumptions, which she never liked to do. She was just assuming that the paper Dr. Rienhart had read aloud belonged to him, but he never said who wrote it.

Returning to her room, since her next class wasn't until one, she saw that Rhonda was sitting on her bed talking on on her phone. "No, Dad, I can't. Because I'm on the other side of the state, that's why. I'm in college, remember? Dad... I'll call you back." She said, quickly flipping her phone shut and reopening it, putting it back to her ear a moment later. "Yeah, Bill, it's Rhonda. He's at it again." Helga decided to try and stop listening by pulling her laptop out of her backpack and opening it up, but she couldn't help it. "No, I don't, don't worry, just get over there before he hurts himself. Thanks, Bill." She said, closing her phone again and setting it back onto her bed.

It was a moment before Helga looked up in time to see Rhonda wipe a tear from her eye lash. "What's wrong?" She asked hesitantly.

Rhonda looked up only briefly and shaking her head. "It's nothing." She grabbed her phone again, clicking a few buttons on the keypad and shutting it again, tossing it back into her what looked like homemade bag and quickly stood up, leaving the room.

She grabbed her own phone that was sitting next to her, and slid her thumb across the screen, hitting call under Justin's name. He answered on the third ring, "Yeah?" He asked, slightly out of breath.

"Hey, are you busy?"

There was a pause on the end of the line, hearing some rustling before he spoke. "No, babe, I'm just at the gym."

"Oh, well when you're done, can you text me? It's been kind of a depressing day so far."

"Um... sure, I can do that." He said.

"Thanks, babe." She said.

"No problem, babe." He said just before he hung up.

Sighing heavily, she put in her ear bud and tried to cheer herself up before her next class, hoping Justin would be done at the gym before she had to go to her next class. Hopefully she would meet someone there that would actually _want _to talk to her.

* * *

**A/N: For those of you wondering, I pictured Christopher Lloyd as Dr. Rienhart. **


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, what's the matter?" He asked, walking up to her and opening his arms to her.

She stepped into them and hugged him, feeling him wrap his arms around her. She let out a long sigh and closed her eyes, trying to push out the thoughts. "It's nothing. It's just..." She trailed off, leaning back and casting her eyes downward. "My roommate was on the phone when I went back to my room after philosophy, and she was talking to her dad, and I could tell that he was drunk. I tried to talk to her about it, but she just walked out. Then Arnold wrote this thing in philosophy about the meaning of life and it was really depressing, and I tried to talk to him and he just... It's just been a crappy day so far."

Hearing Justin let out a small chuckle, he began, "First of all, why are you wasting your time with that freak?"

She looked up to him, giving him a pointed look, "He's not a freak." She said halfheartedly, sounding unconvincing even to herself.

"Just forget about him, okay? You'll be a lot better off. Now what about your roommate?"

"I don't know. I really want to help her, but I don't want to overstep."

"Why not just talk to her? What's the worst that can happen?"

Letting out a sharp sigh, she nodded, "You're right."

"But listen, I've got to get to class. I'll text you later."

"Okay, babe." She said as he leaned down to give her a quick kiss just before he turned around and ran off. She dug her phone out and saw that she too had to get to her next class, so she quickly stopped by her room again and picked up her stuff, then headed to class.

An hour and a half later, she walked out of her writing class and stepped outside, finished with her classes for the day. Deciding she was hungry, she made her way down to the dining hall and picked up a fruit bowl and a bottle of water, making her way over to a table to sit down. She looked up and was surprised to see Arnold walking toward her, but even more surprisingly was the fact that Rhonda was walking right beside him. Even though Arnold still had a blank expression on, Rhonda was looking down at the ground and she seemed to be talking to him. She sat down at the nearest empty table and averted her eyes, waiting until they passed her and were out of ear shot to look back, not seeing them.

She ate quickly and made her way back to her room, where she saw Rhonda sitting on her bed with a text book open in front of her. "Hey." Helga greeted her.

Rhonda looked up and smiled slightly. "Hey."

"Listen, um..." She hesitantly began, sitting down on her bed and looking down at the floor, readying herself to most likely get yelled at for butting in. "I couldn't help but overhear what you were saying this morning on the phone."

Rhonda looked over to her, her brow in a straight line, giving her a hard look.

"I just wanted to let you know... I've been there." Rhonda's expression toward her remaining unwavering, she continued. "My mom went through the same thing."

"You don't know what I've been through, so don't pretend you know me just because your perfect little life had a hitch in it." She replied in a harsh tone, looking back down at her text book.

"No, you're right. I don't know what you've been through, I'm sorry for making assumptions, but... I was able to help my mom, get her into AA, maybe-"

"My dad is past the point of saving." Rhonda replied, not looking up at her.

"But he's your dad, don't you want to get him help?"

"Listen Mother Teresa, my dad has been stuck on his first relapse for nine years. He's so far gone that he still thinks I'm a freshman in high school. You may think that everyone can be saved, but some people don't want to be saved. My dad _wants _to be drunk. And after what he was put through, so would I." She said, looking back down to her text book, bringing her knees up in front of her.

"And what was that?" She asked, curiosity winning over her mind telling her to be quiet and leave it alone.

"I don't remember hiring you to be my damn therapist!" Rhonda spat.

"I'm just trying to get to know you." Helga weakly replied, hating herself for feeling her eyes start to burn. Why did it feel as if everyone hated her guts when she was just trying to be friendly?

"You really want to know?" She asked in a tone that said she was going to tell her just to get her to shut up. "Fine. My dad and I moved to Seattle when I was seven after my mom took him for everything he had in a divorce settlement and left him and me with nothing so she could run off with the pool boy. My dad wasn't able to find a good enough job to feed his lust for the lavish life style he was used to living, and ended up drinking himself into a fantasy far enough to where you couldn't tell it apart from reality. Now he's living alone in our one bedroom apartment, while I'm trying to get a life started for myself by going to school on scholarship, while he's calling me asking whether I want lobster or filet mignonne for dinner. So please... don't tell me you know what it's like." She said, looking back down at her textbook perched on her thighs.

Helga looked down, her heart aching for her roommate. "I'm-"

"Don't say you're sorry." Rhonda stopped her, not looking up from her text book. "I've had enough people tell me their sorry. I didn't keep a four point oh GPA by people feeling sorry for me." With a sense of guilt, mixed with a heavy feeling of loneliness, Helga slid back against the wall on her bed, bringing her knees up and wrapping her arms around her legs, fighting to keep back the tears. She let her head fall in the space between her chest and her legs, feeling the pooling wetness overflow onto her cheeks. After a moment, she felt the bed beside her dip. Helga looked up and saw Rhonda sitting next to her, having just pulled her knees up to mirror her posture. "Tell me about your mom." She said with a soft smile.

Smiling over to her and averting her gave down onto her knees, she reached up and wiped a single tear from her lashes. "She was an alcoholic for about eleven years. From what my sister has told me, when I was born, my mom couldn't cope with the postpartum depression, and my dad was always so caught up in his work that he never bothered to get her help. It wasn't until my older sister moved back home that things started to turn around. We were able to convince her to get into AA, and after that, my parents went to a marriage councilor. I mean, it's nowhere near as traumatic as anything you went through but..."

"Hey, hard times are hard times. Everyone has them. But I came out stronger than I was before. I'm sure you did too."

Helga chuckled despite herself and shook her head. "I'm not feeling so strong right now."

"Why is that?" Rhonda asked, sounding very sincere.

"It's just... everything feels like it's happening all at once. And it's not even that. But something happened this morning and it's been really weighing on me."

"What happened?"

"Well, my boyfriend is on the football team, and he invited me to this party at the frat house on Friday night, and I went because I had a stupid idea that I would get to spend some time with him. But I ended up getting caught in a game of truth or dare, and they dared me to go upstairs with this guy I had never met. And I was just standing there, and they were all looking at me, and my boyfriend was doing a keg stand and I don't do well with peer pressure at all. He didn't even do anything, he just stood there for five minutes and then let me go, he didn't even talk to me. But then I saw him in my philosophy class this morning and he thought that I was talking to him out of pity, and then he wrote this thing that the professor read aloud about how he's been searching for the meaning of life and it was really depressing, and it's just... I don't even know why I'm obsessing over it."

"Is this guy about your height, messy blonde hair, _really _hot?" Rhonda asked, a devious smile appearing on her face.

"I guess."

She chuckled and shook her head. "Well, Arnold does seem to have a very deep mind."

"You know him?" Helga asked her, now very interested. Maybe she could finally get some deeper details about this enigma of a boy.

"Not really." Rhonda shrugged, "I sat next to him in my behavioral sciences class this afternoon. I asked him if his boots were Gripfast, and he just told me that they were the only boots that would get him to where he wanted to go. He didn't say much after that."

"Oh..." She said, looking back down to her legs.

"I wouldn't worry too much about him though. I think it would take more patience than I have to offer to crack that suit of armor he has on." Helga couldn't help but feel a little discouraged, a little let down at the fact that she may be right. "Are you... interested?" Rhonda asked with a smirk.

"I have a boyfriend, Rhonda." She said, giving her an obvious look.

"Oh yeah, Captain America, that's right." Rhonda replied with an eye roll and a smile.

"Don't talk about him like that!" She urged her innocently. "He's really nice, and sweet."

"No, you're right. I'm sorry. It's not my place to judge. It's just the whole jock thing... _really _not my type." She said, sliding forward and walking across to her own bed.

"Oh, really? And what _is _your type?" Helga challenged.

Rhonda spun around and fell onto her bed with a devious grin. "I like 'em crazy!"

They shared a laugh and spent the rest of the night talking idle chit chat, and for the first time since she got here, she felt that she had made a real friend. Things weren't at all awkward between them anymore, and it made her feel so much better about everything, feeling as if she wasn't drowning in all of the things she was going against. Rhonda had told her that she wants to be a social worker, that she loves the feeling of helping people who can't help themselves. She told her that she is a hardcore feminist, and hopes to move back to Seattle and try and help her father. But for now, her father's friend Bill, a really nice guy who is in his fifties, short, with a balding pony tail, but just has a real nice way about him, that he met at his job working out of a warehouse, is looking after him, and he always tells her that she has nothing to feel guilty about by leaving. Bill had become sort of like an uncle to her over the years, and Rhonda told her that she owed him a lot.

Helga had told her about going to school as an English major mainly to learn, about how she likes to write, but never felt that she was all that talented, and that in some wild fantasy, she hopes to become published. She told her about how much she looked up to her sister as a role model when she was first growing up, but learned to view her as a real person, while she told her that she always felt a lot of pressure from their parents, mainly her father, to excel in life, and about how she never felt like any of the things she did were for her, but their father, and during the time when their mother was in AA, they grew to become best friends, and real sisters.

The next morning, Helga woke up around eight since her first class wasn't until eleven, and after going about her normal morning routine, she headed to the dining hall with Rhonda to get breakfast. After grabbing their food, and a comment about Rhonda being a vegetarian, they went to sit down. They were about half way through with their meal when Rhonda looked past her, a smirk appearing on her face. "Hi Arnold." She chirped.

Helga looked back to see him in a black t-shirt, blue jeans, his blonde hair messy, staring expressionlessly in front of him, his hands tucked into his pockets, not even moving to wave back. As he walked by, Rhonda's eyes following him long after he passed their table, Rhonda looked back and rolled her eyes with a smile. "He can't even say hi?" Helga asked her.

"I would _love _to know what he's thinking." She said, looking over her shoulder to see him walking back toward them with a bottle of water in his hand. Rhonda was silent until he walked past him again and waited until he was out the door again before grinning again.

"Aren't you the one who said that no one could crack through that 'suit of armor'?" She asked, using air quotes.

"I said that I didn't have the patience to." She replied, popping a slice of her orange into her mouth, while Helga turned back to her own food. "You might though..."


	5. Chapter 5

It took a bit of convincing, but after a while, Rhonda had backed off tossing out off handed comments that implied that she should go after Arnold. She was with Justin, and that was that. She was happy with him, she was comfortable with him, and even though he was her first real boyfriend, she couldn't help but think that she couldn't do much better than him. But she couldn't help but feel a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her to try and dig deeper, or at least try and scratch the surface of this mystery of a person.

And it wasn't so much a sense of pity for him not having any friends, but simple curiosity. She was curious about him, she had questions that she wanted answers to, and the more those questions ran through her mind unanswered, the more evident the nagging feeling in her stomach became. And despite what Rhonda might think, it wasn't because of his looks. But after Rhonda had kept asking her, and asking her, finally telling her that she wouldn't leave it alone until she admitted it, he was pretty good looking.

But either way, she was with Justin, and she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their relationship, even if she wanted to.

It was the next morning in her philosophy class, that she tried once again. She arrived a little later than she had last time, finding him sitting in his same seat from the other day, in the very back corner, his head down into a different book from last time. She took a deep breath and made her way to the desk next to him, sitting down across from him, waiting a moment before making her presence known to him. "Hi." She said in a chipper tone.

He let out another sigh, just as he had before, "As much as I admire persistence, and don't take any joy away from crushing someones hope, however juvenile and fantastical it may be, I'm not going to ask, but tell you... to leave me alone." He told her, not looking away from his book.

Trying to remain unshaken by his direct and very to-the-point request, "You know, there's a nicer way to tell someone that you don't want to talk to them."

"Nice is a luxury that I cannot afford to people. And as much as you might think contrary, you are not, nor will you ever any different from a moth who flies ignorantly into a flame. That having been said, leave me alone." He said, still not looking up from his book.

After replaying his words back in her head and realizing that he had just insulted her, she stood up and made her way to her desk in the front row, defeated. What was she thinking? Did she really think that somewhere, deep inside him, he wanted someone to reach out to him? Perhaps she had, but that obviously wasn't the case. He obviously wanted to be left alone, and he had no problem telling her that.

As the last few people began to filter in to class, Dr. Rienhart spoke up from his place at the podium. "Today, we will begin our discussion on the first book of Plato's Republic. And as I can see, my friend Arnold has already began reading it again." He said, motioning toward the back of the classroom, while a few people turned around to look in his direction, while he remained glued to the book in front of him. "My friend, would you be so kind as to tell us what the first book is about?" _Him, kind? I don't think so, _Helga thought bitterly to herself.

"Justice." He said, not looking up.

"Precisely!" Dr. Rienhart said, pointing his finger in Arnold's direction, and bringing it back to him, spinning around and haphazardly writing the word across the chalkboard. "Justice! Now, how might like to enlighten us on their thoughts of what this might mean?" He began to pan the room, looking out across the desks, "Yes?" He pointed to a girl in the middle of the room who had her hand up.

"Doing what is right, giving what the bad deserve?" She said with a questioning inflection.

"That may be. Anyone else?" After seeing no ones hand go up, He spun around, pulling down the projector screen and going over to the computer. After a few clicks of the keys, a long page of text came up. "Arnold? Seeing as you have taken this course before, and have read this book many a time, would you care to tell us what Socrates says about justice?"

"He doesn't know." Arnold replied indifferently, just as he flipped the page.

Dr. Rienhart paused for a moment, looking up at the ceiling before nodding,"Well... in a sense, that is true. But what these three men are trying to figure out is whether a just man is happier than an unjust man, or whether it is more beneficial to be just or unjust. One of my personal favorite things that is said here is, _'Then if the just man is good at keeping money, he is good at stealing it, and he who is a good keeper of anything is also a good thief_'. What do you suppose that means?"

Helga, having the answer, but deciding to stay quiet, waited until someone else would get it. But after a moment with no one raising their hands, hers shot up. Dr. Reinhart looked over to her with a smile and pointed to her. "To be just, you have to know how to be unjust."

"Exactly!" He responded.

The class went on, and they had discussed the various passages of Thrasymachus, Socrates, and Glaucon, and were released at nine thirty. She could tell that this class might give her a headache, if anything, because of the boy sitting in the back of the class, who seemed to understand it so easily.

She dug out her cell phone to see if she had received any messages during class, seeing that there was one from Justin, asking her if she wanted to go to the dining hall. She replied saying that she was in class, and only had twenty minutes before her next class, which she was going to use to go to the library to see if they had a copy of The Republic. After making her way to the library, and luckily finding a copy, thinking on her way to check it out that she doesn't remember it being that thick when she saw Arnold reading it, she slipped it into her backpack and made her way outside.

Crossing the campus on her way to her math class she was taking for her general education requirement, she looked up, and someone caught her eye. Seeing him in an alley way between two buildings a little ways away on the other side of the courtyard she was walking by, her smile brightened, and she quickly started for him to say hi before she went to class. As she came closer, she saw someone step into view, having just stepped forward away from the wall that Justin was facing, wearing a pale green mini skirt and a blue blouse, brunette hair falling past her shoulders, Helga stopped briefly.

Her breath hitched roughly in her throat at the sight of Justin's smile turning into a grin, as he stepped forward, placing his hands very low on the girls hips, pulling her forward while she quickly grasped onto his jaw and forcefully pulled him down to her, while he returned every ounce of her fervor unrelentingly. As her breath shuddered, her heart pounding and thumping wildly in her chest, her eyes foregoing burning, and simply letting her tears fall, her mind screaming both that this was a dream, and for her to look away, she watched, unable to turn away as this girl pulled him toward the wall, and out of her view.

Her breath picking up pace to the point of bordering on hyperventilation, her body quaked with the first sob of her impending breakdown. Shaking her head wildly from side to side, probably thinking that this really was a dream she could snap herself out of, she ran forward on weak legs. _This can't be real, this can't be happening to me, he wouldn't do this to me! _She told herself as her feet stomped down the path, her eyes unable to stop crying. She closed her eyes and shook her head once more before rounding a corner. Her whole body stopped when she felt herself run into something.

With her body already weak with trauma, she was sent backward onto the ground with a heavy thud. She looked up, focusing past her tears to see what she had ran into, or rather, who.

It was the first real expression she had ever seen on him, just slightly though. Nothing more than his brow pushed together, his eyes a little more open than they usually are, but an expression nonetheless. "It's you..." Was all she could manage from her place on the ground. She saw him look down at her, then up again, and after another sigh being let out through his nose, he reached down, extending a hand to her. Now shocked to see him offer her a helping hand, literally, there was a pause between them before she reached up and grasped onto his forearm, while he hoisted her up off the ground. She looked back up to him, seeing that he had replaced his tight knitted brow with his usual blank expression and immediately let go of her forearm. "Thanks." She said, looking into his eyes, while he looked back into hers for the first time since she had met him.

"Be more careful next time." He said in his usual low, steady tone, just before he stepped around her.

* * *

"I just don't understand how he could do this to me..." She muttered, pulling her knees up closer to her body, wrapping her arms around them.

"Have you talked to him?" Rhonda asked from her place, pacing slowly across the middle of their room.

"No."

"Good!" Rhonda spat in reply. "Don't give that prick another second of your time! He doesn't deserve you!"

"Why are _you _so angry about this?" She asked, her voice still saturated.

"Why are you _not _angry about this?! I swear, if it was me, I would have made him rue the day he even _thought _of cheating on me! If _any _man wants to privilege of going out with me, he better treat me like I'm a hell of a lot more than just a pair of legs and boobs!" Rhonda did mention that she could go overboard with her feminism sometimes, but she never mentioned that she could get like this.

"I can't believe this is happening to me. I mean, we were such good friends in high school, and he went off to college, and we IMed each other every night for hours, and we would talk on the phone all night, and he would come down on the weekends and we would hang out. I just... I thought that he..." _loved me. _She finished in her head, unwilling to say it aloud.

"Helga," Rhonda said firmly, coming to sit next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder, "You have nothing to feel bad about. If he needs to go sleep with some slut just to make himself feel better, then he doesn't deserve to be with _anyone, _especially you." She paused and wrapped her arm fully around her shoulders. "You two didn't sleep together, did you?"

Helga shook her head, wrapping her arms tightly around her legs. "No, maybe that's why..."

"It's _not _your fault!" Rhonda said again, strongly but softly. "You have nothing to feel bad about, Helga. You just need to-"

"Rhonda..." Helga stopped her with a slow shake of her head, "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I just want to go to bed."

Rhonda moved her hand and rubbed it against Helga's upper back before pushing herself up and making her way back across the room to her own bed, and when she looked back, Helga was already underneath her covers, her back facing her.

The next morning, after dragging herself out of bed, despite the loud protests coming from her strong desire to stay there, she threw on her favorite pair of worn blue jeans and a loose, long sleeve t-shirt, pulling her backpack over her shoulders. Deciding to skip breakfast for the morning, she walked slowly into her philosophy class, pulling out her notebook and her copy of The Republic, placing her head in her hands after she had set them down onto her desk. Class came and went, and she tried her hardest to focus on what Dr. Rienhart was saying, but she was too emotionally exhausted, and the thought that if maybe she had just put more emphasis on the physical part of their relationship, more than making sure they were just comfortable with each other, maybe he wouldn't feel the need to do this to her.

After Dr. Rienhart released them from class for the day, telling them to read the next section for their next class the following Monday, she had just put her books back into her backpack when she heard a soft touch on her desk. She looked up, startled a bit, and saw that there was a small piece of folded paper, sitting on her desk. She looked up and saw Arnold walking away from her. She took the paper in her hands and opened it.

_Louis Jordan- The Troubadour _

Confused, she looked up again, but he wasn't there.

She went back to her room, having a few hours between classes, and dug out the scrap of paper from her pocket, and opened up her laptop, typing in the words written on it. She clicked on the first video that popped up and the sound of a 50's jazz band came on. As she listened to the lyrics, she couldn't help but smile, and laugh at the story being told by the singer. She went into her music player after buying the song online, and put it on repeat. Eventually, after a few times, she gave into the temptation and stood up from her bed and started to dance to the song, very ungracefully, but not caring in the slightest.

It was about ten minutes of foolishly dancing in her dorm room before Rhonda came in just as Helga was singing the last verse. "She caught him down by the water, lovin' the fisherman's daughter! She pulled a little pistol right from out of the air, and shot old willie right then and there!" She sang into her imaginary microphone. Helga opened her eyes to Rhonda's very wide, and surprised ones, blushing immediately, embarrassment taking over. "Um, I can explain..."

Rhonda smirked and closed the door behind her. "Turn it up."

* * *

**A/N: If you haven't heard the song The Troubadour, I urge you to go listen to it! It will make Helga's sudden mood shift make a lot more sense. I would recommend the original, but Streetlight Manifesto's is awesome too. **


	6. Chapter 6

Helga awoke on the next day, a smile appearing on her face.

She didn't know how, but somehow, the song that Arnold had written down on a small scrap of paper was enough to shift her perspective, and help her realize that Rhonda was right. If Justin needed to cheat on her to make himself feel better, or simply because he wanted a little action on the side, than he didn't deserve to be with her, or anyone else. She deserved more than someone who would cheat on her. But, she still couldn't help but wonder how long it has been going on. Maybe it has been going on all along, or maybe it was just this week, but either way, he betrayed her trust in a way that was very hard to win back.

She was still debating whether or not to actually tell him that she saw him shove his tongue down another girls throat, or simply give him the cold shoulder until he got the hint. But she could only speculate that he had no idea that she knew, and that the next time he would talk to her would be as if everything was still okay between them. And as she pushed herself up out of bed, grabbing her cell phone to check the time, she was right, telling by the text message she was staring at, asking her how her class went, and from the time he sent it, it was about an hour after she saw him cheat on her.

Leaving his message unanswered, she grabbed some clothes for the day, and went about her normal morning routine. She only had one class today, and as she thought about it coming back to her room, she was a little disappointed that it was a class that Arnold wasn't in. His actions yesterday left her to wake up with more questions than ever. He had told her twice to leave him alone, then he does something as simple as writing the name of a seventy year old jazz song down onto a scrap of notebook paper about a girl whose husband is unfaithful and decided to make an example out of him. And unless Rhonda had told him about what had happened for some odd reason, he knew what had happened between her and Justin.

As Helga finished getting dressed, with Rhonda returning to their room after a trip to the bathroom, Helga decided to start investigating. "Hey Rhonda."

"What's up?" She asked, walking over to her closet.

"Did you tell Arnold about what happened between me and Justin yesterday?"

Rhonda looked over her shoulder, with a raised eye brow, and obvious smile. "Oh yeah, because I'm _so_ into telling my friends personal problems to a guy who doesn't even bother to wave at me." She said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. "What makes you think I would tell Arnold anything about you and jock-strap?"

Letting out a loud chuckle before sitting down onto her bed, Helga grabbed her backpack to slip a few books into it. "Because at the end of philosophy yesterday, Arnold tossed a piece of paper down onto my desk as he was walking out that had the name of the song we were dancing to yesterday on it. I figured that maybe you mentioned something to him about it in class or something."

"No, I didn't say anything."

"Then how would he know that Justin was cheating on me?"

Rhonda turned around after pulling on a black t-shirt with an anarchy symbol spray-painted on it and shrugged. "I don't know. Why don't you ask him?"

* * *

Helga walked out of her only class at about noon, and started for the dining hall. She had been starving and didn't get a chance to eat this morning since she woke up a little later than usual, and she skipped dinner the night before. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, and it wasn't until she looked at the screen that she remembered that she had an unanswered text from Justin, whom had just sent her another one, asking her if she wanted to go to a movie tonight. Suppressing her heartbreak in exchange for anger toward him, and a strong feeling of self worth, she slid her thumb across the screen, stopping where she was just outside the building she had walked out of, and answered him. _We need to talk. _

His reply came a few seconds after. _Okay, I'm about to head into class. How bout we meet for a late lunch afterwards, say around two? _

She sighed, feeling very impatient, and answered. _Sure. _

She slid her phone back into her pocket and started down the path again toward the dining hall. She looked up to see the dining hall just a little ways away, and saw a familiar messy head of blonde hair stride out, a bottle of water in his hands. She smiled to herself and quickly jogged to catch up with him before he got too far away. "Arnold!" She called after him, but he didn't stop. She kept jogging toward him until he was within reach, and she placed her fingers gently onto his shoulder, which slowed his pace a bit, giving her the opportunity to step in front of him. A little out of breath, she wasn't surprised to see him staring blankly at her. "I just wanted to thank you... for the song. It really helped me out a lot." She said with a soft smile.

Letting out a sigh through his nose, he spoke, his voice still low and steady. "Like I said, be more careful next time." He said just before he moved to step around her. But she stopped him with a hand on his upper arm, not ignoring the brief observation of how firm his bicep felt.

"Wait, how'd you know? I mean... how'd you know that my boyfriend had cheated on me?" She asked him, seeing him stare blankly back at her, just as he always does.

"I knew because it was to be expected. Just like I'm expecting you to confront him about what you saw, just like I am for him to apologize, tell you that she means nothing to him, and there's a fifty fifty chance that he will very hesitantly tell you that he loves you. And I'm expecting you to fall for it." He said with a raised voice, more raised than she had ever heard from him, as he quickly turned and started back down the path away from her.

"You don't know that!" She called after him, angry that he would jump to such conclusions about her.

"Then prove me wrong." He said back to her, not turning around.

She watched him go for a minute, considering what he had told her. There was no way that she was taking him back after what he's done. Huffing, she turned around and went into the dining hall, grabbing a burrito and a diet soda. She ate angrily, and after throwing her trash away, she pulled out her copy of The Republic to read the first book, trying to get the words to register in her mind. How could he think that she was stupid enough to fall for anything Justin would say to her? Did he really think she was that dumb? But as she thought back to the moment afterwards, when she had ran into him, and he had pulled her up off the ground, his words rung in her head_. __Be more careful next time. _

Maybe he wasn't talking about her trying to run him over. And at this thought, the words he had said to her when she had thanked him just a little while ago rung in her head, repeated them to her when she hadn't done anything as clumsy as run face first into another person. Maybe it meant something more.

Giving up trying to read, she closed her book and tossed it back into her backpack, looking at her phone and seeing that it was ten minutes past two o'clock. And as if on cue, she looked up and saw Justin walking up to her, a smile on his face. She sighed, forced down her emotions and stood up. Calmly strolling up to her, he opened his arms to her, but she put her hand out in front of her to push him back, keeping him back at arms length. "What's wrong?" He asked, letting his arms fall down to his sides.

"We need to talk, Justin." She said, her voice low, and somewhat accusing.

He paused, his eyes turning a little fearful before he nodded. "Okay, about what?" He said, smiling softly at her, and she couldn't help but feel patronized.

She sighed, let her head fall forward, the image if his grin appearing in her mind just before his lips latched themselves onto a set that wasn't hers. "Justin, I know." She said, lifting her head up to him, staring him dead in the eye.

She watched as his smile brightened a bit, his brow scrunching together. "What do you mean? Know what?"

_He's better at lying than I thought. _She thought to herself just before she shook her head. "Don't give me that. I know, okay? So you can quit playing with me."

"Helga, what are you-"

"I saw you, Justin." She stopped him before he could continue running her around in circles. She watched as his expression blanked a bit, his eyes widening for a second before he corrected himself. "I saw you. Don't try and pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about."

"Helga, I can explain-"

"How long did you think you could use me? You think that I'm so stupid that I wouldn't eventually catch on? How long have you been sleeping with her? Wait... don't answer that, because you're just going to lie to me again, just like you have been for the past year."

"No, Helga, she doesn't mean anything to me!" He said, reaching for her, his expression turning pleading. She took a step back, raising her hand to him again to stop him. _I can't believe he was right. _She thought as she let her hand fall back down to her side. "Helga, you have to believe me. You're my girlfriend. We've been together for a year! She means nothing to me!"

"Neither do I." She said bitterly, moving to step around him, only to be caught by his hand on her upper arm. She spun around and looked at his still pleading eyes.

"Helga, she isn't you. I don't... I don't love her." His eyes fell for a moment before turning back up to her. "I love _you." _

Despite knowing in the back of her mind that he was just playing her, she couldn't help the gasp that escaped her throat. His grip on her arm softened, and his hand started to slowly make its way toward her cheek, until her eyes broke away from his to look past him, where she saw a familiar figure looking right at her, his arms folded over his chest, his leg crossed over the other, leaning against a column, his expression blank, but his eyes looking right at her. _And __I'm expecting you to fall for it,_ his words rung in her head.

She let a smile curl onto her lets, that felt a little evil, and looked back up to Justin, who own smile was soft. "Oh Justin..." She said as she gently caught his wrist just before his hand made contact with her cheek, pushing it down. "Do you really expect me to fall for that?" She rhetorically asked, just before she shoved his wrist away from her, her face going into a scowl while his eyes turned surprised, his brow falling. "Consider this goodbye." She quickly spun around on her heel and made for the door.

"Helga, you can't be serious!" He called after her, an attitude rising in his voice.

She spun around and walked backward, lifting her middle finger to him, "Sit on in and twirl, pretty boy!" She spat toward him, with her eyes quickly shooting over to the column where she saw Arnold leaning, but not seeing him. _How does he do that? _She thought briefly just before she spun back around and slammed the door open and walking briskly out the door.

As she walked back to her dorm, she couldn't help but imagine the look on Arnold's face now. Feeling very proud of herself, she held her head up high as she walked back to her dorm. She opened the door to find Rhonda sitting on her bed, a notebook open on her lap with a textbook open next to her leg, sitting with her legs crossed. Rhonda looked up and narrowed her eyes. "What are you so smiley about?"

Helga let her backpack fall to the ground and sat down onto her bed. "I broke up with Justin." She said, her smile bolstering.

"Yeah? You let him have it?" Rhonda asked, an evil grin appearing on her face.

"I gave him the finger and everything!" She said proudly.

"Aw, all you did was flip him the bird? You didn't like... knee him in the crouch, or splash hot coffee in his face, or spray paint his car or anything?"

Helga paused, looking over at her room mate with a raised brow. "You've obviously spent more time thinking about this than I have." Rhonda chuckled and shook her head, looking back down to her notebook. "But that's not really why I'm smiling."

"Then why are you smiling?"

"I ran into Arnold a couple hours before I talked to Justin, and he said that he was expecting him to give me the speech that he did. And he did, almost word for word. That she means nothing to him, blah blah blah, and then he said that he was expecting him to tell me that he loves me, which he did. But he also said that he was expecting me to fall for it." She said, a proud smile appearing on her face.

"So, you're happier that you proved Arnold wrong, than you are having just dumped a two-timing piece of trash?"

"I would have _loved _to see the look on his face when he saw me break up with Justin." Helga said, the image of him leaning against that column watching as she raised her middle finger up to Justin.

"He was watching you?" Rhonda asked, her head lifting up, a very surprised look on her face.

"Yeah, but when I walked out, he was gone. Like that thing in the movies where you see someone looking at you, then a bus passes in front of them and their gone. It was weird."

Rhonda groaned, her head falling back against the wall behind her. "I'm such a _sucker_ for that mysterious, brooding type thing."

"If you're so crazy about him, then why don't _you _ask him out?"

"Because I have my sights set on a guy I met in my biology class."

"Oh really?" Helga asked in a joking tone.

"He told me how he once let all the animals out of the zoo, painted in strips. That's about as crazy as you can get!" She said with a bright smirk. "But come on, admit it," She continued, "you're a sucker for the mysterious and brooding type too, aren't you?" She said, her smirk turning into a grin, her eyes narrowing.

Helga smiles to herself, and slid back on her bed till her back was against the wall. "At this point, anything is a step up from the type I just got rid of."

"Yeah..." Rhonda said on a chuckle, "as long as they have messy blonde hair and green eyes, right?"

"His eyes are green?" She honestly asked.

"Like you didn't notice." She said, shaking her head.

Helga grasped onto the small throw pillow sitting next to her, and tossed it at her. "Shut up."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I know that the chapters are pretty short, but I feel like when ever I try to write more just to up the word count, is deludes the story, and that's the problem I seem to be running into with this story. I would write more just plane story points, like more of Helga's thoughts, but I feel that if I do that, without having a sufficient reason to do so, it would break the spell I have you guys trapped under. And I am trying to keep you guys happy and on the edge of your seat as far as Arnold goes, because I love the feed back I am getting on his character. And just so you guys know, you're guy's questions will all be answered. So don't worry! And there will be more interactions between him and Helga and more chapters are written, and as the story progresses.**

**Thanks again you guys, all of you for your support on this story. I didn't think it would get this much attention, but I really love the reviews I'm getting on it, and the more reviews I get, the more scenes I have written in my head that I am dying to get out there. So, the more you guys review, the more time and thought I put into this story. So keep reviewing. **

* * *

"Hi little sister!" Olga's voice cheered over the line.

"Hey big sister." Helga said back, more toned down that the greeting she had just received.

"How was your first week of classes?"

Helga popped another piece of lettuce in her mouth before continuing, "Fine, all things considered. I'm reading The Republic for my philosophy class, and it's kind of intense, and I have a paper due on Tuesday for my writing class, and I broke up with Justin."

Unfortunately, her casual tone didn't throw her older sister as much as she had hoped, by the sudden and very audible gasp that she heard on the other end of the line. "You what?! Why?"

Helga shrugged and moved her salad around with her fork a bit. "He was cheating on me."

"Oh Helga, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" Olga asked, sounding as if she was consoling a small child who had just scraped their knee.

"I'm fine, Olga." She replied casually, popping a cherry tomato in her mouth.

"Are you sure, Helga? You two were together for so long."

"Olga, I'm _fine. _If he feels that he needs to cheat on me, then he doesn't deserve to call me his girlfriend."

"Helga, I'm very surprised to hear you talking so casually about this. Are you-"

"Yes, Olga, I'm sure I'm fine. I'm not suppressing any feelings of rejection or heartbreak or anything, so you can unclench your stomach."

"Do you want me to drive up there so we can go to lunch?"

"You can if you want." Helga said, putting another piece of her salad in her mouth. "But Olga, can you please stop talking about my ex-boyfriend? All it does is make me angry."

"Okay, okay, I won't. So how do you like living in a dorm?"

"I like it a lot more now that Rhonda and I are friends."

"Oh? You two are getting along alright?"

"Great, actually. She's studying sociology to become a social worker. She's really cool."

"I'm glad, Helga." There was a pause in the conversation as Helga poked and prodded a few remaining pieces of her salad. "So... now that you and Justin are over, is there anyone... catching your eye?"

Helga rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair. "Olga, I _just _broke up with my boyfriend of one year. I'm going to need a little more time than a day to be ready to date anyone again." She half lied to her. She wasn't going to tell Olga about Arnold until she had something to tell her. As of now, the only thing that she knew about him for sure was that he wasn't all that bad looking. The rest was speculation. But she was right, she is going to need a little more time than that to be ready to date anyone again, no matter how well she is taking her break up with Justin.

"Oh alright. Oh, Mommy and Daddy want to say hi."

After greeting her parents and telling them that she was doing just fine, the phone was returned to Olga, who told her that she was getting together a care package for her. And the only thing she asked for is her favorite sweatshirt that she had left sitting on her bed in her rush to get out the door on time. After sending her love to her family back home, she hung up and slid her phone back onto her pocket and stood up, throwing away her trash and making her way back to her dorm.

"Okay, I'll call you back and let you know." She heard Rhonda say into her phone just before she snapped it shut and stood up, taking a step toward her. "Hey, I just got off the phone with Thaddy."

"Who?"

"Thaddy, the guy I was telling you about. Anyway, he just called me and invited me to a little get together that he's going to at the frat house. You want to come?"

"Oh, I don't know, Rhonda. I don't have the fondest memories of that place." Helga said, making her way to her bed and setting her backpack down onto the floor.

"It's not like a party or anything. Just a few friends sitting around, relaxing, getting to know each other. Come on, it'll be fun!" Rhonda whined. After deciding to ignore her for a moment, and pretending to dig around in her backpack for something that wasn't there, she saw Rhonda step up to her side, and bend over to meet her eyes. "Arnold might be there." She said with a smirk.

"Duh, he lives there, Rhonda." Helga responded with a roll of her eyes, turning around and opening the door to her closet.

"All the more reason to come!"

"What fun would _I _be? I don't drink, or anything." She was quickly running out of excuses. She could say that she had homework to do, but with the argument of Arnold being there, her mind told her that her paper was already three quarters of the way written, and she could finish it tomorrow.

"Neither do I. You know that." Rhonda replied. She does remember her telling her that she doesn't drink because of what it did to her father, and is afraid that it might do the same thing to her. "Come on... you know you want to. You could try and get Arnold to talk to you again."

Helga looked over to Rhonda from the side, who was giving her a very expectant look, and let out a breath. "Alright." Rhonda's smile brightened and she bounced on her heels a few times before Helga turned and held her hand up to her. "But, I'm not going for Arnold." She said as Rhonda squinted her eyes over to her, "I'm going because I just broke up with my scumbag of a boyfriend of one year, and need a night out. But, if it's anything like what it was the last time I went there, I'm walking out. I don't do wild parties."

"Neither do I, Helga. Thaddy assured me that it's just a couple of very cool, down to earth people, coming together to hang out. And I'll be there, I'll look out for you."

* * *

Helga and Rhonda had left a little after six, and decided to walk to the frat house. It was a little colder than usual, and the walk was slightly calming to her slightly worked up nerves. Rhonda led her down the street toward the frat house, and Helga's anxiety decreased dramatically when she saw that it was very calm. No loud music blaring through the walls, no very drunken idiots falling over each other on the steps outside, no large crowd of people she didn't know. They stepped up to the door and Rhonda knocked hard a few times and leaned over to ring the door bell. A few moments after, the door opened to reveal a guy a little taller then them, blonde hair a little paler than Helga's, looking a little dopey. "Hey, you guys here for the thing?"

"Yeah, we are." Rhonda said with a smile.

"Cool, come on in. Everybody else is in the back room." They stepped inside and Helga was very relieved to find the foyer empty. "My name's Arnie, and I live here. If there's anything I can get you guys, just let me know.

"Thanks, we're good." Rhonda said as she made her way through the foyer and into the backroom, and Helga followed her. They stepped into the room and Helga could see that Rhonda was right. It really was just a few friends hanging out. There were a couple people sitting on the couch, while a small Asian girl and another Asian guy of equal size were sitting at the table beside the window, locked in a game of chess. One guy stood up from one of the recliners, and smiled brightly over at them, and Rhonda bounced on her heels and opened her arms up to him as he came up to her. "Hey Thaddy!" She cooed as he hugged her.

"Hey pretty lady!" He said. He was about Rhonda's height, maybe a little shorter, his hair slicked back with a slight wave with a pair of round glasses over his eyes.

"Thaddy, this is my roommate, Helga." Rhonda said, turning to her side and motioning to her.

"Helga, nice to meet you." He said, extending his hand to her with a smile.

"You too, um..." She trailed off, not really comfortable with calling him by what was obviously Rhonda's pet name for him.

"Thaddeus, or Thad for short. But most people call me Curly." He said with a nod of his head.

"Curly? Why is that?"

"I have no idea." He shrugged, hearing Rhonda giggle beside her. Rhonda made her way across the room as Thad had sat back down in his chair, while she perched herself against the arm, leaving Helga standing in the middle of the room a little awkwardly.

"You going out again, Arnold?" Someone called out. Helga, curiosity being pulled, silently excused herself and stepped out into the arch way between the foyer and the back room, seeing Arnie leaning out from the room across the foyer, looking up the stairs. Helga followed his eyes up the stairs and saw Arnold making his way down the stairs, black hooded sweatshirt zipped all the way up, backpack over his shoulders, staring blankly down at the stairs as he descended them.

Her pulse quickened a bit at the sight of him, and she stayed quiet while he made his way down the stairs, stopping at the bottom, turning his head toward Arnie. After a moment, she saw Arnie nod his head once before Arnold continued toward the door, turning his head toward her to give her a brief side glance, one which she couldn't help but smile softly back at. He turned his attention blankly forward, opened the front door and was gone. She looked back over to Arnie and saw him looking toward the door, a bit of a sad expression on his face. At the brief sight of the two of them standing side by side, she quickly remembered something that Justin had told her.

Not knowing what came over her, she walked across the foyer and over to Arnie, gaining his attention when she was within a few steps. "Do you know him?" She asked, nodding her head toward the door that Arnold had just walked out of.

Arnie nodded, "Yeah, he's my cousin. Why?"

"Oh really?" She asked, being replied to with another nod. "Do you know where he's going?"

"No, he never tells me. He usually just leaves for the weekend and comes back Sunday night. Even if I knew where he goes, I don't think he would appreciate me telling anyone. He's a pretty private person."

"Oh, I'm... I'm sorry for intruding." She said with a soft smile and a wave of her hand.

Arnie chuckled a bit while shaking his head. "It's alright. You're not the first person to ask questions about him." Arnie turned his head back toward the door before continuing. "I actually have a few of them myself."

The nagging and tugging feeling in her stomach was killing her right now, and she couldn't help but try and see how much she could pull on this line of questioning before it snapped back and hit her in the face. "So... he lives here?"

Arnie looked back to her, and nodded. "Yeah. And before you ask, no, I can't you get into his room, even if I wanted to."

"Oh no, I wasn't going to ask that. He's just in my philosophy class and I... I don't know, call me curious, I guess." She said with a blushing smile, trying not to sound like a desperate girl with a crush.

"He's taking philosophy again?" Arnie asked her, very surprised, being answered by a nod of her head. "I swear, he just needs to pick a major already."

"He's undeclared?"

"As far as I know, yeah, has been for the past year and a half."

"Hmm..." She said, turning her head toward the door. "So you have no idea where he goes on the weekends?"

"Nope, no idea. And honestly, as long as he doesn't come back covered in blood or anything, I let him keep to himself."

"Hey Helga!" Rhonda called from the other room. Helga looked over her shoulder to see Rhonda waving her in.

She looked back toward Arnie and a feeling of guilt started to scratch at the pit of her stomach, replacing the nagging need for answers, which she didn't get. All she got were more questions. "I'm sorry for prying. I know it's not my place to ask questions that I have no right to know the answers to."

"Like I said, I have a few of them myself." Arnie said with a shake of his head as he turned back to the other room. While Helga walked back into the other room, finding Rhonda waiting for her anxiously.

"So what'd you find out?" She asked with a smile.

Helga looked over to her, pursing her lips and giving her a half lidded deadpanned stare. "That he's mysterious and brooding."


	8. Chapter 8

Helga woke Monday morning, a little more tired than usual. Olga had driven up from Hillwood and they had spent the day together, driving around town to see what it had to offer, and it wasn't until she was dropped off that she forgot how much energy spending time with Olga required. She also had to read the next twenty pages of The Republic for her philosophy class in the morning, which kept her awake until one in the morning, which might not have been the best idea considering she can't for the life of her remember what she read.

She grabbed some clothes for the day and went about her morning routine, grabbing a piece of fruit and a cup of coffee from the dining hall before making her way to class. Taking one last sip, she tossed her cup in a passing trash can just before she walked into philosophy, seeing most everybody had already arrived, including Arnold, who was sitting in his usual seat in the back corner, eyes down onto a book as usual.

Keeping her eyes on him until she reached her seat, hoping that he would feel her eyes on him and look up, she sat down, not feeling as dejected when he didn't look up to her as she thought she would. She pulled out her books and class came and went, the discussion over justice still going on, while most of the class consisted of Dr. Rienhart reading from the text and explaining it. A half an hour later, still feeling slightly sleepy, she replaced her books into her backpack and zipped it up, standing up from her seat just as Arnold passed in front of her. Not wanting to let this chance pass her by, she quickly flung her backpack over her shoulders and went after him.

She stepped out into the hallway and fell into step with him, looking up into his eyes, which she did notice were green. "I just wanted to let you know that I broke up with Justin, my boy- _ex _boyfriend." She corrected herself. After a moment of walking beside him, with him keeping his blank stare out in front of him, she continued. "So I guess I proved you wrong." She said with a proud smirk on her face.

"Actually, you proved me right." He said in his usual low tone.

She scrunched her brow together, not believing him, thinking he had just changed his answer so he could still get some satisfaction out of the situation. "No, you said that you expected me to fall for him again." After a few steps of him not replying, she continued, "But I didn't. I broke up with him."

"Ask yourself why." He told her.

Thinking that he was asking for her reasons, she answered him. "Because he cheated on me."

Arnold let out a sigh, closing his eyes and stopping, turning to face her. "Ask yourself something. If I hadn't told you that I expected you to fall for his pleading, what would you have done? If I hadn't posed the challenge for you to prove me wrong, what would you have done? So again, ask yourself why. Was it really because he cheated on you, or was it because you had something to prove?" After staring expressionlessly at her for a moment, her mind stuttering and struggling for an argument, he continued. "You can tell yourself anything you please to make yourself feel better, but you did exactly what I expected you to do."

He turned back to walk down the hall, leaving her standing in the middle of the hall way, shocked. She let out a breath that she didn't realize she was holding, and looked toward the door, seeing him push it open and turn to walk down the sidewalk. The thing that shocked her the most was that she knew he was right. What would she have done if he hadn't told her to prove him wrong? And she couldn't help but think that she would have actually fallen for Justin's pleading that the girl she saw him kiss meant nothing to him, and that he really did love her, and she couldn't help but think that if it wasn't for Arnold telling her to prove him wrong, that she would still be living in ignorance, trying to cling to a relationship that was long dead anyway.

As she stared through the doors that he had disappeared through, she couldn't help but think of where she would be in her personal life if it wasn't for him. Because even Rhonda was surprised to see how well she was handling her break up, and honestly, so was she. And she couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't as broken up as she was when she first found out that she was being cheated on. Could that be attributed to Arnold too?

Has she been so wrapped up in her quest to unravel the mystery surrounding him that she didn't notice that her relationship of a whole year, not to mention her first relationship, had ended in one of the most heartbreaking ways? Was she so focused on proving Arnold wrong at the time when she broke up with Justin that she did it _just _to prove him wrong, and not to end what was sure to become a relationship festered with lies and deception. Was it just to impress Arnold?

Even if, at the time, it was, it didn't matter now. She did exactly as he predicted she would. Something in the back of her mind was telling her that she should be thanking him, because if it wasn't for him giving her something to prove, the same voice that was telling her to thank him was telling her that if it wasn't for his challenge to prove him wrong, she probably would have fallen for Justin again. But she couldn't help but feel a little used.

Not knowing how to feel, she went back to her dorm room staring off into space, feeling her mind being caught in a haze. She opened the door, let her backpack fall to the ground, and sat down heavily on her bed, looking down at the carpet. "Everything alright, Helga?"

Helga drew in a breath to begin, thinking that she had words to speak, but none of them coming to mind. She closed her mouth and let out a sigh, and after a moment, she began. "He knew..." She said, looking up to Rhonda, who was sitting on her bed with a pair of knitting needles in her hands.

"Who knew what?" She asked, continuing to knit.

"Arnold. He knew that I would break up with Justin. He told me that he was expecting me to take him back, and then he told me to prove him wrong. He knew that, because he said that, I would break up with him, just to prove him wrong... and he knew. I did exactly like he predicted."

"Come on, Helga. You would have broken up with jock-strap whether Arnold told you anything or not." She said with a shrug.

"No, I wouldn't have." Helga responded with a limp shake of her head. "And he knew that." Rhonda's knitting came to a stop as her hands fell into her lap. "He knew that I would have taken him back if I didn't have anything to prove. He knew that because he said he was expecting me to take Justin back, that I wouldn't. That's..." She let her sentence fall.

"Oh Helga, he just used reverse psychology. And besides, it sounds like you should be thanking him." Rhonda said, picking up her knitting needles again.

"No, you don't get it Rhonda." She replied with a shake of her head. "The only reason that I broke up with Justin in the first place was to prove to Arnold that I wasn't just..."

"Just what?" Rhonda asked softly.

"Just another girl. But instead, I played right into his hands."

"But Helga, Justin is out of your life because of him now. So what he said to you helped you, didn't it?"

"But Rhonda, I know I needed to break up with Justin, but if it wasn't for Arnold telling me that he was expecting me to take him back, I wouldn't have broken up with him. I know myself, Rhonda. But now, to learn that he was expecting me to do something that I thought he wasn't expecting me to do..."

"This is really eating you up alive, isn't it?" Rhonda said, letting her needles fall to her lap again.

"You have no idea." Helga replied weakly, turning to lay down on her bed, putting her hands over her face. "Am I really so weak where the only reason I break up with my cheating boyfriend is because I'm trying to impress someone?" She asked Rhonda, turning her head to look at her.

"No, Helga. But think about it. Why would Arnold tell you all these things in the first place? Why would he take time out of his day, which is obviously very precious to him, and think all of this through? He obviously spent time thinking about you, because he knew that Justin had cheated on you, and he knew a way to help you kick him to the curb. And with what little I know about Arnold, I can probably tell you that he doesn't do that for just anyone. So just... think about it. He took time, and put that mysterious and brooding mind of his to work... for you. You know what that tells me?"

"What?"

"That he's already impressed by you."

* * *

The next morning, still feeling very conflicted, Helga sat in the dining hall, picking at her breakfast uninterested. She tried to take Rhonda's words to heart, but there was just something telling her that he thought she wasn't anything special, which for some reason that she couldn't figure out, bothered her in a way that she hadn't felt before. She just felt a desperate need to prove herself to him.

Giving up on eating, she let her plastic fork fall and leaned back in her chair, until she looked up and saw him walking through the dining hall, his usual thousand yard stare staring off into space, expressionless. She quickly gathered her things and jumped out of her seat just as he was passing her table. "Hey... Arnold." She called to him, not receiving a reply. She quickened her pace when he reached the door and pushed it open just as it was closing on her, following him outside, and jogging to catch up with him. "Arnold!" She called again, slowing down once she had reached his side. "How'd you know?"

"Know what?" He asked, not turning to look at her.

"That I would break up with Justin just to prove you wrong... or... right, or whatever?"

"Because you focus far too much on how others perceive you. You spend so much time worrying about what others think of you that, most of the time, you can't even tell what you think about yourself." He said, not looking over to her.

"That's not true..." She argued in a halfhearted attempt to defend herself.

"No?" He said, looking over to her.

She sighed silently to herself and averted her eyes.

"To be just, you have to know how to be unjust." He said out of nowhere.

"Huh?" She asked, lost in her mind telling her that he was right.

"Isn't that what you said?" He asked her, turning to meet her eyes again. "In order to do what is right, you first have to know what is wrong. Isn't that what you meant?"

"I... I guess." She said, not knowing at all where he was going.

"You did what you did because you wanted to prove to me that I was wrong, just like I knew you would."

"You played me." She said, trying to make her voice sound accusing, but sounding more sad than she had intended it to.

"Perceiving what is right and doing it not argues lack of courage. Courage is doing what is right. If I had sat idly by and watched you take your ex boyfriend back, knowing full well that he had betrayed the both large and blatantly obvious amount of trust you had placed in him, wouldn't you be angrier with me than you are now?" He asked, not turning to look at her. She stayed silent, knowing he was right. "I'm not asking you to thank me, not because I know you won't, but because you should have been able to do it on your own." He slowed to a stop, and looked over to meet her eyes. "You'll be a lot better off once you learn to let go of your preconceived notions of humankind's inherent kindheartedness. You'll end up discovering that the fall is a lot less painful when you don't have your head in the clouds."

Not knowing how to respond, she let her head fall forward, watching out of the corner of her eye him stepping around her and continuing down the path. "Arnold..." She called, turning around. Surprisingly, he had stopped, not turning back around, but stopping to hear her out. "How'd you get like this?" She asked, sounding a little too desperate for her own good.

He turned around, staring blankly back at her, looking at her from the side. "The moth that flies into the flame usually never makes it back out. I would call it wise for the moth to fly away for the sake of its own life than to risk it because of the draw of the flames."

Without another word, he turned back around, and continued away from her.


	9. Chapter 9

"Come on, Helga, just come with me and Thaddy!" Rhonda whined.

"I don't know, Rhonda. I kind of just want to-"

"What, sit here and mope all weekend, just like you have been for the past week?" Rhonda challenged her, placing her hands on her hips. "Helga, I know that you're upset about Arnold, but-"

"Arnold isn't the problem, it's what he said..." Helga said, sliding back on her bed so her back was against the wall. "It just breaks my heart that he's so sad. He just seems so lost in himself. I mean, he has no faith in the world at all. And the more I think about it, I'm starting to question my _own _views of the world."

"Helga, that's exactly why you should come with us! You'll feel _so _much better about yourself, trust me."

"But Rhonda-"

"That's it!" Rhonda exclaimed, jumping over to the edge of her bed and reaching for her, grabbing onto her arm and pulling her up off the bed. "You're coming with us, and that's final!"

"Why is it so important to you that I go with you?" Helga asked, trying to pull her arm from Rhonda's commanding grip.

"Because I want to prove to you that he's wrong. I'm going to show you that there are still good people in this world, and that you're one of them." She said as she stopped tugging onto her arm, but still holding it.

Helga sighed, and nodded. "Alright." Rhonda's smile brightened, and she let go of her arm, bouncing on her heels over to her bed to grab her cell phone.

"Hey Thaddy! Yeah, I talked her into it." She said into her found, giving her a Cheshire grin. Rhonda's eyes rolled as she placed a hand on her hip, "What have I told you about calling yourself that to me? No problem, we'll be outside."

After grabbing your favorite sweatshirt from out of her closet and her cell phone, they stepped outside, and Thad was just walking up the sidewalk toward them. "Hey Thaddy!" Rhonda cooed as she ran up to him, arms out.

"Give Da-" Rhonda's hand shot up and covered his mouth while she pointed a finger in his face.

"Call yourself that again, and I will not hesitate to slap you... hard." After watching his eyes narrow toward her, she removed her hand and kissed him chastely. "You ready?"

"Yep!"

They made their way across campus and piled into Thad's car, a small, two door sedan, and pulled out, Helga's nerves still jittery. After a fifteen minute drive, trying to tune out the Rancid CD that Rhonda had blaring over the stereo, they pulled to a stop, and parked on the curb inside the city, a part of it that Helga didn't recognize, but she could tell that it was, to put it lightly, a low income neighborhood. Rhonda and Helga stepped out and followed Thad as he crossed the street and pulled open a large steal door.

"Hey Curly!" A voice exclaimed from across the room. Helga's eyes fell upon the man pushing the door to the kitchen open, "You here to help out again?" He said, coming to stand in front of them with a smile on his face.

"You know it, Couch! This is my girly, Rhonda," Thad said, flinging his arm across Rhonda's shoulders, "and her roommate, Helga." He said, motioning to her on the other side of him.

"Nice to meet you both. We're real happy to have some extra hands around here, we could always use 'em. Curly, why don't you show them to the back, and give them an apron and some hairnets. You two can help serve."

It was a Friday night, and Helga wasn't sure if she was regretting this decision yet. She's never worked in a kitchen before, not to mention a soup kitchen. But Rhonda told her that she did it every Friday night back home, and she always felt really great about herself when she went home, and she assured Helga that she would too. And right now, she could use a pick-me-up. She has been pretty depressed ever since Arnold had told her off, in a matter of words. Not to mention seeing Justin for the first time since broke up with him, walking with another girl, really hit her where it hurts.

Helga and Rhonda followed Thad to the back as he pushed open the swinging door, and pulled two white aprons out of a bag, along with two white hairnets out of a bag next to it. They put them on, and stepped back out to the counter, with Helga in front of a large pot and Rhonda next to her in front of a stack of blue bowls, Thad walking around the counter to talk to the few patrons that were sitting at the tables. She took a deep breath, her nerves still jittery, and readied herself as the first person pushed their way through the door.

With a stringy, unkempt beard, a tattered grey beanie, and stained clothes, a bit hunched over, he stepped up to the counter, and Rhonda was already at it. "Hey there!" Rhonda greeted the man, "You hungry?" She asked, in a friendly voice.

The man stepped up to the counter, and grabbed the bowl that Rhonda was extending to him, not saying a word, and stepped up to Helga. Putting on a feigned smile, she looked over to him, to see his eyes trained on the large pot she was standing in front of, and grabbed the ladle and scoped some soup and poured it into his bowl. He brought it close to his chest, his eyes still trained on the food he had just received, slowly walking away without a word. As she watched him grab a spoon from the other end of the counter, Helga felt her shoulder being bumped. She looked over and Rhonda was smiling at her, bouncing on the balls of her feet a couple times to emphasis her excitement.

As more people passed through, a few of them thanking her with a smile, a few more actually saying the words, Helga started to feel a sense of accomplishment. That was until about an hour and a half after she had arrived, that she heard the door being pushed open, and she looked over, to see a sight that tugged vigorously at her heartstrings. Her eyes went from the woman's hand, down to the little girl next to her. Her mother had on a long brown coat, her face worn and aged, but looking no more than mid thirties, the little girl looking barely six or seven, a light pink dress with long white socks that came up past her ankles, one hand being held by her mothers, the other grasping the arm of a white, tattered stuffed mouse, dragging it behind her a bit.

Helga looked over to Rhonda, a bit shocked, and saw her looking over to them, a sad smile, her brow arched. After a moment, Rhonda looked from the approaching little girl over to her, Helga feeling her eyes wide at the simple thought of this little girl having to come here in the first place. Rhonda looked back down at the mother and child who had just stepped up, and Rhonda smiled down at the little girl, whose chin was barely above the top of the counter. "Hi!" She cooed.

The girl paused, bringing her hand up to her mouth, still grasping onto her stuffed mouse, lowering her head a bit. "Hi..." She responded, her small voice barely audible over the chatter going on behind them.

"Are you hungry, sweetie?" Rhonda asked her. After a moment, the little girl nodded, "Well, you came to the right place." She smiled brightly at the little girl, handing her a bowl, watching her reluctantly let go of her mothers hand to take it. Rhonda looked over to her mother, giving her a sympathetic smile and handed her a bowl as well. "If there's anything you need, just let me know." Rhonda spoke in a lower voice, addressing the woman, whom had just been handed a bowl.

"Thank you." She said back, looking back down to her daughter beside her, putting a hand on her head, then moving it down to her shoulder to coral her along with her over to Helga. The woman looked up to Helga, and Helga briefly met the woman's eyes, smiling as brightly as she could without coming off as scarey, then looked down to the little girl.

"Hi there." Helga said to her as friendly as she could.

There was another pause before the little girl spoke, her voice still small, "Hi."

"Put your bowl up there, sweetheart." Her mother said, watching the little girl's big brown eyes look into Helga's. Helga smiled in return as the little girl lifted her bowl up to the counter with both of her hands, one of them still holding onto her stuffed mouse by the arm. She scoped up some soup and gently poured it into the little girls bowl with a smile. "Say thank you, sweetheart." Her mother said.

"Thank you." The little girl said to her, bringing her filled bowl down into her chest.

"You're very welcome." Helga replied with a bright smile. She looked up to the girl's mother with a softer smile and poured some soup into her bowl.

"Thank you." She said with a warm smile. She looked down to her daughter, putting her free hand on the girl's shoulder, ushering her forward and over to an empty table, sitting down, scooting herself as close to her daughter as she could.

After about five minutes, and a couple people passing in front of her, Helga looked up toward the mother and child, as she had been since they sat down. "Hey Rhonda, can you cover for me for a few minutes?"

Rhonda followed where her eyes had just left, and smiled. "You got it, Helga."

Helga smiled and pulled off her hair net, along with her apron, and moved out from behind the counter, over toward the little girl, kneeling down next to her. "Hi." She said to her, looking over to her lap where she had her stuffed mouse sitting, holding out his arms. "What's his name?"

After a moment, playing with the mouse's arms, she replied, "Mousey."

"Mousey? That's a nice name." She said, watching the little girl play with her stuffed mouse for a minute before she looked up into the little girl's brown eyes again. "What about you, what's your name?"

"Mary."

"That's a very pretty name, Mary." Helga looked over the little girls had and over to her mother who was smiling at her daughter with a sad smile. Helga stood back up and moved around the other side of the table, sitting down across from the mother. "Hi, my name is Helga Pataki."

The woman dropped her spoon and extended her hand, "Grace." She replied with a smile.

"Hey there, pretty lady!" A friendly voice came from the side. Helga looked up to see Rhonda skipping up to the side of the table, kneeling down next to the little girl. "What's your name?"

"Mary." Helga said, smirking toward Rhonda.

"Mary? I have a friend back home named Mary." The little girl smiled at Rhonda, who smiled back. "Will you be my friend too?" Rhonda asked her, putting on a large pout, sticking out her bottom lip. With a giggling smile, Mary nodded. "You will?" She exclaimed smiling brightly at her again. "You wanna go play with me, Mary?" Mary looked over toward her mother, who nodded, watching as her daughter smiled, and jumped down from her chair, taking Rhonda's hand. As Rhonda was walking the little girl toward the front, she looked over her shoulder, giving Helga a knowing smile.

Helga looked across the table toward Grace, who was watching as Rhonda started playing with her daughter. "You have a very adorable daughter."

Grace's eyes fell back down to her bowl, "Thank you."

After a pause, Helga began, a bit hesitant. "If I may... where's her father?"

Not taking her eyes off her bowl, Grace replied after a moment, "Brian died in a car accident about a year ago."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Helga said honestly.

"I didn't know how to tell her." She said, looking over toward Rhonda, who was playing with the little girl's pigtails. "I don't know what I'd do if she's taken away from me."

"What do you mean?"

Grace looked back down to her bowl, "Child services called me for a hearing to determine if I was still a fit guardian for her. I haven't been able to find a job, and I don't even know who I would leave her with if I did. We're just scraping by with the money my husband had started putting aside for our retirement, but I'm two months behind on our rent, and if they take my daughter away... She doesn't even have any aunts or uncles she could be sent to, and the idea of her living with total strangers instead of her own mother..."

Her heartstrings now being pulled on hard by the woman's story, she decided to extend more of a helping hand. "My dad owns an electronics store in Hillwood, and he's opening a new store just outside the city here, and from what I hear, he's having trouble finding salesmen. I could give him a call for you, if you want."

Graces eyes looked up to her, wide set, her pupil's dancing a bit at the offer. "Oh no, I couldn't." She said with a smile.

"No, it's no problem. I _am_ the owners daughter, after all. And he's even trying to talk my older sister into being the regional manager of this location."

"But... what about Mary? I couldn't just leave her alone." Grace said, looking over toward Thad, Rhonda and Mary, who had just put Thad's circled glasses over her eyes.

"I would be happy to babysit for you, when you need me to." After Grace started to shake her head, Helga continued, "No, you don't have to pay me."

Grace looked up to Helga, her eyes brimming with tears, "Why would you do this for a complete stranger?"

Helga smiled and reached over, putting her hands over Grace's. "Because I believe that people just need to be shown that there are still some good ones left in the world to give them hope."


	10. Chapter 10

It was getting colder much quicker than she remembers.

It was a couple weeks before Thanksgiving, and it wasn't snowing, but it was cold and rainy. School had been going on with nothing real exciting happening, except for midterms. That Monday a few months ago was the last time she had spoken to Arnold. She would be dwelling on it if not for her recent volunteer work down at the soup kitchen, along with babysitting Mary for an hour at three everyday. It was an odd circumstance considering that Helga's schedule was clear at three everyday. But Mary was such a sweet little girl, and Rhonda had even went with her a few times.

She would glance at him when she would walk into philosophy, or when she would see him in the dining hall grabbing a bottle of water, or walking across campus, but he never looked back. She had tried to fight it, but her heart would thump a little bit harder for a beat whenever she saw him. She had tried to forget about him completely, like he wanted her to, and although she wasn't obsessing over answering the questions she had about him anymore, he was still in the back of her mind. The clawing, nagging feeling had diminished down to a childlike dream that was never fulfilled.

It was a Wednesday morning on her way to philosophy when she opened the curtains over her window, and saw that another thunderstorm had made its way over them and was looming over them, pouring down rain. Sighing, she went about her normal routine, grabbing an umbrella on her way out the door. She opened it up before she stepped outside into the downpour, and made her way across campus. Looking down at the ground, her free hand buried in the pocket of her sweatshirt, she was just at the door and was pulling it open, when she cast a glance over her shoulder.

A feeling of sadness and fear started pricking at her stomach, as he walked a little slower than he usually did toward the door, his hands pushed down into the pockets of his hooded sweatshirt, hood pulled over his head, hiding his eyes a bit, droplets of rain dripping off the edges of his soaked clothing. She looked down toward the ground, pulling the door open and holding it for him. She stepped inside after him, closing her umbrella, watching as he continued down the hall, pushing his hood back, along with his wet hair, messing it up a bit more, and even though he hadn't spoken a word to her in almost two months, she could still admit to herself that he was still pretty hot, and right now was no exception.

He slowed to a pause in the hallway, taking his backpack off, setting it on the ground next to him, while he unzipped his hoodie, whipping it off his shoulders and balling it up in front of him, and she couldn't help but stare at him a little harder. With his black t-shirt drenched in rain, it clung to his body, softly outlining the curves and contours of his muscles. Shaking her head, breaking away the fierce desire to reach out and trace them, she looked up to see his usual blank expression, with a drop of water hanging off the end of his nose, a few strands of hair hanging over his eyes, his eye lashes holding a glisten from the rain. It was when his shoulders let out the slightest shiver that she couldn't help but ask. "Are you okay?" She asked, taking a slow step toward him while he hung his soaked sweatshirt over the strap of his backpack, lifting it up onto his shoulders again.

"I'm fine." He said before a sniffle, continuing away from her and into class.

Letting out another sigh, she stepped into the classroom seeing him sit down in his desk. Class came and went, and after Dr. Rienhart had released them, she put her books back into her backpack and stood up, her umbrella in her hands. She looked up just as she was pulling her backpack over her shoulders to see him walking out the door, his sweatshirt still draped over the strap of his backpack. _He can't be serious, _she thought as she watched him turn out the door. Swallowing passed her fear of his judgment, she walked briskly out the door to catch up with him, seeing him just about to open the door to step outside into the still pouring rain just as a flash of lightning flashed.

She flung the door open just as he was a few steps in front of her, the water pouring down onto him where it was running off the building, and pressed down onto the button of her umbrella, opening it up and quickly placing it over his head just before he was about to take another step. She stood behind him, holding her breath, while he slowly craned his neck to look up, then he turned around, his brow pressed together in the second real expression she had seen him give off. "I'll be fine." He said, just as he turned back around to step out from under her umbrella.

Reacting solely on instinct, her hand shot up and grasped his arm, stopping him in his tracks. He quickly looked back down to her hand that was still grasping his bicep, "You're going to get yourself killed out here. And I don't think it's worth risking your health just to send me a message."

He sighed, his shoulders relaxing a bit, "Why are you doing this?"

"I guess I haven't quite learned to let go of my preconceived notions of humankind's inherent kindheartedness just yet." She said with a joking tone, giving him a smirk, her hand still on his arm.

In that second, she could feel her heart skip a beat. He probably thought that she missed it, or that he was hiding better than he actually was, but as he let his head fall forward, she watched his lips as the went from a downward curve, watching every movement they made as one corner started to quiver upward. And with that slight facial twitch of his lips being the closest thing to a smile that she had ever seen from him, she couldn't help but wonder what he would look like if he actually smiled. After a long pause, he looked back to her with his usual blank expression. "I guess persistence is rightly admired."

She let go of his arm, reluctantly if she was being honest with herself, and fell into step with him, walking down through the campus, silent for a for minutes while the rain poured hard down onto the umbrella that she was holding above them. "I told you before that I don't take any joy away from dashing someones hope, even though you might think of me as so cruel to do so." He spoke in a low tone next to her, she looked over to him, seeing his eyes down on the ground in front of him. "I do hope that you understand what I told you before."

She paused, looking into his eyes, still a bit shocked that he was actually talking to her. "No, I do," She said, turning forward again, looking ahead of them, "and I get it. It wasn't right of me to pry."

"You make me out to be selfish."

"No, I understand what you were saying, but..." She paused, looking over to him, his eyes till down on the ground on front of them, "Isn't having a preconceived notion about mankind's inherent foulheartedness just as damaging as having one about its kindheartedness?" She challenged. His head quickly lifted up to meet her eyes.

"It's less painful to live with." He replied, looking back down at the ground. "When you expect the best of someone and all they do is spit at the ground underneath her feet, you can only take so much before your expectations are washed away all together."

"But what about the person that exceeds those expectations?" She asked him, but this time, he didn't look up at her again.

"I have yet to come across someone with such an ability as to shift my perspective of the world, however demonic and disheartening they may see it, and however much I may agree with them." She couldn't help but feel a bit saddened at what he had just told her. As much as she may have tried to think so, she may not have had that much impact on him after all, if she left one at all. "Like I told you, I would say it wise for the moth to fly away for the sake of its own life. I know that you have questions about me that you want answers to, and I'm sorry to tell you this, but I can't give them to you. Not because I relish my person so much that I wish to keep it to myself, but because you may have a vision in your mind that the grass is greener and more vibrant on the other side of this hill whose foot you're standing at. But take it from the person whose been over too many hills thinking the same thing, it's better for you where you stand."

"So, what you're saying is you push everyone away because you're protecting them?"

"You make it sound as if people had actually reached for me."

"Haven't they? What about your cousin, Arnie? He's family, isn't he?"

"Arnie knows all he wishes to to keep is already delicate sense of normalcy intact, nothing more."

"Well, consider this someone reaching for you." She said softly, reaching over and grasping his arm again, pulling him to a stop and turning him to face her. "Just let me ask you one question." She requested, letting her hand fall as he stared blankly back at her. After he didn't reply, she continued. "Why is that you prefer to be alone?"

He sighed, still staring blankly at her, "I don't want to crush your fantasies you have of the world with my reasons. Despite what people tell you, the examined life isn't worth living." He said, turning away from her, while she kept up with him, keeping her umbrella over him.

"What makes you think that you have the right to decide what I need protected from?" She asked him, earning her a turn of his head back to her, and a slightly raised eye brow. "Yes, I really want to know." She told him before he asked her.

He looked back down to the ground and sighed again. "Because I've spent so long trying to figure out why people do the things they do, why they act the way they act, trying fruitlessly to find a way to enlighten the human condition, only to find that people, no matter their actions or what they might tell you their reasons are, only strive for self preservation. I've spent so long trying to prove to myself that people weren't as selfish as I thought they were, only to find that I was wrong. I've spent so long watching people do exactly what I expect them to that I don't know why it still bothers me as much as it does. And every time I remove myself to watch the world from afar as another person does the exact thing that I expect them to, I lose more and more of my desire to return to it. I have-"

As she listened to him talk, the idea shot into her mind, and her body was acting on it before she could protest. She quickly lifted her hand, turning his head toward her, and pressed her lips to his, catching both of them off guard. As she pressed her lips firmly to his, a wave of excitement shot through her veins, her heart stopping completely, her muscles feeling jittery and weak, while her hand remained on his face, his lips so soft against hers, the taste of the cold rain tickling against hers, she has never felt this much all at once. His lips sat against hers, not moving, as her palm lifted off his skin, her fingers ghosting across his rough stubble, her arm barely having the strength to keep the umbrella over them. She finally let his lips go, feeling as if she were still chasing after them, and fluttered her eyes open to see his eyes a bit more half lidded than usual, his lips retracting themselves back into his usual blank stare, that was a little more blank that usual, while the muscles in her back still held a tingling sensation, her heart quickly picking up its pace, dancing wildly inside her chest.

"What was that?" He asked, looking her in the eye.

Letting out a sharp breath, she blinked, her voice rough against her dry throat, "Something unexpected."

* * *

**A/N: This was the original ch 9, but the ch 9 that I wrote made this chapter make a lot more sense, along with the story. **


	11. Chapter 11

"You _what?!_" Rhonda shrieked, jumping up from her bed, sending the textbook that was in her lap a second ago onto the ground.

"I kissed him." Helga repeated hurriedly, quickly pacing across the floor, her muscles still alive with excitement from the all too brief kiss she had just shared.

"Can I ask what the hell possessed you to do that?" Rhonda asked, crossing her arms.

"I don't know. I was walking with him under my umbrella because I didn't want him to get sick or anything, and he was telling me how everyone around him does exactly what they expect him to, and I just had this thought. I just wanted to wipe that smug little... blank-ness... off his face. So I did the first thing that came to mind."

"And that was to kiss him?"

"Well he wasn't expecting it, was he!?" Helga asked in a raised voice, looking over to Rhonda as she continued to pace across the floor.

"So you kissed him because he was telling you how predictable everyone is to him?" After she decided not to reply, her mind unable to focus on anything other than the few break taking seconds that she had experienced, Rhonda continued, "Are you sure that's the only reason?" She asked, narrowing her vision and grinning.

"No, it has absolutely _nothing _to do with him having a wet t-shirt contest with himself in the hallway!" She said, sarcasm dripping off her statement.

"Ooo, how hot is he really?" Rhonda asked, a bit of amusement in her question.

Helga jumped in front of her, grasp onto her arms and shook her, "_You're_... _not_... _helping_!" She shouted.

"Alright, just calm down." Rhonda said with a humorous smile, reaching up and taking Helga's wrists in her hands. "Something tells me that you wouldn't be this worked up if it was just a plain ol' kiss." She challenged, smirking devilishly, sitting down on her bed, crossing her legs and clasping her hands together in her lap.

"I-I don't know how to explain it, Rhonda." Helga started, still pacing rapidly across the floor in front of her.

"Why don't you give it a shot?"

Helga sighed shakily, and closed her eyes, replaying every moment in sequence, instead of one big, out of order blur that it had been. "He had just said to me that the more people do what he expects them to, the more he doesn't want to be a part of the world. And, for some unknown reason, I decided to kiss him. I was just trying to catch him off guard, you know, mess with him a bit, but... that kiss... it took me for a ride that I wasn't nearly prepared for." She explained, pausing in the middle of the room, playing back to moment when her lips first touched his.

"...Go on, what did it feel like?" She saw Rhonda making a whirlwind motion with her hand out of the corner of her eye.

"It was as if my breath had been stolen from me, like I could feel my heart stop, like it was a miracle I didn't fall to the ground because my knees were so wobbly, like if the rain had actually been hitting me, it would have boiled off because my skin was so hot, like the only reason I didn't shove my tongue down his throat is because I was so surprised at how much it affected me. I mean, I didn't know what to expect if I were to ever kiss him, but I sure as hell wasn't expecting _that._"

"Why didn't you shove your tongue down his throat? I mean, if this kiss was so amazing."

"Because I was so stunned that I didn't react fast enough to him turning and walking away, disappearing into the storm like a ghost."

"Wow..." Rhonda replied after a moment. Helga looked over and saw her looking up at the ceiling, a smile laced with wonderment on her face.

"What?"

"That's so... storybook."

"Yeah, well it would be great if you could let me in on the ending to this one." She replied offhandedly, continuing her frustrated paced at a much slower rate. After a minute, Helga looked over to Rhonda again, seeing a knowing smile form across her lips. "What now?"

"Huh?" Rhonda said, feigning ignorance in hearing herself being addressed. "Oh, it's nothing." After a moment of her playing with her nails, she spoke up again. "How many other guys have you kissed?"

"Just Justin, why?"

"And how good of a kisser was he?"

"I don't know. I never had anything to compare him to... until now, that is."

"And?" Rhonda urged her to continue. "Does he?"

As she thought back to the kisses that her and Justin had shared, Rhonda was right, nothing he ever did even came close to making her feel like this. "Not even close." Helga replied, her voice growing a bit husky and breathy, the memories of the kiss filtering into her mind again, her body reacting to them on its own. "Justin doesn't even hold a candle to whatever the hell Arnold did."

"So, either Justin was a really lousy kisser, or Arnold is a really amazing kisser... or both. Either way, it sounds to me like you want to kiss him again."

"Yeah, and the sky is blue. Care to point out anything else, Ms. Obvious?" Helga quipped, throwing her arms in the air.

Rhonda let out a few chuckles, "You're funny when you're worked up." After receiving a pointed look, Rhonda continued. "But really, it's obvious to me that it caught both of you off guard, and if you don't talk to him about it, he's probably going to end up pushing you away even more than he is already."

* * *

The next morning, Helga awoke from a very pleasant dream, one where her mind was able to manifest the feeling of his lips on hers again for longer than a few seconds. After a shower, with the water being turned up a little hotter than usual, she got dressed and collected her things to head to philosophy, a tight mixture of anxiety, fear, excitement, and haziness slowly overcame her the closer she got to class. She honestly didn't know what her first reaction would be when she saw him again. She didn't know if she would turn and run out the door, or run straight for him and tackle him to the ground. She was nervous, that much was sure.

She knew that she felt something. Well, she felt _a lot _of things, but what if he didn't? What if all the things that she felt when her lips met his weren't reciprocated? What would she say to him then, if anything? A part of her wanted to pretend like it never happened, and just go back to where he would ignore her, but then she knew that her mind would play back those few knee wobbling seconds, making her want to experience it again, outside of her imagination.

She pulled open the door and stepped into the building, nervously making her way down the hall and up to the door to Dr. Rienhart's classroom. Her breath turning shallow and shaky, she slowed her steps when she was just about to enter, and nervously poked her head inside, making sure his eyes were down onto a book as they always were. But this time, she was surprised to see his seat vacant. Her nerves disengaged for the moment, she made her way over to her desk in the front row and sat down, pulling out her books. With each person that passed through the door, her blood froze in her veins, but resumed flowing normally once she saw that it wasn't him. It was very strange for him not to be here by now, he was always here at least fifteen minutes before class started, sitting at his desk in the back corner of the class room, his eyes down onto a book.

But as the clock neared eight, and with his seat still empty, she started to feel nervous, and a bit guilty. Dr. Rienhart looked up from the podium, and over to the clock, then moved over to the door to close it. He went back up to the podium, looking up to the class as he checked off names while he took attendance, but stopped when he looked back to where Arnold usually sat, looking a few more times, and once across the classroom, before his brow pushed together. "Hmm... strange." He muttered to himself.

Class went on, and Dr. Rienhart had just handed out a sheet outlining what their next paper was to be on, and was just about to dismiss them for the day, when he held another sheet in his hands. "Does anyone know where Arnold might be?" He asked, looking across the classroom. After a long, silent moment, he continued, "Well, does anyone know where he stays?" Helga took a brief scan of the others in class, seeing no one raise their hands, and, swallowing her fear, she raised her's. "Ah! Ms. Pataki. Would you be so kind as to deliver this to him then?" He asked her, stepping out from behind the podium, and holding out the sheet to her.

"Sure." She said with a feigned smile of agreement, taking the sheet from him. Dr. Rienhart released the class, and Helga slipped her papers in her notebook and then slipped her notebook back into her backpack, tugging it on over her shoulders. Before she could stop herself, she was stepping up to the podium, addressing Dr. Rienhart with a question. "Is there anything you want me to tell him, Dr. Rienhart?"

"No, my dear, nothing he shouldn't already know." He replied with a smile.

Feeling an opportunity presenting itself, she reached for it. "Has he taken this class before?"

"Why, yes, he has. It's very odd for him not to show up. He's never missed a class before."

"Why is he taking it again? Did he fail last year?"

"No, not at all! He's one of my best student. I haven't the slightest idea as to why he's taking my class again."

"And he's never missed a class before?"

"Not a one. I can't help but be worried about him, this being the first time he's missed a class since he's been my student."

Feeling a heavy weight of guilt cloud her mind, she nodded, "Well, I'll make sure he gets this, Dr. Rienhart."

"Give him my regards, if you would, my dear?"

She nodded again with a smile as she made her way for the door, "I will." She waved as she stepped out the door.

The only thing that she knew for sure is where he slept at night, and even that was merely speculation. All she knew was that he had a room in the frat house, she didn't know if he slept there, or if he slept at all for that matter. Nevertheless, she made her way across campus and up to the door to the frat house, knocking on the door, and after a moment, it opened with Arnie on the other side. "Hi, it's Arnie, right?" She asked him.

"Yeah. I'm sorry but I never caught your name."

"It's Helga. I'm actually here looking for Arnold. Is he here?"

Arnie shook his head, leaning against the door frame. "No, he isn't."

"Oh," She paused, the nagging and clawing feeling coming back with full force, making the need to ask questions impossible to endure. "Do you know where he is?"

Arnie shook his head again, "No, I wish I did though. He has me a little worried."

"Why is that?" She asked, her pulse quickening a bit at the news that his own cousin is worried about him.

"Well, he came back yesterday acting really weird. Well... weirder than normal, anyway. Came home soaking wet, went up to his room for a few minutes, then was out the door again without a word. Haven't seen him since. It wouldn't be a problem if it was on the weekend, but he's never left in the middle of the day before."

"And you have no idea where he went?"

"If I did, I wouldn't be worried." Arnie shrugged.

"Oh, well, that makes sense, I guess." Helga said, casting her eyes down onto the doormat. "But, the reason I came by is to drop off his philosophy homework. Dr. Rienhart asked me if I could give it to him." She said, pulling out the outline that Dr. Rienhart had given to her, and handed it to Arnie, watching him skim over it for a second before nodding his head.

"Whenever he gets back, I'll make sure he gets it."

Helga turned back and jumped down the steps of the porch before turning around just as Arnie was closing the door behind him. "You're sure that you have no idea where he goes?"

Arnie shrugged and gave her a sympathetic look, "Sorry."

Helga turned back around as he shut the door behind him, sighing heavily to herself. _Wherever he ran off to, he did it quickly and didn't tell anyone. _She didn't have to guess what it was about. He wouldn't have done something this sudden if he hadn't felt what she did. At this realization, a grin started to form on her lips. _Not exactly what you were expecting, was it, Arnold? _


	12. Chapter 12

It was the next Monday, and Helga was just heading into the city for her hour with Mary. She had been catching the bus everyday, and then riding it back to school after Grace had gotten home from her job working at Big Bob's Electronics as a salesperson.

It was a little heartbreaking when she first started babysitting for her. Their apartment was a two bedroom apartment with old ratty furniture, which Helga found out was Grace's mothers old stuff from when she passed away. Their refrigerator hardly had any food in it, except for a few condiments that couldn't be used without real food, some bologna and eighty cent bread, and some apple juice for Mary. They didn't have much, and Mary didn't have that many toys, but she had a vivid imagination, as any four year old should. It always made her feel better whenever she would see Mary for the day, she was always real excited to see her, and it always made Helga smile.

Helga had just stepped off the bus a little ways from their apartment and turned down the street toward Mary's kindergarten. She had some studying to do for her upcoming midterms, and hopefully, Mary wouldn't ask for a new hair style this afternoon. She has taken to asking Helga for a new hair style every so often when she would get bored with hers. Fist she tried out pigtails, just like Helga used to have as a child, then a french braid, then two braids off to the side, and last time she asked for her pigtails back. Helga walked a block after getting off the bus, and waited out front of the kindergarten for Mary to step out.

After a few minutes, the doors opened up and a stampede of kids came running out, all eager to get home. When the mob had died down to the last few kids filtering out, Mary came walking out with her friend Katie. "Hi Helga!" Mary cooed, excited to see her as she always was.

"Hey there, kiddo!" Helga cooed back, placing a hand on top of the girls head as she stepped up to wrap her small arms around Helga's legs. "You ready to go?"

"Yep, bye Katie!" Mary waved behind her to her friend who was just grabbing into her mother's hand, who waved back with a bright smile. Mary reached up and grabbed onto Helga's hand as they turned down the street to head back to their third story apartment.

"Did you have fun at school today?" Helga asked, looking down at Mary, who was kicking a rock as she kept up.

"Lots! I learned how to spell my name!"

"You did?!" Helga asked, playing along with her.

"Yep! M, A, R, Y!" She spelled, bobbing her head off to the said with each letter.

"Aw, you're such a smarty-pants!" Helga responded, tugging playfully on Mary's hand, watching her giggle in response.

They made their way up to her apartment, and Helga opened it with the key that she was provided with, and ushered Mary inside, taking her backpack from her and setting it on floor next to her own. After fixing her a snack of cheese and crackers, Helga was sitting on the couch with her math book open on her lap, when Mary flung herself up on to the couch next to her, looking down at her book. "That looks hard." Mary said, looking down at the book.

"Tell me about it."

As Mary pointed to question after question, asking Helga what the answer was, after ten minutes, she heard the door open, and Grace walked in, a warm smile on her face. "Mommy!" Mary ran up toward her, holding her arms out.

"Hi, sweetheart!" Grace said, kneeling down and hoisting her up into her arms. "Did you have fun with Helga today?"

"No, all she did was read her silly math book." Mary said with a pout as Helga stepped in front of them, slipping her textbook back into her backpack.

"Midterms." She said with a shrug, seeing Grace smile knowingly. Grace set her daughter back down onto the floor, who then ran off into her room.

"Listen, Helga, I want to give you something." Grace said, digging in her purse, pulling out her wallet.

"Oh no, I couldn't." Helga said, waving her hand in front of her.

"No, it's no trouble, really. Olga actually gave me a raise today because of my numbers, so it's no big deal. And you've just been so amazing with Mary, and she loves you so much, I just don't want to take advantage of you. And now that I don't have debt collectors calling me day and night anymore, I can afford it."

Helga sighed, debating heavily with herself. She really didn't want to take her money, because she needed it a lot more, but if she was being honest, she was running low on her spending money that her father had provided her with, which was supposed to last the entire semester. "If it will make you feel better." She said with a warm smile.

Grace opened her wallet, and pulled out two twenties, and handed them to her, "It's not much, I know, but-"

"No, don't worry about it, it's more than enough." Helga stopped her, reluctantly slipping the money into her back pocket.

"Mary, sweetheart, come say goodbye to Helga." Grace called. After a moment, Mary came running out of her bedroom arms extended toward her. Helga knelt down and hugged the girl lightly.

"Bye Helga."

"See ya later, kiddo." She replied warmly. She stood back up and turned for the door, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, take care, Helga." Grace waved with her warm smile and closed the door behind her.

After she had caught the bus and made her way back to campus, she had just stepped off a little ways from her dorm when she looked off into the distance to see someone walking down the street toward the frat house. Focusing her vision, she realized it was Arnold. It was the first time she had seen him since they had kissed. He wasn't in philosophy all week, including this morning. He looked worn and tired, with his hands in his pockets, looking down at the ground. As she quickened her pace to catch up with him, she saw that he looked as if he hadn't slept in days, judging by the dark circles around his eyes. Swallowing the exciting memories of their last conversation, she sped up into a slow jog, cutting across the grass until she felt comfortable calling out to him. "Arnold!" She spoke up.

He froze for a second before ignoring her and continued walking down the sidewalk, a little faster than he was before.

"Arnold, wait." She said, jogging up to his side.

"What do you want?" He asked in a low voice, laced with warning.

"You've been missing from class for a week, is everything okay?" She asked him, trying to keep up with his fast walk, but staying a little behind him.

"Fine." He answered, not looking back toward her, but hanging his head a little lower.

"Listen, Arnold, if it's because of what happened, I'm-"

"Nothing happened!" He spat, whipping his body around to face her. She jumped back a step, startled, while she saw a look in his eyes that honestly scared her. "Nothing happened, okay?! So do us both a favor and leave me the hell alone!" He shouted, not pausing before he turned back around and angrily walked off.

She blinked, feeling tears start to well up as she watched him go.

* * *

The next day, Helga stepped off the bus and headed toward Mary's kindergarten. After Rhonda had consoled her when she returned for the day, with Helga asking her over and over again why he had yelled at her, she couldn't give her an answer. It left her mind to run wild with all sorts of ideas. What if he has a girlfriend that lives out of town, and that's where he goes on the weekends? The thought alone ate away at her, the thought of someone else getting to experience the sensation of his lips instead of hers, it was a form of jealousy that she had never experienced before. She wasn't angry about it, it felt as if her heart was breaking. Which she couldn't understand at all.

She has no claim over him, they weren't exactly what you'd call friends, she doubted that he even knew her name. She just happened to be at the wrong place at the right time, and just happened to be able to kiss him. Of course that doesn't mean they're dating, or even on the same page on their nonexistent relationship. And it's true, she didn't know what he was really like underneath all that armor he has on, what if he showed his true self to her when he snapped at her? Maybe she was kidding herself when she thought he was a nice, caring person underneath his emotionless exterior. After all, he's been angry at the world for who knows how long, what could she say to change that?

Maybe she should just do as he asked and leave her alone. She's been driving for answers that she has no right getting, and who was she to think that she could get him to open up when his own cousin barely knows him? Maybe she should just leave him alone and move on.

Helga let out a long sigh as the doors to the kindergarten flung open with a slew of kids running out. She looked up and put on a feigned smile for Mary. "No, he's a _boy!" _A familiar voice said, with a few childish laughs coming after it.

Mary came walking out with Katie and a few more of her friends. "Yeah, boys are _stupid!" _Katie said with a scowl.

_"Yeah!" _The other girls exclaimed.

"Hi Helga!" Mary shouted as she jumped off the last step toward her.

"Hey kiddo!" She said, putting her hands on Mary's back when she leaned against her legs, looking up at her.

"Helga, aren't boys _stupid." _Mary said with childlike disgust.

"Most of them are, yeah." Helga replied on a sigh.

After Mary had waved goodbye to her friends, she grabbed onto Helga's hand and fell into step with her as they walked down the street toward her apartment.

"Hey," Mary said, tugging on her hand. Helga looked down from where she was staring off into space, smiling warmly at the girl looking up at her. "Why are you frowning?" Mary asked her, looking up at her with her big brown eyes.

Her heart melted and she smiled, putting her hand on Mary's head. "It's nothing. Just a _boy._" She said in the same mocking tone that Mary's friends had.

"A _boy?!" _Mary exclaimed, her face screwing together.

"Yes, half pint, a boy."

"You're frowning about a boy?" Mary asked, tugging on her hand again.

"Yeah," Helga said on a heavy sigh, not wanting to explain her problems to the four year old.

"What did he do?"

"Well, I thought he liked me, so I kissed him."

"You kissed a boy?!" Mary shouted, her eyes nearly bugging completely out of her head.

"Yes, but then he yelled at me, and was very mean."

"If he's mean, then why did you kiss him?"

Chuckling halfheartedly, she pulled Mary into her side, and put a hand on her shoulder. "You'll understand when you get older."

"Grown ups are confusing. I don't like being confused." Mary said, with Helga looking down to see her hugging her leg, a pout on her face.

Just then, a thought occurred to her. _She doesn't like to be confused. _

If anyone had the right to be confused as to what happened when she kissed him, it was him. After all, she knew why she kissed him because she was the one who did it, but he didn't. He has to be at least a little confused to say the least. For someone who has been able to predict the actions of everyone around him, coming across someone that isn't afraid to challenge his views, let alone has him talking about them in the first place, that has to be confusing. And she could only imagine that being confused is something new to him, and something he isn't used to, so he felt the need to respond by lashing out. "What are you smiling about, Helga?" Mary asked next to her, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Nothing... just a boy."


	13. Chapter 13

"Ugh, that was brutal..." The girl next to her groaned, dragging her feet out of the room.

"Yeah, did you get number fifteen?" Helga asked her, rubbing her forehead with her first finger and thumb.

"I don't remember..." She said, pressing her palm to her forehead.

"Well, I'll see you after the break." Helga said to her with a wave once they had gotten outside.

"You too, Helga. Happy Thanksgiving!" She said, waving back.

She had just gotten through her last test, and she felt the weight baring down on her lift. Typical that her worst subject would be her last midterm before the break. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and she dug it out, seeing a text message from Olga. _I'll be up there in an hour and a half to pick you up. Love you little sister! _

Rolling her eyes, with a smile nonetheless, she replied. _Okay, I'll be ready. _

A reply came a few seconds after. _Oh, and I invited Grace and Mary over for Thanksgiving dinner. I hope you don't mind. _

The thought was actually very pleasant. Mary had become sort of like a little sister to her. Helga has always wondered what it would be like to be the big sister for a change, and it was actually very refreshing, having someone always look up to you. _Not at all, the more the merrier. _

She slid her phone back into her pocket and made her way back up to her dorm room. She opened the door to see Rhonda packing a few pieces of clothes into her backpack. "Hey Rhonda, I thought you were staying here for Thanksgiving."

"Thaddy invited me to his parents house, and he wants to brag about me to them." Rhonda responded with a bright smirk.

Helga chuckled to herself and went over to her bed and sat down, opening her laptop to check her email, letting her mind wander, and just as she predicted it would, it wandered back to him.

She had done as he asked her to and left him alone. She figured he just needed time to work through whatever it is he's going through, and when he was ready, he would tell her. That was a week ago, and even though he had started showing up to class again, nothing has changed. It was as if he had never met her before. He just kept his eyes staring a thousand yards ahead of him, his face showing no emotion or expression whatsoever, his armor thicker than ever. She was beginning to lose hope that he would ever come around. And since her mind wasn't able to produce the memories of their kiss with out a serious amount of concentration and thought, she was losing her patience. She would have the occasional provocative dream, imagining the sight of his drenched t-shirt clinging to his abs, without the t-shirt of course.

A part of her wanted them to stop, because every time she would see him after one of those dreams, she felt her eyes go hazy, her mind fuzz, and limbs go weak, and it always took a forceful shake of her head to snap herself out of it. She felt like a little girl who had a crush on a rock star, but there was something different. He just had an air of darkness that followed him around, as if there was a dark thunderous cloud that loomed over him every where he went.

And she always felt bad that every time she saw him, that cloud seemed to get a little bit darker. She couldn't help but think that if he would just let himself step out from under it, he would be a completely different person, and she couldn't help but wonder how fast she would fall for him then. But the darker that cloud over him got, she more she knew that he never would. Maybe it wasn't just that he couldn't let it go, maybe he didn't want to. Maybe he wanted to be this dark, cold, distant, emotionally void, shell of a person.

She shook away the last thought, knowing it wasn't true. She knew that there was something to him, he wasn't empty, like he seemed to be. She knew that there was something more to him, she had seen it. More so, he showed it to her. He showed her that he is so disappointed with the world that he removes himself from it as much as he can. He showed her that he isn't emotionally void, he does feel, he isn't a robot. She knows that he feels saddened by what he found in the world when he went out looking for some reassurance. She knows that he isn't trusting in people, he always expects the worst, just so when those expectations are met, he can simply shake his head, sigh, and walk away. But the only reason she knows this is because she figured it out on her own.

He didn't tell her any of this up front. He just answered her when she asked why he prefers to be alone. But that conversation revealed to her a lot more than he probably intended, which is probably why he hasn't really spoken to her since they kissed. But as much as he had unknowingly revealed about himself to her, it all led back to one conclusion. He had told her that he had tried to prove to himself that people weren't as selfish as he thought they were, which said to her that he didn't always think the way he does now, which told her that he once had faith in humanity. And she could only speculate that something must have happened to crush that faith.

"You okay over there?" A voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She knew she had been staring off into the screen of her laptop for about ten minutes, probably looking as if she was hypnotized. She blinked a few times to break her stare and looked up to see Rhonda standing at her closet, her backpack over her shoulders.

"Yeah, just thinking." Helga replied, looking back down at her computer screen.

"Well, Thaddy's waiting for me downstairs. I'll see you after the break, 'kay?" Rhonda stepped forward, leaning down to give Helga a light hug before she skipped out the door with a smile.

After another forty five minutes of vegging on her laptop, her phone vibrated against her leg with a text message from her sister saying that she was waiting in the parking lot. Helga replied with a message saying that she would be down in about five minutes, and went about gathering a few things. She slipped her laptop into her backpack, pulled her sweatshirt over her head, then went out the door.

Stepping outside, she smiled when she saw her older sister waiting for her by the car. "Hey little sister!" Olga called enthusiastically.

"Hey big sister." She said back, much calmer, holding out her arms and hugging her.

"You ready?"

"Yeah, let's go."

They climbed into Olga's car and started off the campus, with Helga still being a bit lost in her mind as she stared out the window. She glanced out the front windshield and a nagging idea popped into her wandering mind, and once it did, it wouldn't let go. "Hey Olga?"

"Yes?"

"Could you stop up here real quick?" Helga asked, pointing up a ways in front of them.

"Why?" She said, slowing down and putting her blinker on.

"I just want to say goodbye to a friend before I leave, that's all."

Once Olga had stopped on the curb, she looked past her little sister, toward the large colonial house a ways off the side walk. Helga jumped out of the car, and quickly jogged across the lawn and knocked on the door. A few moments later, Arnie was pulling open the door. "Hi, I was just wondering if Arnold was here." She said with her heart in her throat.

"Actually, he is. I'll go get him." Arnie turned around and started for the stairs, but stopped once Arnold appeared at the top, "Oh."

Arnold looked down to Arnie, then shot a glance over to her, then down the stairs, making his way down, his sweatshirt and backpack on.

"You sure you don't want to come?" Arnie asked him.

"I'm sure." He replied in the same low tone he always had, not looking back toward his cousin. Even though she was looking him in the eye, he was looking past her. He made his way toward the front door, and she stepped back to let him through, averting her eyes to the ground until he past her and stepped off the porch, making his way across the lawn.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize he was leaving." Arnie said from behind her. Helga looked back toward the door, Arnie had his hand on the back of his head, a bit of a sullen frown on his face.

"If you don't mind my asking, what was that about?"

"Oh, it's no big deal. I'm going back to my parents house tomorrow morning to spend Thanksgiving with them, and I told him he was welcome to come, but... as you can see, he has other plans." He said, raising his hand out toward the lawn where his cousin had just walked off.

Her heart aching a bit for Arnold's cousin, she sighed and turned to look where Arnold had disappeared. "Have you ever thought about following him, seeing where he goes?"

Arnie chuckled under his breath and shook his head. "I tried that once when we were in middle school, it didn't go over well."

"Middle school? How long has he been doing this?" Helga asked, honestly surprised to find out that he's been doing this for so long.

"As long as I can remember. First time it happened, my parents were pretty freaked out. But when he came home and they asked where he was, he just said he was 'out.' They never did get anything else out of him."

With a whirlwind of questions circling around in her brain, all dying to come out and be answered, Helga was startled by the sound of a honk coming from the street. She looked back and saw Olga waving her in and pointing to her wrist, which didn't have a watch on it. Sighing, she turned back to Arnie with a smile. "Well, I just wanted to stop by and tell him Happy Thanksgiving, but... I guess that's not going to happen."

"It's alright, I wouldn't take it personally." Arnie said with a shrug.

"Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving." She said with a wave behind her as she descended the few steps of the porch.

"You too." He said as he shut the door behind her.

She made her way across the lawn and over to her sisters car, and looked to her left where she saw him turn down the sidewalk, hoping to see where he turned to, but had no such luck. Letting out a small sigh, she pulled open the car door and fell into her seat. "Who was that?" Her sister asked, putting the car into gear.

"Oh, I just wanted to tell my friend Arnold Happy Thanksgiving, but he left before I could get the chance."

"Arnold? Whose that?" Olga asked in a bit of a teasing voice. "Was that the guy I saw walking out?" Helga nodded, not meeting her eyes. "So, who is he?"

Letting out another sigh despite herself, she turned her gaze back out the window at the passing trees. "I wish I knew."

* * *

It was on the drive back that Olga had began grilling her little sister about the guy she had mentioned. And with what little she knew about him, most of which being speculation, the only thing that she could say for sure is that he wasn't all that bad looking, which is what she told her older sister. She didn't need to know about the dreams his looks had caused her. "So, you're saying that if it wasn't for Arnold, you wouldn't have had the guts to break up with Justin?"

"That's what I'm saying." Helga nodded.

"I still don't understand how he knew Justin was cheating on you in the first place."

"Neither do I, but I've learned to live with not understanding him over the last couple of months." She said, honestly. True that sometimes the desperate need to ask questions about him was too severe to be bit back, but she's learned to find a bit of patience when it comes to getting her answers. "I don't know what it is, Olga. There's just something about him, something that's drawing me to him. I can't figure out what it is."

"May it be because he's a mystery that you can't solve?"

"Well... that's only part of it." Helga said, looking down at her hands in her lap. After a moment, she felt Olga's eyes go off the road for a moment and onto her.

"What are you not telling me?"

Chuckling under her breath, she began, "Well, I may have... kind of, sorta... kissed him... maybe... in the rain."

"Helga!"

"Before you get your panties in a twist, let me explain." She stopped her, looking over to her older sister, whose jaw had fallen. "It was pouring down rain, and he didn't have an umbrella, and our class was a twenty minute walk from the frat house. And I didn't want him getting sick, so I offered to walk with him back to the frat house with my umbrella. And we started talking, and he started telling me about how people always do what he expects them to, and that his expectations of the world are gone, so I... just decided to kiss him... because he wasn't expecting it."

"So you kissed a boy you barely know just because he wasn't expecting it?!"

"No, Olga, you don't get it. When we kissed, it... it was so..." She trailed off, getting lost in her memories of that stormy day.

"So what?" Olga pressed.

"Amazing..." She drew out, her head falling back against the headrest. "I never felt _anything _like that before. It was so incredible, and I don't think he even really kissed me back."

"What, are you saying that you felt a spark?" Olga asked, with a smile that Helga could even hear.

"Olga, this wasn't a spark. This was a... this was a forest fire." After Olga didn't offer a response, Helga looked over to see her smirking, still looking ahead of her toward the road. "What?"

"Hm?" Olga hummed, feigning not hearing her, "Oh, it's nothing." She said, smirk still in place.

Narrowing her vision, she shook her head and decided to pay it no mind, and turned back out the window at the thick layer of passing trees.


	14. Chapter 14

It was Thanksgiving morning when Helga felt herself wake up from a heavy sleep. She had forgotten how soft and comfortable her mattress is. She laid in bed for another half an hour before she felt an obligation to get up and see if Olga and Mariam needed any help downstairs, seeing as it was already past nine o'clock. After taking a shower and getting dressed, she made her way downstairs, seeing Olga at the counter with the uncooked turkey in front of her, with her mother on the other side with a cookbook open in front of her.

Just like every Thanksgiving, however, their father was in the living room, sitting in his recliner in front of the television watching the football game, shouting like a neanderthal whenever the team he was rooting for scored. "Good Morning, Helga." Her mother said with a soft smile and half lidded gaze. Even though she wasn't an alcoholic anymore, and has been sober for almost nine years, she still always had a bit of a sleepy expression on her face, her voice a bit airy and raspy.

"Good Morning, Helga." Olga greeted her, rubbing her spiced hands over the turkey's skin.

"Morning." She said on a yawn, moving over to the almost empty coffee pot, pouring herself a cup.

"Grace and Mary will be over in about two hours. I told Grace to tell Mary that she could play in your room." Olga said, addressing Helga.

"Okay, I think I still have a box or two of toys stuffed in the back of my closet." She replied, taking a sip of coffee. "How's Grace doing in the store?"

"Oh, she's fantastic!" Olga cooed, "She's my best salesman."

"Good, I'm glad. Mary seems a lot happier too."

They talked idle chit chat until there was a soft knock on their door, and since Olga was busy cooking and Mariam was busy being her right hand, and Bob's mind was lost in the game, Helga went to answer it. She pulled it open, and a small voice shouted, "Helga!" Mary said, bouncing on her feet, happy to see her.

"Hey half pint!" Helga said, kneeling down to hug her, feeling Mary's small arms wrap around her neck. With a feigned groan, Helga pulled Mary up with her. "You're getting so big." Mary giggled and poked her in the nose. "Come on in." She said, looking over to Graces warm smile.

"Thank you again for inviting us." Grace said, closing the door behind her.

"It's our pleasure, we're happy to have you." Helga said, smiling brightly over at her. "Make yourself at home, Olga and my mother are in the kitchen. How about you and me go up into my room and play?" Helga said to Mary still sitting in her arms. "I have lots of toys." She continued, hoping to entice the already excited four year old, who nodded ecstatically.

The day went by quickly, with Helga spending most of it in her room keeping Mary entertained, and out of the 'boring grown ups' hair. But when Olga was done with everything, now just waiting for the rest of the food to finish cooking, she had went into the back room and started playing piano with Mary, leaving her mom, Grace, and her father in the living room. "So, Helga, Olga tells me that you met a boy in school?" Mariam started, with a smile, taking a sip of her sparkling cider.

Laughing nervously, she hesitantly began, "Well, it's um... complicated."

"Why's that?" Her mother asked.

"Well, he's kind of... mysterious."

"Mysterious? What is he, a secret agent or something?" Bob asked, laughing to himself at a joke that only he found funny.

"No, Dad, he's just reserved. He likes to be alone, is all."

"Well then how'd you meet 'em?" He asked, taking a gulp off his coffee.

"He's in my philosophy class, and he's the best one in the class."

"Ooo, a philosopher?" Mariam asked with a sly smile being curled over her glass.

"Brian was the same way." Grace spoke up, with all eyes shooting over to her.

"Really?" Helga asked, honestly interested. The only time she had ever heard of Grace's husband is when she first mentioned him at the soup kitchen.

"Oh yes, he always had his nose in a book of some kind. I still remember his favorite book, Walden by Henry Thoreau." She said with a soft smile.

"You must miss him a lot." Marian said softly.

Grace nodded and looked down at her own glass. "Everyday."

There was a thick pause in the room, with everyone probably thinking of something to say, but it was Bob who was the first to speak. "Olga tells me that you have the highest numbers of anyone else at the Pullman branch."

Grace looked up to him, and even Helga could see that she was a bit nervous, talking to the owner of the company she worked for. "Yes, sir."

"She also tells me that she's looking to hire an assistant manager to oversee some of our larger clients." Helga watched as Grace's eyes went wide, "If you think you can handle it, the job's yours if you want it."

Helga smiled an agape smile as Grace reached over and shook her fathers hand, thanking him profusely for the opportunity before she looked over to her, mouthing the words 'thank you' to her with a glimmer of tears in her eyes. She smiled warmly in thanks just as Mary came in, pulling on her sleeve, telling her to come into the back room to hear her play a song that Olga had taught her.

* * *

She woke up to her alarm sounding from her phone right next to her head. Her hand shot out from underneath her pillow and tapped her finger against the screen hard a few times before it shut off. It was unusually cold this morning, and still being under the pull of sleep, she pulled her covers over her a little further, burrowing herself into their warmth. Peeking her eyes open, there was a thin sliver of line running across her room from where the curtains parted, along with a snoring ball of covers on the other side of the room, which must be Rhonda.

As her mind started to push its way clear of sleep, it was a Wednesday, and it was the second week of December. She groaned and tossed her covers off her, feeling a rush of cold air hit her arms, making a wave of goosebumps erupts over them. She pushed herself out of bed and walked across the room toward the window and peered outside. _No wonder it's so cold. _She thought to herself as a mixture of annoyance and glee filtered into her system.

She always liked snow, but why did it have to be so cold?

As she panned her third story view of the campus, it was just a light flurry, maybe a half an inch at the most covering every surface, coating trees and rooftops. It was fun to look at, but her desire and excitement to go out and play in it was lost when she graduated elementary school. But upon closer examination, the amount of snow on the ground wasn't nearly enough to cancel classes. Sighing a heavy sigh, she grabbed her toiletries and went about her normal morning routine, getting dressed in her favorite sweatshirt and jeans, pulling on an extra jacket before she grabbed her backpack and headed out the door for philosophy.

She stepped outside, feeling a rush of icy wind sting her skin, a few flakes of snow hitting her in the face, and she pulled her hood over her head, hoping it would help her in her trek across campus. She was doing relatively well walking on the slick sidewalks, until she reached the steps of the building where her first class was held.

A bit lost in her wandering mind, she lost her once careful balance when she attempted to take the first step. Her foot slipped forward, her heart stopping as she was sent flying backward onto the ground, her backpack preventing the wind being knocked out of her. Lying on the cold, wet ground, her backside aching already, and feeling very humiliated, she was about to roll over and push herself, ready to feel like a baby giraffe being born, when she heard a low voice above her. "Give me your hands."

She opened her eyes to see Arnold standing at her feet, leaning over her and extending his hands to her. Her heart dancing in her throat, she looked up to him, with his hood pulled over his head, the golden sun casting shadows on his expressionless face, it was the first time he hand talked to her since he told her to leave him alone. She quickly shook her head, and wave him off. "It's alright, I don't want to pull you down with me."

She heard him sigh as she started to fruitlessly push herself off the slick concrete. "Do you think I wear boots because of how they look?"

She looked down at his feet, seeing his boots laced up tight around his ankles, still holding a bit of a dull sheen to them, and laughed. "I guess not."

"Just give me your hands." He commanded her, waving his hands to emphasis. She reached up and folded her hands around his tightly, jumping a bit at how cold they felt. "Brace yourself." He said, not giving her a chance before he pulled on her arms, hoisting her up off the ground. Once she was on her feet, she quickly got her footing back, and it wasn't until she got her weight centered again that she realized that he was still holding her hands. Her heart thumping in her ears, she looked up to him, seeing her looking back to her eyes intently, "Be more careful next time." He said before he let her hands go, quickly turning around and going up the steps with ease.

"Thanks." She said softly just as he got up the last step. She reached over and grabbed onto the railing as tight as she could and carefully made her way up the steps, stopping at the top to white the snow off the back of her jeans and her sleeves.

She made her way into the building, relieved to feel the heat wash over her once she stepped inside. She pushed her hood off and made her way into class, casting a glance up toward the back of class, surprised to see him with his head being held up by his hands, his elbows on top of his desk, he ran his hands over his messy blonde hair and leaned back, grabbing the book in front of him and flipping it open to a page in the middle.

Class came and went, with the time being spent by Dr. Rienhart going over what would be on their final exam for the semester. And as the clock neared nine thirty, he released them, and she replaced her books inside her backpack and made for the door, lost in the dread she was feeling for having to go _down _the steps, until she felt someone touch her shoulder. Snapped back to reality, she looked to her left and saw Arnold about to move out the door. He took a step back and briefly lifted his arm to motion that she could go ahead of him. Smiling, she moved through the door and started down the hall, feeling his presence just behind her. She cast a glance over her shoulder, trying to be as discreet about it as possible, and saw him just pulling his hood over his head again. She slowed her pace for a couple steps until she was at his side, biting her lip, working up the courage to speak. "Thanks again... for helping me out before."

"Please, don't mention it." He said, not looking over to her. She averted her eyes back to the linoleum, and reached for the door. But before her hand felt the cold steel of the handle, a cold rush of icy wind blasted her in the face. Surprised, she looked up to see the door being held open, with Arnold looking down at the floor, not meeting her eyes.

"Thanks." She muttered, moving outside and pulling her own hood over her head. She walked slowly and latched onto the railing as she cautiously moved down the steps, until she cast a glance off to her side, seeing him practically jump down the flurried steps with ease, turning down the path and quickly moving away from her. It seems that the only thing he ever does is confuse her.

* * *

It was the morning of the following Saturday, and Helga had nothing to do. Grace had the day off and decided to take Mary out for the day Christmas shopping, so her getting to wrangle in a hyped up four year old, high on the feeling of the holiday spirit was out of the question. She had all her homework finished, and had just finished reading the book that Dr. Rienhart had assigned them. Playing on her laptop was getting old, feeling as if she had seen every funny picture and amusing video once over. And Rhonda was out with Thad for the day.

Sitting on her bed, with nothing to do, she sighed a bored sigh, and stood up, moving over to the window, leaning against the sill. She could walk around town, but she had ran out of spending money, and didn't feel like arguing with Bob to give her more, and the temperature had dropped to the teens, so even if she had money to spend, she would have to have the nerve to deal with people crowding the stores, and annoyed at how cold it was.

As she gazed out over the city, over the trees, with snow still covering them from where it was refusing to melt, she had an idea. She has nothing to do, nowhere to be, so why not?

She pulled on her shoes, and a few layers of clothing, preparing to head out. Once outside, she turned and started off the campus, toward the path she heard about leading off into the heavily wooded area and eventually led to a bridge above a small river. She's always wanted to go see it, but never found the time between homework and babysitting Mary. So now is as good a time as any.

As she started to see more and more trees, getting taller and taller the farther she got off campus, she started to get a feeling of wonderment. Looking up to see the peaks of the trees stretch up far enough to where she couldn't tell where they ended, she regretted not coming out here sooner. It was so quiet, she could hear the wind blow through the branches, the soft crunch of snow beneath her feet, she felt so removed from the world. She continued down the paved pathway that was cut through the woods a little ways, passing a few trash cans and benches here and there, but the more she looked to her sides at the lines of thick trees, the more she felt adventurous, and felt them pulling her into them.

Taking one last breath, huffing it out with the steam hitting her softly in the face, she stepped off the path, hearing the fallen branches and leaves underneath the snow sink beneath her feet. Feeling memorized by the pull of them, she went forward and into the woods, feeling a sense of sanctuary surround her the deeper she got.

She slowed her pace from a brisk walk, wanting to get as deep into the forest as she could, now wanting to just take in the amazing sight of the trees and forest around her. She paced her way through the forest, feeling calm, at peace, and captivated, until she was startled out of her serenity by the deep sound of a crack. Wondering where the sound came from, she listened for it as she took another step forward, hearing another loud crack, feeling the ground beneath her give way just a little bit.

Adrenaline shooting into her veins, realizing what was about to happen, her weight shifted forward on its on accord, wanting to move to safety, until she heard a chorus of loud cracks underneath her feet, feeling the ground beneath her give way completely, the water beneath the ice sucking her down completely, quicker than she could react. Feeling the sting of the ice water being sucked down her throat, she thrashed and kicked, grabbing onto the edge of the ice where she fell through, but having it break off the more she thrashed. As the freezing water started slow her movements, her heart still thumping wildly, she struggled to breath, her mind darkening as her vision went dark.

As her body slowed, she regretted coming out here more than anything, until she felt something grasp onto her wrist.

* * *

**A/N: I knew you guys are very anxious to get Arnold's back story revealed, and that you may be getting a bit impatient with me, but trust me, it will be coming soon. **


	15. Chapter 15

Her eyes fluttered open, and when her vision cleared, seeing that she was still in the woods, her body went into over drive. She gasped, snapping her body upright and frantically looking around her. It wasn't until she felt a breeze hit her shoulders that she looked down and saw that she was in her underwear. Her heart pounding in her ears, she grasped onto the large, green blanket that she was wrapped in and pulled it to her chin.

As she tried to calm herself down to take in her surroundings, she saw that she was sitting just a foot away from a fire, with her jacket, long sleeved t-shirt, and jeans hanging on a low hanging branch above it. They looked wrinkled and a little wet. _Wet? _

The memories quickly flooded her mind, of her falling through some ice, but after that, she couldn't remember anything.

The sound of footsteps approaching snapped her out of trying to remember what had happened, and she lifted the blanket that was wrapped around her higher, curling her legs up to her body. The foot steps stopped, and it was another moment before she heard a loud snap off to her side, making her jump. She peered out from over the blanket, and saw someone kneeling down on the other side of the fire, leaning two pieces of wood against the stack. As the person stood up, she hesitantly lifted her eyes up and saw someone that made her heart thump even louder.

"Arnold?"

He turned to head back from where he had just came, but paused. "Keep your arms around your chest, the rest will warm itself." He said, then walked off.

_What the hell happened? _

After a minute, Arnold came back, and she watched as he held a thick branch in his hands and sent it down to his knee with a forceful thrust, snapping it in half. He knelt down beside the fire again and placed the two pieces against the stack on the opposite side from where he had last time. "What happened?" She asked.

He sighed, and stood up. "You fell through some ice, and when I pulled you out, you fainted." He muttered, and walked off again, returning another minute later with a branch, which he snapped in half and set against the fire.

"W-why am I in my underwear?" She said, pulling the blanket around her a little tighter.

"You fell into a pond that was twenty degrees below freezing, if you had kept your clothes on, hypothermia would have set in in minutes."

He walked off again, leaving her pulse to slam against her throat. _Did Arnold see me naked?! _

He returned with another branch and snapped it in half, placing it against the fire. He then reached down to the ground and pulled up a bottle of water that was sitting a could inches away from the flames, walked over and handed it down to her. "Drink this, it should be warm enough."

She reluctantly reached her hand out of the blanket and grabbed onto the bottle of warm water, waiting until he walked off again till she opened it and took a drink, the warm water soothing her scratchy throat. All the thoughts now swimming wildly in her mind, she didn't know exactly how to make sense of any of it. When Arnold returned, he placed a few more small sticks against the fire, then went over to a tree on the other side, turned around and sat down on the ground, leaning against it with his knees propped up, his forearms sitting on them, his eyes staring into the fire, expressionlessly. There was a minute or two of silence, listening to the crackle of the firewood in front of her before she decided to speak. "What are you doing out here?"

"I'd ask you the same thing." He said, not looking up to her.

"I-I... I had nothing to do, so I just... went for a walk." There was a pause between them, and it wasn't until her body let out another shiver that a thought occurred to her. He just saved her life. She can't just sit her and not thank him. "Um..." She began, not knowing really what to say. "Thank you... for... whatever it is that you did."

"Just be more careful next time." He said, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the tree.

There was another pause between them and she averted her eyes, not wanting to stare at him, or not wanting to get caught, and looked aimlessly around where she was. The fire in front of her was fairly large for a camp fire, the wood being stacked about a foot and a half wide, the flames going up about three feet, providing enough warmth that she could feel it from her place sitting against a fallen tree just a few feet away. From where Arnold sat, a black backpack was sitting against a tree off to his side with the top opened. She looked off into the woods, and the only thing she could see were trees.

She looked to her right and saw a green tarp hanging from a rope that was tied across two trees, with stakes in each corner, making a makeshift shelter. _I wonder if this is where he goes on the weekends. _She was about to ask him the question that would answer her thoughts, until his voice interrupted her.

"I was ten."

Helga looked back over to him, seeing him stare down at the ground between his legs. She remained silent, and let him continue, very anxious to hear what he had to say.

"I was living with my grandparents at the time, because my parents had decided they felt the need to answer to a higher calling than taking care of their own infant son." Helga tried to get her pulse to slow down at the realization at what he was telling her. "It was on Christmas eve, just after six o'clock, that I was sitting in the living room watching a Christmas special on TV... when there was a knock on the door." She felt herself grow more anxious when she heard his voice start to get soiled. "I opened the door, and on the other side was two cops." He paused and bent his head down for a minute, then pulled it back up, still not meeting her eyes. "My grandparents had been found... dead in an alleyway. Shot in the chest at point blank range."

Her breath hitched, her mind still reeling from the horrifying turn that his story had taken.

"They called it a mugging gone wrong. But to me it was nothing short of murder." He said, anger quickly replacing his turmoil. "The next day, I was called down to positively identify their bodies, since I was the only living relative they had left. Christmas day, what was supposed to be the happiest day of the year ends up being the one where I see my life shattered, sitting on two slabs in the city morgue."

She felt her own eyes burning more when she looked past the flames to see the track of a tear running down his cheek.

"You wanted to know how I got this way, well... now you know." He said, pushing himself off the ground and walking off into the woods again.

Feeling tears well up in her eyes, she understood now. She finally understood why he is the way his is. There was still a lot that he left unanswered, but now she knew what the catalyst was. He didn't tell her when he moved in with his cousin, he didn't tell her if the man was ever caught, he didn't tell her why he started reading so many books, or why he seems to be out living in the woods on the weekends. But she understood what cause him to completely lose his faith in the world. A little boy having his own grandparents shot on Christmas eve, then having to ID their bodies on Christmas day? It's no wonder he feels the need to suppress his emotions, it's no wonder that he had a dark cloud over his head, it's no wonder that he feels the need to retreat from the world and remove himself from something he has no faith in.

Silently crying to herself, the sound of his footsteps coming back toward her shook her out of her heartbreak for him, and she wiped the tears from her cheeks with the blanket she was wrapped in. Arnold walked over to his backpack, knelt down and pulled out a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, then stood up and walked over to her, handing them to her. "Here."

She slid her arm out from under the blanket and took them, looking up to him with a confused brow.

"You can get dressed in there." He said, nodding his head toward the tent just before he walked off again.

As his footsteps got quieter, she grabbed onto the sides of the blanket, keeping it around her at tight as possible, and started to stand, the cold snow beneath her bare feet stinging her skin. She quickly hopped over to the tent and pulled open the sides, and slid inside. She paused to make sure that he wasn't coming back, and then slid the blanket off her and puddled it at her feet, quickly stepping on it to get out of the snow. She set the clothes that he had handed her on the ground at her feet, first grabbing the black t-shirt, and slipping it on. It was a little baggy on her, bit it still fit with out looking like a dress, and it smelled faintly of the woods, and old book pages. She then pulled the jeans on, which were still a bit baggy, but it was better than running around in her underwear. Feeling something in the right pocket, she reached in and pulled out a pair of long black socks. Happy that she didn't have to walk back out into the snow barefoot again, she slipped the socks on, then gathered up the blanket of the ground, and stepped out.

She saw him knelt down in front of the fire, rearranging the wood, and stepped up to him, handing him the blanket. He took it and tossed it haphazardly over on top of his backpack. She stepped over to the log that she was sitting against before, sitting on top of it and taking the weight of her feet and out of the snow. "So..." She nervously began while he stood up and went over to his backpack, opening the side pocket. "Is this where you are on the weekends?" She asked him, looking up at the trees.

"Take this." He said, handing her what looked like a small compass. She looked back up to him, seeing him turn back around. "Just head north north east for about twenty minutes and you should get back to school."

"Wait... you want me to go alone?" She asked him as he sent another thick tree branch over his knee.

"You got out here alone, didn't you?" He asked her, not meeting her eyes.

"Well, yes, but... I-I..." She trailed off, not wanting to tell him that she was scared.

There was a pause between them again as he continued to tend the fire, and it was a minute or two before he spoke again. "Helga..."

Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of him uttering her name for the first time since she's met him. A warm feeling filled her chest and she was forced to smile.

"You don't... You don't need to understand why I'm out here." He said, looking over to her from his place knelt down by the fire.

"But what if I want to?"

"You can't." He said, looking away.

"Why not?" She pressed him, not wanting him to shut down.

"Because _I _don't understand why I'm out here! I'm out here because I'm searching for answers to questions that I can't find out there!" He shouted, standing up and turning away from her. "Every weekend, I come out here, trying desperately to find my way out of this magnetic field my moral compass seems to be stuck in, but every time I go back, all I find is more questions that don't have answers." He said with a shake of his head, his back still facing her, as he ran a hand over his hair, his other hand on his waist.

Her mind suddenly going blank, she stood up and silently walked toward him, placing her hand on his shoulder and turning him to face her. She didn't give him a chance to pull away as she reached up and cupped his jaw, pulling him toward her. The instant his lips hit hers, the feeling she had been mourning came back in a rush. She sucked in a sharp breath in through her nose, her heart thumping wildly in her chest, her skin growing hot and tingly with nerves, her muscles quickly getting weak and jittery. After a few mind blowing seconds, she prepared herself to be pushed off, only to her him let out a short breath, and move his lips against hers, her mind shutting down, but her body coursing with a wave of heat and electricity that his lips just shot through her, her skin hypersensitive enough to where when he placed his hands on her sides, they felt as if they were burning her. She responded by placing one hand against his chest, the other going to the back of his neck.

Before she could realize it, she was being pushed away by the hands that were once gently tugging her into him, her lips feeling as if they were magnetically sealed against his by the fact that they were still chasing after him after he had pushed her away. She blinked her eyes rapidly, focusing her fuzzy mind back to reality. "Why do you keep doing that?" He asked her, his eyes closed, not removing his hands from her sides.

She let out the breath she was holding and slid the hand on the back of his neck to the other side of his just, on either side of his heart, and decided to play it the way he would. "Why do you keep letting me?"


	16. Chapter 16

"How'd you do?" Jenny asked her as she followed Helga out of her math course.

"I thought I did pretty good." Helga said, a confident smirk on her lips as they pushed open the doors to step out into the cold sunlight of mid December.

"Well, I'll see you around, Helga. Merry Christmas!" She said as she turned away with a wave.

Helga smiled and waved back, turning to make her way back to her dorm.

She had just finished her last final exam for the semester, and Olga wouldn't be here to pick her up until four. She still had to go pick Mary up from kindergarten and stay until her mother got home from work, but that wasn't for another few hours. She sighed shortly to herself and made her way across campus to head back to her dorm before she went to get herself lunch.

The kiss between her and Arnold had been their last since then. And while he told her that he couldn't do it, whatever 'it' was was left up to her interpretation. He didn't meet her eyes after they kissed, he hadn't even spoken to her since then, and while it was only last weekend, it felt all too much like a distant memory, bordering on a dream that she had as a child that stuck with her over the years. The only thing that kept her smiling was that just for a moment, for a few seconds, he gave in. For those few seconds when he kissed her back, he let himself go, or at least part of him, and the more she thought about it, the more amazing those few seconds became.

She knew that she could interpret it anyway she wanted to make it seem as if he wanted to be with her, as if he wanted something more in this hybridization of a friendship that they seemed to have formed, but first that would require her fully admitting to herself that she wanted to be with him in the first place. And she wasn't quite ready to fully admit that to herself just yet. Sure, he is mysterious, maybe not as much now that he revealed to her what had happened to him as a child, and sure, the two times that they have kissed were so intense that she felt more in those brief seconds than all the time that she spent kissing her ex boyfriend combined, but that didn't mean that she wanted to be as blunt as wanting to call him her boyfriend. And if she was being honest, Arnold didn't seem like the type to have a girlfriend. He's too much of a lone wolf for her to be able to picture him holding her hand while skipping happily over a field of daisies.

And maybe she was still a bit gun shy from her break up with Justin. But there was a little voice in the back of her mind, the same one that took over her body and told her to kiss Arnold at all, telling her that was nothing more than a poor excuse. And that voice was the most prevalent whenever she would see Rhonda and Thad playing lovey-dovey, watching them laugh and smile with each other, watching her sit in his lap, or vice-versa. She never had those moments with Justin, they were always just comfortable with each other. They never had fun, or at least _fun _fun, like the kind of fun that Rhonda and Thad seemed to be having.

She had no clue as to why, if she wanted that kind of fun, she would want to be with Arnold. She's only seen him smile once, and that wasn't even a real smile, it was more of a slight muscle twitch that was most likely mistaken for a smile. She's never heard him laugh, or even chuckle. She's never seen those green eyes light up with excitement and happiness. The closest thing to any of those things was his eyes being a tiny bit hazed after the first time they had kissed, but most likely that was her own eyes reflecting in his.

Helga flung the door to her dorm building open and made her way up to her room, finding Rhonda packing her duffel bag with clothes for her trip back home, which she wasn't excited about at all. Rhonda really wanted to spent Christmas with Thad and his parents, but she felt an obligation to go back home and check on how her father's doing. Helga knew that she couldn't do much besides offer moral support. "Hey." Helga greeted her with a soft smile, making her way across the room to her own side.

"Hey," Rhonda replied on a sigh, stuffing a pair of jeans into her duffel bag.

"So, you're leaving today?" Helga asked, already knowing the answer, but just trying to spark a conversation.

"Yep." Rhonda replied, shoving another shirt into her bag before pulling the strings at the top closed and tying them into a tight knot.

There was a pause between them where Helga thought if asking would set her off or not, but despite not knowing whether or not it would, she asked anyway. "You okay?"

Rhonda let out another sigh after heaving her duffel bag off her bed and onto the floor, "Yeah, I'm just not looking forward to this. I know I'm going to feel guilty for leaving, and my conscience is going to make me feel like I have to stay, while my brain is going to tell me that I left for a reason, but I know that I'll come back either way, feeling terrible about myself, so..." Rhonda trailed off, slumping her shoulders.

"Well, you can always call me if you need to talk, and I'm sure Thad's line is always open."

Rhonda smiled slightly and nodded, "Yeah, he said he's going to call me every two hours just to tell me that he misses me, whether I answer the phone or not." They both shared a laugh and there was another pause between then as the conversation went dry, until Rhonda was breaking the silence. "Arnold still not talking to you?"

Helga slid back across her bed to lean against the back wall, "I think he has to work his way up to actually _looking _at me before he talks to me."

"So... all he said after he kissed you back is that he can't do this?"

"Yep," Helga said with a nod, "after he pushed me away, and asked me why I kept kissing him, and then I asked him why he kept letting me, he just turned around, walked off into the woods again, saying that he 'can't do this' over and over again."

"Have you tried talking to him? Maybe he's waiting for you."

"I tried the next time I saw him in class to give him his clothes back but he practically ran when I called for him."

"Hmm..." Rhonda hummed, looking down at the floor. "Well, he's a mystery, that's for sure." Rhonda said, lifting her duffel bag over her shoulder. Helga got to her feet and extended her arms, giving her a hug and wishing her a good Christmas, with Rhonda telling her not to count on it as she went out the door. She didn't tell Rhonda about what Arnold had told her. It was obvious to her that she was one of the few who knew, if not one of, then the only. Arnold didn't need anyone else to know about his past, so she decided to keep it to herself. It was heartbreaking enough for her to know what had happened, but she wasn't going to betray whatever trust he must have felt in her. The fact that he had told her that at all was something to behold, and she couldn't figure out why he had in the first place.

She could spend the rest of her life drawing conclusions as to why Arnold does the things he does, or acts the way he acts when he's around her, but she knew that until he decides to tell her, she will never truly know.

She spent the last few remaining hours of her free time checking her email until an hour before she was supposed to pick Mary up. She wasn't going to be back to campus until the new semester started, and as much as he may want to, she didn't want to leave things between her and Arnold the way they are. Grabbing her jacket and deciding not to try and talk herself out of it, knowing that she would succeed, she made her way outside and pointed herself in the direction of the frat house. Making her way through the campus, and eventually getting to the frat house, seeing some of the residents loading bags into cars, preparing for their trips back home, she hesitantly approached the front door, knocking on the door frame to grab someone's attentions. It wasn't until Arnie was walking through the foyer that she was seen. With a smile, he approached her, "Hey, you looking for Arnold?"

"Yes, actually. Is he here?"

"He is, but, I'm right in the middle of something, would you mind if I just pointed you to his room?" He asked, pointing his thumb up the stair case.

"Oh, actually, I know where it is, if you don't mind." She said, stepping inside, hesitantly if she was being honest.

"No, go on up." Arnie said, waving his hand up the stair case just before he went back across the foyer, back to whatever it is he was doing.

Helga drew in a breath, hoping it would buster her confidence, and jumped up the stairs. It looked so foreign without all of the people that were here during the party crowding the hallway, but she tried her hardest to remember which door he had lead her to. Stepping up to the second door on the right, with her pulse beating rapidly against her throat with nerves, she raised a hand, hesitating before knocking a few times. "I already told you, Arnie, I'm not going." His voice said through the door.

She let out a breath she was holding while waiting for his reply, and quickly thought of a response. "Um..." She said under her breath, "I-it's me... Helga?" Now very nervous, and having to remind her of why she came here, she waited very anxiously, her heart picking up speed the louder the soft footsteps on the other side of the door became. The door creaked open half way and she looked over to him, seeing his eyes a bit more open than usual, one brow raised slightly higher than the other. "Hi..." She said, her muscles feeling locked.

"Is there... something I can help you with?" He asked, leaning out of his doorway to look down the hall.

"No, I... I just wanted to stop by before I left for the break to wish you a-" _Stop! _Her mind shouted, forcing her to cut off her own words before they left her vocal chords, "Uh, a good break." She said with a heavy smile.

He paused, looking back at her, his eyes holding a bit of curiosity before he replied, "Oh."

She let out the rest of her breath, forcing her muscles to relax, and let go of her fear of his judgment. "Look, I just wanted to stop by because I don't want things to be weird between us."

"You're assuming that things between us were ever normal." He said after a brief pause.

She smiled and chuckled under her breath, averting her gaze down to the floor before lifting her head again to meet his eyes. "No, you're right. I guess we've never been quite on the same page."

"We're not even in the same genre." He said, giving her his usual blank expression.

Giving him a bit of a disheartening chuckle, she crossed her arms over her stomach and continued. "Well, it's just... if I upset you, when I kissed you or anything, then I'm sorry. I'm usually never that... direct."

He took another drawn out pause before giving her a brief nod. "Why did you?"

She should have been expecting that question, but it still caught her off guard. Her breath hitched a bit, and she averted her eyes again, shuffling her foot while she thought of an answer. "Well, the first time was because I was just trying to... catch you off guard. And the second time was because, well... with everything that you did for me, and everything that you told me, it... I don't know, I guess it... felt right." He nodded and looked down to the floor between them, letting a thick pause come over them. "Why did you kiss me back?" She asked out of nowhere, not remembering her mind to tell her to say that. His eyes shot up back to hers, a bit more open than before. He remained silent and completely still, until she was sure that he wasn't answering. "Why did you tell me what you did?"

"What do you mean?" He asked in a low tone.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't tell things like that to just anyone." She paused, waiting for his reply, but continued after he didn't give her one. "Which I can only assume means that I'm not just anyone to you." She took another pause, waiting for him to debate her, but then decided to ask for one when he didn't. "Am I?"

He let out another sigh, and let his eyes fall again. "I wanted you to know so you wouldn't have any more questions to ask."

"If that's true then why did you kiss me back?" She asked, confidence coming out of seemingly nowhere, surprising even her.

His reply came with out missing a beat, "Because you're a good kisser." Her eyes went wide, while his screwed shut and his head turned off to the side, cursing himself, as if he had vocalized the first thought that had came into his head. Still shocked at what he had said, she jumped when she heard his door slam, followed by a loud thud coming from the other side. She let out the breath that had caught, her jaw falling open while her lips curled at the ends into a gaping smile.

_He thinks I'm a good kisser?! _If she hadn't just lived it, she would have sworn that those words calling from his lips, accidental or not, was a dream. She turned away and placed her hands over her mouth, overtaken with surprise and pleasant shock. After looking back toward his door, seeing it still firmly shut, she let out a breath that was laced with a chuckle and briefly felt bad for taking such joy out of his mortification, but couldn't help but do it anyway.

Knowing that he wouldn't open his door again, she started back down the hall, feeling a sense of extreme gittyness. After quickly going down the stairs and letting herself out, she dug out her phone once she was on the lawn and called the first person she could think of, knowing that she was on a plane right now but decided to leave a message. '_This is Rhonda, leave a message and I'll think of calling you back.' _

"Rhonda! Arnold just said I was a good kisser! Can you believe it?! I'm a good kisser, he thinks I'm a good kisser! Call me back when you get this so I can tell you that he thinks I'm a good kisser because he thinks I'm a good kisser! He thinks I'm a good kisser!" She said with unbridled glee, hitting her thumb against the screen just before she shoved her phone back into her pocket.

What shocked her more wasn't that he thought she was a good kisser, but the fact that he told her. He always seemed to think his words through, and the reply those words would get, but this one time, he wasn't thinking. He just said the first thought that popped into that deep, mysteriously brooding mind of his, letting her know exactly what he was thinking at that moment, whether he wanted her to or not. _I guess I'm not 'just anyone' to him after all. _


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: In case you guys didn't catch the subtle hints I dropped about Arnold's activities on the weekends, Walden is a book by Henry David Thoreau about self reliance, basically living off the land. And I called this story Can't See the Forest for a reason ;) **

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With a ring of the door bell, Helga took it upon herself to push herself off the couch to go answer it, knowing full well who it was. Padding her way across the house, smiling softly at the sense of family she felt radiating through the house. She pulled the door open, not surprised to feel an ecstatic four year old latch onto her legs. "Helga!" Mary cheered, looking up at her with her usual bright, brown eyes.

"Hey half pint!" She replied, reaching down to hoist the four year old up into her arms. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Helga!" Mary said, poking her in the nose, Helga making her eyes go crooked just to get her to laugh, which she did.

Helga looked over to Grace with a smile and nodded her in. "Come on in, Olga and my mother are in the family room, while my dad is upstairs. Hey," Helga said, looking over to the four year old in her arms, "why don't you go ask Olga to play us some Christmas carols on the piano?"

Mary's face lit up and quite literally started bouncing in Helga's arms. Helga laughed at her excitement and set her back onto the ground, watching her run through the house to find her older sister. "Merry Christmas, Helga." Grace said, taking off her coat to hang on the hook next to the door.

Waiting for her to finish, Helga extended her arms to her and gave her a friendly hug. "You too, Grace." She said with a bright smile once she leaned back.

The day went by quickly, with Helga half listening to Mary ramble off what she had gotten for Christmas, and tell her how excited she was to have her come over and play with all of her new toys. After having Mary in Olga's lap while she played carols on the piano, they all moved to the family room again to talk until it was time to start preparing dinner. As the conversation turned to how the new branch of the store was doing, Helga mentally removed herself from the conversation.

She's had a nagging voice in her mind telling her to call him, just to let him know that someone was thinking of him on what must be the hardest day of the year for him. But every time that voice would scold her for not calling him, another voice would remind her that she doesn't have his number. She sighed and decided to find it. Bringing herself back to the conversation in the room, seeing it was still about the store, she silently excused herself and made her way quickly up to her room, grabbing her cell phone off of her nightstand, opening up her messages to send a text to Rhonda. _Hey, sorry to bother you on Christmas, but do you have Arnold's number? _

She made her way back downstairs, keeping her phone in her hand, and looked in the family room to see Olga talking about next months sales projections, while Mary sat in her father's recliner, watching cartoons. Her phone vibrated just as she stepped into the kitchen. _He doesn't have one. Merry Christmas to you too! _

Helga rolled her eyes with a smile. _Merry Christmas, Rhonda. And what do you mean? _

_I asked him in class about a month ago and he told me that he doesn't have a cell phone. _

Her brow raised, quite surprised to find out that Arnold didn't have a cell phone. She didn't really know why she was surprised, after all, it's just another question to add onto the never ending series of questions she has about him. Sighing a sigh of defeat, she leaned her elbow against the counter and propped her chin on top of her hand. _Do you have the frat house's number? _

Rhonda sent her the number she had, along with a winking emoticon, and Helga hesitated before calling. Most likely, he wouldn't answer. Most likely, he was out in the woods again, just like he is every weekend. If not, than he would be in no mood to talk to anyone, especially her. Most likely, he is still beating himself up over his slip up he had during their last conversation.

The more she thought about that moment, the more prevalent the thought became that she wasn't just anyone to him. The thought that he let the first thought that popped into that deep mind of his fall from his lips, especially considering how much he must takes into consideration the things he says, it said a lot to her. It said that, whether he meant to or not, he shed that armor that he had built around himself, just for a few seconds, he didn't over think things, he didn't analyze things, he just said what was on his mind. And what was on his mind at that moment was that he thought she was a good kisser.

She smiled a goofy smile at the thought, just as she did every time she had thought about it over the past few days since then.

She dialed the number that Rhonda gave her, her heart pounding in anxiety. After four rings, it went to the answering machine. With the sound of someone's voice that she didn't recognize asking her to leave a message, she hung up, knowing that he probably doesn't check them anyway. Sighing another sigh of defeat, mixed with a hint of heartbreak at the thought that he was spending this day alone, probably outside in his makeshift tent that he had put up whenever she was out there, she heard a set of footsteps enter the kitchen. She looked up from her place at the counter and saw Grace walking in, her eyes down to the floor. "Hey," Helga greeted her.

"They won't stop talking about work." Grace said with a small shake of her head, coming to sit on the stool next to her.

"I know what you mean." She replied on a chuckle. "Having a good Christmas so far?"

Grace sighed sadly, looking down at the counter, "I would be lying if I said that it wasn't hard... without Brian."

There was a thick pause between them, and Helga didn't mean to pry, especially with a topic as obviously sensitive as this one, but the comment that Grace had said about him last month left her wondering, and she couldn't help but ask. "What was he like?" Grace looked over to her with an expectant brow, "Your husband."

A sad smile curled onto her lips as she averted her eyes back down to the counter. "He was very smart... but not in the book worm sense. He just had this way of talking, he was witty, he was clever. Sometimes it felt as if he was talking circles around me. But he always had this way making me laugh. I remember the first birthday of his that we spent together, I bought him a thesaurus as a joke." She said with a chuckle, while Helga did the same before Grace continued. "He had such an active mind. He would always joke that he could never get it to switch off, that he was always thinking about something."

"How'd you meet him?"

"While I was in college. I ran into him in the library reaching for the same book that I was, because I had an assignment on Walden for one of my classes, and he lost his copy. He let me have it since he had read it so many times before." Helga hummed with a nod, looking away. Maybe looking to Grace for answers about Arnold may have been a bit naive. "Why do you ask?" She asked, coming of as friendly as she usually did while still sounding as if she honestly wanted to know.

"Oh, it's nothing, it's just... I met this guy in my philosophy class, and there's just something about him that's drawing me to him. He comes off as this cold, emotionless guy who always has his nose in a book. But there's more than that... a lot more. He just seems to have this bleak outlook on life. He told me not too long ago that he's searching for answers to questions that he can't answer while he's part of the world." She saw Grace smile out of the corner of her eye, and she looked over to see her smiling down at the counter knowingly. "What is it?"

"Brian had a saying that the true meaning of life is wondering what the meaning of life is, but also realizing that you'll never find it. He would always say that he wished he could go back to the times of ancient Greece and Rome just so he could make money as a philosopher. He said that at least then he could make money asking questions that don't have answers."

Laughing silently to herself, a thought occurred to her. "What was it that drew you to him?"

Grace looked over with a wondering look, "What do you mean?"

"Well... I-I'm feeling all these different things whenever I think about him. It's like there's just... _something _pulling me toward him. I mean, he just seems to be filled with such despair and loneliness and anger, and I know that I want to help him see that the world may have some bad people in it, but there's still some hope left in this world, and that you can't just give up on that, but... there's something more." Helga looked over to Grace, only to see her smiling knowingly.

"You mean, there's a spark?" She raised, raising her brow.

"Modestly speaking, yeah." Helga replied, widening her eyes a bit.

"It's very simple, Helga." Grace said, reaching over and placing a soft hand on top of her's before continuing. "I think you may be in love."

She swallowed a gasp, her heart skipping a few beats while her mind refused to even think of the word love. "What? No, I can't be." She said, trying to shake it off as if it was ridiculous but sounding unconvincing even to herself, while that same little voice was telling her she was an idiot for not realizing it sooner. "I mean, I just met the guy a few months ago and I barely know him."

"You don't control love, Helga, it controls you."

"I can't be in love with the guy." She said under her breath, not wanting her family to hear this conversation and decide they needed to butt in. "I don't even know his last name."

"I'm sorry, Helga, I didn't mean to upset you or anything. I was just telling you what might be the problem."

"The problem is him. I just can't seem to figure him out. I mean, the first time he walked into my philosophy class, he was reading Bushido, the next day he was reading The Art of War." Helga paused, trying to wrangle in her runaway mind, along with her emotions, and after a moment, she looked over to see Grace's vision narrowed, as if remembering something.

"A truly brave man is ever serene, he is never taken by surprise, nothing ruffles the equanimity of his spirit. In the heat of battle he remains cool, in the midst of catastrophes he keeps level his mind. Earthquakes do not shake him, he laughs at storms." She said, as if reading it off the page. Grace looked over to her again, "It's a passage from Bushido, the code of the samurai, about courage. I don't mean to try and interpret this guy for you, but maybe that's why he feels the need to... suppress his emotions."

"But I've seen his emotions, I've seen past this wall that he's built. And every time I do, he just seems to built it back up thicker than he had it." Helga argued.

"Well then, maybe you're a storm that he can't laugh at. Maybe you're a someone that does shake him. Maybe that's why he's trying build this wall around himself. Maybe, in a way, you're making him feel things that he's never felt before, and it's scaring him. Would I be right to say that he shows you these emotions that he has pushed back, but no one else?" Helga replied only with a nod. "Well, then I would say that he sees something in you that he doesn't see in anyone else. Maybe you make him feel as if he can safely express what he's feeling without persecution."

Helga let her head fall to the counter, folding her arms over it in frustration, and groaned. Things with her ex boyfriend were never this complicated.

"I don't mean to inturpret these things, Helga. I'm just telling you what I think."

"And what's that?" She asked, her voice muffled by the counter.

"That you're not the only one who may be in love."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: To the guest reviewer who has said to me that they will keep posting reviews until I update The Difference it can make, go right ahead. But nagging me about it will not want to make me continue on a story whose plot line fell apart at the seams the more I wrote it. Maybe someday I'll finish it if it gets a little more attention, or at least the same amount as it's prequel, but until then, I'm working on this one, because this one is getting a decent amount of attention, and I'm having a lot of fun writing it. **

**So either stop being lazy and make an account and PM me about it if you have any ideas to save the story, or leave it alone and move on.**

* * *

She felt a mix of dread, excitement, and fear returning to school, waving at her older sister as she drove off. The new semester started tomorrow, and her schedule was set and memorized, ready to be double and triple checked tomorrow morning anyway. She pulled the door to her dorm open, out of the cold, making her way upstairs. Rhonda had returned the day before, and Helga could tell that she was very happy to be back at school.

Her mind was still fighting a losing battle with itself, the dueling voices both screaming at her, unable to figure out which emotion to cling to, whether it be happy and just accept the fact that she may be in love with what might as well be a total stranger, or deny it and just drown out the little voice that takes over her body at certain times and tell herself that it's crazy. She's never had this much of a problem figuring out her own feelings. It was probably because she's never had _these _types of feelings before. Justin, nor anybody else for that matter, has ever made her feel the way Arnold does.

That being admitted, she didn't know what this feeling was, or what to do to even begin to make sense of it. And the fact that it was open to many different interpretations, none of which seemed to help was something that didn't bring her comfort. But one thing was simple, and she decided not to overlook despite all of these conflicting feelings, no one has ever made her feel the way Arnold does.

Shaking her head fruitlessly of her thoughts, she unlocked the door to her dorm, and pushed it open. "Rhonda, I-"

"Holy crap!" Rhonda yelped in surprised, her words a bit slurred and muffled by her boyfriends lips, whom she had just pushed herself off of, quickly tugging down her shirt and vigorously wiping her mouth with her wrist, while Thad laid motionless on his back along her bed, his hair disheveled and his expression pleasantly blank. "Could you knock?!" Rhonda asked, running her hands down her hair to straighten it out.

"This is _my _room too, Rhonda." Helga challenged, crossing her arms and giving her a sly smirk.

"I thought you weren't coming back until this afternoon." She continued with her argument.

"I had some things to do." Helga lied, the truth being she was becoming bored pacing across her bedroom trying to figure herself out.

"Babe, if you don't mind, I need to go take a cold shower." Thad said from his place still lying on his back on her bed, staring hazily at the ceiling.

Rhonda let out an airy chuckle and waved him up. "Yeah, go ahead. I'll call you later."

Thad pushed himself up, running his hands down his wrinkled and ruffled shirt to smooth it out, then straitening his crooked glasses before broadly sauntering out the door. As Helga's eyes followed him out the door, watching as if he was proud that he had just been caught with his girlfriend straddling him, after he had disappeared down the hallway, she turned back to Rhonda, seeing a small smile curling its way onto her slightly puffed lips. "You two miss each other or something?" Helga asked, raising a brow.

The only reply Rhonda gave was a pointed look.

With a slow shake of her head, she went to her own side of the room and set her stuff down, deciding to leave unpacking till later. "Well, I can see you had a fun break." Helga said, sitting down on her bed, receiving another pointed look.

"It was about as good as you can expect. Thaddy was just comforting me when I got back and it just, sort of... got out of hand."

"More like sort of in hand, if you know what I mean." Helga said with a wide smirk, with Rhonda tossing a pillow at her. After her own laughter had died down, and she had tossed Rhonda's pillow back at her, Helga felt the need to consult with her about her problem, seeing as she couldn't figure it out, no matter how hard she tries. And since Rhonda seems to be falling for Thad pretty hard, maybe she could give her some unique insight, especially considering that they both know Arnold. "So... I may have a problem." She said, looking down at her fingernails, deciding to pick at them out of the need for a nervous habit.

"What's that?"

"I... uh... I think I may be in love with Arnold." She said, grimacing and readying herself for Rhonda's laughter to come in a barrage toward her. But when it didn't come, Helga looked back over to her, only to see her smiling knowingly, her brow arched. "What?"

"Oh, nothing..." Rhonda said, looking down at her own fingernails, "Just thinking what took you so long to figure it out."

"What do you mean?" Helga asked, a bit angry at the thought that someone else may have known before she had a chance to figure it out on her own, which she still hasn't been able to do.

"Oh come _on, _Helga. I saw you after you kissed him for the first time."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm in _love _with the guy!" Helga whined, standing up and sinking her shoulders.

"Well, maybe love is a bit of a strong word. But you have to admit that there is a great deal of... mutual attraction." She said, crossing her legs.

"I don't know. I know that I'm attracted to him, if that's what you mean."

"Helga... the guy told you that he thinks you're a good kisser. Trust me, some of it has to be mutual."

"But that still doesn't mean that I'm in love with him!"

"I never said that it did. But even _I _can tell that there's something more between you two than just physical attraction. I mean, Thaddy may be cute, but that's not why I'm falling for him. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he makes me happy."

"Yeah, that's all well and good for you, but I've never seen Arnold laugh, or smile, or happy." She argued.

"Well, then maybe you need to try harder." After a moment, Helga let out a frustrated sigh and fell back down to her bed. "Look, I don't know what you two have with each other. It may be nothing, or it may be something, but either way, if you even have a hint that it might be love, if it were me, I'd take the chance."

"But Rhonda, I don't even know what love is!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms toward the ceiling.

"You want to know what love is?" Rhonda asked, with a joking inflection. "You want me to show you?" She continued, ending on a stifled chuckle.

Helga lifted her head off her mattress and sent her a deadpanned look. "Knock it off, Foreigner. This is serious." Watching as Rhonda continued to stifled her laughter.

"I'm sorry, but look, I would say that it is a little early to say that you're in love with him. But I will say this. There is something real between you two, what that is is not my place to say, but it seems worth exploring."

"But what if all I'm feeling is the desire to know what he's hiding?"

"Then you'll know when he tells you. If you don't feel anything after he lifts this veil he has over his life, then you'll know that it wasn't real. But something tells me that he's already showed you." Her breath caught in her throat for a minute, Rhonda still didn't know what he had told her. It was just between her and him, and she intended to keep it that way. She may want to know what he's hiding, but that doesn't mean she's going to blab it to the rest of the world when she finds out. "Am I right?" Rhonda challenged.

"Well..." Helga hesitantly began, wanting to explain without really explaining. "Let's just say that I... he showed me the catalyst, and leave it at that."

"And did you feel any different?" She asked, catching Helga off guard with her expecting to be asked what it was.

"Well, it felt good that he trusted me enough to let me in a little bit, but what he showed me, it..." She let her sentence fall, not wanting to give too much away, and not wanted to repeat it if she did.

"That bad, huh?"

"Let's just say that it helped me understand why he is the way he is."

"And do you feel any different?" Rhonda asked again, further trying to get to the root of the issue.

As Helga thought back to that day in the woods, thinking back on how she felt while he was telling her what had happened to him as a child, remembering how she felt a strong desire just to reach out and hold him when she heard what he had gone through, how she felt when she connected the dots that he had placed in front of her, that understanding him just a little bit more didn't make him less interesting to her, or make the pull she felt toward him lessen, but seemed to make it stronger if anything. "Yes."

"How so?"

"I felt... sorry for him." _I don't want, nor do I need your pity. _His words rung in her head in the moment after hers had left her mouth, making her regret them that much more.

"Well, what I would say is that you may not be in love, but you simply have a crush on him. But, I will say that there definitely seems to be something between you two. You two seem to have a serious amount of chemistry, and I would say that if you give each other a chance, you might very well totally fall for him."

"But what about him? Is he going to just keep suppressing his emotions, and keep on pushing me back?"

"Helga, open your eyes. He sees something in you, something that he doesn't see in anyone else. He may not know it, but he's acting on it whether he knows it or not. He sees something in you that he can trust to open up to you. If you just put in the time, and a little bit of effort, he might just open himself up to you completely."

* * *

Helga woke up a little too early the next morning, out of the shower by seven and dressed by seven fifteen. Her philosophy class had switched from starting on Mondays to starting on Tuesdays, so she didn't have her first class until eleven. She wasn't hungry, and she was wide awake, so coffee would just make her crash half way through the day. Not wanting to stay in her room with a sleeping Rhonda any longer, she grabbed her stuff and aimlessly made her way outside, meandering her way through the campus, her hands stuffed in her pockets, eyes down onto the ground that her feet were scuffing against.

She would be lying if she were to say that she wasn't a little bit disheartened at the realization that she wasn't in love with Arnold, that her feelings were maybe that of just a crush and nothing more. That maybe when he did show her everything, if he ever did, that she wouldn't fall for him completely like Rhonda said she might. But the challenge was to get him to show her at all.

A part of her was trying to convince her that he wanted to show her, but he just needed to do it on his terms. She can't ask him to show her all at once, and she wasn't going to just to try and see once and for all if she is in love with him or not. And she knows that just because her body turns into a jittery puddle of nervous goo after they kiss doesn't mean that she's in love with him, it just means that he's a _very _talented kisser.

Letting out a short sigh, she lifted her eyes up, just in time to see him walking around a corner a ways away from her, his usual blue jeans and black hooded sweatshirt zipped all the way up, his hands in his pockets, staring in front of him expressionlessly. Pushing back the thought of trying to avoid him as long as possible, she cut across the courtyard that divided them and briskly walked over to him. "Arnold!" She called.

Surprisingly enough, he looked over to her and slowed to a stop. She fully expected to have to chase him down again.

"Listen, um..." She began, stopping in front of him, "I wanted to call you on... well, on Christmas, but I didn't have your number and... you were probably out in the woods anyway. I was just... thinking of you and wanted to make sure you um... holding up alright." She said, choosing her words as carefully as she could.

"I've gotten through it for the past ten years, it's not a big deal." He said, while she nodded, looking down at the ground between them, feeling dejected that he had shot down her wanting to help. "But thank you," He continued, her eyes flying back up to meet his, seeing that they were a lot softer than usual. "I appreciate the thought."

Their eyes locked for a moment, in which she took note of how much his eyes had softened, she could actually see in them that he was truly thankful for her wanting to make sure that he was okay. "Look," She began, taking a small step forward, "I don't know what this... thing, between us is, but... it's confusing."

He let out a small, almost inaudible sigh, seeing his eyes harden back up again, "To say the least."

"I-I mean, would you even consider us friends?"

"I can't say that I would." He said, letting his head fall forward a bit, hit eyes falling to the ground for a moment before he looked back up to her. Not knowing how to continue, she broke her eyes away from his, looking off to her side, not knowing what she really wanted, nor what to say to get it. "But why don't amend that." He added while he lifted his hand up to her, extending his hand out to her for a handshake. She looked from his hand, up to him, silently asking him to explain. "We were never properly introduced. And from what I can vaguely remember, this is usually how it starts."

Quickly inferring that he hasn't had that many friends in a long time, she let a soft smile curl onto her lips, just before she lifted her hand up and gently placed it in his, feeling his fingers close around hers, not really shaking it. Even holding his hand made her muscles jittery.

"Arnold Shortman." He said with a slight raise of his brow, cocking his head just an inch.

Feeling a bit joyous at finally knowing his last name, she felt her smile brighten a bit on its on accord, "Helga Pataki." There was another thick pause between them, and it wasn't until he let go that she realized that their hands were still together. Shaking her head a couple times to get her mind back, she continued. "So, are we... friends?"

He let out another short breath before he gave her a sharp nod.

"Well, I'll um... see you in class?" She asked, the air between them quickly turning awkward.

"Yeah." He simply said, not giving her any other response.

She smiled a bit brighter and slowly turned to walk away in no real direction other than away from him. She knew that she should feel some sense of victory for finally being on the same page as to what they are to each other, but the fact that it was just friends, she felt honest enough to admit that it was disheartening. She took a step forward and started away from him.

"Oh screw it."

Before she could register what was happening, she felt him grab onto her wrist, turn her around and pull her forward, slamming her lips onto his. Her eyes flying open, her muscles locking, her hands flying out in front of her but ending up on his shoulders, it was a moment before she felt herself started to melt into his kiss, her eyelids fluttering closed with her eyes rolling back into her head at the feeling of his electric, and slightly demanding lips. As he moved his lips against hers, pushing them open before he enclosed his around them again, he pulled out the breath that had caught in her throat, pulling a deep moan along with it. Her nerves standing on end, the feeling of his hands on her sides, pulling her body flush against his, while she found her own hands moving across his shoulders, one starting to go into his messy hair, it was overwhelming.

With his soft lips moving against hers, capturing her bottom lip in between them, they separated mutually with a soft pluck, her hands roaming their way back to his shoulders, while his moved down her sides. "Why'd you do that?" She asked, her voice husky and rough.

"So you'd know what it feels like to be caught off your guard."


	19. Chapter 19

As she walked into her first class that day, the ecstatic shock still hadn't worn off. She just couldn't seem to think of anything else other than his lips slamming onto hers, along with his gentle, yet strong hands pulling her body against his. Her whole body just seemed to tingle with excited nerves, and she was pretty sure that if she looked at her reflection, she would see that her pupils were dilated.

She wasn't surprised that when he yanked her into him, she left her brain behind, considering the fact that she couldn't remember having a single complete, coherent thought the entire time, her body just reacting to the feeling if his demandingly soft lips, making her muscles practically melt into him, while still feeling the strong urge to shake and shiver with the heated electricity surging through them. One thing was for sure, if he did kiss her the way he did just to catch her off guard, he succeeded.

She was still trying to processes everything that she felt during those drawn out seconds. The feeling of the cold, crisp air hugging her hot skin as his hands gripped her sides, how his soft hair still held a bit of dampness from either the shower he had taken that morning or the dew that the air held, how stone like his shoulders felt, how she could taste a hint of spearmint on his breath as he let it tangle with hers after the second motion of their lips, how even though she might be grasping, she could almost feel him radiate passion and desire through her as they kissed. The last part might very well be her just grasping for some sort of reassurance that at least some of her feelings might be reciprocated.

But after she stepped back, taking her time taking her hands off the sheet of tense muscles under her fingertips, and while she felt him take just as much time removing his hands from her sides, they had both agreed that it wouldn't happen again. She had brought it up, saying that friends usually don't make out in broad day light, with him agreeing. As much as she may want to with him, and as convenient as it might be for her already tangled emotions concerning their quote unquote relationship, she didn't want to find herself in a 'friends with benefits' situation.

If Arnold had wanted that, he probably would have gone with any of the other girls that she was told had approached him, one that was a bit more 'liberal' with the sanctity of her sexuality than she was.

Her first class of the semester went by in a daze, but luckily it was mostly going over what the course was going to incorporate. An hour and a half later they were released, and gathering her things, she made her way outside. She steered herself in the direction of the dining hall to get herself lunch, and was half way there when she looked ahead of her to see something that scared her to a stop.

As she took a few shaky steps forward, making the snap decision to hide behind a seven foot tall tree whose trunk was only a couple inches in diameter, she watched the confrontation further play out. Justin's broad form towered over Arnold's calm and cool exterior a couple inches, while Arnold kept his shoulders relaxed, his expression blank, hands stuffed in his pockets, while the person across from him's expression reflected his body's anger, his face red, while she could make out the faint outlines of the veins in his neck. She couldn't hear what they were saying, and she feared for Arnold at the thought of Justin letting his anger out.

After a moment was watching Arnold's lips move, unable to read them, Justin's shoulders relaxed while his face screwed together, looking a mixture of confusion and tension. Arnold stepped around him, his calm exterior still in tact, while he stepped around Justin, continuing on his way, leaving Justin to his frustration, which she could see was boiling back up. Justin turned to look back at Arnold, and she followed his eyes, seeing him calmly walk through the campus, as if nothing had happened. While her mind yearned to know what he had said, a passage that she remembers being said to her rang in her head. _A truly brave man is ever serene, he is never taken by surprise. In the midst of catastrophe, he keeps level his mind. _

Helga let a smile, laced with a grin, curl onto her lips.

* * *

The questions and the arguments against them were slowly fading in his mind, being replaced with unfamiliar admiration and almost heartwarming thoughts.

The sight in her eyes and the nervous seriousness of her voice as she told him that she had thought about him over her holiday break only worked to further increase the volume of the nagging voice in his head, the same one that had him questioning all that he thought to be sure of this world, the same voice that had him seeing a light that he had given up searching for a long while ago.

Walking through campus to his next class, caught up in his mind as he usually was, he had just pushed open the door from the dining hall when he was snapped out of his frustrating serenity by the sound of an angry voice spitting at him. "Hey freak!" He looked up to see a sight that didn't really surprise him. He knew it was bound to happen eventually. His type were all the same, thinking that he had some sort of ownership over something that he never cared for, and could never have any ownership over to begin with even if he had cared for her. Arnold remained silent as the neanderthal stormed up to him, shoving a pointed finger into his chest. "What's this I hear about you coming on to my girlfriend?" He spat, coming a couple inches from Arnold's face.

"I would greatly appreciate it if you would take the time to practice dental hygiene every couple of years or so before you decide to talk to me at such close proximity." He said, not willing to put in the effort of raising his voice, and not even seeing the worth in raising his tempter.

Not surprised that it was taking his dull and unexercised mind a minute to process what was just said, it was a long moment before he realized that he had just been insulted. He leaned back, replacing his dull furrow with his angry scowl. "You stay away from Helga or I'll make you regret it."

"I didn't realize that I had lost my autonomy, nor did I realize that you still had the authority to say whom she does or doesn't stay away from." He said, watching as his brain started to fry inside of his thick skull.

"Well, I'm telling you to stay away from my girlfriend!" Justin spat again, shoving his finger back into his chest.

Arnold looked down to the finger being pointed into him, then back up to him, "As I understand it, you no longer have the right to be as blunt as to label her. As I understand it, you lost that right when you felt the need the get a thrill out of the feeling of cheating on her with someone who wouldn't know how to close her legs if you tied them together."

"What the hell are you saying?" He asked angrily.

"Well, we're all victims of our own gene pools. I'm going to go ahead and make the assumption that someone must have defecated in yours."

"You don't know me!" Justin spat the obvious comeback, not able to come up with a smarter reply.

"And I'd really like to keep it that way too, if you don't mind. But I'll take a minute out of the precious little time I have left on this world to tell you that you don't have any say over what I do, or what anyone else does. If you want to tell someone what they can and can't do, then get someone pregnant and become a parent. But that's a path that I would highly discourage considering that this world already has too many cave men who brag their indecency like apes beating on their chests."

Justin leaned back, seeing anger still course through his tightly flexed arms, but still looking like he was processing what he was just told.

"And the next time you feel the need to come up to me to try and spark a conversation as mentally stimulating as this one, do us both a favor and bring a dictionary." Arnold stepped around him, going on his way, letting out a heavy sigh to relieve the tenseness his muscles had built up keeping his anger in check as he always does.

* * *

After she saw Justin storm off, and after she felt that he was safely out of her way, she quickly made her way into the dining hall, grabbing a quick lunch that she ended up taking with her outside on her way to her next class. She couldn't help but feel a sense of triumph at watching Arnold with Justin. Knowing Arnold, he could have said anything, and knowing Arnold's reading habits, he probably would have used words that Justin didn't understand on purpose.

She smiled another goofy smile as the image of his calm exterior standing in front of Justin's towering form flashed in her mind. It was killing her not knowing what he said. The thought that Arnold had defended her honor almost made her knees week, especially against someone as muscular as Justin.

Her next class went by quickly, her mind still reeling from what she had witnessed, still smiling childishly at the thought that Arnold had stood up against Justin. But what Justin was doing arguing with Arnold in the first place was a mystery. They broke up a few months ago, why on earth would Justin be angry about Arnold kissing her?

She cut across the campus to head back to her dorm to get another set of books for her next class, and stopped when the front door of her building came into view. Standing just off to the side of the door was Justin, the same brunettes arms around his neck while he lazily kissed her. She knew that they were broken up, but still, the sight of them together struck a chord. As her breathing became ragged, she shuffled back, when she was startled out of it all by a familiar voice behind her. "He's doing that on purpose."

She spun around and immediately met his eyes, "What?"

"It's blatantly obvious that he's' doing that on purpose, to make you jealous."

Helga let out a breath she was holding, trying to forget what she had just seen, and what she was sure was still going on. "Why would he do that?"

"From what I gather, someone told him that we had kissed this morning, and he decided that he felt the need to assert his ownership over you and tell me to stop. And since he can't do that, I'm guessing he decided to shove his tongue down that cheerleaders throat with nothing more in that dull mind of his than hurting you. In other words, he wants your attention. And I know what your thinking, but the best revenge you can get isn't to kiss me in front of him, but to not let it bother you, and pay it no mind."

It wasn't his words that convinced her, but the softness behind his eyes. And while she felt a bit dejected at him telling her that it wasn't a good idea for her to kiss him just to get back at her ex boyfriend, she understood. "You're right." She said, looking back over her shoulder to see Justin's eyes open and pointed toward them, his lips still onto the short brunette in front of him. "What'd you say to him?" She asked with a cheerful and almost mischievous inflection.

"Nothing that he understood." He replied with a shrug, making her giggle. "Something tells me that his mother never encouraged reading as a child."

"Honestly, I don't care anymore. He wants my attention, and I'm not going to give it to him, demeaning or otherwise." She said with a confident smirk.

It was a brief second after that that she saw him fending off a smile.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Again, I know that the chapters as of late have been a bit short, but it's like I said, if I add more to the story and don't break it up proporley, it will delude it, and I do hope that you understand, and or feel the same way. **

**I would also like to take the time to thank each and every one of you whom have been reviewing so passionately on this story, and following it me as an author. I honestly didn't think this story would be as popular as it is, with it being AU and out of character on top of that. It means the world to me :)**

* * *

"So, I just have one question."

"While I'm sure you have a lot more than just one, go ahead and ask this one question." He said, looking down at the ground that was passing under their slow moving feet.

Helga and Arnold had silently agreed to walk to her next class together, she had decided that she didn't need her books from her dorm room, whose entrance was being blocked by her ex boyfriend, and started walking toward her next class, and Arnold had stayed by her side, and she slowed her pace to a calm stroll, his hands in his pockets, the sleeves of his hooded sweatshirt rolled up his forearms, the zipper down a little ways, his blank expression holding a great bit of softness behind it.

She's had this question on her mind after every time she would seemingly run into him at important moments in time, "Why is it that you seem to be stalking me?" She asked, almost accusingly.

His head snapped up to her, one brow being shot up, giving her a very wondering look, which took her a second to realize was his broadest expression he had shown her yet. "What on earth are you talking about?" He asked with a slight shake of his head.

"Well, think about it. You always seem to be... there. I mean, first there was when I first saw Justin cheating on me, when I ran into you, then there was when I was breaking up with him, then there was when you pulled me out of that frozen pond that I fell through, then there was just a little while ago when you popped up right behind me at my dorm. That's too many times to be just coincidence." She never paid it much attention at any of those times, considering any of the circumstances, but now that they were 'friends', and the layer of awkwardness had lifted between them, she did find it weird that he always seemed to be there at all the times that he was, helping her.

"First of all, people may call me a freak, but I'm not a stalker. When you tried to bulldoze me that day, I was walking to the library."

"Yeah, but how did you know that Justin cheated on me? You never really gave me a straight answer."

"The day after that barbaric gathering they called a party where we first met, when you two were sitting at that table, and he was poking backhanded insults at me, I could tell that you two were together. And when you ran into me, I looked up and saw him with his arms around another woman. I hate to break your fantasy you may have of me having psychic abilities, but it wasn't that big of a deal." He said with a small shrug.

She chuckled a bit under her breath, remembering briefly that he had looked up just after she ran into him.

"The second time you mentioned, I was getting out of a class and was cutting through the dining hall when I saw you. Again, not that big of a deal."

"Well, what about when you pulled me out of the ice?"

"Helga, I spend my weekends in the woods, you're the only other person besides me that knows that. So even you should be able to deduce that I could hear the sound of cracking ice at least a half mile away in the woods. I was out gathering firewood when I heard the ice crack and someone let out a shriek. And since I'm as familiar with those woods as I am the back of my hand, I ran towards the pond and found a pair of arms flailing from a hole in the ice."

She smiled with a nod, the quick thought of him taking her wet clothes off her, wrapping her in a blanket and carrying her off to his campsite ran through her mind. She had done a pretty good job of not thinking about him obviously seeing her half naked up until now. And she had also done a pretty good job of feeling like she didn't owe him her life. After all, she never did learn how to swim, so who knows what would have happened if he hadn't heard the ice crack. "You know, I..." She trailed off, not expecting her voice to be as soft as it came out to be, "I don't think I ever really thanked you for saving my life."

He looked over to her, his expression still much softer than she was used to, taking her aback the harder she concentrated on it, "Just..."

"Be more careful next time."

"Be more careful next time." They said in unison, with her tone on the border of mocking him.

She laughed softly, while he let out a few breaths that closely resembled chuckling under his breath while his lips held that same small facial twitch of the corner of his lips quivering ever so slightly upward into a barely quarter smirk. She could only imagine what he would look like if he were to really smile, or how it would sound to hear him really laugh. And these thoughts led to how those softly almost smirking lips would feel on hers, or on her neck, trailing down to her shoulder, how it all might feel if he would let go of his inhibitions. Her mind quickly fading into less decent thoughts, she quickly shook her head sharply enough to where he might not notice, and looked back down to the ground.

"So, why don't you have a cell phone?" Helga asked, the thought coming to her mind at the same time it was falling from her lips.

"I could tell you that I have some deep seeded philosophical, moral high ground reason, or conspiracy theorist propagandized reasoning to not have a cell phone, but the real reason is that one, I don't have that many people who want to talk to me enough for me to feel the need to carry around a device so they have the ability to bother me twenty four hours a day when I don't want to talk to them in the first place, and two, it's too expensive."

She laughed again warmly to herself, looking over to him with a warm smile to match her laughter, seeing him look down to the ground, that same soft look behind his seemingly blank expression. Before, his expression held a layer of troubled anguish to it, he just seemed to be impatient with every one, and everything around him. But now, he seems calm, almost content. It was a very subtle change, almost unnoticeable to anyone else, but to her, it was as if he was showing her a completely different side of himself.

"So..." This time, she realized that she was about to be slightly more forward, but didn't really care, "if you did, hypothetically speaking, have someone who wanted to talk to you, and you don't have a cell phone, how might this person get in touch with you?

Arnold looked over to her, his expression still calmingly blank, "That person might find it in their best interest to knock on my door."

"But, hypothetically, what if it was late at night, and this person didn't want to bother anybody else?"

"Then I would suggest to that person to say screw them and knock anyway. As long as they answer, their being upset doesn't affect you once soever, the door still opened, didn't it?"

Chuckling to herself with slow shake of her head, she turned to him again, "Do you always have a way to explain everything?"

"If I did, then I wouldn't be as confused as I am."

In a flash, the space between them went from light and calming, almost having a joking undercurrent, back to his serious, statuesque demeanor. She would have argued with him, have it not been for her desire for him to bring out his other side again, the side where she could actually picture them laying on a hillside on a patchwork blanket with him staring up at the sky with soft smile, his arm around her shoulders while she laid her head down onto his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She couldn't picture any of that with this side of him. She sighed heavily to herself and averted her eyes back toward the ground.

Eventually, they arrived at the building where her class was, and they parted ways, only somewhat reluctant now that he had put his armor back up, and she felt a little guilty that it was because of something that she said. But as she sat down in a desk in class, waiting for the rest of the class to filter in, she couldn't help but focus on the fact that for a while, he wasn't as serious. For a while, he had made her laugh, the subtle brightness in his eyes made her smile, the calming slope of his relaxed shoulders made it so that if she were to reach over and grasp onto his hand, he would grasp hers back, and maybe, just maybe brighten that barely seen smirk a little bit.

* * *

"I'm telling you, Rhonda, I don't know what it is, but he was different."

"Different how?" She asked just as Thad had pushed open the door from the kitchen with another stack of blue, plastic bowls.

Helga waited for the brunette woman went through the line with a soft smile to silently thank them to answer. "He was more open. I didn't feel as... closed off. I mean, he was almost smiling."

"And?" Rhonda asked, smirking slyly back at her.

"And what?"

"How'd you feel?" She elaborated, making a whirlwind motion with her hand.

"I felt like hugging him." Helga replied, a warm feeling filling her chest.

"Don't you want to do that all the time as it is?"

"No, it wasn't like that. It wasn't like that, fiery, electric, can't stand not to kiss him feeling. It was like I just wanted to hug him, just to feel his arms around me. It was a side of him that I could very easily daydream about going on a date with."

"Then I don't you ask him out?" Rhonda said with a shrug.

"Because isn't he suppose to ask me out first?"

"Since _when?!_" She exclaimed, with a broad roll of her eyes. "First of all, if you fall into that chauvinistic men need to make the first move nonsense, I will slap you. Second, if you wait around for him to ask you out, then you're going to be waiting a long time."

"How do you know?" Helga asked, feeling a little bit insulted.

"Because if Arnold is feeling things that he isn't comfortable with, or doesn't understand, he isn't going to be so direct as to act on them in such a forward way. If he were to ask you out, he would need to put himself out there first, which I can tell you right now, isn't going to happen." As Helga smiled a feigned smile for the pair of ratty men walking through the line, she knew Rhonda was right. He would never make the first move. She knew that he would never really put himself out there, at least not yet, not until he was comfortable with her enough to where he felt that he could truly express himself with her. "You know I'm right." Rhonda said once the pair of men were out of ear shot.

"Yeah, I know you are." She responded with a sigh.

"So... are you going to ask him out or not?" Rhonda pressed.

"I'll... I'll think about it."

While she knew he would never put himself out there, she knew that under the right circumstances, she would. And as she thought about it, she knew that if she had thought of it at the time, she would have asked him right then and there, when he was relaxed, that afternoon two days ago. But she was caught up in the feeling of being around him when he was like that, when he showed her that side of himself when he let the clouds above his head part. "Don't wait forever, Helga. If you do, you can't expect him to do the same."

"Yeah, I know." She couldn't help but feel as if she was being pressured, and she never did well with being pressured, but she knew that Rhonda was right. She needed to strike while the iron was hot, so to speak. "I'll ask him tomorrow."


	21. Chapter 21

She could feel her heartbeat quiver and shake against her throat as she made her way across the campus to her morning class. She said that she would ask him today, and she intended to, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't make a complete fool of herself doing it. She had a very strong certainty that she would end up sounding like a broken record of a nervous little girl asking the boy in school that every other girl had a crush on. She still hadn't even thought of where they would go or what they would do if she had somehow managed to get the words out where he would agree in the first place. But a part of her was grasping for the hope that he would think of something before she had to say the first corny thing that popped into her mind.

She was briskly walking down the path through the courtyard, one arm crossed over her stomach with her other hand crossed underneath it, her thumbnail being nibbled on out of nervous habit. She should be preparing herself to feel the heavy punch of rejection, but she was still trying to work up the nerve to make the request in the first place. After all, they had _just _agreed on friendship, with both of them mutually agreeing that they wouldn't make out with each other. So maybe it was a little fast to simply jump right into going out on a date.

But despite all of these crippling fears of his judgement pushing her back, feeling like she was fighting against high tide, she wanted so badly to see that softer side to him again. He hadn't shown her since that day three days ago. That brief glimpse inside him, whether he intended her to see it or not, she felt as if she fell pretty hard for that side of him in the short amount of time that it was out there. And the thought that no one else could get him to open up like that, it made it feel as if only she had a shot with him. She never did very well with competition, so having to race for him while other girls threw themselves at him didn't sound at all appealing.

Lost in her nervous and racking mind, she nearly yelped when she heard her name being said to her from not too far away. "Helga?"

She looked up, the voice alone startling her. Jumping back a step, she let out the breath that had caught from her gasp, and smiled heavily. "Hey."

Arnold raised one side of his brow slightly over to her, giving her a subtle wondering look, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I-I mean yes, everything's fine." She said nervously, brightening her smile a bit too much.

He gave her a slow nod, but didn't move to head up the steps into the building.

"So, um..." She trialed off, nervously wringing her hands just before she quickly skimmed her fingers over her outer ear to replace a few strains of hair that had fallen out of her haphazardly done pony tail, not even knowing the right words to say to pull this off, "If you're not too busy tomorrow, I was wondering if... you wanted to... r-read the next chapter of the book we were assigned for philosophy, go over it together?"

There was a thick pause between them, feeling her heart freeze inside her throat, but still trying to come off as just asking him as if it was a normal request between friends, which is what they were supposed to be to each other. And after a drawn out moment, when he didn't offer a response, she started to feel the heavy pull in her stomach of rejection, letting her heart sink with it. "Actually, I've already read it." Even though she let a small half smile push its way onto her lips, she felt her heart fall into her stomach, "But..." With that one word, it shot back up, mostly out of anxiety more than anything else, "It's one of my favorite books, and it did take me a few times reading it through before I could fully grasp what he was trying to convey, so... if you're asking for help, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to lend a hand that was willing to."

Biting back hard on the ecstatic feeling electrifying its way into her system, she simply pushed her half smile all the way into a soft smile, giving him a few sharp nods.

"If it's agreeable, you could drop by the frat house tomorrow after noon, maybe around four thirty?"

"Oh, Y-yeah, that's... that's fine."

With another barely seen smirk, unnoticeable to anyone else but her, her pulled one hand out of his pocket, motioning her to go ahead of him up the steps.

* * *

With the day going by in a hazy, dream like state, still not fully grasping that she had actually managed to talk herself into a studying together with Arnold, she stepped off the bus to go walk Mary home from kindergarten and babysit her until Grace got home. After the text message barrage from Rhonda had died down a while ago, after telling her that she had what she was referring to as a study date, Rhonda had bombarded her with messages that didn't help her at all, most of them childishly mocking her use of the term study date.

After Mary had been released, Helga grabbed her hand and led her home. "Helga, I want my braid back." Mary said, tugging on her hand as they made their way up the stairs.

Helga smiled and agreed, unlocking the door and ushering her inside. "Alright, I'll make you a snack, then I'll give you your braid back."

Mary scampered off down the hall and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her while Helga sliced up an apple and pulled out the peanut butter, arranging it neatly onto a saucer for her, setting it down onto the small dining table in the corner of the apartment. After Mary had eaten, Helga had combed her hair out and was working Mary's hair into her desired style, while Mary sat on the floor in front of the couch, her eyes glued to the after school special that was showing on the television. After an hour, just as Helga was putting a band at the bottom of her handy work, the door was opening. "Hi Mommy!" Mary cooed, waving at her from her place on the floor.

"Hey sweetheart." Grace said with her usual soft smile.

Helga patted Mary's head a couple times before standing up and making her way over to Grace just as she was setting her purse down onto the table, seeing an almost frustrated furrow in her brow. Setting a hand down onto the table top, while placing the other against her forehead, Grace groaned. "Something wrong, Grace?"

"There's a potential client, and it's a huge potential sale, but it's down in Portland. And Olga needs her assistant manager to drive down there for the sales call."

"Oh, that sounds great, is there a problem?" Helga asked, honestly not knowing why Grace seemed so frustrated.

"The meeting is tomorrow afternoon. I wouldn't be back until Saturday, around noon at the latest. Helga, I know it's asking a lot, but-"

"Say no more," She stopped her, lifting a heavy hand up, "I'd be happy to stay with Mary."

"Really? Because I can ask someone else." Even though she was very tempted to accept the offer of having someone else watch over Mary, Helga knew that it would ease both her mother and Mary if she was the one to stay with her.

"No, it's alright. I wouldn't want you worrying about Mary being alone so long with someone she isn't comfortable around." She could feel her heart sink with every passing second, but she was putting on a heavy smile nonetheless, for Grace's sake, so she didn't feel as if she was forcing Helga into anything, even though she only agreed to this out of the feeling of obligation. She was _really _looking forward to getting to spend time with Arnold, perhaps even alone, and she wasn't even shaking off the hope that they would end up kissing again, even accepting it gladly as a very real possibility. But now, all that was gone, and she couldn't help but feel a little resentment for the happy little four year old that had just received the news that her favorite baby sitter would be staying the night tomorrow.

She looked over her shoulder to Mary, who was still sitting on the floor in front of the couch, smiling brightly over to her, and Helga could already tell that the gears inside her mind spinning wildly at all the plans and ideas that were quickly shooting into her imaginative mind. But as Mary's imagination went wild with ideas for their night together, Helga's was running down the dark path of what she would have to tell Arnold.

She really didn't want to let him down, and she didn't even want to think of Grace's reaction if she were to ask if the boy she's practically chasing after could come over to a place that he's never been, and be with her daughter, unsupervised except for Helga, who would have her own plans for the two of them. And besides, even if Grace would agree, Helga wouldn't be able to get them where she wanted to with Mary present in the room.

After agreeing to pay Helga another eighty for her trouble, she made her way down to the bus stop and caught the bus back to school. Once she stepped off, she forewent heading straight to her dorm and turned toward the frat house. With many different conversations playing out in her head, she stepped heavily up the steps to the porch of the large colonial and rang the door bell. A couple moments later, a tall, rather muscular guy with brown hair was opening the door, throwing her a devilish smirk. "May I help you?" He said, trying to be suave.

Pushing down the urge to roll her eyes and push past him with a scoff, she put on a fake smile, "I'm looking for Arnold, is he here?"

His face fell, obviously being brought down by the news that she was looking for someone other than him, slumped his shoulders and stepped aside, "Yeah, upstairs, second door on the right." He said, slight annoyance crawling in his voice as he walked out of the foyer into the back room, leaving her alone to head upstairs.

Shaking her head, she made her way slowly upstairs and stepped up to his door, knocking lightly. After hearing the bed creak behind the door, followed by a short set of footsteps approaching it, the door opened, revealing Arnold, his expression hardened, but softening a bit a second later when he met her eyes. She smiled softly and prepared herself to feel terrible for having to let him down. "Hey," He said, a slightly uplifting inflection in his still low voice.

"Hey," She said just above a whisper, looking down at her feet, feeling his eyes on her.

After a pause, while she was still working out the right words that sounded all wrong in her head, he continued, "I know that I told you to knock, regardless of how the person reacts, but it might help if you have a reason to knock in the first place."

"Yeah, um... I just stopped by because I uh... I was wondering if we could reschedule our date tomorrow."

"Our what?" He asked, sounding honestly astonished at her use of the word 'date'.

"Oh, well I-I..." She let her sentence fall, not willing to tell him that she had her heart set on it being a date, and not willing to let him know how much embarrassment was sinking it's way into her system.

"Listen, Helga," Her breath caught slightly, it still always got to her when he called her by name, "I didn't mean to make you think that I had agreed to a date, but I honestly thought that you just wanted help with the text."

Futility trying to push back her heartbreak, and utter embarrassment, she forced another smile and nodded, "No, I didn't really think of this as a date either, it's just... the word slipped out a guess." She lied.

He paused and averted his eyes down to the floor, "Well, if you still need help, you know where to find me, quite obviously." He said, and even though she could still feel that he was genuine, and even seeing that his softened exterior was still showing, she couldn't help but feel the need to get as far away from his as possible. The only response she offered him was a brief nod, not trusting her voice to come out unsoiled as she turned down the hall way without another word.

As she slowly made her way down the hall, she heard the hinges of his door creak as he slowly pushed the door closed, hearing a moment of silence before she heard the door shut. She had just stepped down a few steps when she heard a very faint sound of a very muffled groan, but she paid it no mind and continued down the stairs a little quicker, very eager to crawl under her covers, hoping to get lost in another dream of the two of them where he would let go of his inhibitions.

But as she let herself out into the cooling humidity of the January evening, she knew it would never really happen.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: So, I failed to mention that with this story, I now have four stories that have reached over 120 reviews. And four out of five isn't bad at all! **

**It always surprises me when I see how much people love my writing, and especially when I've been called a 'titan' of this small fandom. It's truly flattering, and I love all of you for supporting me and my writing. Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

* * *

Phasing out in his mind, he pulled his backpack on over his shoulders, and turned to head out his door. It was a little colder than usual for this time of year, but he was leaving his sweatshirt behind, maybe out of a petty attempt to prove to himself that he was stronger than he felt himself to be by weathering the temperature without it. He pushed open his door and slid it shut securely behind him, pushing on the knob a few times to make sure that it had shut before he made his way downstairs and outside, feeling a wave of prickly goosebumps hit his arms at the brisk morning air.

He's beaten himself up for a lot of things before, he's been beating himself up since he was just a child, but this...

He had gotten used to the idea that this voice inside his head was simple insanity, but in that moment when he watched her turn away from him with nothing more than a nod and move down the hall, that voice had forcefully willed him to go after her, for a reason he still hasn't been able to find. And he knew that what they had agreed to was a date, he knew that when he watched her sweating bullets when she asked him help with a book that was actually easier to grasp than most of the things he's read. She was of above average intelligence, and even he could tell that.

And he didn't know what was bothering him more, the fact that he had told her that he didn't know it was to be a date between them, or the fact that she had come by to reschedule in the first place. He hasn't looked forward to anything for a long time, and it embarrassed him that he was getting excited about something at all, and even more so when he felt let down that she told him that she couldn't make it.

But why?

He's spent more time trying to figure out this one question more in the past couple of weeks than any other time in his life. Why? Why did he feel this way, what was he feeling in the first place, and why is it that it seemed to only be her that made him feel this way? It just seemed that whenever she was around, or even when she would squeeze herself into his thoughts, all of those questions that had gone answered only with the declaration of ignorance, all of the sudden didn't matter. The thought of her made him feel as if answering those questions with I don't know was actually acceptable, and that the fact that he doesn't know the answer was something he could live with.

But why her?

Why was it only her? It was true that she was attractive, even more so to him when she didn't have the need to flaunt it, or even that she didn't know that she was attractive. Humble was a trait that was so often hard to find in the world that finding it in her gave him such a sense of refreshment that it was almost frightening. But having his whole world view shook to its core, when he had always been so sure of it, having proven it to himself time and time again, it made him angry.

And it wasn't the simple frustration that he felt on a daily basis, watching as the people around him exhibited an almost resentment for having the capability of higher thought. It was a clench in his gut that tightened every time he felt as if she had shaken the ground beneath his feet in such a way where he already felt like he was grasping for arguments to help steady himself again. And the simple fact that she had this latent ability, and could walk away so easily, it left his conscience to tell him that he was stupid for not realizing that what she was saying was the truth all along, and what he thought was completely wrong.

He's told himself to keep his distance from her because of this, but seeing that light whenever he heard her voice and then having it dashed whenever she would leave, it always seemed to draw him closer every time. Every time, he seemed to will himself to push her away, only to pull her closer after he did so. And every time, it was getting harder and harder to push.

But despite all of this, he knew that they could never really be together. If she knew everything there was to know, she would probably never forgive him for telling her. But even he can tell that she feels something between them, something that seems even foreign to her. And he's told himself that he's faced so much that he doesn't have the need to feel scared of anything, but whatever it is between them was scaring him, and as hard as it is to let go of whenever he gives in and acts upon it, when the dust clears, he's only left with fear.

As all these thoughts shot through his mind, over and over again, feeling as if he was belittling himself, he shot a glance forward and physically stopped, feeling a foreign surge of anger shoot through him that sent a barrage of emotions that he would have to analyze another time. As for now, he would just have to give into that annoying little voice in his head and let it consume him and take over his actions as it had before.

* * *

Helga pushed herself off her mattress, grabbing her phone from underneath her pillow to turn off the alarm before it sounded.

She had never felt this rejected in her entire life. And at that point when she was walking back to her dorm, she was looking forward to spending so much time with Mary, whose biggest problem was what dolls to play with that day. And in truth, she did have fun. They had ordered pizza that night, and watched old cartoon movies when the characters would randomly break into a cheesy song, that both Mary and Helga found adorable and fun. She had forgotten about her own personal problems until she was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling on the couch, willing herself to sleep.

She went about her normal morning routine and got dressed, gathered her things and made her way outside to head to her class. They hadn't said anything to each other on Friday in class, and only looked at each other when she was sure that he wasn't looking at her, but could feel his eyes on her every once in a while. He had put that wall back up, silently pushing her away as far as he could. And she couldn't help but feel like a child whom had gotten in trouble, and he was the grown up whom had found out and looked down on her. She felt stupid for even thinking that it was a date, and maybe it was stupid.

After all, going over a chapter of a book that she found pretty bland didn't sound all that romantic. It's not like he had agreed to a candle light dinner while he fed her grapes or anything. But still, she decided to be honest with herself and admit that that's what she wanted. She decided to be honest with herself and admit that she wanted to fall in love with him. And she felt that it was important to make that distinction. She didn't just want to love him, although maybe that's all that he needs. She wants to fall in love _with _him.

She wants to know what it's like to be unable to stop your heart from spinning out of control and going wild with your passion and desire and love for the other person, to be unyielding in your affection, to know what it's like to shed your inhibitions and just dive into it without fear of the future.

As she felt that she would never have this with him, or anybody else, she suddenly realized that someone was approaching her. She looked up, hoping that it was the person she wanted it all to happen with, only to see the person she didn't want anything to do with slowly approaching her. He smiled softly, and maybe a bit nervously as he slowed to a stop in front of her. She kept a deadpan brow glaring into him, waiting for him to move. "Hey," He said.

"I'm done talking to you." She said, stepping around him, only to feel him grab onto her arm as she passed. She forcefully jerked her arm away, and turned around, shooting him daggers.

"I just wanted to apologize." He said, an almost pathetic tone coming into his voice.

"For what? For cheating on me, for lying about cheating on me, or getting mad and threatening to beat up a guy who helped me break up with you because you cheated on me?" She only half rhetorically asked, crossing her arms, raising one side of her brow.

He let his head fall forward and ran his hand through his hair. "I know I screwed up."

"Please don't tell me you're just now came to that realization."

"Helga, I'm sorry, okay?"

"No you're not." She said, not believing him for a second. "If you were actually sorry, you wouldn't have flaunted your new girlfriend in my face the other day."

"I didn't mean to-"

"Yes you did. You were jealous that I kissed Arnold, and so you tried to get my attention by shoving your tongue down her throat. But then again, I guess she is used to having things being shoved down her throat." She shot back, not really knowing why she she felt the need to insult the girl, but didn't feel bad about it.

Much to her surprise, she saw Justin smirk as he began to chuckle.

"What?" Her brow scrunched together as his laughter became more evident.

"I forgot how funny you were." He said, lifting his eyes up to her again with a soft smile.

She couldn't help but feel a bit better, until a thought popped into her mind, "She cheated on you, didn't she?" She asked, attitude still thick in her voice.

His head fell again, his soft smile disappearing in a flash as he nodded. She simply sighed and shook her head, _at least he knows how it feels. _"Turns out she was sleeping with two other guys on the team, and none of them knew."

"If you came to me looking for pity, you came to the wrong person."

"No, I didn't. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for cheating on you. And I'm not asking you to take me back." She tried to fight the little bit of disappointment that she felt in her heart when he said that, "I thought that what me and her had was special, but..."

"Well... now you know how it feels." Her anger was slowly dissipating, and she was trying her hardest to get it to boil back up, even flashing back to the time when she first saw him kiss that other girl that day in the ally, but just couldn't manage it. She let her head fall forward a bit, uncrossing her arms and stuffing her hands into her pockets.

"So, are you and Arnold..." Justin began.

Helga looked back up, and smiled despite herself and shook her head. "No, we've only kissed a few times. And it didn't really mean anything." She lied, more for his sake than her's, he probably didn't want to know how intense those kisses had felt. Justin simply nodded, not meeting her eyes.

"If you get the chance, can you let him know that I'm sorry for getting in his face?"

_Like he cares, _she chuckled to herself, biting back to scoff that was rising. "Yeah, I'll let him know."

There was a pause between them before Justin began again, "Well, I've got to get to practice, so I better go."

"Alright," She said with a nod. It was a moment before she saw him lift his arms up to her, silently asking for a hug, and she felt enough trepidation to where it scared her.

"Just as friends?" She sighed heavily, ending in a smile before she gave in. Stepping forward into his embrace, fighting off the unfamiliar feeling of betrayal shoot through her as she placed her hands against his back. After too long of a moment, he stepped back with a smile and quickly went off through the campus. She shook her head and turned around to continue heading to class, until she looked up to see Arnold walking toward her. Her heart skipping a beat, and coming to the obvious conclusion that he had seen her hug her ex boyfriend, judging by the speed at which he was walking toward her, seeing purpose in his stride, she stopped. "Arnold..."

Her guilt over what had happened was quickly replaced by utter confusion the closer he got to her and didn't slow down.

"Arnold?" She tried again, but didn't have time to ask a third time by the feeling of his lips being sealed against hers. As that all too familiar, yet all too exciting wave of heated electric ecstasy washed over her, being accompanied by the feeling of complete surprise at his action, she felt her already sensitive skin shiver when she felt his hand press against the small of her back, pressing her body into his, while her own hands, which were out by her sides, hanging out in the air limply, found his tense shoulders.

His lips sat against hers heatedly, yet unmoving, and it was a brief thought that shot through her quickly numbing mind that it was the longest kiss they had shared yet, but it was robbed when he moved his soft lips against hers, shooting another wave of fire through her, making her muscles prickle with excitement, while her arms slowly coiled over his shoulders, her palms pressing against his shoulder blades, while his own hands began to slowly move against her back, and she couldn't help but pretend that she didn't have a shirt on so he would be exploring her bare skin.

This time, it was her lips that moved first, opening her mouth fully to him, her tongue shooting out and running itself against his, simply from the feeling of wanting to get more from him. They may have agreed not to make out with each other, but as her hand finally went into his uncombed hair, while his left hand slid around to her side, still pressing her into him, she couldn't help but wonder if they were never meant to be just friends. As their lips synced together in another slow kiss, that she had a hard time not feeling passion from, he let her lips go softly, with the electricity still sparking through them.

She kept her hands planted against his shoulder blades, one still lingering in his hair, while he kept his hands on the small of her back, refusing a retreat that she had no intention of making. "Will you?" He asked her, almost cryptically in a low, husky voice.

"Will I what?" She asked back, not opening her eyes against the feeling of their breaths tangling between each other.

"You know what." He said, his voice a little bit more husky than before, making a small shiver crawl up her spine.

She paused and let a gaping smile curl onto her still tingling lips, realizing what he was asking her, "Yes."


	23. Chapter 23

Having just slipped on their aprons and hair nets, Rhonda and Helga both made their way out of the kitchen to start their time, with Helga doing the bowls this time, and Rhonda serving. It was the following Friday after Arnold had practically ran up to her and smashed his lips against hers in the most intense kiss they had ever shared, and then kept her close while he asked her if she would go out with him.

She could never imagine how much it took him to do it, to put that much of himself out there for her, and the fact that he did it while their noses were still touching made it that much more exciting. After she had said yes, she pressed against his hair, pushing his lips back to her simply because she wanted to keep kissing him, surprising him but earning another few sweet motions of his soft lips. They had separated and even though he could barely make eye contact with her, she could tell that he was trying to put his armor back on, but failing miserably.

"So, where are you and Arnold going on your date?" Rhonda asked next to her.

"Just to a movie tomorrow afternoon." She answered, a soft smile working its way quickly onto her lips. It didn't sound like much to Rhonda, but that's because she didn't know that Arnold had spent his weekends in the woods for so long, so him coming out of the woodwork to go out with her to a movie, it said a lot to her.

"Mmm, dark theater, afternoon, I get it." Rhonda said, mischief in her voice with a Cheshire grin, looking down into the soup in front of her.

"No, Rhonda, just a movie." Helga replied, hiding the fact that it could very well turn into what Rhonda obviously had in mind.

As the familiar brunette woman pushed he way in, coming up to the counter to Helga whom had just handed her a bowl with a smile, Rhonda continued, "Oh, come on, Helga, you and Arnold can't keep your hands off each other." Rhonda said, looking over to her. Helga looked over to Rhonda with a bit of a scowl, silently telling her to keep her mouth shut in front of the patrons, while the brunette woman in front of them was staring at them wide eyed. Rhonda looked over to her and smiled nervously, "Sorry." The woman simply smiled uneasily as she usually does and made her way to a table.

"Geez, Rhonda, why don't you tell them what color underwear you have on." Helga quirked under her breath once the woman was out of ear shot.

"But really, Helga, you two can't seem keep your hands to yourselves, and you expect to sit next to him in a dark movie theater for two hours?"

"We haven't even kissed since Tuesday when he asked me out." She defended. They had talked every once in a while, and even today after class, Helga had approached him to ask if he was serious about asking her out, to which he replied he if he was joking, he would have been laughing, which he wasn't, meaning that he was obviously serious about it.

It wasn't until the day after he had asked her out that she realized that he might have simply done it out of jealousy, seeing her hug her ex boyfriend and decided to make his move while he still had time, but she wanted this too badly to be nit-picky about how she got it. True, she might be a little desperate to be with him, but she figured that if he did it out of a spur of jealousy, he's had plenty of time to back out if he truly wanted to.

"The only thing that I'm worried about is what to wear." Helga said after about ten minutes of silence, except for greeting the people passing in front of them.

"Why?"

"Well, if I over dress and he's just wearing his usual t-shirt and jeans, then I'll feel ridiculous, and if I under dress and he shows up wearing a shirt and tie, I'll still feel ridiculous." It was a fear that she's had for the past week. She was leaning toward him just showing up in his normal look, in which case she would just wear something casual. But in the case that he would show up wearing something a little nicer, she would feel bad for making him go through the trouble when she was wearing something a lot simpler.

Either way, no matter what she wore, she knew that she would be a nervous wreck tomorrow afternoon.

* * *

"Rhonda, I'm nervous." Helga rushed as Rhonda opened the door to find her roommate pacing quickly across their dorm room.

"Helga..." Rhonda said steadily, coming up to her to brace her hands against her shoulders, halting her in the middle of the room, "It's just a movie. It's not like you two are going to rob a bank and drive off into the sunset or anything." Rhoda let her arms fall back to her sides with a reassuring smile.

"I know, I know, but still, this is our first date. And we agreed not too long ago that we were friends, and now we're going out on a date?"

"So you two just didn't fit in the friend zone, so what?" Rhonda shrugged, falling down onto her bed.

Helga let out a long, shallow breath, running her fingers through her hair. She had a half an hour before Arnold was due to show up, and she wasn't nearly ready. She was debating taking another quick shower, but deciding against it every time, and now, she didn't have enough time even if she wanted to. She decided to go with a simple outfit, her favorite pair of blue jeans, and a light pink t-shirt, with her sweatshirt pulled over it, with her hair back in a pony tail. She had even spritzed herself with some perfume from a small bottle that was tucked away in her chest by her bed.

"If it makes you feel any better, I saw Arnold when I was coming in, and he's in his usual clothes, so you can stop freaking out about it." Rhonda said from her bed, pulling out a text book from her backpack.

It did make her feel a little better, but it also brought on a whole new set of worries. What if he doesn't think of this as anything special, what if he forgot about the date, what if doesn't want to go anymore? She shook away each thought as they came, trying to be confident in herself for once. He asked her, he put himself out there for her and asked her because he wanted to explore whatever it is they have. He asked her because he wants to find out what it is as much as she does, or at least she hopes.

After another twenty minutes of nervous pacing, there was a knock on the door, making Helga's heart stop in her throat. She shot a look over to Rhonda who nodded over to the door with a smile. Steeling herself and letting out a sharp breath, she stepped forward and flung the door open to find him with his hands in his pockets, looking down the hall way, his front facing away from her. He looked over to her after a quick moment and raised his brow. "Hey," He said in his usual voice, still holding a softness that only she could pick up on.

"Hey," She said with a bright smile, feeling a little bashful.

"Is it safe to assume you're ready?" He asked with another almost there smirk.

She let out a breathy chuckle and averted her eyes, running her fingers over her ear, "Yeah," She turned around and grabbed her phone off her bed, stuffing her wallet in her back pocket and waved goodbye to Rhonda, who winked at her and mouthed the words 'good luck' to her. Helga rolled her eyes and closed the door.

In silence, they made their way outside and turned to head off campus. After a few minutes of silence, she felt the pressure to say something, anything, but couldn't think of anything that sounded natural. "Ambergris." He said out of nowhere.

She looked over to him with a wondering look, "Huh?"

"Ambergris," He repeated, looking over to her. "In other words, regurgitated sperm whale vomit."

Her brow scrunched together, having no idea what he was talking about. "Huh?" She asked again.

He let out a breath of air resembling a chuckle and looked down at the ground again, "It's used as a bonding agent in the making of perfumes and colons, mostly by the ancient Egyptians. While it's been largely replaced with synthetics, and the trading of Ambergris is banned in the United States and Australia, that perfume you're wearing may have been made with sperm whale vomit."

With a sudden feeling of disgust washing over her, she cringed and shivered heavily, "Ew!" By her side, she let him let out the first real chuckle that he ever had, the tone of his voice low, while his very soft smirk showed just a millimeter of his teeth. Even though she felt the desperate need to take a shower and scrub every flake of skin off of herself, she felt her heart go weightless in her chest. "How do you know that?"

"I read a lot." He said with a small shrug of his relaxed shoulders.

She laughed to herself and things fell silent between them again, but it felt more comfortable than it was a minute ago. As her mind suddenly flashed back to when he asked her a few days ago, a thought wandered into her brain that was being voiced before she could stop it, "How many other girls have you kissed?" She felt embarrassed that she had asked, but still didn't stop him from answering.

Arnold looked over to her with one side of his brow raised.

"Just curious." She halfheartedly explained.

"Just one." Her heart picked up a little bit at his answer, seeing that he was telling the truth, and at the fact that her nonsensical fear of him having a diverse history of past relationships. After a moment, seeing a faraway look in his emerald eyes, he continued, "It wasn't even me who kissed her, she kissed me, and I still feel bad about it."

"Why?"

He sighed heavily, still not meeting her eyes as he stopped and sat down at the bus stop they were heading toward, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "It was in my first year of high school. Her name was Lila, she was Arnie's girlfriend at the time. She came over one day, and I was sitting outside reading when she came outside and sat down next to me. I guess she had asked Arnie about me and decided that she felt the need to tell me what it is I need. So, I decided to share with her my views on the matter, and I may have shaken her religious fundamentalist belief system in doing so. The next day, she came up to me after school with tears in her eyes and told me to take it all back. I guess she was looking for some kind of comfort that I wasn't giving her, so when I turned to walk away, she kissed me."

"So, she tried to get you to go to church, and you told her your thoughts on the subject, and she couldn't handle it?"

Arnold let out another heavy sigh, letting his head fall again, "I don't think Arnie has ever really forgiven me. Ever since then, matters concerning the existence of a higher power I refuse to discuss." Helga nodded and let her eyes fall to the ground in front of her. "What about you?" He asked. She lifted her eyes back up to him to see him looking over to her.

It took her a moment of pause to figure out what he was asking her, and when she did, she smiled a bit nervously. "Oh, the only other guy I've kissed is Justin." She felt it easy to tell him since he had told her that he's only kissed one other girl besides her, and she felt a little better knowing that it wasn't him who had initiated it.

"Why were you with him?" He asked, his inflection sounding as if he honestly wanted to know, not coming out as an accusation.

She looked over to him, and thought back. "We were friends in high school. We were in Biology class together and we sat next to each other. We didn't even really get together until the summer before he left for college. I guess the only reason I was with him was because he was the only one that ever seemed interested in me. But we made good friends, when he went off to college, we would talk in the internet, and text each other, and call each other all the time. And every once in a while he would come back for the weekend."

"Did you ever meet his parents?" He asked, interrupting her memories.

"Yeah, all the time, why?"

He let out another sigh and nodded, leaning back against the bench. "I had a theory whenever I saw that he was cheating on you, and I'm just trying to prove it."

"What was it?" She asked, honestly curious.

"I thought that the only reason he kept you as his quote unquote girlfriend was to show you to his parents. My theory was that you were the girl that he brought home to show mom and dad, while he kept someone on the side who was... less reputable."

Her heart going cold in her chest, his theory made sense. Whenever he would come back to Hillwood on the weekends when they were together, it would always be at his house. And his parents were always very nice to her, bordering on treated her like their own daughter. She could tell herself that he probably didn't mean to, to show her off to his parents while he kept another girl on the side that his parents wouldn't approve of, but the more she thought about it, the more it became true. Justin's father always did come off as having a set future set out for his son, go to school, get a good job, marry a girl who would give him children, who would stay at home and be a housewife.

She stayed silent and leaned back against the bench, mirroring his posture but crossing her legs and arms. "I don't like having a mind that works like mine does." He said next to her.

She looked over to him, seeing him having his arms crossed also, his eyes down onto his lap, "Gift and a curse?" She asked, amusement lacing her voice.

He chuckled under his breath and shook his head, "No. A gift can be returned, a curse can be lifted. It's just a burden." If she wasn't hearing things, she could hear sadness start to seep into his tone.

After a moment, she scooted past the seven or so inches that separated them and reached over, grabbing onto his hand. He looked over to her with a raised brow, silently asking her for an explanation. "You never said what we were seeing." His brow raised a little higher, and she continued, "At the movies."

He let out another breath and fought off a smirk, "It doesn't matter, I'll just keep the analytical commentary internal."

Their eyes locked in an almost magnetic gaze, feeling his eyes pull her forward. It wasn't until her breath grow shallow that her eyes darted down to his lips and realized that they were closer to her's than she expected. She looked back up to his eyes, seeing that they were down onto her lips, which had gone dry from her shallow breath. Once she felt his breath fan off her, her eyelids fluttered closed, feeling her heart race inside her chest, her blood rushing wildly through her veins. As another one of his slow exhales fanned off her, it was a brief thought that this would be the first kiss that wasn't by surprise, that wasn't forced on by the other.

Feeling his lips softly graze hers, she was about to give into the pull and just kiss him until she heard the heavy squeal of the breaks of the bus stopping in front of them. She jumped back, her eyes shooting open to look in front of them, then back to him, to see his eyes a bit wide. Her breath still frozen in her throat, it wasn't until she felt his fingers slide over hers that she realized that they were still holding hands. He stood up and stepped up the steps into the bus, leaving her desire untempered inside of her. How was she supposed to sit next to him in the movies after that and keep her hands to herself?

_This movie is going to be hell. _


	24. Chapter 24

If someone had asked her to describe how she felt walking into a movie theater with him, with her holding a small popcorn he had bought her, she couldn't give them an explanation very easily. In so many words, she felt nervously calm. She had suggested that they see the newest horror movie, with him urging her that he would keep his off handed, analytical, witty comments on the movie to himself. She didn't want to say that it was just so she could have an excuse to reach over and grasp his hand when something terrifyingly unexpected would happen, but she would be lying if she did.

As they found a pair of vacant seats in the middle of the theater, they sat down, with him propping his foot up on his knee and looking down at his lap. Being with him on an official date hasn't really sunk in yet, either that or her first date with him wasn't going as expected. Then again, she didn't know what to expect with him. She could tell once they got off the bus and made their way toward the movie theater that he had put his armor back up, withdrawing that soft side of him that had asked her out in the first place.

And once he had, the untempered desire and frustrating urge she felt to smash her lips furiously against his went with it.

Helga slowly popped single kernels into her mouth, and as she did so, looking over to him, seeing his eyes down onto his lap, a thought occurred to her. "You know, I've never seen you eat anything."

His head slowly turned toward her, with him raising his brow a bit, "You've probably never seen me go to the bathroom either, but that doesn't mean I don't."

She laughed and averted her eyes forward, nodded her head, "Yeah, you have a point, but still, I've never seen you in the dining hall eating or anything, and the only thing I ever see you with is a bottle of water."

"Before your imagination goes too rampant, I'm human, Helga." Her breath catching a little bit with her chuckle, she smiled. It still always got to her when he would call her by name.

"Okay then, why don't we get something to eat after this then?" She challenged with an almost devilish grin.

He let out a sigh, and looked down at the thing of popcorn sitting in her lap, "Will it be less expensive than that four and a half dollar popcorn you're holding?"

"I offered to pay." She defended.

"And I've read Bushido four times, which has a chapter on politeness."

"It also has a chapter called the training and position of a woman." She said, catching his attention with a bit of a surprised look. "Yes, I read it."

He let his eyes fall back to his lap with another fought off smirk, which he was failing to fend off. She had picked up a copy at a book store a week after Grace had read off that passage to her that day on Christmas. She narrowed her vision over to him, and then lifted her popcorn up to him, earning a quizzical look. "What?"

"I want to see you eat something."

"I'm not hungry, Helga." He said with a dismissing shake of his head that didn't dismiss her at all.

"I didn't say that I cared whether or not you're hungry. I said I want to see you eat something." She said again, waving the bag in front of him from side to side.

"Why is this so important to you?" He asked with the bag of popcorn still in his face.

"It's not, I'm just trying to annoy you." She said with an almost innocent smile. He let out another long sigh, his eyes going down into the bag in front of him. It was a moment before he reached up and pulled out a single kernel, lifting it up to her as if to prove to her that he actually had one, and popped it into his mouth. After another moment, she continued. "I said I want to see you _eat _it, not hold it in your mouth until it magically disappears." He let out yet another frustrated sigh, giving her a bit of a deadpanned expression, and she watched anxiously as she saw his atom's apple moved against his throat. She smiled triumphantly and popped a kernel into her own mouth.

"Should I consider the bad taste left in my mouth your gift to me?" He rhetorically asked with one side of his brow raised.

She giggled mischievously and continued to pop kernels into her mouth just as the lights of the theater darkened. As a silence fell between them, she felt a pulse was no longer felt nervous, she just felt happy. The movie started, and her attention went to the story playing out in front of her, but briefly looking over to her side to see him with his eyes either on the screen, but more often just looking away from her, with her smiling to herself every time she would look back to the front. As things popped out of nowhere, and peoples lives were taken from them in gruesome ways, she would latch onto his hand just as she predicted, and hoped she would. And every time, her eyes would go down onto their joined hands, feeling the blood in her entire arm speed up just from the feeling of part of them touching.

The movie ended, without a happy ending, but that didn't surprise her since what horror movie ever has a real happy ending to it. As they made their way out into the lobby, she tossed the empty popcorn bag in the trash and fell into step with him until they were outside into the brisk afternoon air. "So what'd you think?" She asked him, trying to spark a conversation as their pace was slowed to a calm stroll.

"It was predictable." He said, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Oh, really?" She challenged, earning a raised brow from him. "I saw you jump when that one guy broke through the wall."

"I only jumped because your fingernails were digging into my knuckles." He weakly threw off her accusation.

"Right..." She said with a smile. With another pause falling between them, she didn't want to end the joking tone the seemed to have gotten a hold of, but she felt the pull to say it. "I uh..." She began, feeling a slight blush rise in her cheeks, "I had a really nice time." She finished, looking over to him.

"You say that like it's over."

"Oh, well... I just thought..." She trailed off, not knowing how to explain why she had assumed that they would just go their separate ways after the movie had ended.

"You said that you wanted to get something to eat, didn't you?" He said, stopping to turn to face her.

"I was just trying to bug you." She shrugged, not knowing why she was trying to get out of spending more time with him.

"And it worked, but if you were at all serious, there's a Chinese place not to far from here." He said with a nod, motioning down the street.

She felt a childish smile fight it's way onto her face at his offer, "Only if you let me pay."

* * *

"I have to warn you, I never could figure out chopsticks." She told him, heading back to their small booth near the back wall.

She heard him let out a few low chuckles as he sat down across from her, just now realizing that he had grabbed two pairs of chopsticks. "I'll teach you. It's not that hard." He grabbed her fork and put it next to his plate while he slid the pair of chopsticks out of the paper and broke them apart, handing them to her. She took them in one hand, waiting for him to break his own chopsticks apart. Silently instructing her, he took one chopstick in his hand, placing it against his thumb and palm, pinching it against his middle finger, waiting for her to do the same, which she did, feeling it a bit awkward. He then placed the other chopstick against the pad of his thumb and pinched it with his first finger, then reached down and easily pulled up a green pepper, slipping it into his mouth with ease.

She let out a breath, steeling herself, and reached down, tightly gripping her chopsticks in her fingers, grabbing a piece of meat, lifting it off her plate and waiting to see if it stayed in between the chopsticks, then lifting it quickly up to her mouth before it had the chance to. "Ha!" She yelped in victory.

With a slow shake of his head and a few breaths being let out through his nose that resembled chuckling, he continued to pick up vegetables with ease. "So, you've only had one boyfriend?" He asked after a few minutes of silence, his inflection saying to her that he didn't believe her.

She swallowed the food that she was chewing on and answered, "Yeah. Why, is that so hard to believe?"

"Actually, yes, it is. Well, it is and it isn't."

"What do you mean?" She asked before popping another piece of chicken into her mouth.

"Well, someone like you I wouldn't be surprised if she's only had one boyfriend." As a feeling of insult and anger started to boil in her system, he raised his hand, "Let me finish." He said, making eye contact. "When I say 'someone like you', I mean..." He looked down at his plate again, seeing his shoulders harden, "someone with your looks."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He very softly smirked again and lifted his eyes up to her again. "Let me explain how guys think. Typically, when we see someone who looks the way you do, we think one of three things. 'She must have a boyfriend'," He said, counting on his finger, "'She's way out of my league', or the seemingly most popular one, 'I'd really like to...' well, you can infer upon the rest. So, it's not at all surprising to me if, as you put it, no one seemed interested."

"So, if what you're saying is true, I'm so good looking that guys think they don't have a chance?" Her breath was quickly becoming choppy over her quivering pulse at the realization that he had just said that she was pretty, in so many words.

"Basically." He said simply, picking up another piece of food.

"Then, if what you say is true, then what did you think?" His eyes lifted up to her again and she continued, "When you first saw me, what did you think?"

He smirked softly again and let his eyes fall back down, "When I first saw you I thought 'what the hell is she doing here?'"

"...Huh?"

Arnold let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair, looking over to her again. "The first time I saw you was at that stupid party, remember? During that ridiculous game. When they pointed over to you, I saw that you were very out of place being in the middle of a frat house party, and you didn't look at all like you were the typical party type."

She smiled and nodded, "Oh yeah." She said, the memories of that stressful night floating into her mind. "How'd you know what they would dare you to do?"

"They do the same thing to me every time they pull me into their stupid games. Like I told you, those simpletons are as predictable as the sunrise."

"Clockwork." She corrected, earning another look from him after he had leaned forward to continue eating, "You said 'predictable as clockwork', not the sunrise." He tried fruitlessly to fend off the smile that was pushing it's way through, but ended up softly smirking at her again before she continued. "I still can't believe Justin wasn't jealous about that night."

"Why, did he tell you he wasn't the jealous type?"

As she reluctantly thought back to when her and Justin were first seeing each other, she nodded, "Yeah, he did actually."

"Then he lied to you."

Her brow scrunched together a bit before she began, "How do you know?"

He leaned back with a soft yet blank expression on his face, "Because every guy is the jealous type. They can tell you whatever they want, but every guy is the jealous type. It's built into our neural network." He said, pointing to his temple. "It's in our biology to be jealous. Some guys may act upon it differently than others, and some guys may get less jealous than others, but either way, every guy gets jealous in some capacity."

"So are you telling me that you get jealous?" She asked, already knowing the right answer, but simply asking him to see what he would say.

"Why do you think I kissed you on Tuesday?" He asked, waiting for her to answer.

She smiled and leaned back with a nod, "Because of Justin."

"If I may ask, what possessed you to hug him?"

As a feeling of guilt quickly sunk into her system, she nervously began to explain, "Well, he came up to me that morning to apologize for... well, for everything. And he even wanted to apologize to you for getting in your face, but I didn't think you would care." Seeing him softly shake his head, giving her an affirmation, she continued, "No, I didn't think so. But, apparently, that girl that he was cheating on me with cheated on him."

There was another thick pause between them, and she could tell that he was biting his tongue, wanting to ask her something, but pushing it back. Thinking that she knew what he wanted to ask, she continued, "But, just because he was cheated on, doesn't change the fact that he cheated on me. Our relationship is so far gone, it's nonexistent." She said, popping another piece of chicken into her mouth. When she looked back up, she could see his trepidation gone, the internal debate he was having over.

The rest of their meal was eaten in silence, and after she had paid for the both of them, they made their way back outside to catch a bus back to campus. As they sat down at the bus stop, waiting for it to arrive, she felt the pull to say something that was bugging her ever since he had asked her. "So, I find it hard to believe that you've only kissed one other girl."

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Well, I mean... you're just so..." She trailed off, not knowing how to explain to him how alluring he is.

"Look, I know that you might think I have some... assorted sexual history of one night stands, but you have to take into consideration who I am. Why would I do something so meaningless like having a one night stand when I spend most of my time searching for the hidden meaning in things?"

"Yeah, I understand that, but... you've never had a girlfriend?"

The only answer she got was shake of his head.

Fruitlessly steeling herself, her breath once again growing shallow and choppy over her rising pulse, her heart thumping inside her chest, she continued, "Well," She began, fighting off the shake in her voice, "How'd you like to fix that?"

* * *

**A/N: In case you guys don't know, I love cliffhangers ;)**

**And I know you guys hate me for them, especially anyone who followed When the Sun Rises, which is chok-full of cliff hangers! I won't keep you guys hanging for long though. Don't worry. **


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I know that this chapter is coming at you quickly, but I can't stand having it sit in my doc manager any longer! I'm posting it anyway! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

As Helga floated down the hallway to her dorm, her whole body feeling limp and light, she pushed open the door with hazy, half lidded eyes. She shut the door behind her, and slouched heavily against it, letting out a long sigh. Rhonda looked up at her from her place on her bed, reading her text book, and spoke. "How'd it go?" She asked. Paying her no mind, Helga breezed over to her bed, falling face first into her mattress, her muscles feeling light and tingly, but at the same time heavy. "Helga?" Rhonda prodded for an answer. Helga only giggled happily into her bed, soon being overtaken with giggles being muffled by her covers. She turned over, her back hitting her bed with a thud, letting out a long, light breath, staring up at the ceiling. "Helga, what happened?"

"Hmm?" She hummed, not hearing her over her dancing mind.

"What... happened?" Rhonda pressed again.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, her voice light and airy, along with the rest of her.

Hearing Rhonda slap her text book closed and tossed it onto her bed, she began, "You come floating in here with bubbly hearts shooting out your butt after you just had a date with Arnold that lasted," Rhonda paused and looked at the clock in the windowsill, "four hours, so don't give me that, sister."

Helga felt a giggle rising in her again as her chest tightened with laughter. Sucking in a long breath, she lifted her head off the mattress to look over to her, meeting her eyes, "I have a boyfriend." She said, biting down hard onto her bottom lip, biting back the face splitting smile that broke out across her face, her head falling back down to the mattress.

In a flash, Rhonda jumped off her bed and onto her's, pulling her up by the shoulders, "Details, woman!"

* * *

_She could feel her heart stop, waiting for it to either be shattered, or to sprout wings and fly out of her chest by his answer to her question, which she tried to make sound off handed. She was afraid to look over to him, afraid to know what his facial reaction was. After too long of a pause, she looked anyway, seeing him looking back at her with an arched brow. _

_"Helga, I..." He trailed off, slightly shaking his head, but turning his front to face her a little more. He closed his mouth after chocking on his words that were already starting to hurt, and sighed, "You had a nice time today, right?" _

_She nodded quickly before voicing her answer, "Yeah, I had a great time." _

_He nodded slowly with her, averting his eyes back down to the ground, "So did I." _

_"So..." She began after he didn't continue. He looked up to her again and she made a whirlwind motion with her hand, accompanied by a shrug. _

_"Listen, I..." He let out a sharp breath, looking away again, "This is taking a lot to say this so... bear with me if I don't get it all in one complete... coherent sentence." She nodded, probably thinking he could see it out of the corner of his eye, waiting for him to gather himself. With another sharp breath outward, he began. "I may come off as having all the answers, and know what I'm doing, but honestly... I have no clue what I'm doing here. And that..." He let out another breath that ended with a slight smirk, "And that's scary." _

_"I scare you?" She asked, craning her neck to try and meet his eyes. _

_He nodded, still not looking up, but seeing him raise his brow and widen his eyes, as if to silently say 'Duh'. "More than you might think." He said with a shake in his voice. _

_She felt the breath that he forced out of her stutter as it came out, feeling a smile curl onto her face. She pursed her lips despite the smile that she felt them give off, and reached over, grabbing his hand with both of hers. His eyes flew over to her hands, and she felt pleasantly taken aback when she felt that his hands were trembling inside her soft grasp. "I'm going to be honest with you." She told him in a soft voice, "We have both been dancing around whatever it is we have ever since we first kissed." Finally, he looked up to her, seeing a frightened look dilate his pupils. "I know I'm not the only one that feels it." _

_"Helga..." He drew it. _

_"Let me finish." She said, briefly taking her hand off the back of his to halt him, then wrapping it back around his. "Whatever this thing is between us, I want to know what it is. And isn't that what you said you do? Search for the hidden meaning in things?" His eyes narrowed over to her, and she nodded, grinning at him, "That's right, I'm using your words against you." Seeing his armor long gone in this moment, and the obvious intimacy of it all, she saw both corners of his lips lift into the first real smile he's ever smiled for her. And as it sat adorning his already boyishly handsome face for a few long, but not long enough seconds, it almost brought tears to her eyes. "So?" _

_He looked up to her again, the soft smile diminishing to a very soft smirk, but his eyes holding more tenderness than they ever have before, "You really want to go down this path? Because I can't promise you it will be well lit." _

_"Just so you know, I have about as much experience with all this stuff as you do. So it will be a seat-of-the-pants operation." _

_"I know you said that your relationship with that barbarian is nonexistent, but he was still your boyfriend." _

_She gave him a deadpan brow, "A real boyfriend wouldn't use me to please his parents." _

_he let out yet another sharp sigh, looking back up at her after he averted his eyes to try and hide his chuckle, "You really want to do this?" _

_She smiled softly over to him, deciding to respond by reaching up to place her hand against his jaw, drawing him in but gently tugging against his rough stubble, pulling him against his lips. As an intense tingle shot down her spine, a breath being sucked into her empty lungs, she felt him respond in kind. The thought that she was now kissing her boyfriend quickly shot into her mind, and she felt her throat flex with a suppressed giggle that was silenced a second later by a long, slow motion of his lips. She pressed her palm against his rough, sand paper-ish jaw, pulling him in a little more while she felt him run his hand past her side, and press against the small of her back. _

_As her hand went into his still messy hair, sliding her fingers up his scalp, her other hand going onto his shoulder, the motion of their lips slow, gaining force with every kiss, feeling his warm breath tangle with hers, her heart was still pounding erratically against her chest. But she felt her heart stop when she felt his hand that was once against the small of her back start to lightly tangle itself into her hair, making her first his hair in response. With one long kiss, being held for a few drawn out seconds, they leaned back with another quick peck. "You know," She began, her voice unable to go about a harsh, hoarse whisper, "I never got the chance to tell you before you slammed the door in my face." _

_He pulled back to look into her eyes. _

_"You're a good kisser too."_

* * *

"Wow, that's so..."

"Storybook, I know." She said, her brow jumping in agreement.

"I'm so happy for you two, Helga." Rhonda said, pulling her into a hug.

After they had separated, and Rhonda had returned to her own side of the room, Helga began. "Yeah... now the real story begins."

Helga had gone to bed shortly thereafter, still smiling, and after taking a shower, mainly because she had remembered the comment he had made about the perfume, and needed to feel clean. She found it hard to silence her mind enough to get to sleep however, and ended up laying in bed, staring at the ceiling until Rhonda had gone to sleep. Eventually though, she managed to drift off into a peaceful slumber.

The next morning, Helga arose feeling rested, but still very sleepy. It was a few seconds before the memories of yesterday came shooting back in a wave, making a goofy smile break onto her face as she rose from her bed to go about her normal morning routine. After getting dressed, seeing Rhonda still asleep, she made her way outside and into the dining hall to get breakfast. She finished quickly and decided to go pay her boyfriend a visit. As she stood up to throw her trash away, another goofy broke out onto her face at the thought.

She quickly made her way across campus toward the frat house, jumping up the steps on the porch to ring the door bell. After a few moments, the door opened with Arnie on the other side, greeting her with a soft smirk as he usually does. "Hey, is Arnold around?"

Arnie shook his head, "No, he left just a little bit ago."

"Oh... Well, thanks anyway." She said, turning around with a wave. He waved back with a smile and shut the door. _He probably went off into the woods again. _A part of her had hoped that them being together meant that he wouldn't feel the need to run away every weekend, but most of her said that he liked it out there. After all, before she fell through that patch of ice, she honestly did find it to be very quiet and peaceful. Deciding to see if that's where he went, she turned to head toward the path that she had gone down before.

She kept having to remind herself why she started down the path in the first place once she got into the woods, with the branches of the trees next to her extending over and above her, creating a tunnel. While there were no leaves during this time of year, she still found it to be beautiful. Eventually, she could her the sound of trickling water, but she kept on the path a little ways before she looked up to see a bridge about six feet across, with the hand rails about four or five feet high, with a familiar mess of blonde hair leaning against it. As she took a few excited steps forward, she saw him shoot a side glance over to her, then lean down to place something by his side before coming to his original position, leaning his forearms against the rail.

She slowed her pace once she got with in a few feet, "Hey," She greeted, keeping her voice light.

"Hey," He parroted, his tone low and steady, not meeting her eyes.

As a pause enveloped them, she looked over to his eyes and saw something that she couldn't place. "Something wrong?"

Hearing him let out a sharp breath, he let his head fall before he spoke, "Since we decided to take a step forward in our relationship, I feel it necessary to tell you something. Something I've never told anyone else. Not Arnie, not his parents, and I even have trouble repeating it to myself sometimes. And I'm not telling you this because of what it is, I'm telling you that I've never told anyone else because I want you to understand that I'm telling you for a reason... because you need to know. And it's going to change the way you see me, no matter what, so... just keep in mind that I know that when I'm done talking."

She felt her pulse start to nervously pick up at the seriousness and conviction in his voice. "Okay."

He let out another breath, still not meeting her eyes as he continued. "I was in the eighth grade when I received a letter from a detective from the Hillwood Police Department. They had caught the man who shot my grandparents trying to hold up a liquor store. They tied him back to my grandparents murder through ballistics from the gun he used during the hold up. In the letter, they gave me his name, probably in some hope that I would finally have closure, but... I just got angry. The next day, I went on the internet and looked him up, and I saw that his trial was set, and that he was being charged with nothing more than public endangerment and attempted robbery."

She stayed silent as she watched a tear fall from his lashes.

"He shattered three innocent lives for a couple bucks, and he was getting off with seven years." He said, anger quickly replacing turmoil. "The weekend of his trial, I got the address of the court house and I..." She kept quiet, fighting the urge to reach out to him as another tear fell, knowing he had to get this out on his own, "I sneaked into my Uncle's nightstand and grabbed the revolver her kept for when coyotes would get too close to the house... and I hopped on a bus." She felt her system seize up at what he had just told her, but kept listening intently. "I got to the court house and waited on a bench across the street for him to be escorted out. I still remember feeling nothing but hatred in me as I held that gun in my hand in the pocket of my sweatshirt. This man destroyed my life and gets off with a slap on the wrist, and they just..."

He trailed off angrily, still not meeting her eyes as yet another tear fell from them.

"After two hours of waiting, I was ready. I was ready to end his life just like he did my grandparents. I saw him being walked out to the cop car, and I stood up. I was looking into the face of the man who looked at my grandparents and shot them in cold blood for what they had in their pockets, and got away with it, and I... My finger was in the trigger well, and I was ready to... to take his life from him, but..." She watched in anguish as he fought off the breakdown that she knew was coming. "But I could feel them. I just felt them looking at me like they were... ashamed of me." As a pair of tears fell from his lashes, he shook his head, and his emotionally soiled voice continued, "I was ready to take someones life over something as pointless as revenge. I gave into my hatred and the only reason I didn't pull that trigger that day was because I saw them looking at me, shaking their heads in shame as they looked at me like I was about to make the biggest mistake of my... _pointless _life!"

After letting out a stuttering breath, sucking in a long one, holding it for a bit, she gave into the temptation to reach out to him when she saw his shoulders jerk heavily with a sob, watching his eyes screw shut. She stepped forward, lifting his arm and wrapping it around her before she wrapped her own arms around his shivering shoulders, feeling his hands cling to the back of her sweatshirt, his face buried into her shoulder. "Shh..." She soothed him, running her palm flat against his quivering back. "It's okay... It's okay, I'm here." She whispered into his ear.

She would have to decide how she felt about all this later. Right now, she could only focus on one thing. He needed her.


	26. Chapter 26

She felt her eyes go out of focus under the setting sun of the late night, walking back to her dorm after a late night spent at the soup kitchen.

It was the day after she held her boyfriend in her arms as he not only shed that armor of his, but broke down completely. What he had told her made him make so much more sense to her. She's felt as if she was doing a connect the dots puzzle without the numbers to guide her, and has been having to guess which dots connect to which. But now, with his confession, he gave her the numbers. She was able to see how he truly got this way, and every off handed comment at the end of each conversation made that much more sense to her.

_"I come out here every weekend, trying desperately to find my way out of this magnetic field my moral compass seems to be stuck in." _

_"I would call it wise for the moth to fly away for the sake of its own life, rather to risk it because of the draw of the flames." _

_"You'll be a lot better off once you learn to let go of your preconceived notions of mankind's inherent kindheartedness." _

Everything he's said to her made sense to her now. That doesn't mean that she agrees with them, but she understood why he felt the way he does. Her heart broke for him, and yet, she felt an odd sense of pride in him. She could never fathom how much hatred and anger he must have toward this person who took his grandparents life, and she can't even imagine how much it took him to not pull the trigger that day. She was trying her hardest to focus on the positive side to this heartbreaking chapter in his life, that he did the right thing, but her mind couldn't help but play out how it would have happened if he had pulled the trigger that day.

A part of her was telling her that he still has this anger in him, and that he will never let it go, that it will always be a part of him. And she was trying to understand that he can't just let go of it. He has every right to hate that man, even to want him dead, and the fact that he didn't give into that hate that day said a lot about him. But to her, it was also telling her that he's been letting this furious anger fester and boil inside of him for so long that one day, he might just let it out on anyone, and was she was scared of was that it would be her.

She was trying with every fiber of her being to focus on how hard she was falling for him in the hours before he made the confession to her, even when he was confessing it all to her, and even when his shoulders were wracking with sobs that he was trying to stifle into her shoulder while his clinging hands pulled her into him as tight as they could. But now that it has all sunken in, she felt that now she has her answers to the questions she's had since the day she met him, that now she couldn't pull herself out of falling for him, even if she wanted to. And she just might want to.

The sound of a loud rustling in the bushes briefly broke her out of her struggle, and for a moment, she paid it no mind, until she felt her shoulders being forcefully grabbed and shoved forward. Her heart slammed, her body coursing with adrenaline, her voice letting out a shriek as loud as she could without her thinking, before she felt a rough, sweaty, cold hand cover her mouth, stifling her screaming. As her front was slammed against the sharp bark of a tree, she began to thrash violently until another hand grabbed onto her shoulder and spun her around, her mouth still being covered, feeling her heart slam and crash against her chest.

The thrashing for her life came to a dead stop when she felt the cold steel of a knife being pressed into her throat as her wide eyes, quickly fazing eyes looked over to a darkened figure, his face dirty, his eyes dark, but his iris' glowing menacingly over to her as his rough, smelly hand squeezed her cheeks together, watching him, terrified, as his crocked teeth grinned evilly at her.

Just as she was ready to screw her eyes shut and accept her fate, she looked past her attacker to see a faint outline quickly march up behind him. As the figure got with in a few feet, she saw Arnold's dark, serious, emotionless face staring at her attacker just before his arms reached up, grabbed him by the shoulders, wrenching his clothes in his hands before Arnold pulled, hearing him let out a groan of anger as he tossed her attacker to the ground.

Her breath shooting out of her, her heart still slamming against her chest, a cold sweat breaking out over her, she stood motionless as Arnold calmly leered over the man, looking down at him, his expressionless face boring into him. He knelt down over him, his left hand grabbing the man's collar, with his right hand balling into a tight, white knuckled fist, rocking it back before quickly sending it down. She continued to watch, frozen in place, her breath just now coming back to her, as she watched Arnold face away from her, kneeling over this man, sending his fist down repeatedly, his groans of anger getting louder and louder with every punch.

Her breath stopped again when he raised his fist and saw his knuckles covered in blood just before he sent it down again, his fist coming back up with twice as much blood as before. "Arnold..." Her shaky, frightened voice said. He seemed to pay her no mind as he raised his blood covered fist in the air again, sending it down with a groan. "Arnold." She said a little more steadily. As he raised his fist in the air again, seeing his entire forearm covered in blood, she jumped forward, calling out to him, "Arnold, stop!" She shouted, grabbing onto his arm and pulling him back.

Her body locked when he rolled off and saw that she was looking at her own beaten face.

* * *

_"Ahh!"_

Her eyes shot open, quickly jetting from object to object in a darkened room that seemed foreign to her. Where was Arnold? Where was she? Where was the man who attacked her? What happened to her?

Her breath coming in deep, rapid breaths, the slow realization that it was a dream she wasn't quick to grasp. "Helga, what's wrong?" Rhonda asked, her voice very concerned, but still very sleepy.

Helga braced herself against her mattress with her arm, pressing the other against her sweat stained forehead, closing her eyes to steady herself, but the images of her dream flashing in her mind as clear as day. "Just... just a bad dream."

After a moment of silence, Helga heard Rhonda's bed shift. "Are you sure? You seem pretty shaken up." After Helga didn't offer a reassuring response, still trying to shake the mental pictures flashing relentlessly in her mind, Rhonda continued, "You want to talk about it?"

Letting out a sharp breath, focusing every working part of her brain on slowing down her heart rate, she limply shook her swimming head, "No... No, I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

She felt Rhonda's worried gaze on her for a moment before she heard her bed shift again. Helga looked over to the digital clock in the windowsill and saw that it was only three thirty in the morning, and she knew that she wouldn't be getting anymore sleep, paranoid that her nightmare would continue. After letting herself fall back against the mattress, she stared up at the darkened ceiling for only a few, antagonizing minutes before she let out a frustrated sigh and sat up, grabbing her laptop and opening it, distracting herself by deciding to watch a movie.

As morning slowly came, it was only six thirty when Helga decided to get out of bed and go about her routine. It was Monday, and with her nightmare last night, she was relieved when she realized that she didn't have a class with Arnold today. She didn't know if she could face him yet with these pictures in her mind. Her day went by in a daze. If her mind wasn't playing back her nightmare, it was focusing on trying not to. As she stepped off the bus stop near Mary's kindergarten, she hoped that Mary's bright smile and big brown eyes would brighten her spirits. As Mary jumped down the steps of her kindergarten with a smile, latching herself around Helga's legs, Helga smiled, patted the girl on the head and took her hand down the street toward their apartment.

The worst feeling was realizing that she had no one to talk to about any of this. She couldn't talk to Arnold, because he was too close to it. She couldn't talk to Rhonda because she feared that she wouldn't be any help. She couldn't talk to her sister, or any of her family because they didn't even know about Arnold, save for his name. And even if she were to tell her sister, what help would Olga be?

She didn't know how long it would take to get over this nightmare on her own, but apparently, she would have to try.

The front door of the apartment opened with Grace's soft smile breezing through, brightening a little bit when her daughter came running up to her. "Hey sweetheart." Mary's mother said, bending over to hug her daughter before she scampered off back into her room. "Hi Helga." Grace greeted her, setting her purse down onto the table.

"Hey," Helga said, pushing herself off the couch and stepping up to Grace, not meeting her eyes.

"Everything okay? You seem troubled?" Grace asked kindly.

Helga lifted her eyes, and thought. She knew a little about Arnold, she's face heartbreak and tragedy, she seems to have wisdom to offer. "Can I talk to you about something... kind of personal?" Helga asked, pinching her first finger with her other.

"Of course, Helga. What is it?" Grace asked, placing a hand softly onto her shoulder.

Helga let out a breath and walked past her to sit down at the table, and Grace followed after her. After a moment, Helga began to tell her everything. Everything about Arnold, everything she knew about him, what he told her, and what she found out on her own. She told her about how she was falling for him, and how they had gone out on a date a few days ago, and about his confession to her, and about how he broke down in her arms, and about the nightmare she had the night before. And it felt good to talk to someone about all this. She's been holding it in for so long, having to figure out the subtext on her own, but now, she wasn't the only one that knew everything.

"I'm just so conflicted about all this." Helga said, her pleading eyes looking over to Grace. "I mean, I know that I should be proud of him, and that I should love him even more for deciding not to pull that trigger, and I do, but... I can't help but think that he's been holding all this anger inside for so long, that he can't let it go. And I'm afraid that, if he does let it go..." Helga trailed off.

"That he'll let it go on you." Grace's soft voice affirmed. Helga only nodded, looking down at the table. "Listen Helga, I'm going to tell you something that I was going to tell Mary when she was much older. But I feel that it will help you understand what he's going through." Helga nodded again, watching as Grace's eyes went down to the table in front of her. "Brian wasn't just killed in a car accident. He was killed by a drunk driver. I remember that Brian was coming home from a meeting with a real estate agent, because we were about to put a down payment down on a house. I answered the phone thinking that it was Brian, calling me to tell me that he found one, but... it was the hospital. I took Mary and rushed down to the emergency room, and just as I was giving them my husband's name, a doctor came walking up, and I could tell by the look in his eyes that..." Grace's voice began to show her unshed tears as the shake became more evident.

Helga was going to stop her, she's faced enough heartbreaking stories for one week, but she wanted desperately to hear where she was going with this.

"I sent Mary off so she wouldn't hear, and the doctor told me that they did every thing they could, but they couldn't save him. But... the other driver only had a broken arm and a few broken ribs. I know that it makes me a terrible person to wish that it was him who was killed instead of my husband, or even to wish that he was killed along with him, but I couldn't stop myself. He killed my husband, the father of my child, and he got to walk away with his life, but my husband didn't. I know that it wouldn't do anybody any good, but I wanted to see him dead. I wanted revenge, but... I had bigger problems than that. I had to tell explain to my three year old daughter that she wouldn't get to see her daddy anymore. Someday, I might tell her what really happened to her father, but I know by then she wouldn't have any clear memories of what a good man her father was."

After a thick pause between them, waiting for Grace to regain her composure, Helga began. "Excuse me, but... I don't see how this helps me understand Arnold."

"What I'm saying is that I know what it feels like to want revenge on someone. It's a _very _powerful feeling, and if it wasn't for my daughter, I don't know that I would have had the strength to let it go. If it wasn't for my Mary, I don't know that I wouldn't have given into that feeling. So, what I'm saying is that if he had the chance to get his revenge, but didn't take it because of his grandparents, it says how strong he truly is. But what says the most to me is that he told you all of this to begin with."

"But Grace, things were just starting to get so great between us. I mean, we had just gone on this dream date, and..."

"That's probably why he told you, Helga. He probably thought that if he were to tell you a few months, or few years down the road, it would drive you away. I think the reason he told you is because he wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him, and he wants you to know everything there is to know about him. I think he doesn't want you to fall in love with a facade. He wants you to fall in love with the real him. I think he told you what he did in the hopes that you'd see it and stay with him anyway.

"But I _am _falling for the real him. I _do _want to stay with him." Helga argued.

Grace smiled softly and reached over to place her hand on top of Helga's, "Then stay with him."


	27. Chapter 27

As Helga pushed her way out of her dorm for her morning class the next day, she felt herself smile softly quickly turning to head across campus, hoping to run into her boyfriend outside before she got to class so she would have a chance to talk to him about what had happened. After he calmed himself down, he didn't say much to her as he lifted his puffy eyes off her tear stained shoulder, letting his hands fall to her sides, not pulling her into him anymore, but still holding her. He barely even met her eyes as he turned away from her, zipped his backpack up, slung it over his shoulders and made his way out into the woods after quickly leaning forward to kiss her. She could tell that he was trying to be chaste with it, but it quickly turned emotional.

She avoided him yesterday, still trying to work out her feelings on the whole thing, and now that she managed to get her head back on straight, and the visions of her dream were gone, she was ready to face him with her reaction, because she knew he would be bracing himself for it. He would have that wall put back up to brace himself against her strong reaction toward his confession about his past, and would be suppressing his emotions while she told him that she couldn't be with him because of it.

But she would be tearing down that wall this morning, telling him how she _really _felt about it.

Luckily, she did spot him walking toward the building, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his dark blue jeans, his pitch black t-shirt waving against the brisk morning wind that was blowing against his side, making his messy, uncombed hair flow with it, his expressionless thousand yard stare down onto the ground in front of him. As her heartbeat went light, her soft smile brightened a bit, and her walk turned into a slight skip as she made her way up to him.

Seeming to notice her presence, he lifted his head up to look at her, his expression not wavering as he slowed to a stop at the steps of the building. And just as she predicted, he had his emotionally suppressing armor back on. "Hey!" She said cheerfully, a surprise raising his brow a bit before she practically pranced up to him, reaching up to cup his jaw and draw him into a kiss, greeting him as a normal couple would. As the rush shot into her system at the contact, she kept the kiss chaste and quickly pulled away with a wet pop, keeping her hands against his stubble.

She swallowed a giggle at his hazy expression and half lidded, faraway eyes. "What was that for?" He asked in his usual low voice, which came out a bit more guttural than usual, pushing is brow together.

She felt a giggle rise again as she slid her fingers down from his jaw to his chest, her fingers pressing against his collar bone, taking another step forward into him. "I'm your girlfriend, it's how girlfriends say hello in our native tongue, double meaning only slightly intended." She said, grinning devilishly at him.

She could see trepidation in his eyes, and she could tell that he wanted to bring up what had happened between them on Sunday but was afraid to voice out loud that he had broken down and cried into her shoulder. More than likely, he wanted to pretend like it never happened, but he knew that she was listening to him when he was choking on his emotions. "So..." He said, even hearing vulnerability in his voice, being reflected in his eyes as well.

She decided to save him from having to ask and looked down at his chest, picking at the smooth fabric of his collar. "You didn't scare me or anything, Arnold. And I'm not going to tell you that I understand, because I don't. But that doesn't mean that I can't be here for you."

"Helga," He began, feeling his hands gently grasp her sides, his thumbs rubbing circles against the bottom of her ribs, "don't pretend like you don't see me differently because of what I told you."

"I _do _see you differently." She said matter-of-factly, watching him let his head fall forward, his eyes closing while letting out a short breath of defeat. She smiled again and reached up, cupping his jaw again and lifted his eyes back up to her's, "It made me like you even more."

His eyes slid shut again as his head fell forward, pressing his forehead against hers, waiting only a brief moment before she felt him press his lips to hers, the hands on her sides sliding back to press her into him, the same light, electric feeling lifting her off the ground as she weaved her arms around his neck. With a few slow, unheated motions of their synchronized lips, the reluctantly separated and made their way into class. It was weird sitting so far apart in class, and they both knew that Dr. Rienhart didn't care at all where they sat, but it still felt as if they had assigned seats, so they stayed in the seats that they picked the first day.

After an hour and a half, Arnold stopped by her desk, waiting for her to finish gathering her things and made their way outside together. ""So, listen, I wanted to ask you something, and feel free to say no. I don't want you feel like you're obligated or anything."

Arnold turned his head, looking at her with a cocked brow, "Okay."

"I want you to meet my sister." She said after a moment of preparation.

Arnold came to a sudden stop, and she quickly turned to face him, about to say that he didn't have to and that it was a stupid idea, but he spoke first. "Helga, I'm not all that good with... with families."

"I know, I know," She said, stepping up to him, but not reaching for him. "I haven't told Olga anything about you, and I just thought that, you know, now that we're dating," She said with a lowered voice, reaching over to take the bottom of his t-shirt in her fingers, pinching the fabric, "she might want to meet you."

After letting out a sigh, that she couldn't figure out whether it was in defeat or frustration, she continued.

"My big sister and I are best friends, and I've hardly talked to her since I started here. I mean, we used to talk to each other about everything, and now I feel like you're this secret that I have to keep hidden away. But, if you don't want to, I get it. You're a private person, so talking to someone you've never met about your relationship with me, I could understand would make you uncomfortable."

He let out another sigh, and she felt herself grow anxious for his answer when she saw his eyes soften. "Just your sister?"

"Just my sister."

"Younger or older?"

"Older."

"By how much?"

"Eleven years." She shrugged while his brow raised in surprise. "What?"

"How protective is she?"

"I don't know. I guess there's never really been anything that I needed protecting from." His wondering brow turned into a deadpan stare, and she rolled her eyes, "I'm sure that she'll love you. That is... if you really want to meet her."

Letting out another sigh, he let his eyes slide shut with a nod.

* * *

"Hey little sister!" Olga said happily over the phone.

"Hey big sister. Listen, when are you free?"

"Why?"

"Because I want you to meet someone. I was wondering if you wanted to go out for lunch tomorrow so you could meet him."

"Him?" Olga asked, honestly sounding surprised.

"Yes, Olga, him. I really want you to meet him." Helga bordered on whining.

"Seeking the approval of your big sister, Helga?" Olga teased.

"I just want you to meet him, Olga. So what do you say? Tomorrow at one at that place we went to last time?"

"I'll be there, little sister."

"Thanks big sister. I'll see you there."

Helga hung up the phone and slid it back into her pocket. She was a little nervous about Arnold meeting her older sister. Sometimes Olga didn't know when to stop asking questions. And Arnold wasn't the one to open up and tell a complete stranger everything about himself. And it's the reason why she felt guilty for pushing him into this. It meant a lot to her that her older sister like him, but it meant more to her that he like Olga. It might not happen all at once, but she just hoped that it would happen at all. He may not be as soft and charming as he is with her, but she just hoped that he would work his way up to at least not be as cold and distant as he is with everybody else.

The next day, after kissing him good morning, she told him to meet her at the bus stop at noon so they could take the bus over to the small diner that her and Olga had met at whenever Olga came up from Hillwood. She could tell that he was a bit nervous, but only she could tell that. It was always the very subtle things that only she could notice that gave him away.

After her class let out at eleven, she made her way toward the bus stop and saw him just walking up to it to sit down, waiting for her to arrive. She smiled and sat down next to him, pressing their sides together, her lips going to his jaw briefly, his eyes remaining down onto his lap. "I have to warn you, Olga can be a bit much." Arnold's eyes slowly went from his lap, up to her's, seeing a bit of a nervous twitch in his brow. "Don't worry," She said, patting his thigh softly, keeping her hand laying on top of it, "I'll be there."

He let out another long sigh, almost in relief just as the bus came to a stop in front of them. The ride was made in silence, and after a few stops, Helga pulled him up with her as they made their way off the bus and onto the sidewalk, walking a little ways more before she pushed the door open to a small diner that she had went to with her older sister last semester when she came to visit. As the bell above the door rang, Helga stopped just inside and panned the tables, looking to see if her sister had already arrived.

She saw her sitting at a table against the far left wall, waving at her excitedly. Smiling, Helga leaned over to whisper into Arnold's ear, "She's over there." She pointed. She looked over to see Arnold's head tilted down, but his eyes going over to where she had just pointed. Hearing him let out a barely audible sigh, she briefly grabbed onto his bicep and tugged him along with her as she weaved her way through the tables over to where Olga sat.

The couple came up to the table while Olga was just standing to greet her little sister with a hug. "Hey little sister." Olga said as she hugged her.

"Hey big sister." Helga responded, leaning back. Taking a deep breath, she took a step back to stand next to Arnold, who had his hands in his pockets, his face expressionless. "Olga, this is Arnold." She said, presenting him with her hand, watching Olga's eyes go into his before continuing. "My boyfriend." Olga's eyes shot over to hers, feigning the smile that was previously friendly. Helga widened her eyes a bit, silently telling her to cool it and that she would explain before nodded her head over to him, telling her to say hello.

Olga looked back over to Arnold and stuck out her hand. "Nice to meet you, Arnold."

Arnold slowly pulled his hand out of his pocket and placed it against Olga's, shaking it weakly, "Yeah." He said in his usual low voice, forcing a soft smirk. _He's more uncomfortable than I thought he would be. _

"Why don't we sit down and order, and you can tell me about yourself." Olga said, motioning to the table next to them. Swallowing past the nervous lump in her throat, Helga sat down against the wall while Arnold took the seat next to her, keeping his fingers entwined in his lap, his eyes down onto the table. She wanted to beg her sister to go slow with him, and not to push him too far, but she knew if she told her out right, it would only send her off even quicker. "So, how'd you two meet?"

She shot a glance over to Arnold, seeing him not moving to response, and decided to start. "We're in philosophy together."

"Ah," Olga said, throwing her head back with a nod, "when did you start seeing each other?"

Shooting another glance over to him again, seeing his eyes still hard, his shoulders more tense than they were before. "Uh, we've known each other since last semester, but we just started dating a couple days ago." She told her, hoping to temporarily appease her older sister's lust for information, while she reached over underneath the table to grasp onto his hand, hoping that Olga wouldn't notice her offering him support.

"So, tell me about yourself, Arnold." Olga said, leaning forward on her forearms, smiling over at him. Helga looked over to see him not meeting her eyes, feeling him briefly squeeze her hand under the table.

"Not much to tell, really." He said, making eye contact for only a second before he broke it.

"Arnold's the smartest one in our philosophy class." Helga said proudly, placing her free hand against his shoulder, leaning into him a bit.

"Really? That's impressive. You're parents must be proud of you." Helga's breath came to a halt in her already nervous throat at Olga's last statement. She hesitantly looked over to him, seeing his eyes show something that she hoped wouldn't appear.

"I wouldn't know." He said in a low voice. She squeezed his hand to try and get him to stop, because she knew that he would continue, but he didn't listen. "I lived with my grandparents until I was ten."

"Oh? What happened to your parents?" Olga asked, not even pausing with her question, making dread claw at her stomach.

"Don't know." He said simply, slouching over in his chair a little more, still not meeting her eyes.

"Olga..." Helga warned, but to no avail.

"Have you ever thought about finding out?"

"No."

Helga's pulse slammed as she watched the situation spiral downward, and she knew that she couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Why not?"

"Don't see the point." His voice was slowly showing his frustration, and she knew it was only a matter of time.

"Really? I mean, they're your parents, and-"

"_They left!" _He snapped, leaning forward, the anger he was trying to suppress breaking out, and it was a miracle that he was still holding her hand. "They left because they didn't care. So what the hell would be the point in searching?!" Arnold's tight grip on her hand relented as he quickly stood up, shoving his chair out across the floor, the chair tipping over with a loud clatter as he stormed out, pulling the door open and disappearing down the street, the bell above the door still ringing.


	28. Chapter 28

Helga shot a glare over to her older sister, who was staring at the door widely, just before she shot out of her seat after him.

Flinging the door open, she looked down the street to see him quickly walking down the street in the direction that they came. "Arnold, wait!" She called, jogging after him. She caught up to him just as he stopped at the bus stop from which they arrived. "Arnold, I'm sorry." She said, coming to a stop as Arnold continued to pace away from her, running his hands through his hair. "She goes off like that, I should have told her to stop."

"I can't do this." He said suddenly turning around and stepping toward her.

She swallowed a gasp, her heart starting to tug at his words, "What do you mean?" She asked in a whisper.

"I've been trying, Helga. I've been trying to be normal for you, but I can't, okay? I'm not a normal person. I've been trying to be comfortable with these labels, and the pressure to keep you smiling, and to not say anything stupid, but I can't. I didn't want or mean to push my own stupid little problems on you the way I did, and I didn't mean to guilt you into us being together, and I knew it was wrong to drag you down with me, but I let my feelings and emotions get in the way, and I'm sorry. I just can't do this." He finished just as the bus pulled to a stop next to them.

Left frozen in place, her heart throbbing and breaking in her chest, she pushed past her burning eyes and reached to grasp his arm just as he turned to step onto the bus, "I don't _want _normal, Arnold. If I had wanted normal, I would have stayed with Justin. And if I'm doing something that makes you uncomfortable, you have to tell me. I may be able to read all of these subtle hints that you leave me, but I can't read your mind, you have to talk to me. And I wouldn't want to be with you just because these problems you think you have. I want to be with you because of who you are."

"When I find out who that is, I'll let you know." He said, pulling his arm out of her grip and continuing up the steps onto the bus. The doors shut and the bus pulled away, leaving her standing on the side walk, feeling as if her heart had just been ripped out. She shook her head to rid herself of the tears that were falling as she turned around and quickly made her way back into the diner, finding Olga still sitting at their table. "What the hell were you thinking?" Helga spat as she stormed back up to her.

"Helga..." Olga began, but was cut off by her younger sister.

"You couldn't tell that he didn't want to talk about his parents?" Helga asked, leaning over the table.

"Well, it would help if you hadn't told me that you've known this boy since the beginning of the year, and I find out about him _now." _

"I would have told you about him if I had something to tell you, Olga." She said, pulling out the chair that Arnold had sat in. "The only thing I knew about him was his name until he helped me break up with Justin. Do you have any idea how much time and effort it took him to open up to me? You couldn't tell that he didn't want to talk about himself so easily?"

"Helga, I'm not so sure-"

"Don't _even _start!" She spat, interrupting her, knowing where she was going. "You may be my older sister, but you're not mom. You're supposed to help me, not decide for me. You're supposed to be there for me when I tell you how hard I'm falling for him. You're supposed to laugh with me when I tell you how incredible I feel when we kiss. Sure, he may seem cold, but I've seen who he is underneath, and if you had just taken the time, you'd have seen it too." Helga stood up, about to storm out again until she heard Olga's chair being pushed out.

"Helga, I'm not trying to tell you what your feelings are. You're entitled to feel what you're feeling. And I'm not just your sister, Helga. I'm your _big _sister, and it's my job to look out for you. I'm just trying to make sure that you're not in any danger."

"Danger?! With him? You want to know the truth? If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't even _be_ here!" She said through clenched teeth, earning a confused look from her older sister.

"What are you talking about?" Olga asked, fear becoming evident in her eyes.

Helga sighed and pulled her chair forward, "Sit down." After Olga sat back down, Helga leaned forward and began, "It was about a week before Christmas. I had nothing to do, so I went for a walk through the woods. The ground was still covered in snow, so when I decided to go off the path, I fell through some ice." Olga gasped harshly, immediately reaching over for her hand, "I'm fine, Olga. It was Arnold who pulled me out. He saved my life, and made sure I was okay and didn't ask for anything in return. He may not like to show it, but he's a good person. He's been through more than I want to say, and probably even more that he hasn't told me yet, and the fact that he doesn't feel the need to drink himself to death, or lose himself in drugs just shows how strong he is."

Olga sighed, wearing her shame on her sleeve as she let her head fall forward. "I didn't know anything about his parents." She began to defend himself.

"Neither do I. And I found out a long time ago that you can't push him. I wanted for you to meet him not for your benefit, but for his. I wanted for him to get to know me better, because I've spent most of my time with him finding out who he is. I know that if he wants to tell me about whatever happened to his parents, then he will, but until then, I'm not going to force him because it will only make him shut me out. It took him so much just to put himself out there and asked me out. Now, I'm going to try and save what was going to be the best relationship I've ever had, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell Mom and Dad about him. Not because I want to keep him a secret from you, but because I know he doesn't want that many people knowing that much about him just yet."

Helga pushed herself out of her chair and quickly made her way outside. Letting out a frustrated sigh, running her fingers through her hair, she pulled out her phone, and saw that she wouldn't make it no where near on time to Mary's kindergarten. Shaking her head at her mistake, she slid her thumb across the screen and started to call Rhonda. "What's up, Helga?" She greeted after the second ring.

"Hey Rhonda, I can't make it to babysit Mary today, do you think you can cover for me?"

She heard Rhonda giggle over the line, "Yeah, no problem."

"Thanks Rhonda. Mary should have an extra key to her apartment stashed in the side pocket of her backpack."

"Okay, I'll see you later. Oh hey, before you go, are you still going to volunteer on Friday?"

"Of course."

"Okay, that's all I wanted to know. See you later, Helga."

"Thanks again, Rhonda." Helga said just before she ended the call and slid her phone back into her pocket.

She sat down at the bus stop and decided to wait for the next bus, and she couldn't silence her endearing thoughts. She had revealed something about him that hasn't occurred to her until just now. With all he's been through, his parents abandoning him, his grandparents being taken from him as such a young age, being faced with the choice to take his revenge or not and going against it, it was a surprise that he didn't drink, or didn't feel the need to lose himself in drugs like most people would. But like he said, he's not normal. He coped with his loss by thinking.

But there was something more bothering her. Was he really that uncomfortable with being labeled as her boyfriend, or with her being called his girlfriend? They never really came to a solid understanding on the matter. She just assumed that he was her boyfriend, and that she was his girlfriend. Mainly because that's usually how it goes. But how much of an effort was he putting forward to keep it going? Was she that much trouble to be around? How much tongue biting did he really do?

She didn't know how long she was sitting at the bus stop, considering that she was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of the brakes squealing to a stop. After finding a seat in the back, she sat in silence, thinking of how much effort he had really put into just being around her until she saw that her stop was coming up. When she stepped off, she looked in the direction of her dorm, very tempted to just crawl under her covers and leave herself to stew in all these thoughts that were chipping away at her self esteem, until she looked in the opposite direction, toward the frat house.

She told herself and her sister that she was going to try and save her relationship, and as hard as it might be to do, she needed to.

After a short walk, having to muster up her determination multiple times, she pushed herself up the steps of the porch and rung the door bell, and a face other than Arnie's to greet her. "Hi, is Arnold here?"

"Yeah, upstairs, second door on the right." He said with an uninterested smirk, leaving the door open as he lazily sauntered into the back room.

She closed the door behind her and trudged up the stairs, coming to a stop, her pulse nervously hitting against her throat as she raised her hand to knock. Her knuckle made contact with the door, and she felt it push open under the force, having it creak open slightly. Swallowing past her fear of being yelled at, she gently pushed open his door and poked her head in. "Arnold?" His room was dark, with the blinds being drawn, she panned the room until she saw his silhouette outlined, kneeling down at the entrance of his closet. It was only a moment before he looked over to her. "Can I come in?" She asked, her voice small and nervous.

His head fell again, but he nodded, looking back down in front of him. Steeling herself, she squeezed her way through the threshold of his room, closing the door shut behind her, not wanting to disturb him even more by searching for the light switch. She stood motionless at his door for a few long minutes until she heard him let out a sigh through his nose, and saw him rifle around in the bottom of his closet for a few seconds before he stood up. "What do you want?" He asked, his voice emotionless, not angry or accusing, which threw her for a moment.

She let out a breath and averted her eyes, taking a step forward. "I'm sorry... for what happened. I wanted you to meet my sister because I wanted you to know more about me, and I didn't think of how that would make you feel. I knew that she would ask questions that you wouldn't answer, and that you'd..." She trailed off, thinking that it was futile explaining him to himself. "Anyway, I'm sorry, and I never should have dragged you into that sort of situation."

"It's okay." He said, still not meeting her eyes as he slowly paced his way back across his room.

"No, no it's not, Arnold." She pressed, surprising him by taking a few large toward him, stopping no more than a foot in front of him. "What is it you think of yourself, Arnold? That I'm not good enough for you?" She asked, her own words chipping away at her heart as she said them. She looked through the darkness, into his eyes to see him open his mouth to argue, but choke on his words. "Or that you're not good enough for me?" With that, he closed his mouth again, let his head fall and ran a hand through his hair. "Why would you think that?"

His eyes lifted up to hers, and even in the almost pitch black of his room, she saw blatant desperation in his eyes. "Helga, I don't know what you want from me."

"I want you to talk to me. I know that you don't think so, but you don't have to hold anything back with me, Arnold. If I'm doing something wrong, then I want you to tell me so we can work past it."

"It's not you."

"Then what is it?"

"You want the real, honest truth? Because once I tell you, I can't take it back."

"Yes." She urged him.

"I'm falling in love with you." Her breath hitched harshly in her throat, her heart bursting so hard that it felt as if it had just exploded inside her chest. His lips sealed themselves, his desperate and vulnerable eyes still gazing deeply into hers. "Helga, I spent so long searching for something to bring light back into my life, that I gave up looking a long time ago. I've been so set in my beliefs and my thoughts of the world, and been so used to people passing me by. Then you come along and just... And suddenly, all these frustrating questions that scholars and seers have been trying to answer for centuries just didn't matter anymore. Before you came along, I couldn't stand thinking these things. But when I'm with you, for some reason, you make it all bearable."

"Then why do you think we can't be together?" She asked him, her arm too weak to reach for him like she wanted to.

"Because I can't be that selfish. I can't ask you to throw your life away just so I can make mine easier."

"Do you really not see what I see in you?" She asked, taking a small step toward him.

"Helga, don't lie to me just to try and make me feel better."

"I'm not lying. I see in you what you don't want to. And I can prove to you that it's there." He remained quiet, looking down at the floor between them. "What about what you did for me when you found out Justin was cheating on me? Something as simple as giving me the name of a fifties jazz song about a wife that killed her husband because he was cheating on her? Do you know how happy that made me?"

"It wasn't that big of a deal, Helga."

"Yes, it was!" She softly argued. "Before you gave me that song to listen to, I thought him cheating on me was _my _fault. I thought that he felt the need to go find someone else because of something _I _did." She saw him look up with his brow being pushed together slightly, "Yeah, stupid, right? What about when pulled me out of the ice I fell through? How you took my clothes off so hypothermia wouldn't set in, and how you wrapped me in that blanket and carried me over to that fire you built and how much you helped me. Arnold, it's because of you that I'm standing here today, and you didn't even ask for anything in return. As a matter of fact, I still have your clothes in my closet."

"Anyone else would have done the same thing." He said, shaking his head dismissively.

"No, they wouldn't have. Anyone else would be either drunk, high, or in a mental institution after what you've been through. But here you are, proving the world wrong. Anyone else would have pulled that trigger that day. But you didn't, because you knew how much your grandparents loved you. You are a great man, Arnold." She said, taking the last step toward him, placing her hands against the sides of his neck, her thumbs running along the line of his jaw. "And you're not guilting me into us being together because of your past. I want us to be together because of who your past as made you."

"But Helga, you deserve to be with someone who won't weigh you down with their problems."

"What I deserve is for me to decide. And you're not weighing me down with anything. And the only problem you have right now is that you're not kissing me right now."

"Helga, we in my bedroom with the lights turned off, and we haven't even been dating for a week." He argued, just now noticing that his hands found their way to her hips at some point.

"Well, you said yourself that you weren't normal. And since I want to be your girlfriend, theoretically, that makes me abnormal too." She said with a smirk, looping her arms around his neck.

"Helga, I know that humans are a sex based species, but-"

"I'm not asking you to sleep with me, Arnold, however tempted I might be to rip that shirt of yours off." She said, casting her lustful eyes down toward his chest.

"Can you tell me how we got from discussing how we felt about each other to this?" He asked, feeling his fingers slide past her hips to her back, feeling them softly urge her body into his.

"Not really, but if your comfortable with you being my boyfriend, we could always kiss and make up." She suggested, her lips grazing his as she spoke in a husky voice.

"Do we really have to use such possessive terms?" He asked, his voice just as husky, his lips grazing hers, making the pull to kiss him so much more intense.

"Do you have a better term for it?" She challenged, one hand sliding up the back of his neck, her fingers weaving into his hair.

"Can't think of any, no." He replied, his nose circling hers, their lips still barely touching.

"Didn't think so, now kiss me."


	29. Chapter 29

Letting out a heavy, relaxing sigh as she breezed down the sidewalk toward the frat house, she had a very strong feeling that today would turn out to be a great day.

After her and Arnold had talked about how they felt, he began to animalisticly kiss her senseless, pulling her back to have her shove him against his back wall. After they needed to catch their breath, after going far too long with out it, they had separated, panting and trying to get their breath back from the other, with him laying his head down onto her shoulder lazily while she leaned into him, feeling his lips tickle the skin on her neck. They wrangled in their desires, not wanting to let them go too far, and after a brief discussion on making sure that she was his girlfriend, and vice versa, he walked her to the front door, kissed her good bye and she floated back to her dorm.

They had spent time together throughout the week as it went by, and even Rhonda could see the subtle changes is Arnold's demeanor when he would walk her back up to her dorm. That soft, unnoticeable smirk, Rhonda could actually see it after he had kissed her. They had been drawing some attention by some people who probably knew Arnold as far as his reputation as the lone wolf went, surprised to see him joking around with her. And now that the week was over, she still has yet to realize just how hard she was falling for him. Ever since she had told him over again that he doesn't have to hold anything back with her, that he doesn't have to be afraid to express himself with her, he's opened that softer side of himself up to her. She would laugh at his well spoken remarks, and he would laugh at hers.

Just before she was about to leave of Rhonda and Thad for the soup kitchen, she had suggested to Arnold that they spend the day together, with no plans, they would just go where they wanted to, spending time together. She had a few ideas of what she wanted to do that she would run by him as they caught the bus toward downtown, but other than that, she didn't have a schedule, which felt liberating.

As she jumped up the steps of the frat house and rang the door bell, with Arnie pulling the door open after a minute. "Hey Arnie." She greeted.

"Hey, I'll let Arnold know you're here." He said, leaving the door open and quickly jumping up the stairs. She stepped inside a few steps, looking around the house as she waited for him. After another minute, she heard Arnie come back down the stairs. "He'll be down in a few minutes, he just got out of the shower." As her mind flashed her a picture of him stepping out of the shower with a towel hung low on his hips, hair wet and uncombed, stepping out into the hall way with steam enveloping him like a Greek god, she shook her head to sharply to rid herself of the image and smiled up to Arnie in thanks. After another moment, she noticed Arnie was still standing adjacent to her, his hands in his pockets and a soft smile on his still dopy face.

"Something on your mind?" She asked, obviously noticing that he was thinking of something, but not knowing what possessed her to know what it is.

He looked up to her with a raised brow and a smile, "Oh, it's nothing, really. Just..." He let out a sigh and turned to face her, looking over his shoulder before looking back to her. "I've never seen him like this. I mean, I haven't seen him smile since we were kids. He's even talking to me in full sentences now. I mean, we were never really that close, but... You know, I just wanted to uh... to say thanks."

She felt a smile push its way onto her face that she was trying to suppress, not wanting to give away too much on how much it affected her to know how much she affected him. "Oh, well... you're welcome, I guess." Catching a glimpse of his blonde her out of the corner of her eye, she looked past Arnie to see her boyfriend making his way down the stairs. She felt a barrage of butterflies pick up in her stomach when he reached the bottom and met her eyes with a subtle smirk. Arnie turned around and started back toward the kitchen just before Arnold reached up and patted his cousin's upper arm once as he passed. She felt her smile brighten so much she felt her ears flex as he stepped up to her, leaning forward to kiss her.

She returned his kiss, which only served to excite the butterflies going off in her system, and let him go ahead of her, briefly looking past him, over to Arnie who was stopped in the threshold of the foyer and living room, looking over to his cousin with a surprised smile. Arnie met her eyes for a second and she lifted her hand up to him slightly in a wave as she turned around to follow Arnold out the front door. Closing the door behind her, she looked over to him, feeling almost proud of him for showing in such a subtle way that he actually cared for his cousin in some manner. As the stepped down the steps, she gave into the urge and leaned over, pressing her lips to his freshly shaven jaw.

He looked over to her with a bit of a raised brow, but she simply let out a silent giggle and looked ahead. "So, I was thinking we could go get breakfast, then just walk around downtown for a while." She suggested just as they reached the sidewalk in front of the frat house.

"The only place around is IHOP, and that's still a ways away." He responded, looking over to her.

"That's fine. It's better than the crap they have in the dining hall." She said with a roll of her eyes.

They made their way to the bus stop, talking idle chit-chat until the bus came and they stepped on, sitting together on a bench against the window in the middle. After a few stops, and making comments about people that made their way on and off the bus, with Arnold writing them back stories, they stepped off and walked into the restaurant. "No, you're just saying that because you don't really have an ass." She said as she pulled the door open, holding it for him, her eyes briefly going down to what she was referring to.

"Helga, if guys were supposed to have asses, society would make us wear high heels." He replied smoothly, earning a bit of a smiling yet confused look from the hostess. Briefly accepting defeat in their debate, she stepped up next to him and up to the podium, asking for a table for two, with the hostess grabbing two menus and waving them along with a smile. They followed her to a small booth and she pulled off her hooded jacket and tossed it in the booth just before she sat down across from him. As the waiter came up, and she had ordered coffee, and him water, they both opened their menus.

As Helga's eyes traveled over the pictures and food, having a hard time deciding what she wanted, she caught sight of something that peeked her interest. As she looked over her menu to Arnold, seeing his eyes still down onto his own menu, she grinned devilishly and set her menu down onto the table. She folded her arms together on the table, leaning forward and bore her eyes into his, waiting for him to look up. After a moment, Arnold's eyes looked from the menu, up to her, "What?"

She reached up and pulled the top of his menu down to the table so it was laying flat, flipped over a page, and pointed down to the bottom, tapping her finger against what she saw. As his eyes went down to what she was pointing at, he looked up to her for an explanation. "I want you to order that."

He looked up to her as if she was crazy, "No."

"Yes." She argued.

"I'm not ordering that, Helga. I don't even like pancakes."

"I didn't ask you whether you like it or not, I just want to hear you say it."

"I would rather eat the menu, the have to say that out loud." He said, lowering his head and clenching his teeth.

"If you don't, you can forget about ever getting to second base." She knew she could never hold him to it, especially if things between them get heated enough, but she really wanted to hear him say it. He drew in a long breath, letting out slowly through his nose, leaning back and letting his hands fall into his lap just as the waitress came back to the table.

"You two ready to order?" She asked in a friendly tone.

"Yes, I'll just have the ham and cheese omelet." She said with a smile, closing her menu.

"And you, sir?" She asked, writing down Helga's order but turning her head towards him.

She felt herself grow excited and anxious at hearing him utter the words she wanted him to. He cleared his throat, covered his mouth with his hand, looking away from the waitress and out the window, moving his menu toward her and moving to point to the thing that she was forcing him to order. The waitress leaned over, her eyes just looking over to what he was pointing at, but Helga's hand shot up, "No! No..." She said, stopping the waitress, her eyes gleaming evilly over to him, "I want him to say it." She continued, catching the Cheshire grin the waitress smiled as the looked over to her, catching onto what she was up to.

Arnold let out another long sigh, his shoulders tensing, looking down into his lap. After a moment of thick, anxious pause, she heard him mumble something under his breath, the words not coming out clearly. "I'm sorry, sir?"

Arnold looked back up to her, a blithe look coming across to her. She simply raised her brow, silently ordering him to continue.

Letting out another long breath, his eyes closing and his head nodding off the side, "Rooty-tooty Fresh'n'fruity."

Helga felt her chest tighten in stifled laughter, watching as the waitress grinned, writing down his order and grabbing their menus, just before Arnold's elbows went to the table, his face going into his hands. After the waitress was out of ear shot, Helga burst out laughing, her head falling down to the table in hysteria. She threw herself back, slouching back in her seat to see his fists balled tightly in his hair, ready to pull it out. After her laughter had died down, a few chuckles still being let out, he finally met her eyes again. "Why don't you put me in a set of thumbscrews while you're at it?" He asked, annoyance very obvious in his voice.

"So what, you're comparing me making you order something that sounds like a four year old at a birthday party to a form of torture used during the crusades?"

"Might as well have been." She laughed again as his head fell to the table, folding his arms over his head. She reached over and poked the top of his head, feeling mischievous. "You owe me."

* * *

"And after that, my sister managed to convince them to go to marriage counseling. It took a while, but after about a year, they seemed to get their marriage back on track." She finished, looking over to him, seeing his eyes were down onto the ground ahead of him.

She had just told him her childhood story, about her mother's alcoholism, and her father being emotionally withdrawn with everyone around him, and her parents counseling. It was still nothing compared to the stories he's told her, but he wanted to know more about her, and she was more than willing to tell him. "There were times when I thought about getting into alcohol, mostly after a left high school, but I figured I would wake up with the same problems."

"Left high school? What do you mean?" She never really knew about what happened to him after middle school, or how he really got into reading, but she figured that now was as good a time as any to ask.

"I left high school." He said simply, saying it with absolutely no shame in his voice.

"You dropped out?" She asked, almost astonished.

"Graduated early." He corrected her, looking over to her with a soft smirk. "After the tenth grade, I helped the school system realize that it had nothing left to teach me, so I graduated early."

"Oh... What'd you do after that?"

"An old friend of my grandparents ran a demolition company and he payed me under the table for about a year."

"When did you decide to go to Washington State?"

"Whenever I heard Arnie got accepted. I was getting bored just working, day in and out. So I applied and sent them a paper I wrote in high school about the education system, and I got accepted."

"You wrote a paper on the education system?" Since he was so willing to tell her about his past, she was more than willing and more eager than ever to ask.

"I wrote it during my sophomore year of high school. It was during English, and it was a state exam where they would give you a topic and you had to write at least four paragraphs on that topic. Instead, I wrote about how useless our education system is, and how it's only function and purpose is to create mindless, robotic, workers who don't have the ability to think or decide for themselves. I got called into the principles office about a week after, but they couldn't do anything because all the teachers who read the paper said that I wrote the best paper. I kept a copy for myself and sent it in when I applied for Washington State."

She smiled at his accomplishment, and continued, "So, what exactly made you want to go to college? I mean, if all you think the education system is good for is creating workers, why go to college?"

"Because I wanted to learn. Not because I want to get a high paying job some day, but because I wanted to learn."

"Is that why you're undeclared?"

"I declared my major a few months ago." He said, surprising her.

She looked over to him with an expectant brow, "Really? What is it?"

"Philosophy." He said with a small shrug. She smiled again, thinking why she hadn't thought of it beforehand.

She reached over, pulling on his wrist to pull his hand out of his pocket, entwining their fingers together as they walked through the mall. She looked over to him again, to see him softly smiling over to her. "Listen," She began, almost nervous to bring it up, but feeling as if she had to. They never really got into it before he stepped onto the bus. "I'm sorry for what happened with my sister."

"It's not you're fault." He said, his voice soft and almost apologetic.

"Yes, it is. I wanted you to meet her so you could get to know me better, but I didn't think it through. I knew she would start asking you questions, and I should have told her to stop when she started asking about your parents, and I'm sorry." After a moment when he didn't respond, she looked over to him and saw his eyes cast down to the ground, his head hung a bit low, an almost sad furrow in his brow. "You know that you can talk to me when you're ready, I'm not pressuring you to though."

He let out a sharp breath through his nose, still not meeting her eyes, but his brow moving down as he spoke, "Why'd they leave?" He asked.

They pace slowed a bit while she started to run her thumb along the outside of his in a motion of comfort, "What do you mean?"

"I could handle it if they died or something, like if my mother died giving birth to me or something, but... they just left. Why'd they leave?" His tone said that it was the one question he wanted answered more than anything else, and it broke her heart that she couldn't answer it for him. She averted her eyes while she tried to think of something reassuring to say, knowing that he needed to hear something.

She pulled on his hand and stopped him, reaching over with her other hand to grab onto the one she wasn't holding, looking over to his eyes. "It's their loss that they don't get to see the man you are today."

He smiled softly, but sadly and averted his eyes down to the small space between them, leaving him only a moment before she leaned forward to capture his lips. She heard him let out a breath through his nose as he pressed his lips to hers, returning her gesture, moving to push her lips open with his after a moment of pause, shooting a familiar wave of tingling fire down her spine. After one last kiss, lasting longer than she intended it to, she pulled him into her, wrapping her hands around his neck, with his hands entwining behind her back, holding her to him. "If it really means that much to you, I suppose I could meet your sister again."

She chuckled lightly before she answered him, "Actually... there's someone else I'd like you to meet."

"Oh?" He asked, raising his brow.

"Mhm," She hummed, smiling, "Her name's Grace."

* * *

**A/N: Just so you guys know, it took me about ten minutes of working of the nerve to type out Arnold's order, and I even cringed very heavily while I was doing it. And any guy who reads this, besides me, knows what I'm talking about. **


	30. Chapter 30

She could tell that he was nervous again. They had caught the bus that went into Grace's neighborhood after making a call to her, asking her if it was okay to pay her and Mary a visit. It was late in the afternoon by the time they stepped off, with Arnold being the one to keep their hands together as they walked off onto the street. She had to admit that she was a bit nervous too, considering that she had told Grace everything she knew about Arnold, save for the things that he had just told her. He asked how she had met her, and she told him that she works with her father at the store outside the city.

"Look, before we go up, there's something I may have failed to mention." She said, tugging on his hand to stop him just outside the main entrance to Grace's building. He stopped, turned around to face her, his brow raising a bit nervously. She didn't want to tell him this out of the fear that he would back out, but now, he needed to know. She drew in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it out, telling him what he needed to know, "Grace has a four year old daughter." She saw his eyes grew wide as he began to limply shake his head, shuffling backward. "I know, I should have told you before." She said, reaching over to grab his other hand and pull him to her. "She's a great kid. And Grace is really excited to meet you." After he let out a sigh, looking down between them, she continued, "Grace is a really good friend of mine. She's very sweet, and kind, and I really think that you'll like her a lot."

He let out another heavy sigh, looking back up to her, "What about the kid?"

"Mary," She said pointedly, "And I'll keep her occupied. I'm like a big sister to her anyway." She paused, waiting for him to respond, but after he let his eyes fall back to the ground between them, she took a step forward, bending her head down to meet his eyes. It was very refreshing that he was her height. "Come on, this means a lot to me." She said, purposefully making her voice sweet and innocent.

His eyes lifted up to hers, seeing his trepidation vanish in an instant, "For you." He said sweetly just before he leaned forward to give her a quick kiss, which she couldn't help but smile into.

She leaned back, still smiling while she stepped around him, keeping their hands together, and flung the door open, going up the stairs to the third floor, knocking on the door just down the hallway. After a moment, Grace pulled open the door with a smile that was a bit brighter than usual when she met Helga's eyes. "Hi Helga." She said softly, ushering them inside.

"Helga!" A small voice called out, just before a four year old ran out of her room, excited to see her on a Saturday.

"Hey half pint!" Helga cooed as she bent down to lift Mary up into her arms, groaning as she lifted her. Mary had been going through a growth spurt, and it really was getting harder for her to lift the four year old. "Hey," She said, addressing Mary, "I want you to meet a very good friend of mine." She turned around, facing toward her boyfriend, who was standing rigidly in the doorway, his eyes looking almost scared as they looked upon the child in her arms. "Mary, this is Arnold."

Helga looked back over to Mary, seeing her finger up to her small lips, her brow arched, her eyes big as she looked over to Arnold, who was looking just as scared. Mary craned her neck, turning herself into Helga a bit, just before she heard her greet him in her small voice, sounding just like she did when she greeted her for the first time that day in the soup kitchen. "Hi."

Helga looked over to her boyfriend with an open smile, waiting for him to reply. After a long moment of pause, he cleared his throat and answered, "Hi." He said, his voice very low, but trying to be as friendly as he could be in this type of situation.

"It's great to finally meet you, Arnold." Grace said with a smile, stepping up to him, extending her hand. Arnold didn't hesitate to place his hand in hers and shake it as Grace enveloped his hand with hers. "Helga has told me so much about you."

Helga's breath hitched a bit in her throat at Grace telling him that, and she hesitantly looked over to Arnold, seeing him smile a soft, but very nervous smirk at her as Grace continued to hold his hand in hers. "Hey, why don't we go play in your room?" Helga asked Mary, who nodded quickly. She set the child back onto the floor and took her hand, letting her lead her down the hallway and into her room, looking over her shoulder briefly to see Arnold's nervous eyes on her.

* * *

He was nervous, and knew he was showing it very evidently. And it wasn't just the fact that there was a four year old girl in the apartment, but the fact that this woman whom he had never met seemed to have been told a lot about him. But, this meant a lot Helga. He could see the conviction in her eyes as she told him how much it meant to her. He didn't even see that much conviction when she asked him to meet her interrogator of a sister.

He watched her take the child's tiny hand in hers, letting her lead them down the hall way and into a room on the right, feeling the woman across from him let go of his hand. He felt as if he had already been judged, that he didn't even get a chance to explain his own actions before Helga told her what they were. But knowing his girlfriend, she more than likely painted him as some kind of heroic saint. "Would you like to sit down?" He heard the woman ask him, drawing his attention back to her. He looked over to her to see her step back and motion toward the small dining table next to them.

He feigned another heavy smile before nodding, pulling out the closest chair near him and sitting down, with her pulling out the chair adjacent to him and leaning forward on her forearms, while he sat rigidly in his own chair. "I have to say, it's great to finally meet you. Helga just goes on about you." She said with a soft smile.

"Does she?" He asked, with an unquestioning inflection, slightly irritated that Helga decided to tell this woman everything she knew about him, while she kept him a secret to her own sister. He didn't want to be rude, since this woman was obviously a very close friend of Helga's, and her opinion on him obviously meant a lot to her.

"Trust me, she has only said good things about you." She said softly.

Arnold looked up to her with another very feigned smiled, but stopped when he saw a certain sincerity behind her eyes.

"If I may," She began after a moment, "I just want to tell you what a blessing it is to have her around. I don't know what I would have done without her."

Ignoring her calling his girlfriend a blessing, he was a bit confused. She had told him that this woman just works at her father's electronics company. "What do you mean?"

Grace leaned back, casting a wondering gaze over to him. "She didn't tell you?" Arnold only decided to reply with a sharp shake of his head, "That's just like her." She said with a soft smile, averting her eyes back down the hallway. She looked back over to him with a soft smile, "She helped me get my life back together, and helped me get myself back on my own two feet."

With more questions swirling around her than ever, he pushed himself up in his chair, looking down the hallway. She's always held herself out in the open with him, she wasn't afraid to tell him anything. "How so?" He asked, looking back over to her.

After a small sigh of endearment, she pulled her chair forward a bit and leaned against her forearms again. "My husband died in a car accident about year and a half ago. He was the provider for us after I decided to stay home to take care of our daughter. I spent the last year scraping by with the money my husband started setting aside for our retirement while I looked for a job. But after a year of looking, no one would hire me. I was on the verge of losing everything, including my daughter until I met Helga."

He felt his heart grow light in his chest, the muscles in his face relaxing as he looked down the hallway again. "How exactly did you meet her?"

"It was about a week after I had a hearing with Child Services about Mary, seeing if I was still a fit guardian for her. We were out of food and I had no money, so I took Mary to a soup kitchen just a little ways from here. Helga was serving there, when she came over to us and sat down across from me. The next thing I know, I was being offered a job at her father's electronics store." She paused, and Arnold watched, feeling his stomach flutter inside of him as he saw her eyes start to brim with tears. "We were complete strangers to each other when she offered me my job, and now, I have a meeting tomorrow with a real estate agent about a small house in the suburbs, just outside the city. She even walks Mary home from school everyday and stays with her until I get home. She's just..." Grace let the sentence fall, along with a tear leaking out onto her cheek, which she wiped away with her finger.

He couldn't feel his heart inside his chest at what he was just told. Why hasn't she told him any of this? He was always curious as to why she had to leave everyday at two thirty, when she didn't have a class, and he just assumed that it was something for a club she was in.

"So," Grace began after a moment, drawing him out of his thoughts, which were all leading back to reminding him how hard he seemed to be falling for her, "Helga tells me you're into philosophy."

Arnold looked back over to her, answering a bit nervously at her question, "Y-yes, I am."

"Yeah, so was my husband." She said with a smile. There was another thick pause between them, and he could feel her working up the courage to say something to him. "I don't mean to sound intrusive, but Helga has told me what happened to your grandparents, and... what you did." Arnold felt his blood halt in his veins, "but I just want to let you know that it says a lot about you that you didn't go through with it. It shows how strong you are, and how much you care about those you love, whether they're with you or not."

He let out a long sigh, wondering how much else she knew, "If it's all the same to you, I'm not at all proud of what I did. The fact still remains that I thought of it in the first place."

"So have I." Arnold's guard was quickly fading with her. Grace looked back down the hallway before she continued, "My husband was killed by a drunk driver. The driver lived. He got to walk away with a few scraps and bruises while my husband suffered from more than forty broken bones, and a collapsed lung. I wanted revenge too. But I had a daughter to think about. And ending someone's life won't bring back another one, as much as you might want it to."

He cleared his throat before averting his gaze again, "You'll have to forgive me if I'm not entirely forthcoming about explaining my actions. I've been through far too much to start complaining now, not that it would do anyone any sort of good."

"No, it's alright. I understand. I can't imagine how uncomfortable you are right now, having a complete stranger like me know so much about you, but don't take hold it against her." She said, nodding down the hall, hearing the faint sound of Helga playing with her daughter. "She just needed someone to talk to, to help her understand what it is you went through. If I must say though, it shows just how much she cares. And with everything she's told me, it would seem to me that she's exactly what you need in your life." She paused, obviously to let what she had said sink in. He knew that she was right, but it hurt to admit it to himself. He's always told himself that he doesn't need anyone to survive, since everyone either left or was taken from him. "Am I right?" She asked after a minute.

"Yes." He said, the word coming out just as he was telling himself not to speak. Even as he told himself to withdraw himself, he was continuing, "Slowly but surely, she's getting to be everything to me. If she left now, I can't even fathom what I'd do with myself, having to go back to how I was before she came into my life."

"Something tells me she's not going anywhere." Grace replied, her voice as sincere as her eyes.

He met her eyes again and felt a smile push its way into his lips just as her four year old came darting out of her room, with Helga following close behind her. His eyes went up to hers and he felt something familiar stir inside of himself. It was the same feeling he got whenever he would see her smile, or see her eyes light up, but this time, it was so much stronger. After Mary had jumped up into her mother's lap, Helga was slowly pacing her way into the living room, looking down at the floor. He pushed himself up and slowly walked over to her, drawing her attention as he stepped up to her.

Their eyes locked again in a soft, yet pulling gaze, watching her eyes dance and sparkle as they always did whenever they met. She took another step into him, whispering to him under her breath, "I didn't mean to violate your trust by talking about you to her, but I-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, his voice light and unaccusing, catching her off guard.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get mad." She quickly explained.

He felt himself smile again as he shook his head with a low chuckle, "No, about what you did? Why'd you keep all this a secret?" She stopped, her expression changing to that of a deer in headlights, her bright blue eyes staring over to him widely, "Did you think I'd make fun of you or something?"

"No, I just... It's not that big of a deal." She said, shrugging her shoulders. He let out another airy chuckle again, feeling his smile brighten a bit on its own accord. He wanted to tell her what he felt in this moment, how much she meant to him, how much he wanted her to stay with him, how much he just wanted to wrap his arm around her and hold her for as long as the world would let him, but he didn't, for the life of him, want to break the spell she has over him. "But listen, we have to get going. I promised the guy who runs the soup kitchen that I would help out tonight since Rhonda had to cancel." After another silent moment of them staring into each others eyes, her smile returned, "Why don't you come with me? Couch is always looking for an extra pair of hands."

With everything he was feeling in this moment, he couldn't say no.


	31. Chapter 31

After they had said goodbye to Grace, with Arnold not objecting to the offer for him and Helga to help them move, they made their way outside onto the sidewalk, where Helga entwined their fingers together, wrapping their arms together as they lazily walked down the street toward the soup kitchen. The sky was painted with streaks of beautiful orange and dark blue as the sun set under the horizon, casting equally beautiful shadows on his face, along with that soft smirk he was letting curl his lips. She would love to kiss him right now, but she didn't want to end the sight she was staring at.

The sun would be fully set by the time they got to the soup kitchen, considering it was a twenty minute walk at least from Grace's apartment to the soup kitchen, but she didn't want to take the bus, wanting to spent as much time as she could holding his hand, leaning into his side, letting the warmth that she felt just from them being together surround her. Unfortunately, her bliss was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. With a groan, which made her eyes roll, she awkwardly reached over with her free hand to pull her cell phone out of her left pocket, not wanting to let go of his hand. Seeing it was Rhonda, probably to make sure that she was covered at the soup kitchen, she slid her thumb across the screen to answer the call. "Hey Rhonda."

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I can make it, but Thaddy can't. He has a project due in one of his classes."

"Okay, It's no problem. Arnold and I will be there in about twenty minutes if you want to meet us there."

"Arnold? He's coming with you?" Judging by Rhonda's tone, she sounded surprised to the point that she wouldn't believe her if Helga didn't show her that he was holding her hand right now.

"Yeah, he's right here. We're on our way there now. Say hi to Rhonda." She said to him, pulling her phone off her ear and holding the front up to him a couple inches away from his face.

"Hi to Rhonda." He said, seemingly uninterested.

Chuckling, she drew the phone back to her own ear. "Smart ass." She said under her breath enough for him to hear, but hopefully not Rhonda. "See?" She said back into her phone.

"Wow, you know, Helga, I've got to hand it to you. You've really brought out a new side to him. I swear, if you weren't my friend, and I didn't adore Thaddy as much as I did, I would so go after him if he was like this." Rhonda's tone was sly now, probably trying to complement her.

"Should I take that as a complement?"

"Of course! You two look so cute together too."

Letting out a sigh, laced with a small chuckle, she replied, "Thanks Rhonda. Anyway, we'll be there in twenty."

"Okay, see you there."

She hung up the phone and slid it awkwardly back into her left pocket with her right hand, still not wanting to let go of his hand. After a few steps, Arnold was speaking up, "Have you changed?"

She looked over to him, his question sounding a little scared. "What do you mean?" She asked, readying herself for the direction the conversation would take, if she could find it.

"Well, my being with you has quite obviously brought out a new side to me, and I'm not really afraid to admit that, but... what about you?" He said, looking over to her with his brow arched.

"I'm not really sure. I guess I haven't really thought about it." While it's true that it was almost impossible not to notice how Arnold's overall demeanor has changed, especially when he was with her, she hadn't really thought about how he affected her. She was always so wrapped up in how she affected him. "Do you think I've changed? I mean, since we've been together?"

"I wouldn't want you to." He said, as if it was obvious.

Stifling the smile that she felt pushing its way through, she averted her eyes bashfully, but leaned into him a little more when she did. "Come on, there has to be one thing about me that you'd change. Even _I _have things about me that I want to change."

"Like what?" He asked, with his inflection telling her that he probably thought it was crazy for her to have anything, which made it that much harder to suppress the blush she felt rising.

"I guess I've always wanted to be a little more... assertive." She said, casting her eyes down onto the ground as the said it, but felt her arm being pulled on. She looked back when she was halted to see him looking at her with one side of his brow cocked. "What?"

"You... want to be more assertive?" She shrugged, but nodded. "How much more assertive can you be?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, taking a step toward him to face him, keeping her hand in his.

"Helga, most of the times we've kissed was because you either caught me off guard, or pushed me up against the nearest surface and shoved your lips onto mine, not to mention that little stunt you pulled this morning while we were at breakfast," He said with a blithe expression, making her giggle despite herself, "and you want to be more assertive? I really don't mean for you to take this the wrong way, and I love your assertiveness, but there's a very fine line between being assertive and being bitchy. And it's a line that you have yet to cross, and hopefully... never will."

"Arnold, all the times I kissed you like that, I was just..." She choked on her words, not really coming up with a reasonably believable explanation.

"The first time you kissed me, you _forced _me to walk with you under your umbrella, then proceeded to stand up to me, and demand that I answer your question, all before you practically grabbed me and kissed me."

"I did _not _grab you. I just... tilted your head towards me and gently leaned in." She corrected with a grin.

"Nevertheless," He began, grinning back at her, "if you weren't as assertive as you are, you wouldn't have made me walk with you under that umbrella that day to begin with. Then there was when you were at my campsite. I had just finished telling you about my grandparents, and you grabbed my shoulder and flung yourself on me."

"You had just saved my life, Arnold. And need I remind you that you didn't exactly object to that kiss, now did you?" She challenged again, widening her devilish grin.

"Like I've told you time over, you're a good kisser. And I may add that you've gotten better... as of late." He said, returning her devilish grin, tugging on her hand slightly.

Her grin turned into a smile as she stepped forward, letting go of his hand to run her hands up his arms, ending up with her arms around his shoulders, feeling his hands go behind her back. "Well, I've had a lot of practice. And you should know what they say about practice."

"Makes perfect." He finished her thought, his darkening eyes darting down to her lips just before he leaned forward, pressing his lips fully to hers. She felt her stomach jump, hit against her heart, making it skip a beat as the breath that was being pulled out of her vibrated against her throat, earning him a deep moan. He pulled back, and it wasn't until she felt a small breeze against her cheek that she remembered that they were out on the street. And it wasn't until then that she realized that they had somewhere to be.

"We um..." She said just above a whisper, just an inch away from his lips, her arms still around his shoulders, "we better get going. We're going to be late, and I promised Rhonda we'd meet her there."

He let out a long sigh through his nose, laced with frustration. She leaned back further so he would come back into focus, looking over at him with a bit of an annoyed scowl. "Remind me why I'm doing this?"

"Because these people need help, and if we can do something to help them, and make them feel better for a little while, then we are going to do it." After she paused, hoping that he would but knowing he wouldn't accept her reason, she continued. "You're doing it because it's important to me... just like you are. And this is a pretty big part of my life, just like you are, and I want you to be a part of it." She could see his eyes soften over to her, his trepidation gone, his eyes almost gleaming over to her, reflecting off the still setting sun, the sky that was being lit with the same peach steaks across the sky. "I know you're not doing this for them, and I accept that. But, at least do it for me."

He let out a much smaller sigh this time, letting his lips turn upward, "For you." She smiled brightly over to him, happily ecstatic that he seemed to be doing so much for her. She leaned forward, kissing him chastely in thanks, grabbing onto his hand afterwards to continue down the street. They talked a little bit more as they walked through the streets, with him telling her that he would change his head shape, honestly seeming very embarrassed about it. She laughed and told him that it was cute, and that she wouldn't want it any other way than the subtle oblong shape that formed around that beautiful mind of his.

The streetlights had just come on by the time they arrived at the soup kitchen. With their hands still entwined together, Helga led him around the counter and into the back, where Couch Wittenburg was just walking out of the back. "Hey Couch, this is my boyfriend, Arnold. I told him he could work back here today. Rhonda said that Thad had to cancel, so me and her will serve."

"Sure thing, Helga. Always glad to have an extra pair of hands around here. Let me show you around, Arnold." Couch said, extending his arm out, ushering him forward. Without a word, Arnold stepped forward, not letting her hand go until he absolutely needed to as Couch threw his arm around Arnold's shoulders, pulling him forward with him into the back. Giggling happily, she turned and grabbed an apron and a hair net, making her way out to the counter just as Rhonda was pushing her way through.

"Hey Rhonda." Helga greeted, tying her apron strings behind her back.

"Hey Helga," Rhonda said with a smile, "So how much fighting did you have to do to get Arnold to come?"

"None at all, actually. He may not want to help out the homeless, but he loves to help me out."

Rhonda smiled with a laugh, pushing her way through into the kitchen to grab an apron and hair net. She returned after another minute, chuckling to herself. "He looks so out of place."

"Something tells me he's right were he wants to be." She said, grabbing the ladle in the pot and stirring it with a smile.

Time went by regularly, with Arnold only coming out with stacks of bowls, stacked about four or five high, setting them down onto the counter in front of Rhonda, Helga giving him a smile every time he came out, earning himself a peck on his stubbly cheek as he turned to go back into the kitchen. Helga looked up to the clock on the wall, seeing that it was just an hour and fifteen minutes after they had started when she heard the doors being pushed open. She looked over with a friendly smile, seeing the familiar brunette woman shuffle her way up to the counter with her usual soft smile. She was one of the few that had showed up every time Helga was here, but she never found the time to ask her name, and she always felt bad about it.

The woman grabbed a bowl from Rhonda, and stepped over to Helga with her thankful smile as she filled it up. She turned to head back to silently find a seat as she always did. Helga looked back down into the pot, but was startled when she heard the loud clatter of the plastic dishes they used hit the floor. She whipped around, looking down to see the bowls scattered across the floor, then looked up to see Arnold's eyes wide, his body stiff and rigid, but his hands trembling and shaky. She could even see his pulse point throb. "Arnold?" She asked quietly, but stopped herself from stepping forward when she heard him let out a very struggled breath.

It wasn't until she heard another bowl drop to the floor that she turned around to see the brunette woman that had just walked away standing a few steps away from the counter, her soup spilled onto the floor, her eyes as wide as Arnold's, but her body much more shaky. Nervously trying to take in what was happening, not knowing what was going on, but feeling a heavy and thick coat of tension fill the air.

She looked back over to him, about to ask him what was going on, until his shaky voice stopped her.

"Mom?"


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: With this story, I now have two stories that have over two hundred reviews! I had no idea that this story would be this popular. And in my own personal opinion, this is my favorite to reread, and also my favorite to write. I've never had so much fun writing my other stories as I have this one. It doesn't even feel like I've written 80k+ words for it already. **

In the moment that the most unexpected word left his lips, she felt her entire self freeze up at the all too quick realization at what was happening. Her breath stopping roughly in her throat, her eyes going wide, feeling as if they were being squeezed out of her, her pulse going wild against her dry throat, her muscles locked in place as she looked over to the brunette woman whom had just been torn into a whole new light, she had absolutely no idea what to do.

As her eyes went upon what Arnold had just claimed to be his mother, her mind quickly saying his words to her about how his parents had left him, and how he wanted to know, more than anything else, why they had left him in the first place. The woman was shaky, her dry looking brown hair in a very low pony tail, with a few lone strains hanging out of it, wearing a very worn looking brown coat that went down to her knees, with another worn sweater underneath it that was probably red at some point far in the past, with a pair of very worn looking shoes.

Even at the sight of this familiar woman, whom had come into the kitchen every single time that Helga had come to volunteer with out fail, looking into her wide, excited, almost scared eyes, it was almost hard not to recognize the resemblance in their facial features. She wanted to speak to her, to him, wanted to say anything that might break the heavy, very urgent silence that had fallen over the entire kitchen in a matter of seconds, but she couldn't think of anything. She couldn't even think a complete thought from the shock at what was happening, and she couldn't even imagine what he was going through

She looked over to him again, only to see him more tense than she had ever seen him before. His shoulders so rigid and hard, she could almost feel the muscles in his back flexing strongly from the anxiety coating the air. His eyes were more open than she'd ever seen them, and his pupils covered up the deep, haunting green that was usually there. His hands were still out in front of him, as if he was still holding the bowls that were now scattered across the floor in front of him, still trembling.

Seeing a very rapid movement out of the corner of her eye, she looked over to see the woman rush over, losing her footing a bit when she stepped across the soup that she had let fall, but regained her footing when she clung to the counter, pulling herself back up as she still desperately made her way to the boy who was still standing shakily still, his eyes following her, but his body not as obviously desperate to reach out to her as her's was. The woman quickly stepped around the counter, Rhonda quickly jumping out of her way, standing against the back wall as the woman rushed up to Arnold, her shaky, dirt encrusted hands reaching up to his face.

He didn't even flinch when she placed her thumb against his brow and her forefinger just below his eye, pulling it open as she leaned into him, almost as if she was inspecting him, her brow arched and her breath very ragged. Helga heard her let out a revealed breath as her fingers let go of the skin on his face, only to have them go to the other eye, and peel it open while she leaned in closer than she had before. She was only slightly shorter than Arnold, even more so from the fact that she was hunched over, looking up to him, while he remained still, probably unable to move.

The woman let out another breath, that ended with a slight laugh, already laced with thick emotions, as a bright, open smile curled into her lips, her fingers lifting off his face, but dancing above his skin, just before her eyes started dancing wildly across his entire front, her fingers following suit, first going across his shoulders, then down his front, down to his abs, then reached over to his hands, turning it so his palm was facing up while she ran her fingernails through lines etched on it. She then ran her shaky fingers up his arms, then up to his neck, before she spoke for the first time, "Do you have it?"

Her voice was airy, weak, and maybe a bit crazed, but she has every right to be a bit crazed. Helga saw Arnold shake his head ever so slightly, his eyes closing as he did so, "Wha-"

"The birthmark, your birthmark, on your right side, do you have it?" The woman quickly asked him, her eyes showing more anxious desperation than before.

She saw Arnold's eyes grow wider than before, his eyes starting to reflect more than usual as his hand went to the hem of his pitch black t-shirt, pulling it up far enough to reveal a very small patch of darkened skin just above his softly outlined abs, his eyes going down to it just as the woman's fingers did, tracing the small circle in reverence. "It is you." She whispered, a large tear falling from her eye. Her arms flung around his neck in a quick flash, pulling him down to her only a bit before she started rocking him from side to side. "My boy! My beautiful, _beautiful _baby boy! It's my baby boy! It's really you!"

Helga felt the breath she was painfully holding release, her lips going into a slight, gaping smile as she watched the display, briefly looking past them and over to Rhonda, seeing her with her hands covering her mouth, but her eyes showing that she was holding back excitement. She looked over to the woman and Arnold again, but felt her smile dissipate when she saw Arnold's hands still out in the air, not embracing his mother, his eyes still wide, but still glistening just a little more than they were bef

* * *

ore. As his mother continued to rock him from side to side, her body wracking and shaking with sobs, while she put one hand against Arnold's head to push him into her shoulder, but his neck refusing to give way, Helga wondered why he wasn't embracing his mother.

"Oh Arnold! My beautiful baby boy! My son! My beautiful son! Where have you been all these years? I missed you so much!" She spoke again.

For a moment, Helga saw his shoulders deflate, his eyes drift shut, and in that moment, she thought that he might have the reunion he always wanted. But instead, she watched, almost in denial, as his hands reached up, pulling the arms that were coiled around him off his shoulders just before he ran towards the door, leaving his supposed mother grasping for the thin air that he left behind. Rhonda was the first to react, stepping in front of her and holding her back, with Helga only wondering briefly why she was holding the woman back from his long lost son before she remembered who her son was.

Shaking her head, Helga stepped forward, placing her hands gently down onto the woman's shoulders, trying fruitlessly to tune out the desperate cries she was yelling out to him. "Arnold! Come back to me! Arnold!" As Helga's hands started to urge the woman back, she briefly met Rhonda's eyes, darting them toward the door, hoping that she would understand her silent instructions. Luckily, Rhonda nodded once the woman in front of her had stopped pushing against her, and was calmly, but urgently walking out the door. As the woman broke down again, Helga stepped around her, kneeling down in front her from when she fell to her knees while she reached for her son while he was running out the door.

"Are you okay?" Helga asked in a soothing, genuine voice. She knew it was a completely pointless question. Of course she's not okay, she just found her son, only to have him shove her off and run out the door.

The woman met Helga's eyes just as another tear was falling, "Where is he going? Where is my Arnold going?"

Letting out a heavy breath, she had to dodge the woman's question with a question of her own. "What's your name?"

"Stella," The woman began, looking over Helga's shoulders, towards the door, leaning over to look over her other shoulder before Helga continued.

"Full... name?" She hesitantly asked, hoping not to come across as accusing.

"Stella Susan Shortman." The woman replied in the same rushed tone as before, still looking past her toward the door.

Her heart leaped inside her chest. If this woman wasn't really his mother, than it's a _very _odd coincidence that they have the same last name, and has similar facial features. Helga smiled warmly, averting her eyes down to the floor while her hands remained on the woman's shoulders. Feeling the same warm feeling fill her chest that filled her when she helped Grace for the first time, she looked back up to the woman, looking into her dilated eyes until they were met. "Well Stella, I'm Helga Pataki." She began in a soft voice, "And I'm very close to your son."

"What do you mean?" Stella asked, the same anxious, rushed tone coming across.

Helga's smile brightened, feeling her already light heart beat pick up, "I'm your son's girlfriend."

Stella let out a breath, and Helga felt her shoulders relax under her hands.

"Why don't I take you some place warm so we can talk, and I can get you a nice, hot meal."

* * *

After Helga had made her way outside, keeping her arm around Stella's shoulders, Rhonda had returned, offering only a shake of her head. Not surprised, she knew Arnold wouldn't be returning to the frat house, and if he was, he wouldn't be there long. She asked Rhonda if she could use Thad's car to get back to campus quicker, in some hope that she would spot Arnold on her way back, but not telling Rhonda. Rhonda agreed, saying that she would stay at the kitchen for a little while, help clean up then catch a bus back, and Helga thanked her just before she ushered Stella into the passenger seat of Thad's sedan just before she quickly ran around the front and got into the driver seat.

The drive was made in silence, and before long, Helga was pulling to a stop in front of the frat house. "Here we are." Helga said cheerfully.

Stella remained quiet as Helga opened the passenger side door, helping her out of the car and walking her to the front door, ringing the door bell and waiting. It was only a brief moment before Arnie was opening the door. "Hey Arnie, I was kind of hoping you'd help me out." Helga said, smiling a nervous smile.

"Um... that depends." He said, his eyes looking over to the woman next to her.

"My friend Stella, here, needs a place to stay, and something to eat, and I was really hoping you'd help." She explained, using a very obvious tone that hopefully would say to him that there was much more going on.

Arnie paused for a moment before he nodded and stepped aside, letting them in. "Kitchen okay?" She asked him when she passed. He responded with a nod, lifting his hand up to show her the way while he closed the door behind them. Helga walked with her into the large kitchen, sitting her down at the table with a bright smile, seeing Stella's eyes still darting around wildly, almost as if she was on the verge of going into a panic. Helga turned around, seeing Arnie had trailed closely behind her. She let out a heavy breath and grabbed onto his arm, pulling him out of the room.

"Would you mind telling me what's going on?" Arnie asked as he pulled his arm from her grasp once they reached the room between the foyer and the kitchen.

Helga looked into the foyer, then back into the kitchen, seeing Stella hunched over in her chair. "That woman in there claims to be Arnold's mother."

Arnie's usually half lidded eyes went wide, just before the whipped around his shoulder to look at Stella again. "You can't be serious." Arnie said, turning back to face her.

"I'm telling you the truth. Arnold and I were helping out down at the soup kitchen downtown, and she came in, like she always does, Arnold saw her, called her mom, then she ran up to him and hugged him, then he pushed her off, and ran out the door."

Arnie was silent for a moment before his eyes fell to the floor with a nod, "That explains it."

"Explains what?"

"Arnold came home just a few minutes ago. He ran upstairs, I heard something crash, then I saw him run out the door again with his backpack."

Helga sighed, expecting as much. Although it was a mystery how he managed to get back here faster than she could. He must have caught the bus at the last minute. Either way, she knew that he was more than likely running out into the woods again, and she knew that this late at night, she would be pressed for luck finding him. "Well, I promised her a hot meal, and a place to stay." Helga paused, and smiled, a thought occurring to her. "And I think it's the least you could do for your aunt." Helga said, raising her brow and crossing her arms.

"No, don't worry, she's safe here. Most of the guys are out tonight anyway. I'll take care of it. I just... have to call my parents first." He said, turning and walking into the foyer, pulling out his phone from his pocket, holding it to his ear after a moment of fiddling with it.

Helga sighed and walked back into the kitchen, greeting Stella as she passed her, "Hey, why don't I fix you some real food?"

"Where's my son? Where's Arnold?" Stella asked, her desperation still very blatant in her eyes.

Helga sighed heavily, pulling out the chair next to her and sitting down. "Arnold just needs time to process things, that's all." She said with a smile. "He'll come back, I'm sure of it." She said with a reassuring smile. "If you don't mind my asking... where have you been all this time?" Stella met her eyes again, her fear now coming over her desperation. "I mean, Arnold's gone through so much, and you weren't around. I don't mean for it to sound like I'm attacking you or anything, I just want to know."

Stella remained quite, leaning back in her chair and letting out a breath, not meeting her eyes.

After a long pause of silence, Helga continued. "Listen, Mrs. Shortman, your son is very special to me. I care about him a lot. And he's told me how much he wants to know what happened, and why you left him. So I would hope that you'd give him the answers he so desperately wants."

Stella still remained quite, not looking over to her.

Helga sighed heavily again, averting her eyes to the floor before she stood up, feeling defeated. "I'll just make you something to eat, then leave you alone."

She went over to the fridge and pulled out a jar of marinara sauce, placing it on the counter, and filling a pot with water, pulling out a box of pasta she found in the cupboard. As she placed the pot of water on the stove, waiting for it to boil, Stella remained silent. She could, in a way understand why she wasn't talking to her. Maybe she only wanted to talk to Arnold. Helga had no idea what this woman has gone through for who knows how long, so it's no surprise that she didn't want to talk about it right away.

Helga had just poured the noddles into the boiling water when she heard Stella's voice, "You're my Arnold's wife?"

Her breath hitched, swallowing a gasp, her heart bursting for some unknown reason, while she offered only a nervous laugh and a shake of her head, not meeting the woman's eyes. "No, just his girlfriend." She saw Stella nod slowly, her eyes going back down to her lap, "But he is very special to me." She continued, earning Stella's eyes again, "In fact, I... I think I'm in love with him."


	33. Chapter 33

She had known for a while now, well, thought for a while at least, but to know for sure, and much less speak the words to someone she had just met was bordering on being an epiphany. And maybe a part of it was the fact that she had said it out loud for the first time to someone else, or maybe it was that this someone else was the person in questions long lost mother, but either way, when she had said that she was indeed in love with this woman's son, she felt a bit of pride in herself, and in him, oddly enough. But as she set the pot in the sink, turning on the water to rinse it out, she smiled to herself as an old saying floated into her mind, saying that when you're in love, you want to tell the world.

She felt proud of the man she was in love with, and of the fact that she now had the chance to tell a person that was, in a way, close to him, everything there was to know about him.

But, she was holding back, biting her tongue, and for a reason. Arnold may have lost a mother, and this woman may have lost a son, but in her mind, as of this point, there wasn't enough evidence to convince her that these two events were tied together, that this woman was in fact his mother, and him her son. She wanted to believe it, because of how much Arnold wants answers as to why his parents abandoned him. But there was a part of her telling her that that's just what he wants, and all he wants, was his answers. That he didn't want, or need his parents back, but simply the knowledge as to why they left him.

She asked her, but didn't push the issue any further when Stella hadn't offered an answer. And while it is true she's heard a lot of what Arnold has went through as a child, so much so that she still can't possibly imagine the pain and anguish it had all cause him, and still causes him to this day, she has no clue as to what this woman has gone through. But whatever that may be, she know it obviously wasn't easy, taking into account the fact she seemingly only has one set of clothes, judging from the fact that she is always wearing the same ones whenever Helga has seen her, and the fact that whenever Helga has seen her, she came into a soup kitchen for the homeless.

She may not have a home, she may have a small room, or old building she squats in, but still, there was a deep seeded, almost nagging feeling of resentment for her. After all, if she hadn't left her son so long ago to do whatever it is she went to do, who knows what Arnold could have been, or who he could have turned out to be. But in some twisted, probably incredibly selfish way, she should thank her for leaving, because if she hadn't, Arnold wouldn't have turned into the person that she has no just openly admitted to falling deeply in love with.

But still, she wasn't about to try and understand what either of them are going through. For Stella, it was probably a mixture of sheer joy, ecstatic happiness, yet utter torture and heartbreak. She had just been reunited with her son whom she had not seen in however many years, only to have herself push off of him just before he ran out the door as if she was a bad stench in the air. But as for Arnold, only he could ever know what he's truly going through. And Helga could only infer that even he is having a difficult time pinpointing a specific emotion to express and dwell on.

It could be complete rage and anger at the fact that this woman can just walk back into his life and embrace him like she has done nothing wrong. On the other hand, it could be happiness and joy that has him so twisted and turned around that he had no choice but to remove himself from everything to evaluate it. It could be that he's waiting for so long, and wondered probably even longer as to why his parents left him that now he finally has the chance for closure at his fingertips, and maybe he feels that if he were to get that closure, he wouldn't know who he is anymore.

With Arnold, it could be anything, and that's only one thing that she loves about him, is his complexity as a human being.

But all of these questions swirling around this woman who was still devouring the rather large plate of spaghetti that was set in front of her moments ago all begged one question, which was a whole other half of the story. If this woman is his mother, what happened to his father?

Did he run away, and did she run after him, trying to get him to come home, and lost her way home? Or was he killed, and she lost herself in grief and denial of the harsh truth of reality that she ran from it, leaving her son behind? It could be any one of the scenarios that were being painted around this woman in the few minutes that passed as Helga watched her devour the food in front of her like a starved lion, inhaling it so fast like it was the first real meal that she was offered in her life time.

Brought back to reality by the sound of the woman contracting a case of the hiccups, there were still many other concerns to address. The house was quiet, and Arnie still hadn't returned from his phone call to his parents. She didn't know if it was alright for Stella to shower her, or sleep her, and if she could, where. But in the brief moment that all these concerns flooded her mind, she closed her eyes, forcing herself to take it one step at a time. She wasn't all too worried about Arnold, although she probably should be. She knew he wouldn't be returning tonight. Well, she wasn't sure, but she had a very strong suspicion that he wouldn't be. So it was probably safe for her to take her son's room for the night, until Helga could come up with a more permanent solution, one which she hoped Arnie would be able to offer.

And it was this hope that shot into her as Arnie came into the kitchen from the back room, padding his way softly over to her place in front of the sink, stopping in front of her about a foot away as she leaned back against the counter, his head hanging a bit low. "What'd your parents say?" Helga asked, speaking in a low voice, hoping Stella was too busy eating to pay attention.

Arnie let out a heavy sigh, rubbing the back of his neck, "Well, nothing I didn't already know. But they still don't believe that this woman actually is my Aunt Stella."

"Why, what is it that happened?" Helga asked. She never worked up the courage to really ask Arnold for a straight answer, and she never wanted to push the issue, because it always seemed to be the one that could set him off the quickest.

"Well," Arnie began on another sigh, "from what my dad told me, her and my Uncle Miles had to leave on a mission trip in some other country in South America when Arnold was about a year and a half old, but they never came back. That's all they would ever tell me, and Arnold never talked about it, even before he came to live with us after our grandparents passed. So, I guess the fact that she's here is probably a miracle."

"Did they mention what we could do? I mean, I can't tell her that she has to go back out on the streets when she just met her son after... what, eighteen some years." Helga argued, still speaking low, still hoping that Stella was too busy trying to sate her appetite.

"My dad said he was going to drive down tomorrow to see if she really is the Stella Shortman that he remembers. He said that if she is, than she came come back with him and stay with them."

Helga nodded, only a little relieved. She felt terrible that her main concern wasn't this woman who claimed to be her boyfriend's mother, but her boyfriend. She was concerned about Arnold, and how all this affected him. He needed answers, and while she still cared about what happened to this woman, she felt terrible to admit that it was only because of Arnold. If Stella were to go off and live with Arnold's uncle, then where did that leave him?

Sighing, she nodded again, casting a side glance over to Stella, who was scraping the side of her fork along her empty plate to get the last remnants of food, and pushed off the counter. "Well, Arnold isn't coming back tonight, that much I'm pretty sure of. So I was hoping she could take his room for the night." Helga suggested, looking over to Arnie again, who nodded, looking down at the floor, probably to help from staring at Stella more than he had to, "And could she take a shower too? She could really use one." Arnie nodded again, and she thanked him quietly, placing a hand on his shoulder as he turned to walk out the way he came in, while she made her way back over to Stella. "All finished?" Helga asked, cheerfully.

Stella cleared her throat, setting her fork down on the table, picking up a napkin and dabbing the sides of her mouth, obviously trying to be as polite as she can. Helga halfheartedly smiled and grabbed her dishes, setting them in the sink to either deal with later, or let someone else deal with. Stella remained quiet as Helga made her way back to her, setting down in the chair adjacent to her.

"So, I'm going to go ahead and show you upstairs, and you can take a nice, long shower, to help you relax, then you can stay in a room that's empty for the night." She said, not seeing the point in telling her that it was her son's room. Stella offered only a nervous nod of her head, looking down at her lap. After another moment of silence, Helga stood up and ushered Stella out of her chair, keeping a friendly arm around her as she walked her upstairs, and into the first open door on the left, which had the light on, obviously left on by Arnie anticipating them asking where the bathroom was. "You can take as much time as you need, no need to rush. And when you're done, I'll be just across the hall." Helga said with another friendly smile, Stella meeting her eyes for what felt like the first time since they arrived.

She closed the door behind her, pausing for a minute outside the door until she heard the water turn on in the shower. She breathed a sigh of relief and made her way into Arnold's room. She opened the door and flicked on the light after fumbling for the light switch for a moment. She tried to force herself to relax, but couldn't seem to do it. The first time she was in this room was after she was dared to come up here with him for five minutes, with the obvious intentions of him making a move on her. And she couldn't help but wonder what would happen if that were to happen with them now. She smiled a devilish smile as she closed her eyes, letting her mind drift.

The second time she was in here was when she was confronting him about what happened with her sister. His words of how he was falling in love with her rang clearly in her head, the image of his pleading eyes looking back into hers flashing in her mind, making her heart flutter inside her chest. She drew in a long breath, trying to get herself to come back down to earth as she let it out in a long, lovesick sigh. She took a step into his room, but was stopped when she heard something crack under her foot. Startled out of her day dream, she lifted her foot off the floor and looked down, seeing a clear shard of glass, cracked in half lying on the floor.

Intrigued, she looked up, panning the entirety of his bedroom floor, and saw a small pile of glass lying on the floor just to her left, with a picture frame lying on his face on the floor. She hummed to herself in curiosity and turned, kneeling down and carefully picking up the frame with a cautious hand. She turned the frame over, gently brushing off the shards of broken glass from the frame. Stella was actually quite beautiful at one time.

It was obvious to her that it was a picture of his parents, and obvious to her still was that he had thrown it against the wall in a fit of rage. Stella had her hair down, coming just above her shoulders, while she curled herself into a man's chest, who was most likely Arnold's father. The man had somewhat dirty blonde hair, but it was neatly messy, wafting out in front of him in smooth spikes, unlike his son's, whose hair was unruly messy, spiking out every which way, but was easily dealt with by a hand ran through it, finishing it off with a shake of his head to even out the messiness. The man had a soft smile, on his lips, looking into the camera, while Stella curled her body into him, her shoulder raised, and leg popped out in the air, while her husbands arms went around her waist. They were both neatly dressed, him in a dark blue dress shirt and slacks, with her in a light green sun dress and sandals.

They both looked so happy, and so in love. She couldn't help but wonder what led to what she was facing now.

Letting out a sad sigh, she stood back up, walking over to Arnold's book shelf and placing it on top, moving to clean up the glass from the floor, but stopping when she saw his collection of CD's, which she had made fun of the first time she was in the room with him on her first day on campus. As she scanned the names, pulling out a few select names, seeing that he had them alphabetized, she never would have pegged him as a person to listen to artists like Less Than Jake, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Mad Caddies, or even some of the other artists names that she saw, but didn't recognize, and could only infer were more on the anarchistic side of the music genre. She would have to ask him about it the next time she saw him.

Humming to herself again in curiosity as she replaced the CD she had taken out, she turned and picked up the glass that littered the floor, dumping it into a trashcan that he had next to his book shelf. His room was pretty baron as far as personal fixtures and mementos went. The only picture he had was the one that was sitting on his bookshelf, and she doesn't remember seeing it anywhere on display when she was in here last. They should take a picture together, and maybe she could get him to smile, if not, she would just have to kiss him when the flash went off.

She smiled at the thought just as she heard a door open down the hall. She shook herself out of her daydream of her making a ridiculous face, lying on top of him with her head laying against his chest, while his hands went around her, clasping together against her chest, just above her heart while she took the picture that she would set as her new background on her phone, and moved to look out into the hallway. She leaned out, seeing Stella having shed her long brown coat, and just wearing her very ratty red sweater, her hair wet and stringy, desperately crying out to be combed, while she walked down the hall slowly toward the open door, her eyes down onto the floor, while she held her coat over her arm.

Helga stepped out into the hall with a smile, letting Stella pass her into Arnold's room. Stella paused in the door way, and it wasn't until Helga squeezed past her that she saw Stella's eyes darting nervously around the room. "Don't worry, the person that stays here won't be back until tomorrow, and I'm sure that they won't mind you staying here." She half lied. She didn't know if Arnold would have a problem with it, but she knew that he wouldn't be back until at least tomorrow.

Stella nodded and moved further into the room, making her way to the bed.

Before she could decide against it, Helga was moving over to the bookshelf, and grabbing the broken picture frame, walking back over to Stella who had just sat down on the bed, and was pushing against the mattress, testing it. "Do you recognize this picture?" Helga asked, nervously bracing herself for whatever reaction she was about to be faced with.

Stella's eyes went to the picture frame, and faster than Helga could react to it, her hands were shooting up and ripping the frame form her grip. Stella's breath became ragged and shaky with each breath she drew in as her eyes started to dance as wildly as they did when she first saw Arnold. After a moment of reverence, Stella spoke, "Where did you get this?" She asked, not taking her wide eyes off the picture.

"So, you _do_ recognize it." Helga said, dodging the question.

Stella's fingers reached over and ran across where the picture displayed the image of the man she was curling herself into. Her slightly open mouth closed, her mouth thinning out into a thin line as her eyes started to narrow, brimming with tears. "My sweet Miles." She said under her breath.

Her sense of intrigue switched on, the intense nag to ask questions came in a rush, as she walked as calmly over to the bedside and sat down next to Stella. "Miles was your husband?"

A tear fell from Stella's eye as her head nodded off to the side, her fingers still ghosting along the surface of the picture, "Why'd you have to leave me?" She asked, speaking to the picture, a new wave of intense emotion washing in.

"Stella?" Helga asked, hoping to cox her back to the present.

She only screwed her eyes shut, her body shaking with a sob as she clung to the frame with white knuckled hands, lifting it to press against her forehead. Helga remained silent, not knowing how to even begin to comfort her, and had to watch as Stella fell back against the mattress, the frame still being pressed against her forehead as her sobs and cries became more audible. In a matter of a few short, heartbreaking seconds, she fell apart, losing herself in the high tide of obvious heartbreak that was taking over.

Helga wanted to ask what happened, she wanted to know what happened for Arnold. But as Stella curled herself into a ball on Arnold's bed, hugging the picture frame to her chest, not even trying to regain her long forgotten composure, Helga knew she couldn't be so cruel to ask her to vocalize her anguish, and ask her to relive whatever had happened to cause this much pain.

So, she remained silent, wanting to move, but feeling obligated to stay, listening to Stella weep.


	34. Chapter 34

After Stella's cries had calmed down only to the point of sniffles every few seconds, Helga remaining silent as she sat on the edge of Arnold's bed, while Stella was still curled in a ball at the foot, it was a good ten minutes or so before Helga felt comfortable standing up to leave. She slowly made her way out the door, grabbing on the knob and pulling the door shut with a soft click, pausing to check if Stella was still crying, only hearing silence. Sighing, feeling defeated, beaten down, and feeling a sense of betrayal toward Arnold for offering her help at all, she made her way downstairs, deciding to head back to her dorm to try and sleep her troubles away until morning.

As she descended the steps, Arnie was walking out of the living room. "She's in Arnold's room." Helga said as she stepped down the last stair. Arnie nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets and sinking his shoulders. "Arnold had this picture, of Stella and a guy with blonde hair, she called him Miles."

Arnie nodded again, this time in acknowledgement. "That must have been my Uncle Miles."

Helga was silent, wanting to continue, but not knowing how far she could go without pushing past her boundaries. But after a moment of working up her courage, she continued, "So, what did you know about Arnold's parents?"

Arnie shook his head slowly while rubbing the back of his neck, "Not much. Arnold never talked to anybody about it, and my dad always had an... indifferent tone whenever the subject would come up. I could even tell on the phone that he wasn't at all thrilled about driving down here tomorrow morning."

Helga nodded, letting her eyes avert themselves down to the floor. Feeling that she had learned all she could in one night, however, she decided against asking anymore questions on the subject. There were just too many details that were randomly put in place in the story of everything surrounding this, and too many possibilities that could fit into the gaps in between. And with all these things firing through her mind faster than she could fully think them through, she couldn't even focus on the one thing that she should be most ecstatic about.

She knew that it was probably the worst possible time to tell him, considering everything that was just thrown into his lap, but as was said before, when you're in love, you want to tell the world, and as much as he doesn't want to be, he is a part of it.

She sighed again before speaking, "Well, I'll come by again in the morning to check on her, then I'll go looking for Arnold. Something tells me that if someone doesn't talk to him, he won't come back for a long time."

Arnie ran a hand through his pale blonde hair and nodded with a thankful smile before she stepped around him and made for the door. It was still a bit cold for the time of year, and the leaves were just starting to return to the trees, but as she checked her phone, it close to midnight, and it wasn't until she had checked the time that she felt a very full yawn rise up in her system. She tried to fight it as her stride became less purposeful and lazy. But eventually, she got back to her dorm and fell on her bed, receiving a text message from Rhonda that she was spending the night at Thad's. She let her phone fall down to the floor and let her heavily weighted eye lids slide shut, too tired to change out of her clothes.

As morning came, she fluttered her eye lids open, seeing the bright morning sun shine through the thin, dark blue curtain they had hung up over the window, illuminating the room in muted sunlight. She breathed a content sigh, feeling warmth envelope her as she let her eyes drift shut again. But as she did, the memories of the previous night flooded in, making her content and calm, almost happy attitude fade. She groaned loudly as she pushed herself upright, her clothes from last night feeling crusty and wrinkled. She yawned again as she stood up, and slipped off her jacket.

She went about her routine before checking her phone for any updates, but didn't see any. She returned from her shower and changed into another pair of jeans and a long sleeved WSU shirt that she had bought last semester. She grabbed her phone and made her way outside into the foggy, brisk morning. Stopping at the dining hall for a small cup of coffee to help wake her up, she made her way across campus and over to the frat house, ringing the door bell while she lifted her paper cup to her lips, still trying to shake the fringes of sleep out of herself.

Arnie opened the door in a pair of plaid flannel pants and a t-shirt, looking much more tired than she was. "Hey, how's Stella doing?"

"Alright," He said on a loud yawn, scratching his head, "she's still sleeping. My dad should be here around one o'clock to take her back with him."

Helga nodded, now having a deadline that she had to meet. "Okay, well, I'm going to go look for Arnold and try to get him to talk to her." He said, pointing her thumb over her shoulder.

Arnie nodded, "Sure, I'll try to keep her entertained until you get back."

Helga smiled thankfully and turned, walking down the steps and out to the sidewalk, making a turn in the direction of the path that she had walked down a couple times before. She had a lingering fear that she wouldn't succeed in finding him, but said to herself that she wouldn't give up, even though she knew she could never hold herself to it. He could be anywhere, and as she read online, the woods behind the school encompassed more than a few square miles. But she would stay on the path for a while until she felt the need to stray.

Once on the path into the woods, once again, she found it hard to concentrate on the problem at hand. It was more beautiful than she's ever seen it. All the other times, the trees were stripped bare of their leaves, but now the green was just starting to return, with bushes and flowers starting to bloom, and she felt more of a sense of sanctuary the deeper she got than ever, a sense of sheer wonderment whenever she looked up through the canopy. She wondered what it would be like if they spent a weekend out here together.

It was this thought that brought her back to the reality back on campus. But as this thought lingered, imagining her waking up in his arms after a night spend underneath the stars, cuddled up under a blanket, listening to his steady heartbeat while he traced absentminded patterns on her arm, she smiled the same goofy smile that she smiled whenever she would have another one of her wild and fantastical romantic daydreams about the two of them. As her thoughts drifted on about him, she eventually got to the point when she had to think of what he would be like, what his attitude would be when she did, if ever, find him. It was obvious to her that he was enraged when he left the frat house, judging by the picture frame she found smashed against the wall. And she had deduced that he had stumbled across that picture when he was gathering his things for his trek out into the woods, saw the face of his mother, and threw it against the wall farthest from him.

It wasn't until she found that picture that she realized how he was able to recognize Stella in the first place. She didn't even think of it when it happened, but his parents left when he was just an infant, so how could he know what she looks like with out a picture. She also assumed that it was this picture that he was staring at when she peered into his darkened room that day when he ran out after Olga had bombarded him with questions about his parents. That picture obviously meant a lot to him in some way, and she can't imagine how much time he's spent staring at it.

She was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of a faint knocking coming from deep in the woods. She stopped and listened, hearing it again after another minute. She turned and stepped into the sod of the forest floor, following the sound as best she could, still hearing it in varying intervals. It sounded like someone was chopping down a tree almost, and it was getting louder the deeper she went through the woods, stepping over fallen branches and trees, weaving around thickets, listening intently for the knocking sound to increase in volume. She had a very strong feeling that it was Arnold. Who else would be chopping down a tree in the middle of the woods, this far out?

She stopped when she looked over to a distant clearing, seeing the faint blip of a black shirt, and blonde hair, moving back and forth through the clearing, the knocking sound coming still every so often. Her breath went into her throat a bit at the sight of him, feeling the urge to move faster, which she did. She moved her way past more trees, but stopped when she realized what the knocking sound was. She watched for a minute as he walked through the clearing he was in, coming back with a small, silver hatchet in his right hand, a hard, blank expression on his face, which she could see from her place a bit of a ways away. He turned around, facing away from her, brought his arm up, tossing the hatchet in front of him, the distinct knocking sound reverberating through the woods. He stepped forward, walking through the clearing again, returning with the hatchet in his hand as he turned to face away from her. "You're not very good at hiding, Helga." He said, his voice raised enough to where she could hear it very clearly.

She felt herself let out a breath that she didn't realize she was holding and stepped forward, the sound of the forest floor crunching beneath her feet. She didn't speak until she was at the edge of the clearing, seeing his makeshift tent set up along two trees on the opposite side, a black backpack open next to it. He tossed the hatchet away and stuck it into a tree in front of him, walking forward and yanking it out of the heavily notched wood. "Sorry." She said quietly, hoping he could hear her.

"Don't be." He said, his voice low and steady, void of any emotion, just as the day she met him. She averted her eyes down to the grass and folded her arms across her chest rather tightly. She heard him toss the hatchet into the tree again before he spoke, "What are you doing out here?" He asked, walking forward through the clearing.

She looked up, her eyes following, and waiting to answer until he turned around, seeing his eyes holding just as little emotion as his voice, "I was worried about you." She said, her voice sounding honestly concerned for him, which she was.

"I'm fine." He said, tossing the hatchet again.

"Arnold-"

"Don't."

She looked up to him again after her eyes had fallen, seeing him standing in front of the tree that he was using as a target, his hand in the handle of his hatchet, his head craned in front of him.

"Just... don't." He said, his voice now letting a bit of a pleading tone sneak in. He yanked the hatchet out of the bark and walked across the clearing and over to his backpack, kneeling down in front of it and slipping it inside. She wanted to reach out to him, wanted to kiss him, hold him, tell him that she finally figured out what it is between them, but didn't want to set him off. She could tell that he was on the verge of an outburst. She heard him let out a sigh through his nose from his place, kneeling down in front of his backpack, "I know you helped her." He said, looking over his shoulder toward her, but not at her.

She felt herself shuffle backward, her arms still crossed, and nodded weakly, "Yeah. Yeah, I did... and I'm sorry. If I somehow betrayed your trust by helping your mother-"

"That woman is _not _my mother!" He yelled, still kneeling, but turning to look at her fully over his shoulder, an angry fire burning in his eyes. Feeling her heart sink into her already low stomach, she felt a wave of thick emotion well up in her. He's never yelled at her like that before. This wasn't the Arnold she fell in love with. He turned away from her after a moment of feeling his eyes bore into her, looking back down in front of him, "A mother wouldn't have left her only son when he needed her. A mother would have been there when he had nothing left. A mother would have been there when I was ready to give into my hate and take someone else' life. A mother would have been there when I was holding that gun to my _own _head, ready to take mine. A real mother would have _been there! _So don't tell me that that woman is my mother!" He shouted, standing up and pacing his way through the clearing while he spoke, looking anywhere but in her direction.

It was now that her heart wasn't broken because of him, but for him. She's always told herself that she could never fathom the kind of pain he's went through, but what he just told her scared her. "Arnold, I-I... I don't know what to say." She said honestly, forcing herself to take a step toward him. She watched him as he continued to slowly pace his way in front of her, his hand on his hips, looking down at the ground in front of him. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, but... but I don't want you to just run away from it." That got his attention, and he finally looked over to her, his brow in a straight, furrowing line, "She may not have been there then, but you can be there for her now."

"Why should I?!" He exclaimed, now stepping toward her. Any other time, she would have been phased, but this time, she felt the need to push him, probably further than she ever has.

"Because whether you like it or not, that woman is your mother. And I know better than anyone else the kind of pain you've been in, but last night, I sat there and watched as that woman you say isn't your mother, hysterically bawl her eyes out over that picture you threw across your room. I've never seen someone that inconsolable, and I never want to see someone like that again. So yes, it's true that she doesn't know what you've been through, but it works both ways, Arnold. And I don't have a doubt in my mind that she would give anything to be able to go back and be there for you when you needed her. But, Arnold, you have to open your eyes and see that she's here now."

After only a brief moment, his furrowing brow arched, his eyes quickly fading from anger and into anguish, even seeing his tight lips start to let out the slightest quiver. He was asking her to reach for him, and she knew it. She could tell that he was too proud of himself to ask for her to hold him, and although she would love to hear him say it, she wasn't about to be that selfish. She slowly walked forward, a soft smile appearing on her lips as their eyes locked with one another. She let her eyes drift shut as she slowly snaked her around around his torso, tugging him into her, while she felt his arms wrap around her shoulders, pulling her into him that much more, while one of his hands started to tangle in her hair. She smiled brighter and buried her face in the crock of his neck, breathing him in, pressing her lips to his skin after a minute.

They stayed in this position for a few long minutes, and she felt warmer and safer, and felt as if she fell more for him in the few minutes spent in his arms than she has in the past months, even more so when they leaned back, their arms still around each other, their eyes gleaming back at one another. With out a word, they both leaned in, pressing their lips together, feeling a while new sensation work it's was into her heart, making it beat so much faster than before, her arms tugging him in without her telling them to. She opened her mouth to him again, feeling his tongue slide against hers, when she closed it, making her arms tug in in even tighter.

She felt her excited skin light up when she felt his hands slide over her arms, his palms sliding over her sides, ending up pressing into the dip of her spine, arching her back into him while she moved her own hands into his hair, balling her fists into his as their mouths became more heated, their kisses gaining speed and and fervor with each motion, their breaths becoming ragged and tangled. As her arms coiled around his neck, still pulling him into her, even though their entire fronts were smashed together, she even felt her leg begin to rise, starting to loop around the back of his calf, she let out a deep moan before she spoke against his lips, "Arnold..."

He moaned in response to her, reaching up with his hand to grab onto her shoulder, his other hand working its way up her spine.

"Is this going anywhere?" She said into his panting mouth.

He enclosed his lips around hers in yet another heated kiss, opening them up to her before he answers, "Do you want it to?"

She felt her already shallow breath jump into her throat, feeling her heart pound even harder against her flush chest than it was. She pressed him forward, forcing him back a step, her nails racking down his chest before they latched onto the hem of his shirt. She let out the last of her breath before she did something she's dreamed of for a few months, surprising him a little by ripping his shirt from him body. Their lips broke, and she forced her eyes open to the miraculous sight of his bare chest and lightly toned muscles. She met his eyes again, feeling a devilish smirk curl onto her swollen lips, seeing the hazy eyed, dazed expression he was wearing.

She stepped forward, her hungry eyes going down to his chest again, pressing her hands fully to his stomach before she turned around, taking his hands and pulling him to the ground with her, giggling as she landed on the soft grass. "You know this is the worst possible time to do this." He said, pushing himself up, but still laying in between her legs, looking down at her with a soft smirk. She reached up and pressed her hands against the side of his neck, running her thumbs along his jaw line, smiling up at him.

"The most amazing things are done at impromptu times."


	35. Chapter 35

He smiled softly, but brighter than he ever has for her, his eyes lighting up as the sky illuminated his figure, making them sparkled that much more from the contrast, feeling her heart melt at the sight. Her hands, once scrunching together in the soft grass she was laying in, reached up and found his sides, the skin covering his muscles warm and smooth. She pressed her palms fully against him as she slide them up his sides and over his firm, yet soft chest in reverence. Her lustful eyes still traveling across the flexing muscles she was awing, she saw them move gracefully underneath her hands, making her eyes flick up to his, seeing him lean down to her. She let out a shallow breath in glee, leaning up to meet him mid way, pressing her lips to his in a warm, soft kiss.

She couldn't take her mind off of how spontaneous they were being, how romantic and passionate he was acting as he kissed her, making her body jump when she felt his hips meet hers. She leaned up harder, deepening the kiss as her hands moved across his chest and to his back, trying to pull him down to her, and it wasn't until she didn't feel his warm skin against her forearms that she realized that she was still fully dressed.

At this realization, feeling his lips break off hers, first kissing the side of her mouth, then her check, his lips never leaving her skin as they traveled down to her excited pulse point, feeling his tongue rove selfishly over it, it hit her hard that what they were about to do was a huge step. And it wasn't until this thought squeezed itself past the ones her hands were saying to her that she became scared. But as scared as she was, the more his lips sucked and massaged her neck, she didn't for the life of her want it to end. She wondered if they were really ready, if it was really the right time, that they weren't just doing this as an outlet to relieve the stress over what has happened over the past twelve hours.

But as she wondered what would happen to them if she were to stop this, another fear came into play. When would he be like this again?

She may have the ability to help him express himself to some extent, but right now was totally different. He was already very emotional from his mother bursting back into his life, fate basically slapping him in the face, and she can't help but feel that she was taking advantage of that. And he was always one to come off as admiring her as a person, and not a body, which any other time would make her melt in a heart beat, but he's never really said to her how pretty she is out of the blue. He's mentioned that her looks may have been the root cause of her not getting hit on very often, but still, it wasn't the same.

She was trying to get her mind to shut up and just enjoy what he was doing to her, and the more she tried, the more her mind told her to stop this. However, her mind went blank when she felt his teeth gently sink into her skin, releasing it before his lips soothed it over. With every motion his lips made, the more her body was becoming restless, mewling and arching into him, almost desperate for his touch. Her mind may be telling her to stop, but her body had something else planned entirely. She felt his warm breath fan off her neck as his lips broke from her skin, barely hearing his voice over the blood rushing in her ears, "Helga..." He said, voice raspy, and almost sexy, her body igniting from his tone.

"Arnold..." She whispered back into his ear, her greedy hands still roving over the rolling muscles that were supporting his weight.

He moved his lips back to hers, her already rapid breath catching by his action. He released them quickly, and spoke into her mouth, "We can't do this." He said, his lips still not leaving hers, but not kissing her either.

Her body trying to salvage what was left of her breath by panting, her chest rising so much it met his, only due to the fact that her body still seemed to be moving on it own, she spoke, "I know."

She felt his hips shift to one side, making her body freeze, but shoot a dose of fire through her veins at the same time, and after a second, she felt her cheek being cupped by his warm hand. "I don't mean for you to take this the wrong way, because really, you're hotness makes it very hard for me to keep my sense of common decency intact. It's just..."

Her pounding her melting, she felt an open smile curl onto her swollen lips as she reached up to cup his cheek, mirroring him but pulling him down to press their foreheads together. "Hey," She stopped him, sensing his struggle for words, "I get it, don't worry. And I want to be with you too, because really, you're hot too." She said, leaning back down to cast one more glance at his bare chest.

"I am not." He said, averting his eyes to the side, either embarrassed, bashful, or didn't believe her.

"Hey..." She said sternly, enough for his attention to come back to her, "tell that to my hands, which, if you haven't noticed, can't seem get enough of you." She said, just now noticing that her hands had started to roam over his muscles again. He let out a breathy chuckle, smiling another soft smirk, his head falling. "But really," She continued, her wandering hand going to his jaw to bring his eyes back to hers, "I don't want there to be any doubts when we do decide to... be together. I want it to feel real too, and I don't want it to be just because we gave into our... physical desires. And me taking advantage of this situation isn't right."

"Taking advantage? What do you mean?" He asked, pulling back to give her a puzzled brow.

"With your mother." She saw his brow twitch a bit at her choice of words, and by the time she thought of correcting herself, it was too late. "Listen," She continued, looking down to his chest again, watching as her finger ran a line over his chest bone, "You said that you wanted to know why they left, right?" She asked, in a tone that said she wasn't expecting him to answer. He replied with only a light sigh, casting his eyes downward and away from her, "I'm not going to force you into anything. If you don't want to see her again, then I'll try to understand. And you may not need a mother now, but she needs her son."

After meeting her eyes again, seeing a struggle going on in his iris', he continued, "I don't know if I can."

"Don't know if you can what?"

"Forgive her."

"Forgive her for what, Arnold?" She asked, her tone still not expecting him to answer. "You don't know why they left, and until you do, I don't think you have the right to be angry at her." She could see his angry start to well up in his eyes, and she started again, "Arnold, you saw how she acted when she first saw you. She may have been a bit hysterical, but every one in that room could see that she loves you. I mean... you're her only son."

He let out another heavy sigh again, this time pushing himself off to roll onto his back, falling limply to the grass beside her, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I know you're right." She followed him by rolling over on her side, facing him and pushing up to lean against her elbow, reaching over with her other hand to run her fingers in the dips his ribs were creating. "I've been staring at that picture for as long as I can remember, seeing how happy they looked before they had me, how perfect their lives seemed to be without me in it. And I guess I just assumed that they left because they didn't want me, and just... dumped me off on my grandparents. I've memorized the face in that picture, and then she just pops up." He paused, looking up at the sky, and she watched as the shadows from the canopy danced and swayed over his skin. "You want to know how I felt when she ran up to me last night?" He asked, looking over to her, waiting for her to answer.

"What?" She asked softly, her hand pausing in its ministrations.

"I felt loved." She felt warmed by the fantasy of the scene playing out differently than it had, imagining him actually embracing his mother in return. "But then, I saw that picture again, and those thoughts came back. She left because she didn't want me, and now she thinks she has the right to butt into my life again, just when it was starting to get better."

She didn't want to end this moment, how he was truly opening up to her, and now in such a serious way, not with him breaking down in front of her, but simply just telling her what was bothering him, not sensing any tenseness or trepidation, or anger in his voice, but she needed to push him. "Arnold, you don't know why they left. And you have the chance to find out before she leaves."

"Leaves?" He asked, his head lifting off the ground and giving her a very wondering and irritated look, "What do you mean 'leaves'?"

"Arnie called his dad and he said that he was driving down this morning to take her back with him to give her a place to stay."

"My uncles coming?" He asked, sensing anger in his voice as he leaned up and braced himself with his arm. "What the hell is he thinking?" He asked, looking away from her.

"What's the problem?" She asked, sitting up to mirror his posture.

"You don't know what my uncles like. I don't know what he has against me, but ever since I was sent to live with him, he's treated me like a bad itch. Why do you think I left high school?" He asked, pushing himself up on his feet, walking over to grab his shirt off the ground, pulling it over his head, looking very anxious at the news that his uncle was coming. "We have to go." He rushed, moving past her place still on the ground and over to his tent, pulling the spikes out of the ground that held it down.

"Is he really that bad?" She asked him as she got to her feet, watching him move quickly around his campsite, gathering the rest of his things.

"You know how got a job working demolition with a friend of my grandparents?" He asked, shoving the folded up tarp into his backpack, and zipping it up. He looked over to her as he slipped it over his shoulders, waiting for her answer. She nodded, "I left high school and ran away. Last time I spoke to him was when I went to get the rest of my stuff from his house. He treated me like crap for the seven years I was living there, and I won't have my mom going through the same thing I did."

He rushed past her and out the same direction from which she came, obviously knowing his way back, and she followed him, having to jog to catch up with him. "IT can't be that bad, Arnold. I mean, she's living on the streets right now. At least with him, she'll have three square meals a day and a warm bed to sleep in at night." She argued, watching him quickly make his way around the trees.

"Trust me, she's better off on the streets."

* * *

The rest of the walk was made in anxious silence, with him rushing back to the frat house. He jumped up the steps in one leap, marching to the door and bursting open, calling out for his cousin just as she got through the door he left open. "Arnie!" He shouted, turning to head into the kitchen. "Arnie!" He called again.

She followed him until they got back to the foyer, seeing Arnie quickly running down the steps, "What's the problem?" He asked, his tone worried.

Arnold turned and met his cousin's eyes, not wasting any time in taking a few long, purposeful strides toward him, wrenching his collar in his tightened fist. "What the _hell _were you thinking calling Arthur?" He spat.

"W-wha... I was thinking that Aunt Stella needs help, and this is a fraternity, not a boarding house."

Arnold let out another thick sigh through his nose, releasing his cousin's shirt after a moment of a threatening gaze boring into him. "Where is she?" He asked through clenched teeth.

"In the living room, last time I saw her." Arnie weakly replied, raising his hands up in slight surrender.

Arnold quickly turned and made his way through the foyer and into the room where she first saw him during the party on the first day. She followed as closely behind him as she could, but she didn't make it into the living room before she stepped in and saw his figure froze in the entry way. Pausing only for a moment, she stepped up to his side and followed his eye line, seeing his eyes down onto Stella, who was laid along the couch, sleeping. After a few seconds though, Stella's eyes cracked open, and immediately went to her son.

Helga looked over to Arnold, afraid to break the silence, "Do you want to be alone?" She asked softly.

His head turned toward her, but his eyes only followed until they had to, "She probably knows you more than me anyway." Helga let out the breath she was holding and smiled to him, but looked away when she saw Stella stand up from the couch out of the corner of her eye.

Stella stood standing as her eyes went to her son, looking him up at down, a soft smile appearing on her lips. "You have your father's eyes." She said, Helga already seeing her eyes starting to brim. She watched Stella take a small step forward, her eyes looking into Arnold's, "You turned out even more handsome too." Stella continued to slowly shuffle forward, with Arnold not saying a word, just staring at her widely. "Arnold?" She asked, fear starting to make its way into her voice. "Arnold, why don't you say something?"

Helga looked over to him again, and after a moment, he screwed his eyes shut and shook his head sharply, "What is there to say? I-I don't even know you, I mean... where have you been? How am I even supposed to be sure that you're really my mother?"

Surprisingly, Helga saw a soft smirk appear on Stella's lips, seeing confidence well up in her. "You're birthday is October second, you were born at exactly nine twenty three at Hillwood General Hospital. You're middle name is Davis, just like your father, whose middle name was also Davis, because your grandfather was going on a jazz streak when he was born. You never could sleep more than four hours at a time as a baby, and was very fussy the first few months, but after a while, you calmed down. You took your first steps in the hallway of the Sunset Arms Boarding House, right next to the living room on November tenth, right after we had finished breakfast, and your first word was a curse word."

Helga's eyes wide from Stella's intimate knowledge of Arnold's infancy, taken aback by the fact that she had basically proved to him that she was his mother, Helga looked over to him, seeing the same wide eyed look. She heard him let out a shuddering breath just before he closed his eyes again and shook his head one more time, "I-if all that's true, and you really are my mother, then you won't have a problem telling me why you abandoned me." He challenged, seeing his shoulders tense.

Stella took a large step forward, her eyes pleading as she reached to grasp onto her son's shoulders. "Arnold, we didn't want to leave you."

"Then why did you?" He asked in a low tone, his jaw clenching, but not shaking his mother's hands off of him.

Stella let her head fall forward for a moment, raising it back up with tears in her eyes. "About six months after you were born, your father developed a rare auto immune disease called Myositis. It attacked his muscles and we were desperate for treatment. An old friend of his paid us a visit and said that there was an experimental treatment that he could get, but it could only be done on site, which was in Central America. We took the offer when his health took a turn for the worst. We got down there, but we got attacked by a gang on our way, and were taken hostage. After a week, we all tried to escape, but..." Her voice fell, along with her head, hearing her choke back a sob, "But they-"

She was cut off by the sound of a hard knock.


	36. Chapter 36

Being fully consumed by Stella's story, Helga felt her heart jump at the sound of the hard knock that had seemingly stopped time, resonating throughout the entirety of the frat house. The knock was strong and purposeful, and she could even tell it was a bit impatient. Out of the corner of her vision, she saw Arnold's shoulders tense beneath his shirt, also hearing his knuckles crack from the sound of him tightening his fists. "Shit." He murmured angrily.

Scared silent, Helga looked back toward the door, where she could see Arnie walking through the foyer toward the door. She found herself creeping forward, taking her steps as silently as she could until she was by his side, aching to reach out to him to try and sooth him. But she couldn't manage it. She simply stayed by his side and watched as Arnie reached for the knob and pulled it open.

Her eyes landed upon a rather tall man, his height towering over Arnie, whom was Arnold's height, at least a foot. He had on dark blue denim jeans and a plaid flannel shirt tucked into them, it's sleeves rolled up his forearms, a thick layer of dark hair covering them. The man's jaw was very square, and he had a dark roughage of five o'clock shadow, his hair dusty brown cut short, but still wafting out in front of him in a few short spikes. One thing was for sure, he looked intimidating.

Helga watched, along with Stella, whom Helga had felt step up to her side, as the man stepped through the door and placed a hand on Arnie's shoulder, his expression not changing from the hard stare he had on. That must be his father. She didn't want to be so quick to judge, but she could see why Arnold might have a hard time getting along with this man, considering who Arnold is. Arnie offered the man a small smile and averted his eyes down to the floor as the man passed in front of him, pacing his way further into the foyer, leaving Arnie to slowly slide the front door shut, turning around to follow him after he did so.

She could hear them talking under their breath, and she couldn't make out what they were saying, but after seeing Arnie nod his head towards the room her, Arnold and Stella were in, she knew it was obviously about them. "Who's that?" She heard Stella ask in a low voice.

Helga looked over to her, seeing her leaning over to whisper in her ear. She looked back to Arnie and what she was only guessing was his father, and answered, "I think that's your brother."

"I don't have a brother." She replied quickly.

"Then I'm guessing it's your brother in-law." Helga said, her mind quickly correcting the details of Arnold's slowly blossoming family tree.

"But Miles didn't have a..." Stella trailed off. Helga looked over when she didn't continue after a moment, and saw a faraway look in her eyes, looking away from her. Helga turned to look at Arnold to see if he had an explanation to offer her, but saw him still standing rigidly where he was before, his shoulders tense. Her eyes went up to his eyes, and she saw an emotion that she couldn't exactly place, but it wasn't a welcoming one.

Everything seemed to be shooting through her mind all at once, and she realized that none of what was happening was actually registering in her brain. She was startled out of it, however, by the sound of someone clearing their throats in front of them. Her eyes snapped over to Arnie, who was standing a could feet away from them, his eyes on her, then darting over to Stella. His eyes remained on Stella, but Helga looked past him to the man who was slowly pacing his way into the room. "This is her." She heard him say, raising his hand up to Stella.

The loud sound of the man's work boots stepping up beside Arnie were deafening. His eyes forewent going to her, going past her instead to land on Arnold, his expression still menacingly blank. "I have to say, Arnold, I'm surprised you're still here." He said just before his hand shot up, tossing something in his direction. Arnold was quick to react and catch them with one hand, seemingly expecting the action. Arnold opened his hand and she saw that he was holding a set of car keys. "That junker was taking up room in my shed."

She heard Arnold let out a long sigh and stuff the car keys into his pocket.

The man's looked back to Stella, with Helga still remaining unnoticed. "What was your husbands name?" He asked her, lifting his head in a nod.

"Miles David Shortman." Stella answered quickly, her brow in a furrowing line. There was a long moment of thick silence before Stella's voice was cutting through it, "Who are you?"

"I was his older brother. Name's Arthur Phillip Shortman." He said. His tone said that he was extending his hand for her to shake, but he never did. Stella didn't reply, only remained quiet, looking over to Arthur with a furrow in her brow. "Let me guess. Big hero never mentioned me?"

Helga looked over to Stella in time to see her shake her head.

"Don't surprise me." He said, pursing his lips. "Well," He began on a sigh, "come on, we have a long drive back." Arthur turned around and started heading for the door.

"She's not going anywhere!" Arnold spoke up for the first time since his uncle walked through the door. Helga quickly looked over to him, seeing him boring his eyes into Arthur. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Arthur halted, seeming surprised that he was being stood up to.

"Boy, I just drove four hours to get here. Unless you want to send your mother back out on the streets, she's coming with me." Arther said with blatant frustration.

"What happens to my mother is _not _your concern, Arthur. I'll take care of it."

"Boy-"

"_I said _I'll take care of it!" Arnold stopped him. "I'm not letting you take her from me." He said through clenched teeth, briefly seeing his eyes start to reflect a little more light than normal.

"Arnold," Arnie began, stepping around his father and up to his cousin, "she can't stay here. This is a frat house."

Arnold simply sent him an angry glare, "I said... I'll take care of it." With a brief thought of what exactly he was going to do, Helga was still fighting the urge to reach out to him to try and relax him, knowing that simply her touch would alleviate his stress, at least she liked to think so. "You can go now, Arthur." Arnold said darkly looking past Arnie and over to Arthur, who was standing in the entryway with his arms crossed with indifference.

Arthur shook his head widely as he turned around and started for the door, raising his arms in surrender to the situation. "Fine, but this was a one time offer, boy. So don't come crying back to me when you have no where else to go."

"Trust me, it will be a cold day in hell when that happens!" Arnold shouted in reply just as his uncle was throwing the front door open, not bothering to shut it behind him.

There was another minute of pause as all eyes in the room went to the ajar door that Arthur had just walked out through. Helga's eyes broke away from the day light outside when she saw Arnie's shoulders sink, and she watched him lower his head with a heavy sigh and start out of the room. When she saw Arnie trudge his way up the stairs, she looked over to her boyfriend, whom was still glaring at the doorway, and reached over, placing her hand fully to his shoulder, running her palm over his taut muscles on his back in a long, slow circle, hoping to sooth him.

After a few motions of her hands, feeling his breath start to slow down from the silent yet angry huffs he was breathing before, she turned to face him fully and stepped up to him, reaching down with her other hand to force his hand to unclench so she could entwine their fingers. "You okay?" She asked softly, lowering her head to try and make eye contact with him.

His head fell forward as he let out a short breath, feeling his fingers grasp hers back. "Yeah." He said in a low and very unconvincing voice, not meeting her eyes. Now was not the time to push him into confessing his real feelings and forcing him to bare his soul to her yet again. She simply looked away and kept running her hand over his back in a motion of comfort. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but if you're at all willing, I'd like for you to come with me."

She felt her brow push together in curiosity, her hand pausing in the middle of his upper back, "Come with you where?"

She felt him sigh underneath her hand, his muscles softening a bit before he turned his head toward her and looked her in the eye for what felt like the first time in days. "Home."

* * *

Helga practically ran back to her dorm room and threw a set of clothes in her backpack, which she had haphazardly emptied onto her bed with a few forceful shakes. She flung her backpack over her shoulder while she ran back down the hall and out the door toward the parking lot where he was waiting.

Apparently, Arnold had purchased an old Jeep Wrangler that was advertised in the paper as a means of transportation to and from work when he left high school and ran away. It was white with the paint starting to rust around the edges a bit. It was a two door with a small back seat, where she would cram herself out of courtesy, letting Stella take the front. Arnold had the top down with the sound of an upbeat song playing through the speakers. It was a bit of a drive back down to his hometown, but she was more than willing to go.

Helga tossed her bag in the backseat just as Stella was stepping out to pull the seat forward to let her slide in. She pulled herself in and sat herself down in the middle. She caught Arnold's eyes in the rear view mirror and smiled brightly, seeing the corners of his lips curl, his eyes softening while she fumbled to find the seat belt. Helga head Stella close her door and felt Arnold put the car into gear. "There isn't one." He said after he turned down the music.

"What?" She asked, his words not fully registering over her panic to find the seat belt.

"There isn't a seat belt back there." He said as he took the turn onto the school's main driveway.

"Oh." She replied simply, reaching down to grasp the edges of her seat. "So, where exactly are we going?" She asked as they pulled to the stoplight at the end of the driveway, waiting to turn.

"Back to the boarding house I grew up in." Helga saw Stella's head whip around to look at him with wide eyes. Arnold looked toward her briefly before he leaned forward to make sure he had the right of way before he floored the gas and took off down the road. "You can stay there." He said, looking over to his mother again for a second before turning toward the road again.

"But Arnold..."

"Calm down, Mom." He said, this time not taking his eyes off the road. Helga heard Stella gasp slightly, and it took a second for it to hit her that Arnold had just called her Mom. "Before Grandma and Grandpa passed, they had set aside a substantial amount money in their savings, which I took ownership of when I became of age. I've been using a little of it to pay what little tuition I have left over from scholarships, and I still had some money saved from when I was working demolition. It's enough for you to get by for a while."

She could feel Stella struggling for words, but she was left speechless. After Stella had turned back to face the front, she craned her neck a bit and looked down to her lap. "Thank you... sw-sweetheart." She said, obviously nervous to call her son by a name other than his own. Despite the blatant nervousness in her voice, it warmed Helga's heart to hear her say it.

She looked over to Arnold, bracing herself for his reaction, only to see him stare out onto the freeway he had just merged onto. She waited a minute for him to reply in some acknowledgement of her gratefulness, but he never did.

There was a long ten minutes of silence, save for the wind rushing over the top. "What was he like?" Arnold asked, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. Stella's eyes flew over to her son, surprised that he was talking to her, and it was a moment before she seemed to realize what he had asked her, immediately seeing sadness and grief creep into her features, but knowing what he was asking, and who he was asking about.

"He was very brave... and very kind. He always went out of his way to help others. He would always do whatever he had to to get people to smile. He was very honorable, and loyal, and loving." Stella paused, sniffling over the congestion of her emotions before she continued, "And he loved you more than I could tell you." She said, looking over to him. Helga saw that she was wracked with emotion, her eyes heavily red rimmed. "He wanted to tell you that, before he-"

"Don't tell me how he died." Arnold stopped her sternly. "I don't want to know. I just need to know one thing." Arnold said, pulling to a stop at a gas station, with the quick thought that she must have been so wrapped up in the conversation that she didn't notice he had pulled off the highway. Arnold pulled the key out and the jeep's engine stopped, and he looked over to her, "Why did you have them lie to me?"

"What do you mean?" Stella asked him, her voice still heavily soiled with unshed tears.

"Grandpa told me that you disappeared when you flew to South America to help a tribe of suffering natives. Why did they lie to me? Why not just tell me the truth?"

"That's what they told you?" Stella asked, seeming honestly surprised. After a moment, Stella let out a breath, hearing slight amusement laced into it, "Your grandmother always did have a very wild imagination." Stella sniffled again and let her eyes fall back down to her lap, picking at her unfiled nails. "I think I remember now. Whenever we found out about this experimental treatment for your father's disease, he called your grandparents up and told them about it. Your grandmother asked him what they were supposed to tell you if he didn't make it. I think I remember him telling her that she wouldn't have to say anything, because he was going to make it back. But I remember pulling her aside and telling her to say anything except him being sick. I didn't want you to remember your father that way."

"I don't remember him at all, so what was the point in me being lied to?"

"You have to understand, sweetheart, we never imagined that things could turn out the way they did. But I can tell your grandparents did an amazing job raising you."

"My grandparents are dead!" Arnold said darkly. "They were murdered in cold blood when I was ten. Do you have any idea how many nightmares I have about the night I had to identify their bodies? I cried out for you, for anyone to pull me back up from that cold floor that night and you know what I got? I half-assed apology and my soul ripped out." He threw open his door and slammed is shut, making her jump as she watched him storm his way up to the doors of the gas station

Feeling her heart start to crack, Helga was brought out of her reeling thoughts, debating whether to go after him or not, by the sound of a choked sob. Helga looked back over to Stella just in time to see her shoulders wrack, and before she knew what she was doing, her hand was reached up and being placed on Stella's shoulder. She had to say something. She knew he was just speaking out of frustration and anger that he had been abandoned. She knew that it would take sometime for him to fully realize that Stella, given the choice again, would have never left at all. "He's been through a lot."

"I should have been there." She said on another choked sob.

"You're here now. And he's just hurting right now. It's been a stressful couple of days for all of us so far. Just... give him time, and he'll come around." Helga told her warmly, earning Stella's eyes. She smiled over to the woman whose eyes were still soaked with tears. "Trust me, he'll come around soon enough."


	37. Chapter 37

She wanted to be in the front seat right now. Mainly because the backseat probably wasn't designed with passengers in mind. It was cramped and her knees were really starting to ache.

It was a bit of a drive to get from Pullman to Arnold's hometown, a city that was about two and a half hours north west. She never caught the name, but she reminded herself to be on the lookout for the sign. It was late afternoon, and Arnold had put the top back on after he walked back out of the gas station with three bottles of water, handing each one of them a bottle. She wanted to sooth him, to run her fingertips through his hair and snake her arms around his shoulders to help him relax, and to ease the pain of everything that had happened in the last couple of hours. But it was an awkward situation, to say the least.

Once they got back onto the highway though, the silence was easy. Words didn't feel like they were being bitten back and choked on. They were just quiet. Stella remained staring out the window, while Arnold kept a blank stare out the front windshield, a hard yet faraway look in his deep green eyes. And Helga went from playing on her phone, texting Rhonda about her impromptu trip, to looking out the side flaps of clear plastic that constituted as windows in the back.

What she only had time now to realize was that this was a place that he left behind when he was ten years old, but was the only place he referred to as home. He was probably trying to be symbolic, or he probably just meant that this was the only place that he felt at home, or he meant to apply the old saying that home is where the heart is. Either way, it didn't take much to pick up on the fact that this boarding house was a place he cherished.

It was getting to be just after four o'clock, and the sky was still bright blue, and Arnold was still driving about eighty down the high way, the trio in the jeep still quiet. She was excited to get to see the boarding house where he grew up, but every time she thought of it, she would slap herself mentally. It was only then that she kept having to remind herself how hard this must be for him, how many awful memories and hardships must be tied back to this place. She would have her work cut out for her if she wanted to see him smile at all this weekend.

She heard the blinker of the jeep go on, and looked back toward the front to see Arnold pulling off the high way. It was only then that she realized that they were entering a fairly dense city. He pulled to a stop at the light, waiting a moment before flooring the gas and taking off down the street. She looked over to Stella, seeing her eyes go from side to side, taking in the city they had just entered, and Helga decided to do the same. They seemed to be in a more suburban part of the city, taking into account the fact that they kept passing houses and middle income apartment buildings. Just as she was ready to see what else this city had to offer, she felt the car stop.

She looked out her right side to see them stopped in front of a large building made up of red bricks, worn with at least fifty or sixty years of age with a large green door, the paint starting to fade and peel at some parts. She heard him let out a small sigh out through his nose, and she looked over to see him looking over to the large house forlornly. "Is this it?" She asked, turning back to look toward the house.

"Yeah," He replied quietly, "this is it."

Stella was the first to get out, her eyes glued onto the red brick house she started slowly walking up to, and Helga was quick to follow her, jumping out of the back, leaving her bag behind to retrieve later. She closed the door behind her, but stopped when she looked back and saw Arnold still sitting in the driver's seat looking down to his lap. She looked over her shoulder briefly to see Stella still walking up toward the stoop, and decided to see what was wrong with Arnold. Taking in a small breath of self encouragement, she stepped back up to the jeep and opened the passenger side door and slid in, not closing it behind her. "Everything okay?"

He looked over to her, immediately looking over to her with obviously troubled eyes, giving her a quick answer.

"Yeah, stupid question." She said with a small chuckle, looking down to her own lap.

"I haven't been here in almost ten years." I said, a forced casual tone in his voice, probably trying to push down the emotion. "Color me pathetic, but... I'm going to need you with me when I open the door. I don't know what memories are going to flash back into my mind, but I can tell you right now that none of them will be pleasant. So... having you with me will... will help."

Trying fruitlessly to ignore the burst of love that filled her chest, she reached over and took his hand to start running her thumb over his knuckles. "I'll be right next to you."

He looked over to her with a sad smile, one which he wasn't trying to suppress and leaned over. She felt a smile brighten its way across her lips and she leaned over, meeting him in the middle to press them to his. As a familiar wave of electric heat shot through her, which felt somewhat different now, it felt like she hasn't kissed him in a lifetime, when in reality they almost made love on the forest floor not three hours ago. She lifted her other hand and ghosted her fingers across the stubble on his cheek. Seemingly reading his motions, she moved her lips against his to open her mouth, only to enclose it just as he was, kissing him in a slow, but heated kiss.

They parted with a soft pluck, and she smiled over to him when she felt her eye lids flutter open, seeing his soft smile silently let her know that he was glad she was with him. Arnold pushed his door open and stepped out, walking over to meet her at her side just as she was closing her door, and surprised her when he took her hand in his, entwining the fingers together. She looked over to him and smiled, but seeing trouble make its way back into his eyes as they gazed up at the aged door of the boarding house. She averted her eyes, but reached over with her free hand to rub his chest just below his shoulder in a motion of comfort. He let out another small breath before he took a step forward and pushed his way up the steps of the stoop where Stella was waiting, Helga staying pulled into his left side the whole time.

He dug in his pocket on his other side and pulled out another set of keys, different than the ones for his jeep. As she watched his fingers haphazardly flip through them, trying to find the right one, she was sure he was having a hard time coping with the memories already flooding his system when she saw his hand shiver. She responded by giving his other hand a brief squeeze. After a few more keys being flipped through, he took another small step forward and slid the key into the knob, unlocking the deadbolt before going to the knob and unlocking it, pushing it open at the same time, but not moving to make his way inside. Helga looked over to Stella after seeing her peer inside out of the corner of her eye while watching Arnold's expression grow more anguished.

Stella started taking small steps inside, and Helga looked past her and into the darkened board house. She couldn't see much, but it was clear to her that Stella was the first person to set foot inside this house in a very long time, and she could tell that it was going to take some encouragement and gentle coxing to get Arnold to be the second. His breath started to become drawn out, his chest heaving more and more with each deep breath he was drawing in. She could even feel his palm start to sweat against hers. She just continued to rub her hand against his chest just below his shoulder and looking into his troubled and almost cloudy eyes.

"There were two of them." He said in a low tone, his voice a bit shaky. She wanted to ask him to explain, but didn't want to startle him. "They seemed so tall back then. The one on the right had his hand on his holster. He was heavy set with a bushy mustache. The one on the left had his hands down by his sides, and he was a lot younger than the other. I could tell that they weren't expecting me to answer the door by the way they looked at each other. The one on the right looked down to me and asked if my mom and dad were home... and I said no. I remember that when he asked me that, that they found them. But then he asked me if my grandparents name's were Phillip and Gertie Shortman. I said yes and they looked at each other again."

It took all of her strength to keep her hand running slow circles against his chest, trying to keep him calm while he regaled his past, but it was getting harder and harder not to let her hand fall, or to coil both her arms around his neck and embrace him fully. His eyes were still dilating toward the entrance of the boarding house, and he was still making no motion to head inside.

"I can't remember their exact words after that. The only thing I remember is being in the back of their patrol car with one of their windbreakers around me. I knew I didn't do anything wrong but... I still felt like a criminal for some reason. But more than anything else I felt broken. Shattered. In a sick way, I hope that the man that told me my grandparents had been shot is having just as many nightmares as the ones he gave me. Still to this day, I hope the memories of that night torment him as much as it does me." He took a pause and let his head fall forward, closing his eyes. Not screwing them shut, but letting them simply drift closed. He lifted his head back up to look over to her with a pleading look in his eyes. "Does that make me a bad person?"

She felt a smile split across her face, and she reached up and cupped his jaw. "No." She answered him softly.

He let's out another sigh and moves his head slightly against her touch, as if to bury himself in her hand before he looks back toward the door. In one slow motion, he lets go of her hand and takes a long strong forward, passing through the threshold of the boarding house. She hears the loud pound of his combat boots hit the floorboards and echo through the house, watching him pace his way inside, looking from one end to the other. He stops after a few large steps inside, and it's then that Helga decides to move inside. She quickly makes her way by his side again and looks over to his darkened face. "There's a lot of work to do." He said with a sigh.

He reached his arm over to the wall next to them and flips on a light switch, a pale yellow light coming on in above them. In the next room, she could see that the furnishings were all covered with white sheets. It seems like this boarding house hasn't seen life or light in years. She could hear someone opening cupboards and drawers in the kitchen, but it wasn't enough to draw Arnold's attention away from moving up the stair case that was along the wall in front of them. Not knowing whether he wanted her to follow him or not, and not wanting to be left alone at the same time, she gave in and jumped up the stairs after him. She saw him stopped at the stop, then a second later, another pale yellow light came on in the hallway at the top of the staircase. She had just reached the top when she saw him down at the end of the long hallway, reaching up toward the ceiling.

She quickly started toward him, but stopped when she saw him pull down another stair case from the ceiling, the hinges creaking loudly, the wood squeaking as it came to a hard stop. With out a motion of acknowledgement of her presence, he started up the staircase he had just pulled down, and she was reluctant, but quick to follow him. He opened the door at the top and was stopped at the top when she came up behind him and looked past him.

He let his hand fall from the door knob with a heavy sigh and took a step forward to let her into the room. She moved past him to stand next to him at the entrance of what must have been his room as a child. If so, he had it made. The room was fairly large for a child's bedroom, with an intricate pattern on the carpet. The next thing she noticed was the sky light making up the entirety of the ceiling. Since the sky was still bright blue in the late afternoon, the room was lit up in soft sun light. "Wow." She said as she meandered her way inside, her head thrown back, gazing at the sky.

She saw him move across the room in the frays of the field of her vision and she looked over to him, seeing him stand in front of the desk on the opposite side of the room, pulling open a drawer. He turned back around and lifted his arm up, pointing it toward the wall. In a flash, a red couch was falling out of the wall. She jumped, startled by the loud sound of the couch slamming down against the floor. It was worn with age, the stitching along the edges coming apart at some places, the fabric, while still deep red, was faded and stained. With a soft thud, he tossed the remote down against the couch and made his way across the room and over to the twin bed on the other side, against the wall of bookshelves and drawers.

He threw himself down with another heavy sigh with his elbows against his knees, burying his face down into his hands. She had almost forgotten how hard this must be for him. And with this thought, she quietly made her way over to the bed and sat down next to him, just inches away. After a moment of silence, and with him not looking over to her, she laid her head down against his shoulder with a sigh of contentment, letting her eyes drift shut. It was more for her than it was for him, but she knew that her contact somehow made him more at ease, as did his with her.

"I don't have scholarships." He said out of nowhere.

"Huh?" She asked him, lifting her head off his shoulder, but not leaning back. She didn't fully hear him over her daydream.

"When I told my mom that she could live off what I was paying for school with what was left from scholarships. I don't have any scholarships." He said in a low, sad tone. With that, she felt her heart fall into her stomach. "That money was the only thing keeping me in school.

"So..." She began, a whirlwind of scenarios already shooting through her mind, "what are you going to do?"

With another heavy sigh, he fell back against the bed, his eyes looking through the skylight. "Helga," He began, not looking over to her. After a moment, his eyes flicked over to her and he lifted his arm out to her, motioning for her to join him, and she didn't hesitate to lay down along his side, gently laying her head down against his shoulder. She felt a warmth burst through her when she felt his arm go around her shoulders, curling her into him. "What is it you want from life?"

"What do you mean?" She asked him.

"Where do you see yourself after you graduate? What do you want your future to be like?"

She shrugs her shoulders and let her eyes drift shut. "I don't know. Same as anyone else, I guess. Graduate, get a good job. Then some time down the road, maybe get married... start a family." She said with her heart starting to slam against her throat at her spoken words. She left out the part of it being him she marries and it being his children that she bares, but she knew that he would pick up on it. "I don't know, something like that I guess." She said quickly. After a minute of him not offering a retort or response, she moved her head against his shoulder to look up at him. "What about you?"

"I thought I knew." He said, his eyes looking across to the other side of the room, but not at her. "I thought I knew where I wanted to be when this year started. I guess I was just biding time by going to school. Trying to delay the inevitable of my living alone. I thought that I wanted to just be out on my own. Living in some one bedroom apartment by myself, but I knew that that's not what I really wanted because I've had that before, and I was miserable. That's why I went to school. But now..." He trailed off, looking back up at the skylight. "Before now, I had a new future in mind. One that wasn't so miserable and depressing. One that actually ad someone worth wile in it."

"What do you mean before now?" She asked, the feeling bursting apart in her chest at the realization that it was using past tense terms.

"I have to stay, Helga." He said, looking down to her. "I have to stay here and take care of my mother. She needs someone around and it needs to be me."

She pushed herself up to lean against her elbow, giving him a pleading look. "Arnold... are you breaking up with me?" She said with tears already working her way into both her eyes and her voice.

"Don't... ever... say that again." He said seriously. "I'm not throwing away the first good thing that's happened to me in I can't remember how long. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is... I'm not going back to school. I just wanted to know where it was you saw yourself. Because before my mother came into the picture, I think you and I had the same one painted."

Her breath caught slightly at the sight of how seriously he had just said that he too wanted marriage and a family. "So... how are we going to do this?"

"Well, I've never been a fan of long distance relationships. And I don't trust all the other guys on campus not to hit on you."

She felt herself chuckle before averting her eyes, "Being hit on while you're in love is ridiculous."

"What?" He stopped her.

Her eyes widened as a nervous, cold sweat broke out over her skin. "Um..."

He let out a shaky breath and pushed himself up right. "Did you just say... that you're in love with me?"

She swallowed fruitlessly past the lump in her throat and looked away. "Um... kind of." She said with a grimace, preparing herself for it to be thrown back in her face.

She was startled by the feeling of his warm hand reaching up and cupping her cheek, his lips slamming against hers heatedly in the blink of an eye. With their mouths starting to devour one another, she pushed him back against the bed and moved to straddle him, and after a moment, she laid her hands down onto his chest after they had just fisted in his hair, and pushed herself up. "You really love me?" He asked, hair more disheveled than normal.

"More than I thought possible." She said softly, one of her hands reaching up to ghost along his jaw line.

"In that case, I think it's high time I let you know that I've been in love with you for a while."

"How long?" She asked him, not knowing where it came from or where the thought came from that she needed to know.

"I honestly don't know. Mainly because I can't seem to remember my life clearly before you came into it."

Before she could ask for him to continue with his heart felt confession, she felt herself slam her lips against his.


	38. Chapter 38

Helga peeled her eyes open, which felt very heavy from the pull of sleep, still trying to sweep her back under. She moaned and burrowed deeper into the covers, tightening the grip she had on the pillow being hugged against her chest and fell back asleep.

The next time she felt her eyes open, the room was much lighter than it was, compared to the thick darkness that was covering over everything in the room that took her a long moment to recognize. Usually, reality was quick to set back in when she woke up, but this morning was unlike any other. She still had the same pale blue pillow hugged against her chest, which with another breath inward to yawn, smelled wonderfully familiar. She felt very relaxed this morning. A calm content happiness tickling her system, an almost giddiness that she felt bubbling inside her, and it wasn't until she stretched her legs out to flex her sleep strained muscles that the evening before came flooding back in a heavy wave of memories when she felt her bare skin slid against the covers.

Her heart started thumping wildly at memories of the complete sensory overload that she felt. The sight of his smooth skin covering his muscles as they flexed underneath her wandering fingers, the musky and thick stench lingering in the air, the taste of his breath mixed with hers as they shared kiss after kiss with more and more passion seeped into each one, the sound of the noises of ecstasy that was made by both of them, along with the sound of 'I love you' tumbling from their lips repeatedly through the minutes of their dance.

There was a saying that always stuck with her that she was told on the last day of school by her English teacher, one of her favorites that she can remember from her grade school days. _'If you find anything better than sex… let me know.' _It was meant to be a saying to diminish the appeal of drugs and the like, but as far as last night goes, if that's what he was talking about, there probably wasn't much of anything that was better.

She never knew such feelings and emotions ever existed. She couldn't seem to contain herself, didn't seem to be able to get her entire body to stop moving and mewling against his. It was painful at first, that's what she was told, but he was patient. It went by too quickly for either of their liking, but it still lasted a lot longer than what she was told the first time was like. She let out a heavy breath and relaxed, looking out through the skylight above the bed up at the dark blue sky. The sun was probably just below the horizon, and was just about to come up.

She looked over to the clock that was sitting on a shelf in the wall and saw that it was just before six in the morning. She must have been really tired if she just slept for what was close to fourteen hours. But where was the man she fell asleep with? She briefly remembers waking up sometime in the middle of the night, but didn't feel anyone next to her in bed.

She let out another breath and flung the covers off herself, a rush of cold air hitting her naked body. After some effort, she slipped on the shirt that she found lying on the floor in the middle of the room where she had tossed it the night before and slipped it on before pressing it to her face and inhaling deeply.

She also found a pair of grey sweatpants sitting on the couch, folded up neatly. She wondered briefly if he left these out for her to wear so she didn't have to wear her clothes from the day before. And she never did bother to go get her backpack that she packed back at school. She pulled the sweatpants on and tied the string around her waist since they were a bit loose on her and padded her way down the steps to find the bathroom.

After poking her head into every room until she found the bathroom, she relieved herself and then started down the steps to try and find someone, whether it be Stella or Arnold depended on who she found first. Eventually, she was walking down the hall toward what looked like the kitchen, but stopped when she heard a pair of voices.

"I don't know, I'll probably work on getting the boarding house back up and running, and start renting out the rooms again, but it will take some work." She heard Arnold say.

"Why did you tell me that you had scholarships?" She heard Stella ask him, a pleading tone laced into her voice.

"I didn't want you to feel guilty, Mom." Helga felt her heart warm at the sound of his calling Stella Mom. "And what I'm I going to do with a college degree anyway? I can walk into any shop in the city and get a job as a welder without any trouble."

"You know how to weld?" Stella asked him, sounding surprised.

"I made a friend whenever Mr. Potts took me on, and he taught me how to cut and weld."

"But what about your girlfriend?" She felt her breath hitch slightly at the sound of her entering their conversation.

Arnold sighed deeply, sounding frustrated, and heard the distinct sound of the wood of a chair creak. "I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to be so selfish as to ask her to stay either. I may not belong in college, but she does. She can actually do something with a degree. But I know that if I tell her to go, then she'll drop everything and stay."

Helga felt her heart start to crack at the thought of them being apart when their relationship had just blossomed, but stayed as silent as she could, eavesdropping intently on their conversation. "Arnold, you don't have to stay here and watch over me. I'll be fine."

"Mom, I…" She could hear Arnold sigh again and his chair creak from his moving around before he continued after choking on his words, "Just understand that I need to do this and leave it at that, okay?" She heard his chair being pushed out from the sound of the wooden legs scraping against the floor, and then soft sound of footsteps going across the kitchen floor, getting louder the closer they got to where she was standing just outside the doorway.

"Arnold," Stella said suddenly, making his soft footsteps halt, "what I told you about your dad, it was true. I know you don't believe me, but… it is true."

She heard Arnold sigh again before his footsteps continued, much closer than they were before. Panic suddenly flooding her, and not wanting to be caught eavesdropping, she took a large step, practically jumping away from the door to make it seem like she was just walking down the hall. She let out a breath to try and relax herself and started taking small steps forward until her lover from the previous night stepped around the corner with his head hung low in front of him.

He had on one of his pitch black t-shirts, and a pair of black flannel sweatpants, with his feet bare. He took one more step forward until he lifted his head up and met her eyes and stopped. "Helga," He said, sounding pleasantly surprised.

She felt a smile burst onto her face while she took one more step toward him, only about a foot separating them at this point. "Hi." She said with a slightly cheeky, yet nervous tone. She wanted to reach out to him and casually throw her arms around his neck and kiss him good morning, but she simply waited to see what he would do.

She saw his demeanor soften, a smirk teasing the corners of his lips. "When did you get up?"

"Oh, uh… just a few minutes ago." He relied only with a nod and averted his eyes down to the floor. He seems just as nervous as she does. She sighed silently to herself and just decided to plunge through it and let him know that last night was no mistake. She took the last step that separated them and ran her hands from the center of his chest over his shoulders until they were around him fully, earning herself a surprised look from his bright green eyes. "Guess what." She said teasingly.

"That you look more appealing than you ever have before when you wear my clothes?" He said while he ran his warm hands over her sides and pressed her into him.

She chuckled lightly and glanced down at his lips, "Close, but no. I was going to say that I love you. You know, with clothes on this time."

"What stopped you?" He asked her with a quick shake of his head.

"Huh?"

"You said you were going to. What is it that stopped you?"

She chuckled again and pressed her lips to his in a chaste kiss. "I love you."

"So… you don't… regret anything?" He asked, sounding blatantly scared of her answer.

"Of course not, Arnold." She said, putting as much reassurance behind it as she could while she ran her hand over his hair on the back of his head, petting it. "We love each other, we did it safely. And I wouldn't have wanted my first time to be with anyone else other than you, Arnold."

He smiled a sad smile and pulled her forward to hold her. She could tell that he was asking for comfort and assurance, but was too proud to ask for it out right. Knowing this, she tightened her arms around him and hugged him for a minute, enjoying the feeling of his cool breath go down her, or rather his shirt. "Helga," He coaxed her forward, and she leaned back to look into his eyes with a smile. "We have to talk about something." He told her seriously, but softly.

"Okay." She replied, not removing her arms from around his shoulders.

He flashed her another soft smile and ran his hand up and down her back before stepping around her and pulled her with him into the living room, leading her over to a green couch and sitting down, pulling her down with him and leaned forward with their knees touching. "My mother and I have been talking." He said, keeping his hands tied in with hers between them, looking down at them. "I think we came to an understanding that she stays here with me and works with me to get the boarding house back on its feet. In the meantime, I'll start looking around at the fabrication shops and try to get in as a welder."

"You know how to weld?" She asked, already knowing the answer, but asking him anyway.

He laughed under his breath and met her eyes for a split second, "Yeah, I learned on the job when I was working demo. It's mostly artistry, but I'll sink to industrial if I have to." He let out another heavy breath, the light undertone that was adopted vanishing. "Helga, I don't want to be apart from you, but my place is here."

She looked down to their joined hands sadly and nodded, "I know."

"But, it's not because my mother needs me. I could sign my bank account over to her and she'd be fine living here on her own while I take out student loans and keep going to school. That's not why I belong here though."

After he didn't continue, she lowered her head to try and meet his eyes, "Then why do you?"

"When I woke up this morning, it was still pretty early. So I went downstairs to see what needed to be done, and found her sitting at the kitchen table reading an old book she said she found in the bedroom she slept in, and we just… sat and talked, for hours. I told her everything I went through, and she told me everything she went through. We just put it all out there, and it just seemed to sort itself out. She told me about my dad, and what he was like. And I told her about you, and what you were like. She even said herself that she saw something in you whenever she would go into that soup kitchen you volunteer at."

The more he kept talking, the more she felt that she couldn't just leave him and go to school while he stayed here.

"What I'm saying is that I'm not staying for her. I'm staying for me. I want to get to know her. I've dreamt my entire life of what it would be like to have actual parents. And last night, when we were talking, I just got this feeling of… I don't know how to explain it. I just felt… at home. I can never tell you how much I love you, Helga. But if I left her now, I don't think I'll be the same when I go back."

She smiled heavily, feeling sadness seep into her heart. "I understand, Arnold."

"Hey," He called her softly. She looked up and met his eyes to see him smiling softly over to her, his loving gaze on her. She felt herself smile despite the situations they were facing, and felt herself react to him pulling her onto his lap, sitting on his legs with his arms around her waist, while her arm draped itself over his shoulders, her eyes still looking into his loving green eyes. "I need you to know something."

"What's that?" She asked softly, her other arm moving to go around his shoulders.

"I never entertained the idea of having children until I saw you with that little girl, Mary."

She felt the breath being quickly drawn from her at the thought of it being her that changed his mind of wanting to being a child into this world. "Really?"

"Yes," He said with his soft smile still in place. "I don't know what it was, but something just hit me when I saw you lift that little girl up in your arms."

"I didn't know I had such an effect on you." She half lied.

"You have such a profound effect on me, it's scary to think about all at once."

"Oh, come on, you couldn't have changed that much since we've been together."

"Are you willing to bet on that?" He challenged her, but didn't give her time to retort. "Helga, everyone else in the world I've come across were quick to fade in my mind, even before they actually left. I never felt as if someone was reaching to pull me back up, even if they actually were until you came along. You just seemed to drift into my life so effortlessly, and even after you breezed away, you were still there. And now, I'm beginning to see you in everything. You're starting to consume my entire being, and what gets me is that you're doing it without even batting an eye. You're not even trying. You're just here. For as long as I can remember, it's been just me. I never had to think about anybody else because there was no one else. But now, every thought I seem to have, somehow, one way or another, leads back to you."

A whirlwind of heavy emotions were starting to slap her as tears pooled in her eyes, with her breath light and having to compete with her slamming heartbeat. Her hand reached over and cupped his cheek, and she knew that he deserved something, words, actions, but she couldn't seem to manage anything else.

"In other words, that was my long winded way of saying that I love you and that I think I always will."

She let out the last of her shallow breath past the lump in her throat and leaned down into him, pressing her lips to his deeply, unable to keep herself apart from him any longer. She wanted to tell him everything he had just told her, but didn't want to stop kissing him in order to do so. She just pulled him against her with her arms tightly coiled around his neck. It was a little awkward with her sitting in his lap, having to twist to meet him, but she couldn't care less.

Even though everything was changing for them, she felt like they were falling for each other harder than they ever were before, and were past the point of a redemption from their feelings, that neither of them would take of offered.

With another long, passionate motion of their lips, they separated but kept their heads pressed together. "I don't want you to leave me, Helga." He said, reaching up to run his fingers over her ear and cup her jaw.

"I don't want to leave either. I want to be here, with you." She said, pulling back a bit to look into his eyes, but reaching up and placing her hand atop his to keep it there.

"I'll make a deal with you. Next weekend, I'll come back up there, and we'll spend the weekend together. Then, the weekend after that, I'll come pick you up and we can spend the weekend down here. We trade off."

"But I want to see you every day. Like I do now."

"Go get your phone." He said with a soft smile.

"Wha…"

"Just go get your phone." He said with a soft chuckle laced into his voice.

Not knowing what he was up to, but very anxious to see what it was, she darted upstairs and dug in the pocket of her jeans lying on the floor at the foot of his bed and darted back downstairs just in time to see him push himself off the couch. She came to a sudden stop in front of him and handed him her phone, and he took it with the same soft smile.

His arm then went around her back and he pulled her into his side while he fiddled with her phone with a soft smirk. Her eyes reluctantly went from his beautiful soft smirk effortlessly gracing his lips and went down to her phone to see him pulling up the camera feature. "Here." He said and lifted his arm up and pulled her tighter into his side.

Quickly getting what he was up to, she snaked her arms around him, draping them over his shoulders and laid her head against his, looking into the tiny lens of the camera on her phone and let a lips soften into the natural smile that she couldn't get rid of. The animated sound of the camera taking the picture sounded from the phone after a moment of him holding it up in front of them, and he turned her phone around and she kept her head sitting against his as she looked at the picture they took together.

At the sight of his soft and loving smile, the light shining in both their eyes, she's never seen a more beautiful picture in her life. "We look pretty good together." He said.

She lifted her head off his and looked over to him, her arms still around him. "You want to know why that's my new favorite picture of us?"

"Why?" He asked in a low voice, turning in her arms to face her and loop both his arms around her back.

"Because now I have proof that you do in fact smile."


End file.
